When I was a child my grandmother told me I was created by god who created me in the heavens.
He created me so special and so unique that instead of presenting me with parents he gave me the honor of being raised by grandparents.
"You see grandparents are wise human beings" she smiled her soft upturned lips at me. "Wiser then any other being in this world,we see things in a light that no other has ever seen".
"You will be wiser then your age safiyah, you wil speak when others up can not, and you will love when others can't".
Back then I didnt know what she spoke of, all I knew was that it filled the void of being parentless gave me a new type of honor that I could abide by.
My world was so small and so fragile that with one poke my life would have imploded, and it did.
Rushing down the cool pavement I softly giggled at the clicking sound my shoes made when they clacked against the ground. I happily waved at my neighbors who graced me with there smiles.
Getting home I grip the vase I made for mama anne and grandpa rubert.
Quietly opening the door to my house I smile when the smell of sugar cookies hit my nose.
Placing the vase down i quickly rush the the kitchen only to slip and fall on something wet with a oomph I quickly blink away my blirred vision.
A curtled gasp ignites from me at the site of blood on my hands .
My senses are now shaky as i turn.
My nerves have died and the loud yelp that passes through my body is uncontainable .
"Grandma" i scoot closer to the blood splattered mangled mess.
"Grandpa " my voice is unfamiliar to me as one final scream erupts from my being.
Shaky is how i felt when the police started questioning me.
denial set in quick.
"you wouldn't know anyone with a grudge against your grandparent, would you"?
Looking at the man I cough slighlty "n-no but we can ask them when there better" i smile at the man who looks pitifully at me.
"Im sorr-
"Shutup" the voice that shouted through me didnt sound like me.
It sounded angry, filled with hate.
"You dont know anything " i looked up at the man glare piercing through him.i almost lost myself in the rage i sent towards the man.
Then I realized that he was just a man, trying to do his job to find my grandparents killer.
I calmed myself as i quickly looked down to my dirtied,danty hands.
"I-I'm sorr- before I could finish my sentence a voice shouted out "are you done harrassing the victim"
Was I a victim.
The man backed down taking a leave in the opposite direction.
I look up at the red headed women.she stared back at me giving me an powerful smile.
My grandmother told me that you could tell alot about someone by there eyes.
And this women was define strong, her eyes reaked with dominance, she was a women of authority.
"Hey kid " she voiced softly. "I work with DCF" my eye widened at this i hadn't thought about where I would go could, and I couldn't stay here, no that was definitely not an option.
"Will I be forced into a foster home" fear set in instantly ."actually it looks like there is a living relative, an uncle charlie".
Confusion laced my brain, how'd she find him so quick we'd just met,maybe she looked after they called her.
Or was this all prepared.
Yet even with all this confusion I had inside of me I could help but feel relief at not having to going into the system. "For tonight we do have a place for you to go" "but tomorrow we are going to come back and pack your things, okay sweat-pea" she smiled giving me a courageous look.
"No I cant go back in there" I mumble looking down yet my eyes remained open, if I closed my eyes then I would see them.
I would see my grandmothers mangled bodies
I would see there lifeless eyes.
Ripped jaws.
If I closed my eyes I would see the pain and horror of the last minute of them being on this earth.
Getting out of my daze I realized I was stuck in autpilot .
I look around at the place that I had to sleep at.it was a room filled with kids already sleeping. there ages seem to expand from 13 to 17 the bunk beds alined in four rows making the gaps in between them hallways .
"Listen honey" said the dcf women, alisa "this will only be for a night" I look at her my auburn doe like eyes slanted sadly."I'm scared" i whispered hating how pathetic I sounded "I don't want to be here" I knew I sounded pathetic but that's exactly how I felt pathetic.
She looked at me before looking at her surroundings. Coughing slightly she scratches her head.
"How about this kid" "you come with me for the night and tomorrow we can see about getting your stuff out of the house".
Instantly i hug her as a small squeel comes from me.
"Thankyou" I softly whispered, I scolded myself for being so dependent on an women who I just met, a woman who eyes shown kindness, yet gleamed sadness.
I looked back at the children home and I felt weak I couldn't even stay in this place for a day how was I too be on my own for now. I felt like my wings were cut, I could never fly again.
Getting to said DCF workers apt who's name I found out was Sharlene. I smiled at the small yet luxurious place. You could tell she loved to spoil herself and also loved being on her own.
My body was riddled with guilt at taking that comfort away.
"Im sorry to be a burden" I awkwardly state scolding myself.
Her eyes widened slighlty yet she calmly patted my dainty shoulders "hun your not a burden at all" she looked me in my eyes "I have a second bedroom yet I rarely get guest,I'm actually honored your with me". My heart pounded at that word, it was a word I spent my whole life feeling till now.
I smiled shakily at her but nodded. "Now let's get some food in you" I politely rejected her offer. My grandmother always told me to never eat before you sleep, it gave you weird dreams.she settled with me drinking some warm milk which I greedily drunk up I hadnt realized how parch I was till now.
Laying down alisa quietly tucked me in. "Have sweet dreams" I smiled reassuringly.
I looked at the door till it finally shut and that's when I let the tears fall down. Big fat tears dripped vertically from my face as I cradle myself and baby position.
My toes curled from the pain I felt within.
Why God
Why me
Did you present them to me just to take them away.
No
God didn't do this a human did.A human made the choice to take away another human.
My tears of sorrow soon turned to that of anger and vengefulness.
I would find the person who did this and they would pay.
Waking up I stretch my limbs till the sound of bones cracking was present in the void that was the room.groggily getting up I head to the restroom that was connected to the room I was in.
I look in the mirror and I see nothing. My tight coils that I called hair seemed dry and lifeless that bags under my eyes from crying seemed like they were there for years. My skin seemed dry as if it had an ashy tone to it.
I was not me.
I blink a few times trying to get back the girl that was there just yesterday. No I couldn't let this take me down.
My grandparents wouldn't have wanted that. They would have wanted me to be...
happy.
Lightly smacking my face with water I put a smile on that almost hurt.
Getting dressed in the clothes that Alisa left for me I put my hair in a High bun as little coils poked out.
Yawning I walk into the kitchen and smile at the beacon that tempted my tummy with tastiness.
"Good morning" I grin to the blonde beauty who's short blonde hair swished slightly as she turned to grace me with a smile.
"Morning hun" she sets the plate of food down in front of me and I gratefully thank her.
She giggled at the eagerness I presented to eat her home cooked breakfast.
Settling down she quietly looks my way as if contemplating something.walking towards me she placed her frail hands to my deep mahogany ones "how are you feeling".
There it was my first 'how are you feeling' I knew it was gonna come and I knew there would be more to come.
I tried to speak but it was as if my throat was swelled up. If I tried to speak I just knew I would explode.
Be happy
Be happy
Be happy
"I'm feeling alot better now " I plaster her a smile before continuing to dig into my food.
"Hun, it's okay to be sad" she sits next to me looking me in the eyes "it's okay,to not be okay".
I look into her eyes wanting to just break down but I was afraid, afraid that if I broke down I wouldn't be able to fix myself.
"I know" I speak gulping down eggs."I'm fine Shar of course I miss my grandparents they were my everything, but I know that they would want me to be happy"
Her eyes sadden at my words but she remained silent after my proclamation.
The drive back to my house was nerve-racking. I tried to silence the thundering of my heart beat with music but it couldn't suffice to the nerves that ran through my very bone.
The closer we got the more my hand shook to be freed.
At one point I contemplated jumping out of the moving vehicle but I would just end up with a broken arm in the insane asylum.
The car had finally stopped to the destination that I was dreading from the moment I saw my grandparents slaughtered body.
My home.
"Whenever you ready we can go" Shar announced giving my hand a slight squeeze.
I looked down at my hand that I dug in-between my thighs to hide my shaken nerves.
My breathing was getting short and my chest started to tighten.
The image of my grandmas shattered skull and sunken chest flashed through my head.i could see the black spot appear in my eyes.
Breath" I heard a voice say.breath?
I couldn't breathe,I was having a panic attack.
I could feel my finger going numb and the tingling sensation in my legs kept getting worse and worse.
I couldn't move.
Sitting up Sharlene goes for her glove compartment and takes out a brown bag.
"Breath Into this" I nod her way before shaikly hold onto the bag.
"Listen to my voice safiyah" she states "look at my eyes" instantly our eyes are connected. She softly brushes her knuckles against my very own "can you feel my touch" I nod her way as my breathing start to slowly become stable."I am right here, you are not alone" my breathing is now stable and I brush the tear that have yet to fall away from my face.
Quicky I hug Shar "thank you" I smile into our hug.
Scooting away I look at her a soft yet scared smile on my face.
I was not ready
But I would make my self ready I would be strong.
Walking to the house that was my home for 16 years was deafening.
I replied the memories of my family over and over in my head I grazed the piano that none of us could play with the top of my fingertips.
I remember I would always try to learn the piano but never got the hang of it I was confident that I would learn my grandparent would always support me even if it made there eardrums bleed.
Walking up the stairs nostalgia hits me of when grandpa had that fall he was strong but the hip replacement did change him.
Getting to my grandparents room I shake slightly as I lay down on there bed. I sniff in there aroma. It was still there it was as if I could feel them.
I remember I would always sneak into there room and make up any reason I could make just so they could give me milk and cookies while they told me about stories I could never imagine.
"Hun, wake up we have to head out" a soft voice said. I awoke not realizing that I had even fallen asleep.
"Sorry" I mumble softly as I get up from the bed.
Finally packing I take a couple of things to remind me of them.
My mama annes locket she said she would give it to me when I graduated. I would always sneak into her room to try it on. It was a golden yellow jewel like my birthstone.
I took grandpa Ruberts scarf he always wore it. it smelt like the tobacco he always tried to hide from us cause he knew we would lay in on him. Yet it also smelt like vanilla he was always making vanilla extract for grandma baking.
Leaving the house I give it one final look and leave.
Shar told me my grandparents gave me the house in there will as well as 500,00 dollars in life insurance, that didn't make me feel any better in fact it saddened me more.
Getting to the airport I take one final look at Shar and smile.
This was a 'see you later' she told me as we exchanged phone numbers something she really wasn't suppose to do.
Taking a sleeping pill I sit in my chair and go to sleep.
Waking to turbulence I smile when I realize we're finally landing.
Standing up I stretch slightly. getting my things I head to the front. "little lady" a deep voice stop me in my track I turn coming into view with an dark skin man he eyes were almond shape they seemed wise yet dangerous as well.
"You left your phone" I bashfully scratch my hair giving him a dimples smile. "Thank you" he grabs my hand as I reach for my phone.
Fear etches threw my body as the coldness spreads through my frame.
"Be careful " he creaks out "you never know who's watching" he gives me a white teethed smile and lets me go.
I stumble back not realizing that I was pulling away from.
Rushing out of the airport I try to look for Charlie's police truck but to no Avail I do not see him.
I sit outside liking how the cold air that hit my nose.
"Safiyah" a voice expresses I turn quickly as excitement scarfs down my throat.
"C-Charlie" I scream unconsciously. He guiltily nods "I'm sorry" he says "I tried to find you at the airplane number bu-
I interrupt him with a hug. "It's nice to meet you".
He doesn't hug at first but soon his arms are wrapped around me.
"Let's get out of here" I nod as he ushers me to his car.
The drive to his house was silent but nice it gave me time to really look at his features. Judging by his fair skin and straight auburn brown hair I could tell we weren't blood related maybe a god uncle?
I looked at his eyes the were a nice brown color, you could tell he was a very calm spirit.
Tapping my legs to the beat of an old song that my grandpa use to sing.
It took me a while to realize Charlie was tapping to it as well.
"You know that song" i question surprise in my voice.
"Yea" he tells me "your old man use to always sing that song" sometime he'd be tapping to it for hours." My body jolts slightly at that information.
My father?
He was a man that was never on my mind neither my mother.
I didn't need them.
Because I have my grandparents, well had.
I stay quiet after that, I wanted to know more about my father in fact his declaration brought feeling I'd never felt before towards a man I always considered a stranger.
Getting to Charlie's place I couldn't help but feel dejected.
I would have to live here now although grateful I couldn't help but still feel out of place.
Charlie took me to a burnt orange bedroom with blue decor.
"you like it"? He inquired "the dcf worker said It was your favorite color".
" I love it" I embraced him one more time really feeling good about myself that he took the time to do this for me.
He chuckled slightly but hugged me back this time a lot quicker then the first time.
"Well I'll let you be on your own" he said smiling softly at me.
"Wait" I say nervously. He quirks his eyebrow at me. Scuffing my shoes against the floor I slightly look down.
"Is there a way that you could tell me about my dad a bit" "only If you want" I quickly added.
He smiled at me and nodded as he sat down on the stool next to my desktop computer.
He told me a lot of stories while I unpacked.
When they first met at the park my dad tried to bully him out of his gummy worms and they just ended up having a mud fight, after that it was history.
He also told me about my mother how her beauty could rival a goddess.
Also about his daughter Bella who was staying the night at her best friends house at the moment.
Laying down I couldn't help but think of my grandparents there absence was a constant reminder that hey were gone and never coming back.
"True strength is keeping everything together when everyone expects you to fall apart."
I remember my papa Ruberts words and smile as I let the tears cascade pass my face.
I will be strong I promise.
Closing my eyes I let sleep fall upon me .
Au:hope y'all like this story guys I have one more I want to put out and after that I'll just continue to make constant updates.