Based off of a true story.
When I was thirteen, my mom knew I wasn't straight. She didn't understand but yet she said so much. She sat me down on the couch and looked me straight in the face. "You'll either burn in hell or die of AIDS."
My name is Jeremy. I am gay. And this, this is a message to all the people who don't understand.
I'm sorry if it's too real for some of you to fathom.
When I was fifteen my boyfriend, Charlie, committed suicide..
So far, everything that runs through my head is about him.
From his beautiful features, to the way his voice cracked when he was about to laugh.
Do you know that feeling? To finally be so sure of who you are and have it ripped away?
Well, if you've ever felt that, I'm sorry. I know how you feel.
If you haven't felt the emotion of losing someone, or felt the sting of a blade against your skin, or felt the hurt when people insult you, I envy you greatly.
Yes, I'm angry at Charlie. One, he didn't even say goodbye, two, he didn't take me with him, and three, it was so unexpected.
But hate for who you love is not exactly what you'd imagine.
"Shit." I whispered, throwing another fist at the drywall.
And I guess it was disastrous,
"Fuck." I cursed another profanity, looking for the time.
Because everything that happened afterwards was just madness.
'1:24 A.M.' I exhaled softly.
I was locked away for two years to keep me on the inside, because my own mother rather see a part of me die than me thrive.
"Jeremy?" My step-mothers sweet voice called me.
And it's tougher when it's something you can't deny, but ignorance teaches us it's something you decide.
"Are you in there? Jeremy?" She called out again, jiggling thew doorknob.
You're driven by your choices, an optical illusion, but here's to understanding it's not always confusion.
I sniffled softly, trying to muffle the sound.
And I can't change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.
"Open this door!" She began to raise her voice.
Even if I wanted to.
I slowly staggered to my bedroom door in the dark, reaching for the doorknob I got another quick glance at the time, '1:36 A.M."
My love,
I swung the door open slowly, her hand flying towards my wrist and looking for any fresh wounds.
My love,
"I'm fine mom. It was just.." I let yet another tear slip, "Charlie."
My love.
"Oh, honey," She dropped my hand, flinging her arms around my neck, squeezing me in a tight hug.
You see, I've walked the halls of my school, and I've seen kids hide behind walls, and footballs, and things like pride.
I've seen innocent children suffer beneath bruises. Suffer beneath every single hand that chooses.
"You need sleep." She huffed, "Church tomorrow."
Ignorance, fuck your religion. Fuck constitutions, fuck superstitions.
"Do I have to go-?" I whimpered, shaking my head, nuzzling into her neck.
There are no lakes of fire; they're here on earth.
"Charlie would want you to." She whispered, running her fingers through my hair.
And the only thing to do is put love first.
I sighed. Even though I'm seventeen, a part of me is still ten.
And yet I stand for the boy who died by his hand, to the sound of his father screaming, "Woman loves man!" "This is Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" And I stand for the girl with the cuts up her sleeve, and the heart in her hand, and a chip on her shoulder. And I stand for it all until ignorance is over.
"Okay mom." I sighed for the umpteenth time, untangling my arms from around her waist.
This is for you, for knowing who you are, for never letting your magic outside of your heart.
I stumbled back over to my bed, falling onto the blanket me and Charlie once shared.
Be you, be brave, and understand that things do change.
I cuddled into the stuffed panda he gave me, inhaling his sweet, musky smell.
I will accept you for you when I don't understand, and I love you for you cause this is who I am.
My mother scrambled over quickly, kissing my forehead, and pulling my blanket over me.
I accepted you for you when I didn't understand, now love me for me cause this is who I am.
"Goodnight, hun." She whispered before stepping out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Love is love, there is no difference. Not a medication to fix it, there is no prescription. No rehab to visit, it is not an addiction.
I wiped one last tear, clearing my thoughts of the beautiful man I came to love.
It's love and it's selfless, It's yours and everybody else's.
And as I fell into another nightmare,
So don't badger and abuse the solemnly defenseless, see us as yourself, there's no equality in difference.
I let four last words slip out,
Until we all get it, we'll be drowning in the same blood, despite orientation, we all feel the same love.
"I love you,"
We are boxed in and labeled, before we're ever able to speak who we believe we are, or who we dream we'll become.
"Charlie,"
Like drum beats forever changing their rhythm, I am living today as someone I had not yet become yesterday, and tonight I'll only borrow pieces of who I am today, to carry with me to tomorrow.
Love whoever you are when the stars shine, and whoever you'll be when the sun rises.
So here's to being able,
Here's to love,
Here's to loving just because,
Here's to acceptance,
Here's to never fearing the fear of rejection,
Here's to love and never neglecting who you feel you are,
Here's to bullies because beatings cannot last forever,
Here's to the moment you realize things do get better,
Here's to the parents who will get it when its too late,
Here's to second chances,
Here's to new fate,
Here's to every single moment you've ever had to hide you,
Here's to the single star shining bright inside you, asking you to guide you,
Here's to who you'll be when you figure it all out,
Here's to momentary doubt,
Here's to feeling, because we all feel it the same,
Here's to the moment that things will change,
Because we all feel love, we all feel it the same,
Here's to love, here's to change.