RenXYamato FF – 9,053 words (about)
We dream of sharing pain
IMPORTANT FOR READERS
Please note that for this story, the formatting is somewhat different than how I usually structure things. Words within "__" are spoken, words within '__' are thought, and italicized words indicate dreams.
One-shot
It was the first night that either boy dreamt of the other. Both went to sleep as they usually did, unaware and unworried that as soon as they fell asleep, they would be plagued by new kinds of fantasies and horrors. They didn't know how such a simple, unavoidable act as sleeping was about to change their lives and alter their realities. It started with a fight.
They were standing in an open field. There was nowhere to hide, and no one and nothing in sight for miles; just them. Ren and Yamato stared at each other, vaguely aware that this might not be real, but too intently focused on intimidating one another to give the matter any additional thought. This was the fight they had both been waiting for; the one that would decide who was the leader of class 3D.
With a cry, Ren rushed at his opponent and the world seemed to operate in slow motion. As he ran, the sky darkened and clouds rushed forth from the corners of the earth to block out the sun. Yamato also began sprinting across the field, intent on meeting the other boy half way. With a dramatic clash of thunder, they collided in mid-air, knocking each other backwards with equally powerful force. Then, as lighting split the sky above them, they began to throw punches.
It was starting to rain. Ren's fist smashed into Yamato's jaw with bone-crunching force, but the boy recovered in time to aim a kick at Ren's ribs, connecting with a sharp crack. The pain and damage they should have and usually would have sustained from such blows was not present, and they charged each other again and again trying to gain the upper hand. But they were both equally skilled and instead continued to fight with total passion and fervor.
For a moment, they retreated to catch their breath and Ren wondered why he wasn't hurting. Yamato glanced up and found himself confused as to how the clouds could be swirling so dramatically when the air was stale and without the hint of a breeze. And with those two thoughts, those inquiries of the mind, their world began to dissolve. The tall grasses were obscured by a thick gray fog that settled over their eyes, and the sun blacked out.
In his bed, Ogata Yamato sat bolt upright and panted. He felt weak instead of rested; his very bones seemed to ache. Lying back down, he waited as the sensation slowly disappeared and his breathing slowed. Suddenly, he no longer felt exhausted, but he also did not feel awake. He glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand and groaned. It was only two o'clock and for some reason he dreaded going back to sleep. It was then that he remembered the dream.
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Across the city, Kazama Ren fell off of his futon and landed with a thump on the cold wood floor of his bedroom. Jolted from his sleep, he realized his muscles felt sore and weary. Confused, because he could not remember fighting any rival schools recently, he dragged himself back into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin, shivering slightly. An uncomfortable feeling on his back made him realize he was lying on his phone and as he placed it on the floor, he glanced at the time. Upon discovering it was still only two o'clock in the morning, he rolled over, determined to fall back asleep. It was then that he remembered the dream.
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Yamato remembered he had been fighting Ren in a field. He remembered feeling fear as he came to realize they were evenly matched; that he would never be able to win but would also never be defeated.
Ren remembered his rage as he had run at the motionless Yamato, only to be surprised as he was easily pushed back. Fighting his rival had been difficult and exhausting; he had been unable to gain any ground.
With these thoughts in mind, the two boys slowly drifted back to sleep. Their consciousnesses spiraled into the gloom, finally finding their way to the dream world where they were reunited.
They were back in the field, but this time they were not alone. Immediately both boys realized that the setting was the same, but the premise of the dream was very different. They were standing next to each other, facing towards the same point in the distance. Across the field of tall grass, there stood a tall figure cloaked in black from head to foot. Without warning, the person raised his arm, and out of his large draping sleeve there came a loud cracking sound. Both boys felt the air between their heads stir and their eyes widened as the shiny tip of a gun emerged from the figure's cloak.
"What the hell IS this?!" Ren shouted, diving onto his stomach instinctively. Yamato hadn't moved. He still stood facing the figure, who he could only assume was a man, and shock was plastered all over his face. He had seen guns before, many times. He knew guns well, but they scared him. His father had a gun…
"Get down, you idiot!" Ren shouted frantically. Yamato heard him, but was unable to move. He was petrified, but he wasn't sure why, exactly. He felt that the man was somewhat familiar. Almost unwillingly, he took a step forward. Ren reached out and grabbed Yamato's leg, jerking him to the ground as another bullet was released from the man's weapon with a sharp crack.
Yamato winced as he fell towards the ground, but the pain did not come. Instead, he felt himself land softly and slowly, again as if in slow motion. The sky, which had remained dim up until this point, began to lighten considerably as the sun was released from behind dark clouds. Glancing around him in the sudden brilliance, Ren realized that the dark-robed figure had vanished; he had no other reason to remain after completing his mission. There was calm, and for the first time Ren had the chance to look around.
The field was exactly the same as in the previous dream, but now that they were alone again, there was a certain serenity about the place. In the aftermath of being shot at, Ren felt no desire to fight Yamato and vice versa. Lying on his back next to his classmate, Ren held his hand up before his face, marveling at how his skin glowed with a pale white light. Glancing down at the rest of his body, he realized he was shirtless, clothed only in the pajama pants he had worn to bed. Looking beside him, he found that Yamato was likewise attired.
Yamato was waiting for his heart to stop racing. His head felt strange and airy, but not uncomfortable. What was beginning to get uncomfortable, however, was the slight pinch he felt in his shoulder. He was bewildered by the pain because up until now, he hadn't thought pain existed where they were. But as he rolled over, he gasped, causing Ren to glance over at him surprised.
"What?" he asked, still unsure of why he wasn't beating Yamato to pieces. So far, he had never known a moment that he'd NOT hated the boy, but now he just couldn't seem to care. Yamato was gripping his shoulder as though in pain, and Ren watched him curiously as he slowly drew his hand away. Both boys gazed at his fingers in shock as bright red blood dripped from them onto Yamato's pale, glowing chest. On his shoulder, there was a bullet hole that seeped blood at an alarming rate; already, the grass around him was stained with it. Ren yelled in alarm.
"What?! You were hit?! How does that even make sense?!" Yamato was panting again, this time in discomfort as the pinched feeling in his shoulder intensified. Despite the glaring sunlight, his vision was starting to go black. Ren felt a bizarre wave of panic roll through his stomach as he saw Yamato's eyes begin to slip shut.
"Don't fall asleep!" he ordered, trying to remain calm. He shook Yamato slightly in an attempt to keep him conscious, and the boy's eyes flew open wide as he screamed in pain. He felt as though his skin had burned when Ren had touched him, and already there was a red mark flourishing on his forearm. Ren jumped back, frightened by what was happening to his classmate. He looked around for help, and his eyes alighted on a strange sight.
In the distance, where the black figure had previously stood, there was a red ribbon floating in the air. Although, if he looked at it closely, it wasn't really a ribbon; it was more like thread. The Thread moved easily on the gentle currents that wafted through the air around it, looking almost alive. It was this thought that made Ren impulsively call out to it.
"Help us!" he shouted. "Please!" The Thread drifted closer to the boys, but stopped, hovering in front of them. On the ground, Yamato was shaking slightly and his eyes were beginning to close again.
"I am only showing you what you need to see," the Thread said. It spoke in an ethereal voice that was neither male nor female. Ren felt the hairs rise on his skin at the alien sound and watched as the Thread suddenly took off, disappearing into the sky. He stared back down at Yamato in confusion and panic. 'What I need to see?' he thought. Yamato's eyes were closed again and his breathing had slowed. As Ren lowered himself to the ground next to his classmate, careful not to touch his skin again, he realized that he didn't want Yamato to die. And as he realized this, his vision began to slip away.
With a painful jerk, Yamato awoke for the second time. The first thing he noticed was that he was still in pain. Seemingly while he had been sleeping, his body had shifted off of the bed slightly so that the weight of his shoulder was pushing into the sharp corner of his nightstand. He pulled back from the table, rubbing the sore muscle as he began to sit up. A hot pain shot through the skin on his forearm and he glanced down. His arm, which had been hanging off the bed, was pressed up against the front of his space heater on the floor. Groaning in realization, he slumped over tiredly.
'That was a horrible dream,' he thought. 'For a moment, I thought I was really going to die!' He glanced at his clock again and saw that it was almost time to get up for school. Deciding he might as well get ready, he forced himself out of bed with a wince. 'That is going to hurt for a while,' he realized, rubbing his shoulder again. Overall, his arm looked much worse that it felt. The skin was singed raw in a blotchy pattern and he smirked as he thought about the dream, remembering Ren's horrified face when he had touched him. Actually, if he looked close enough, the burn was almost shaped like a handprint…
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Across the city, Ren woke up from the dream with a strange feeling in his stomach. He wasn't sure what he was feeling; it was almost anxiety, guilt over what had happened to Yamato. But he was also frustrated with himself for caring about the boy in the first place. 'Since when do I give a shit about what happens to that bastard?' he thought bitterly. It bothered him that his emotions were being warped so easily, and against his will, by a stupid dream. Assuring himself that things with Yamato hadn't changed, he got out of bed and started to dress for school. It was almost time to get up anyway, and he wasn't about to lay about the house and let his mind run amok.
After breakfast, he left the apartment quietly so as not to wake his sister. Naturally, she had been out late again last night and he decided to let her sleep as much as she could. Swinging his bag over his shoulder, he began the long walk to school and purposely focused on keeping his mind blank. It was useless however, and before long he was once again thinking about the dream. It disturbed him for some reason; the strange Thread especially. 'What did it mean, "what I need to see"?' he asked himself for the umpteenth time. 'I needed to see Yamato die? Damn it! How did this come back to him again?!' He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he almost walked right past the entrance to the school.
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Yamato left the house as soon as he had finished eating, pausing only to kiss his mother quickly on the cheek before he headed out. She had tried and failed to hide her amusement when he told her how he had hurt his arm. Deciding it was a mistake to have said anything, he hadn't told her about the dream, but that didn't mean he wasn't thinking about it himself. As he walked to school, he couldn't get the image of Ren out of his head; a matter he found extremely irritating.
He remembered hearing the other boy shouting fearfully above him when he had first closed his eyes; then the pain as his arm burned where Ren touched him. He recalled the look of shock in his classmate's eyes when he saw what he had done. The thought of that look made Yamato's stomach twist uncomfortably, and he couldn't understand why. 'It's not like I wanted to comfort him or anything, but still,' he thought, 'he shouldn't have felt bad. It wasn't his fault or anything…' Yamato pushed these uncomfortable ideas to the back of his head as he walked into the schoolyard.
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Ren sat in his usual seat on the far left of the classroom. Kuraki and Ichimura were already there and welcomed him cheerfully. Closing his eyes as he leaned back in his chair, he wondered why he was feeling nervous. Hearing a commotion by the door, he opened his eyes a crack and saw that it was just Yamato arriving, accompanied by his usual crowd of admirers. Frowning as he feigned indifference, Ren closed his eyes again but kept his ears open. It wasn't long before he heard something that made him nearly fall off his chair in shock.
"Yamato! What happened to your arm?" Honjo screeched loudly from where the three friends sat at the back of the room. Ren whipped around in time to see Yamato reaching down for something on the floor, his uniform sleeve slipping up just enough to reveal a large red weal on his forearm.
"It's nothing," he answered quickly before anyone else could become alarmed. "I just burned myself by accident." Ren gulped and stared at his classmate in horror. It was too ridiculous to be a coincidence. Just then, Yamato turned his head to look over at Ren, who was still staring at him. As their eyes met, both boys saw confusion flash across their rival's face.
'What the hell is he looking at me for?!' Yamato thought, worried by Ren's reaction. 'It's almost like he knows something…' He jerked his attention back to Kamiya and Honjo in time to laugh at a joke they had made, choosing to ignore Ren's strange behavior for the time being. Across the classroom, Ren was fighting a silent battle and losing.
'There's no way, there's no way, there's no way…' His mind kept streaming a message of denial until other thoughts managed to break through the defense it provided. 'This is crazy! He can't seriously have a real burn where I burned him in my dream! It is completely impossible!' Ren shuddered, suddenly cold despite the fact that it was almost summer. Still watching Yamato, he received another jolt of shock as he saw the boy reach up and rub his shoulder as though it was hurting him. Ren's mind was spinning and he shakily got to his feet.
"Ren, what're you doing?" Ichi asked, concerned by his friend's bizarre behavior. Ren just shook his head, unable to speak, and stumbled past the desks, leaving the room. Yamato looked up as Ren's back disappeared out the door and was confused. 'First he's looking at me weird, then he leaves? What the hell is up with that?!' He gritted his teeth and got to his feet. When Kamiya asked where he was going, he muttered something about needing to use the restroom and followed Ren out of the room. 'If this turns into something,' Yamato thought, meaning Ren's sudden and strange behavior, 'it could just end up looking like disrespect to me. We'll have to finish this!' Still, part of him was starting to withdraw from the ever-present desire to punch Ren, and he found himself wanting to just talk to his classmate more than anything else.
Ren turned around when he heard footsteps approaching him from behind and felt himself stumble backwards in surprise; it was Yamato. Unfortunately, Ren had been just about to walk down a flight of stairs and so stumbling backwards was not the best idea. Yamato, noticing Ren's reaction, lunged forward on reflex and grabbed the other boy's shirtfront to keep him from falling down the steps. As soon as Ren had regained his balance, Yamato quickly released him and shoved his hand into his pockets awkwardly. 'There is definitely something up here,' he realized, 'with both of us.' Inside, Ren was bursting with things to say, and not being the type to remain silent under stress, it took only moments for him to explode.
"What really happened to your arm?" he asked breathlessly, practically shouting in the other boy's ear.
"Like I said, it was an accident," Yamato said warily. Somehow he knew this was what had Ren all tense and on edge; he just wasn't sure why. "It happened while I was sleeping." He started developing his own suspicions as he saw Ren's eyes widen. Holding his arm out, he began pulling his sleeve up towards his elbow to fully reveal the mark. Sure enough, the red splotch was in exactly the same place Ren remembered grabbing Yamato in the dream. He was about to take a step backwards, but then remembered where he was. Yamato lowered his sleeve and rubbed his shoulder again; it was still really sore.
"What about your shoulder?" Ren asked, almost afraid of the answer this time.
"Just slept on it funny." He paused, trying to assess Ren's reaction. "Why is this freaking you out so much? Since when do you care if or how I get injured?!" Ren looked down, knowing he still asked himself the same questions without any answers to speak of. 'I have to get out of here,' he realized as he looked at Yamato's confused expression. 'I have to be going nuts!'
"I'm sorry," Ren whispered under his breath, almost too softly for the other boy to hear. "I didn't mean to…" Within seconds he had vanished down the stairs and was sprinting out of the school, knocking students and teachers out of his way; leaving a shell shocked Yamato behind him. 'What the hell…?' Without a second thought, he took off after Ren. Homeroom hadn't even started yet.
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Whether it was because Ren knew Yamato was following him and didn't want to be found, or he was simply too fast and long gone; either way, the boy wasn't able to find his classmate again after he lost sight of him somewhere in the shopping district. 'Damn!' he thought, thoroughly frustrated. Ren's parting words were still haunting him. More than anything, Yamato wanted to find him and force some answers out of him; like why he seemed to feel guilty for Yamato's injuries. 'It's almost like he knows…' He caught himself mid-thought. 'That was crazy…'
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Ren almost smashed down his front door in his haste to get inside, not worried about startling his sister because she was most likely at work by now. He had run as fast as he could from school, and he still felt like it wasn't far enough. His head was a mess and he couldn't remember the last time he had been so on edge; not even before a fight. After pacing several laps around his kitchen, he began to calm down considerably. 'Get a grip,' he told himself forcefully. 'It was just a stupid dream and your reaction is too extreme for something so ridiculous! Yamato's injury is a completely unrelated accident!' He kept talking to himself like this for several minutes until his heart rate returned to normal. Suddenly, standing in his familiar house full of mundane everyday things, the events of last night and that morning seemed unimportant and silly.
Still, he was sure he didn't want to go back to school. Being in a room with Yamato might just set off another wave of paranoia, and he was already tired. He was afraid to fall asleep though, and decided to waste the rest of the day getting lost in the city's various districts to keep his mind off things. Changing out of his school uniform so he wouldn't be spotted for skipping, he put on jeans and a loose T-shirt. It was comfortably warm when he stepped back outside and turning down a side alley, he headed towards the busiest part of town.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yamato tried to shrug off his feeling of irritation. Loosing track of Ren was less than ideal, but now he was unsure what he should do. He didn't feel like going back to school now; he had too much on his mind to be able to stand listening to the teachers' endless lectures. But Yamato knew that if he went home now, his mom would be upset that he was skipping school again. Having reached a decision, he set off towards a nearby park where he was sure he would find some peace and quiet. More than anything, Yamato wanted a chance to try and figure out what was going on here.
He wasn't fond of the noise always present in the city, so when he stretched out on the grass in the park, he was completely relaxed; even more so than when he was with his friends. However, Yamato was careful not to get too comfortable because he didn't want to fall asleep. For some reason, the possibility of having another dream like the ones from last night made him anxious. If he thought about it, the two dreams he'd had already had progressed too quickly in a direction that made him uncomfortable. He wasn't sure he was ready to stop hating Ren…
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That night, both Ren and Yamato returned to their respective houses later than normal and completely exhausted. After heading off to bed, each boy fell to sleep almost immediately, and in no time at all they were back in the field. They quickly began to realize that these dreams were not like normal dreams; they could remember that day's events and the previous dreams without difficulty. The sense of self was overwhelming.
This time there were no clouds in the sky and the sun shone softly, bathing them once again in a pale, glowing aura. For the second time, Ren and Yamato were positioned next to each other and they slowly turned to look into the other's face.
"Is this real?" Ren asked. Yamato looked as though he understood what Ren meant.
"I remember everything, so it seems real to me," he replied. "Are you real?" Ren nodded, thinking of what to say. He wasn't becoming upset like earlier; instead the calm emulated by the setting was soothing his nerves.
"I thought… I thought I had done that to you," he explained, pointing at the burn on Yamato's arm. The other boy shook his head in disagreement.
"It was my space heater. It's almost like what happened to my real body just manifested itself into the dream." Yamato looked puzzled by his sudden revelation, but also satisfied that at least something had been explained. Ren however was less sure. He thought back to the ghostly Thread that had appeared before him and wondered why it would tell him that he "needed to see" Yamato in pain if it wasn't even on purpose.
"When you were… I mean, when your eyes were closed, I saw something," he said, deciding to share his experience with Yamato. The boy raised his eyebrows. "There was a Red Thread. It told me that the dreams were meant to "show me what I needed to see"." Suddenly, as if summoned by the very mention of itself, the sky flashed a brilliant red and then darkened to the deepest blue. Out of the darkness, a long glowing Red Thread descended in front of the two boys, causing them to shiver in anticipation.
"I was only showing you what pain is, Ren." The Thread's strange voice filled the air and seemed to permeate their very pores. "Physical pain and emotional pain. Anyone can feel it, so why cause it? The two of you fought each other but were not hurt. When actual pain was involved, you felt a difference, did you not?" They remained silent, unsure of what to think. "When you were on the same side, you shared each other's pain."
Ren unconsciously glanced over at his classmate and saw that Yamato was likewise looking at him. They sized each other up curiously, thinking about what the Thread had told them. Sharing each other's pain; it was almost a new concept to them. The Thread knew all of this of course.
"So, you want us to share each other's pain?" Yamato asked it seriously. "We're not even friends. How can I share the pain of someone I don't even know? If I don't even know what his pain is?" He looked back at Ren who was nodding in agreement. The glowing entity pulsated slightly and emitted a sound closely resembling a sigh.
"I still have things to teach you. I'm going to show you something… Yamato…" The boys shrunk back as the sky went black and pure darkness surrounded them. They couldn't see anything; they couldn't see each other.
"Yamato?" Ren whispered tentatively, reaching out with his arms and shuffling forward slowly. He couldn't see a thing, and the darkness was eerie. Like a thick blanket, it smothered his senses, making him panic. This was too much like when…
Yamato suddenly heard Ren cry out in fear and pain. Spinning around, he stumbled and fell on his side, still unable to see anything. He could hear the other boy panting and whimpering nearby. Suddenly, Yamato felt as though the dream had turned into another nightmare.
"REN!" he screamed, trying to get up.
"He can't hear you," a voice told him. Glancing at what he assumed was up, Yamato saw that the glowing Red Thread had reappeared. As he stared at it, its aura intensified until the blood-red glow cast his surroundings in a similar light. The edges of the room were still shadowed, but Yamato could tell they were in a classroom. 'What is this place?' he wondered. Something about it seemed oddly familiar. Suddenly he spotted Ren across the floor from him. He was slumped over on the ground, holding his head in his hands. As Yamato watched, Ren drew his knees up so that he was huddled between them and began rocking back and forth. He started screaming again.
"This is Ren's pain," the Thread told him as Yamato struggled to stand. "He has seen yours, now you will see his." Yamato stared at his classmate in shock. The shrieks he was emitting were terrible and sent shivers down his spine.
"What are you doing to him?" he whispered, mortified.
"I'm showing him memories of his past. This is another common form of emotional pain," the Thread explained. "This classroom was once Ren's." Yamato was barely registering what he was being told; his eyes were locked on Ren. 'He needs to stop,' Yamato thought, wanting to take a step forward. Almost as if the Thread could read his mind, it asked, "What is it you want to do, Yamato?"
Without answering, Yamato forced himself to move closer to the other boy. As he approached, Ren suddenly seemed to hear him. Thrashing around on the floor, he hurried to back away from whoever he thought was approaching. Finally running himself up against the wall beneath the chalkboard, he gripped his hair painfully and yelled at the top of his lungs. Yamato paused, unsure whether he should or could get any closer; Ren's behavior was scaring him. Something inside of him tightened uncomfortably at the sight before him.
"Stay away from me!" Ren screamed. Yamato's mouth slipped open slightly in surprise.
"Ren… it's me," he whispered. The trembling boy raised his head slightly, his eyes opening wide; he seemed not to recognize his classmate at all. As Yamato stared into those fear-filled, ebony orbs, he felt his hold on the dream slipping away. Blackness once again clouded his vision.
Suddenly, Ren opened his real eyes in panic and found himself staring up at his bedroom ceiling. Breathing heavily, he tried to cast off the memories that had so cruelly been used against him. Despite his best efforts, it was useless and he clutched his sheets around him as he sobbed. It was in this condition that his sister found him the following morning; still wrapped up tight and clearly lacking sleep. There were fresh tear tracks across his cheeks. She sighed; it had been a long time since she'd found him like this. What had happened?
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Yamato was similarly unable to fall back asleep after the most recent dream. For some reason, he was haunted by the sight of Ren cowering on the floor before him. There may have been many times that he had wanted to beat his rival into a pulp, but it wasn't until seeing him completely defeated that Yamato realized something important: he never wanted to see anyone like that ever again, least of all Ren. This realization momentarily puzzled him as he tried to understand what had changed. He knew something had…
After lying in bed for what felt like hours, he finally got up for school. This morning he was anxious; about seeing Ren and about what he would say to him. So far, nothing was coming to mind. Grappling silently with his problem, he let himself out of the house quietly and without breakfast. 'If mom saw me looking like this, she'd definitely know something was up,' he decided, 'and I have no idea what I would say to her, so it's better to avoid that conversation all together.' He wasn't even sure what to say to himself anymore.
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That morning, class went as normally as usual and before they knew it, it was time for lunch. Yamato swallowed back his hesitation as he looked over to where Ren was sitting with his friends. When he had first entered the classroom, late, Yamato had immediately noticed that the boy looked as though he hadn't slept at all. There was also a zombie aura that surrounded him, but he doubted anyone beside himself noticed it. Ren hadn't been as boisterous as he normally was either. Yamato had spent most of the morning lessons carefully watching his classmate's actions; Ren seemed sad.
As the bell rang for break, Ren got out of his seat and stretched, glancing around him. He was quick to notice Yamato looking at him and frowned slightly. 'I wonder what happened to him last night,' he thought. Ren couldn't remember seeing or hearing the other boy after the memories had flooded him. For all he knew, Yamato had been forced to relive something equally horrifying. As he examined his classmate closer, Ren noticed that Yamato looked anxious about something. Turning to his friends, Ren told them he's see them later and headed out of the classroom.
Yamato watched as Ren left and followed soon after, not really caring what anyone thought. He felt that he had to get to the bottom of this; he had to know what painful memories Ren had. The mystery had been eating away at him from the inside ever since the dream, and he had always hated mysteries. Silently, he wondered, 'Is this what the Thread meant? Wanting to share another's pain?' He felt that if he could get Ren to tell him what had happened, then the tortured boy might somehow feel better.
Turning a corner, he saw the door to the rooftop stairwell swinging shut. With a sigh, he followed his classmate onto the roof, looking around as he did so. He spotted Ren near the edge, leaning his body over the low ledge that lined it; he looked up at the sky and not the ground, his torso swaying unbalanced against the precipice. Yamato's breath caught in his chest. 'What is he doing?!' he panicked. Walking quickly towards the boy, he watched Ren's head snap around as he heard the door slam. Finally reaching him and grabbing his arm, Yamato furiously yanked Ren back from the edge of the roof. Ren stared at him in shock as Yamato began shouting at him.
"Just what do you think you're doing? Don't you know that you could fall from leaning out so far?!" he asked angrily. Yamato purposely pretended he didn't think Ren had been about to jump; the thought was just too painful for some reason. Ren kept staring at him with a confused expression and Yamato sighed. "I wanted to talk to you," he explained, "about last night." Ren's face paled at the memory and he lowered his gaze.
"What did you see?" he asked quietly. Yamato watched his face carefully.
"I saw you," he said, trying to understand why Ren looked so upset when he said this. 'Is it just that he didn't want me to see him looking weak?' Ren gulped, but forced himself to look Yamato in the eyes.
"You saw what they did to me?" he asked. Yamato looked confused and Ren realized that they must have had some sort of misunderstanding. 'Shit!' he thought. It was too late to take back what he had said.
"What who did, what?" Yamato inquired sharply, also realizing that Ren had misunderstood. "I only saw you; the way you acted while you were seeing… whatever it was you saw. The Thread said it was your memories?" Ren looked away again, refusing to answer the question. 'Why should I tell him anything?' he wondered. 'I haven't told anyone.' Still, he couldn't help remembering what the thread had told them. "Share each other's pain."
"I'm asking you to tell me about it, Ren," Yamato continued awkwardly. He silently hoped that this was the right way to get the boy to confide in him. 'Why am I even bothering to do this?' he asked himself. Still, something told him that the uncomfortable knot in his stomach wouldn't go away until he did. "I want to know what happened to you that made you so… scared. I've never seen you scared before," he finished softly, hoping his words would reach him.
Ren struggled to swallow back the unexplainable fear that had just shot through his gut upon hearing Yamato's words. 'Why is that making me upset?' he tried to rationalize. 'He's saying something… nice.' Yamato watched, unsure as he saw fear flicker across Ren's face. He didn't understand why it was there, but he remained silent. Ren finally choked back his emotions somewhat and took a deep breath. He was nervous, but suddenly felt that trusting Yamato was the right thing to do. Looking into the dark eyes of the boy standing before him, he opened his mouth to speak.
"Middle school," he breathed shakily. Yamato waited silently, not sure where this was heading. "I was targeted by… a group of boys in my class. Their leader was a year older than the rest of us; he was held back. He was the class leader then too," Ren continued in a tight, controlled voice. Yamato nodded in encouragement. "He had some… problem with me. At first they just made fun of me when the teachers weren't around, but then they started hurting me. I've always been kind of scrawny," he muttered, lowering his gaze. It took Ren a minute to get a grip and start speaking again.
"I was weak then. I couldn't do anything to stop them, and it began happening every day. When the teacher and the other kids left the room at the end of the day, they would hold me back. It became bad enough that my sister started noticing bruises on me and asked me what was happening, but I just couldn't tell her how pathetic I was. I hated them." Yamato wanted to reach out and grip Ren by the shoulder, or try to comfort him in some way but instinct held him back; he knew Ren needed to get this out without being interrupted. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if there was more. So far, nothing Ren had told him sounded bad enough to cause the reaction he had seen in the dream.
"One day," Ren said, his voice trembling, "the leader hit me harder than usual. He was sitting on my stomach while I was pinned on my back to the classroom floor. He called me a bitch, but the way he said it was strange. I remember I felt really nervous all of a sudden." Yamato's mouth was suddenly dry and part of him didn't want to hear what else had happened, but he clamped his lips shut. 'You're supposed to feel his pain,' he reminded himself. Ren's voice had become barely a whisper and Yamato found himself straining to hear him.
"He told his friends to leave the room," he whispered tearfully. "He said he needed to teach me a lesson. When they had all left, he turned back to me and moved so that he was straddling my waist. I remember trying to get free, but he was so much bigger… and stronger." Ren closed his eyes in pain as the memories rushed back over him. Seemingly unable to support himself any longer, his knees buckled and he slumped to the ground. Yamato lowered himself to sit beside him. "It was dark because our classroom had no windows. I could feel him breathing on my neck as I struggled. He called me a bitch again and began unbuttoning my uniform. I couldn't stop myself from screaming and he tried to quiet me, but I wouldn't. So he kept hitting me until I could barely breathe. Then he started taking off my clothes." Yamato looked away despite his resolve; he knew now why Ren had been so afraid.
"A teacher found us before he actually managed to… you know," Ren finished, staring fixedly at the ground. "He had heard my screams and came in and pulled him off of me."
"What happened to the leader?" Yamato asked quietly.
"He was expelled," Ren said shortly. He finally looked up and stared pleadingly at Yamato. "I needed to get stronger!" he urged. "Only when I am the strongest, then no one can hurt me! The other guys were too scared to come near me after that. They thought I might tell the school what they had done, but I never did. I was still too weak then." Yamato nodded hurriedly to show that he understood. Suddenly he realized that he was clutching his chest in pain. 'What's wrong with me?' he wondered frantically. Ren seemed to have noticed too.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked as he watched Yamato shudder.
"It hurts," he said, surprised. "What you told me. It's making my heart hurt." Suddenly Yamato smiled and turned to look at Ren who seemed taken aback by the boy's sudden change in demeanor. "I think it worked!" he exclaimed. "I'm sharing your pain." Ren thought to himself. Also surprised, he realized that he was actually feeling better since he had told Yamato everything. Returning his classmate's smile with one of his own, Ren put his hand on Yamato's knee and squeezed it.
"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I'm actually glad I told you that. I'm glad I told somebody." Yamato nodded and watched as Ren pulled his hand back. For some reason, a part of him didn't want the other boy to move away; he wanted them to stay like this. 'It feels good,' he realized. 'Sharing someone's pain is also a way of becoming closer to them.' Another part of him, the part that was still living in the past, argued that Ren was not a friend and that they shouldn't be getting closer. He ignored that part.
Ren settled himself into a more comfortable position on the rooftop, leaning back against the ledge so that he was propped up enough to see Yamato but reclined enough to be comfortable. But he soon realized that he couldn't get completely comfortable, no matter how hard he tried. There was still an aching pain in his gut that refused to go away and he frowned as he tried to understand why it was there. Then he remembered that it had been there ever since the first night the dreams began. Yamato glanced over at Ren and was worried by his expression.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"There's something that's been bothering me," Ren admitted. He paused, trying to think of what he was going to say. "After the dream where you were shot, I was feeling kind of strange. It's almost like a pain in my side. It hurt me to see you like that, when I thought you were dying," he realized, remembering how he had screamed out the other boy's name in terror. Yamato felt heat rise to his face as he realized what Ren was saying. 'So, he was concerned for me?' It felt good to know that someone cared.
"I want to get rid of this feeling though," Ren continued quietly, "so I have something I need to ask you." He locked his eyes with Yamato's and his face took on a serious expression. Yamato suddenly felt anxious. It was almost as if Ren was looking deep inside of him, and he had things there he didn't want anyone to see.
"Tell me why you didn't move," Ren requested. Yamato's eyes widened slightly and he couldn't stop himself from looking away. Ren immediately realized he had touched on something Yamato didn't want to discuss, but he wasn't about to let this go. After all, he had just revealed one of his biggest secrets to him. "Yamato," he pressured him, "I clearly saw your face while you were standing there facing him. You were terrified, but you didn't move to protect yourself. Please tell me what you were thinking." Yamato kept staring at the ground between his knees, trying to think of a way out of this, but it was no use. 'I have to tell him,' he realized. 'He just told me something so important, there's no reason not to trust him.'
"He reminded me of someone," Yamato admitted quietly. Ren waited but the boy didn't continue.
"Who did he remind you of Yamato? Why would a man pointing a gun at you remind you of someone?" Ren pushed, starting to feel nervous as he considered the implications of what Yamato had said. Yamato bit his lip for a moment but then relented and decided to tell the whole truth.
"He reminded me of my father," he said, not looking up to see the shocked look in Ren's eyes.
"Explain," he said shortly, not trusting that his voice would allow him to say much more. Yamato gulped and took a deep breath of air; talking about this made unconscious worries come to the forefront of his mind.
"My dad has a gun," he began, still intently focused on the surface of the roof. "When he comes home, he always has it with him." Ren realized that Yamato wasn't going to talk easily like he had and so started asking him questions.
"Why are you scared of him?" Ren asked, trying to find an opening for Yamato to grab hold of.
"He's always angry," Yamato choked, suddenly close to tears. "When he's angry, he says that stupid kids like me have no reason to be around. That's when he usually takes out his gun." He looked up at the sky, opening his eyes wide in an attempt to dry them. "He points the gun at me sometimes, and shoots." Ren sucked in his breath compulsively but Yamato shook his head. "When he's drunk, he always misses. He shattered my mother's favorite vase once. She pretended not to care, but I know she did." He didn't know why he was telling all this to Ren.
"He shoots at you?" Ren whispered, not sure he had understood correctly. Yamato nodded, his head still angled upwards. Ren felt anger shoot through him in realization of what Yamato was telling him. "Why wouldn't you try to protect yourself then?" he demanded. Yamato hesitated, not quite sure himself.
"I don't know," he answered. "I never have. I always just stand there. It's like I'm frozen and can't move, even if I wanted to. I think… I'm afraid to move. Like if I stay still, maybe he won't do anything." Ren nodded, trying to understand. "He hit me once," Yamato suddenly shared.
"With his fist?" Ren clarified, confused.
"No," Yamato continued. "I mean the shot. One time he didn't miss, and it clipped my side." Ren stared in horror as the other boy lifted up his uniform and shirt to reveal a shiny scar that trailed like a thick rope across the left side of his waist. He couldn't help himself; he reached out and lightly touched the marred skin with his fingertips. Yamato pursed his lips, trying to suppress his emotions as Ren slowly withdrew his hand and he lowered his shirt.
"What did you do?" Ren breathed softly. Yamato shrugged.
"I rolled up my t-shirt and pressed it to where my flesh was split and then my mother drove me to the hospital. I stayed there for awhile," he finished dryly. Ren watched his face intently, not liking what he saw. Yamato was trying so hard not to feel anything that it actually hurt to look at him. Turning his head, Ren glared off into the distance and grimaced.
"Why are you working to keep your feelings bottled up like that?" he demanded roughly. Ren was beside himself with anger and pain; his chest hurt at the image of Yamato being confronted at gunpoint by his father. 'How can he act like it's no big deal, even after he admitted he was afraid?' he wanted to know. Turning back to face his classmate, he saw tears running silently down Yamato's cheeks. Ren's heart spasmed at the sight.
"Because I don't understand," Yamato said, his voice choked. "I don't understand what I did. I have to become the best; then maybe my father won't see me as worthless anymore. I can't be the strongest if I'm easily dragged down by my emotions!" He stood up abruptly and wiped away his tears in frustration. He stared down at Ren, who was clutching his chest as though in pain. "I guess the Thread was right after all," he said with a smile. Reaching out with his hand, he clasped Ren's and pulled him to his feet. When they were both standing, Yamato squeezed the other boy's hand in gratitude.
"I'm glad I was able to share this with you," he admitted. "You're the only person who's seen my scar before." Ren managed a small smile and Yamato, seeing that his classmate had cheered up somewhat, released his hand. "How's that pain in your stomach?" he asked teasingly.
"Gone actually," Ren told him. "Now I've just got this pain in my chest." Yamato wasn't offended, in fact hearing this made him smile more widely.
"That goes for both of us then," he replied. "But now it's not only our own pain, right?" Ren nodded, satisfied with what they had accomplished. From the building beneath them, the two boys heard the bell ring, signaling the end of the lunch break. "Shit," Yamato muttered under his breath; neither of them had eaten.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ren and Yamato lay down on their respective beds apprehensively. It was finally night-time again and they were ready for bed, but not necessarily prepared for sleep. After the previous evening's dream, both were hesitant to have another. But eventually human necessity drew their eyes closed and they slipped into a surprisingly peaceful slumber.
The field looked more like a meadow now; there were tiny wildflowers scattered amongst the tall grasses and the entire setting oozed serenity from its every facet. Once again the sun was shining brightly and bathed the rolling landscape in a soft glow. A smattering of clouds cast light shadows that scuttled across the ground. Overall, neither boy could remember being in a more beautiful place ever before. They weren't fooled however, knowing by now how quickly the scenery could change.
Standing beside each other, they anxiously awaited the inevitable appearance of the Red Thread and refused to let themselves relax. They didn't have to wait long. Apparently deciding that a dramatic entrance was no longer necessary, the Thread simply materialized before them in a swirling red blur that slowed it's rotation as it gained definition and shape.
"What has happened?" it asked in its ethereal voice as it finally stopped spinning. The boys glanced at each other, never failing to be unsettled by how the entity seemed to be all knowing.
"We've shared each other's pain," Ren answered honestly. Yamato nodded and the Thread seemed to take a moment and ponder what they had said.
"And how do you feel?" it prompted. Both boys moved their hands to their hearts simultaneously and then grinned at each other as they realized what they had done.
"It hurts," Yamato explained, "but almost in a good way."
"This isn't a bad kind of pain," Ren added. "I don't mind it at all." If the Thread had a head or neck, it may have nodded right then.
"Then it seems my work here is done," it informed them, to their utter surprise. Understanding their reactions, the hovering being elaborated. "This isn't a place of torture, it is a place of understanding. The two of you have overcome your differences and can now share the pain of others. Do not take this gift lightly; truly sharing pain is not something just anyone can do. Unconditional empathy is a rare thing." Ren and Yamato stood in silence for a few moments, pondering what they had been told.
"So what happens now?" Yamato finally asked. Ren looked up in expectation; this was something he had also been wondering.
"Nothing," the Thread answered. "Not unless you want it to. This place will belong to the two of you for as long as you need it." They looked at each other in confusion.
"What do you mean "for as long as we need it"?" Ren asked. The Red Thread issued a low rumbling sound that grated on their ears; it sounded almost like laughter.
"I assume the two of you can't be seen together at school, at least not for right now." Something akin to sorrow settled on their shoulders. 'That's right,' Yamato remembered. 'We're rivals,' thought Ren bitterly. After everything, neither boy felt much like continuing their pointless fighting. It had only been two days since this all began, but they already felt closer to each other than they did to their other friends. "You can meet here every night until you work out a way to solve your problems. It will always be here for the two of you, now that you have become true comrades." The Thread began to drift backwards and up towards the sky when Ren called out to it.
"Wait!" he shouted. The Thread paused.
"What are you?" Yamato asked.
"I thought that was obvious." It glowed a brilliant crimson that nearly damaged their retinas with its brightness. "I am Fate." As it spoke, the Thread separated and a smaller piece drifted towards them, fluttering in the slight breeze. Reaching the spot where Ren and Yamato stood, it twined itself around their wrists, fastening them together. They felt a tingling sensation as the alien wispiness brushed against their skin and watched as it disappeared after a moment, leaving no trace behind. With a twinkle and a small burst of light, the original Thread vanished from view and both boys knew it would never reappear. Now faced with the rest of the night in the meadow, they sat down beside each other and lay back in the grass to gaze at the clouds. A genuine calm radiated from their surroundings until the two occupants were completely comfortable. Slowly, Ren turned his head to face Yamato.
"So what are we going to tell the guys?" he asked, finally catching the other boy's attention. Yamato smirked and rolled over on his stomach as the two of them began to plot.
~*~*~*~*~ THE END ~*~*~*~*~
FUN FACT: Until it was retired in 1937, the Japanese battleship Yamato was the largest and most heavily armed ship in the world. (This was paraphrased from Charles Bateson's book, The War with Japan: A Concise History) Way to go Yamato! You were named after one of the most formidable and impressive weapons of all time. Hmm… What does this say about you?