First And Foremost
an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic
by Save Fearow
Author's Note: Anything worth having, is worth fighting for. Enjoy the special Valentine's Day edition, where Ickis proves he's not always the Academy's idiot, and Oblina gradually allows him the Relationship Upgrade he's always been working towards.
Ickis was Oblina's first friend, although she didn't realize the significance of that right away. Her memories of their earliest encounter were fleeting at best. As a young bonsty she recalled a 'holiday' spent among the inner city, where everything was strange and disorganized and exciting and lonely all at once. Mumsy was too busy complaining, and Dada was commited to hearing her agitations, and Lugo was put in charge of the mostly-intact mansion, looking to repair any structural damage. There hadn't been anyone to pay attention to her so Oblina took it upon herself to find an audience. The bonsty egg she saw wasn't terribly impressive (it was small, and the fluff-headed occupant didn't even know how to hatch properly) but beggars couldn't be choosers, so Oblina had begun talking to it. Upon emerging, the creature still wasn't much to look at, but he had large ears and could listen to a conversation. She would have told that little monster all 38 words that currently made up her vocabulary, if the adults had not interferred. Mumsy launched a long and tedious rant against mingling with commoners, particular ones that were mentally unstable, although the bonsty's father had seemed quite gracious. Slickis had even called her 'brilliant', a description she was determined to spend her entire life living up to.
The first time they saw each other after THAT, was horrible. Oblina had tried so hard to be polite and welcoming to this extremely rude, tempermental brat who had to have everything his way. Ickis even tried to take over half the dorm when the Gromble gave them a social studies assignment. As if anyone needed so much space to paint a picture, assuming he could even do that without screwing up. She'd -seen- some of his earlier written work. The Gromble held those essays up as an example of what everyone should strive to avoid, and she wholeheartedly agreed. You'd think the little idiot was writing in Martian, or Sanskrit, or some other hybrid language he'd invented, a form of Elvish perhaps. Lugo could provide most of the material on her family tree, so she was left with plenty of free time. She spent the first hour or so with their other roommate, the much gentler and frankly more repugnant-looking Krumm. At least there was a monster with manners! She looked forward to delivering a comprehensive lecture to Ickis on his many, many flaws to unequivocably demonstrate how he was NEVER going to be a worthy successor to his father, the Great Slickis, when she realized he'd left the dorm unattended. She couldn't resist looking at what he'd painting, and was floored that the family portraits were actually good, the sort of art Mumsy might even permit to hang in one of the less-frequented hallways. She wasn't sure how she was going to admit that to him, when he stormed into the room, screeching as usual. Although this time his frustration didn't seem to be completely directed at her, as he put the finishing touches on the canvas, and then broke down in tears. He kept telling her over-and-over that he should have been the one to die, not them, that his father once had a perfectly hideous family, and now all he had left was a loser for a son who would never amount to anything. Oblina believed that Slickis might be satisfied simply to have a son that -was- living, but it was awfully hard to get a word in edgewise. Instead, she just held him gently. She was still holding on to Ickis 20 minutes later, when Krumm entered the dorm. He took one look at the two of them hugging and didn't even bat an eye.
Halloween was a national holiday. The Gromble had no right to forbid them from participating in it! That's what Oblina kept telling herself to mitigate the guilt, because their first Halloween out scaring had NOT gone the way she'd envisioned.
"What if we get caught?" Ickis had asked.
"Relax." Krumm had assured him.
"What if we get lost?" Ickis had wondered.
"Don't fret, Icky. Krumm has an excellent sense of direction." Oblina had boasted.
"What if it starts to rain, and my ears fill up with water, and I drown? It -could- happen!" Ickis then theorized.
"Haven't I heard you brag about being a good swimmer?" Oblina then recalled.
"Panic could set in, and I might forget." Ickis had argued.
Oblina had rolled her eyes in response. All those worries had seemed so stupid before, but given what HAD occured, she felt they would have been safer experiencing one of the Gromble's torture chambers. None of the humans were scared of them, and treated the monsters as if they were humans in costumes! At least they got a few handfuls of copper-coated treats whenever they shouted "Pick your meat!" (although Ickis, true to his contrary nature, insisted it was "Prick your feet!") They went to a party filled with humans, where Krumm got the only scare of the night, by passing out his eyeballs during a ghost story. If only it had ended on such a high note, but they'd gotten separated in the crowd, and the monster they'd thought was Ickis had turned out to be a human boy dressed like an 'attack rabbit'.
And while Krumm and Oblina spent a harrowing day trying to avoid the Gromble's wrath, Ickis seemed to have enjoyed himself thoroughly, dancing with human children all night (and the human girls were actually thrilled to be in his presence!) and participating in a human classroom the next morning. The human boy, Nicky, was not terrible at pretending to be a monster, even if he did scream at the sight of a rat, whereas Ickis was always fond of the creatures. At least Nicky was able to scare a meow-and-scratch, which was better than most of Ickis' attempts, Oblina had to admit.
But the Gromble was still furious that somebody had disobey him and promised to discipline whoever had broken the rule. Oblina and Krumm knew they only the narrowest window of opportunity to return the human child after school, and reunite with Ickis. Of course, it didn't take long for Ickis to lose track of HIS priorities. He seemed to enjoy pretending to belong to a human family, where he could play with Nicky's obnoxious big brother and listen to a mother tell him how much she loved her little boy, despite having a voice that was raspier than usual. He would have done anything to please that nice lady, Ickis was sure of it. Even human school was easier than the Academy! Ickis boasted to Nicky's teacher about the maggots, and broken car parts, and chicken bones that surrounded the dump. Of course, he'd been sent to detention for that comment, but detention was actually rather fun. There was nobody to throw you in a trash compactor, just a bunch of desks that made for pretty good snacks. And another girl showed an interest in him over there! He was actually a bit sorry that he'd blown his cover by looming in front of Nicky's brother Jake, but the teenager just wouldn't leave him alone so he could use the toilet and find Oblina and Krumm.
While she WAS relieved to have their Ickis home, Oblina wished he would shut up about his great adventure.
"It takes more than 15 humans to scare me!" Ickis asserted.
"15? Excuse me but there were 6! 2 wore short pants, and NONE of them shaved." Oblina corrected him.
Ickis ignored her, in favor of turning his attention to the Gromble's lecture, because he felt confident that they would never be blamed for their misbehavior. Of course, one of their classmates had squealed on them, and the Gromble punished all 3 monsters, though he did recognize that they all shown some initiative in breaking out on Halloween night. He offered them a choice of punishments, ranging from 'Something Bad' to 'Something Really Bad' to 'You Don't Want To Know'.
Ickis seemed especially shaken when he exited the gingerbread-fueled nightmare behind door number 3. "So much candy... and marzipan frosting... everywhere!" he shuddered at the memory.
"You brought it all on yourself, Icky. You cannot be so reckless in the human world! S'pose something were to happen to you, and there was nothing Krumm or I could do to prevent it, what then?" Oblina demanded.
"You worry too much." Ickis insisted. He belched and a puff of smoke came out. "Huh, I've never done that before." Ickis noted with some surprise, then shrugged it off as unimportant.
Ickis was often late for class, although he usually remembered to come back to the dorm at some point during the evening. Oblina hadn't seen him since he'd announced yesterday afternoon that he was going to get a successful scare on his own for a change and didn't need anyone tagging along. She had serious doubts about the validity of that claim, but she let him run off anyway. If he never tried, he'd never know his own limitations. She was starting to worry that he might have gotten into serious trouble when he finally entered the classroom, midway through the Gromble's lecture. At least, she -thought- it was Ickis. His fur was a pale blue and he didn't seem to be able to walk without shaking.
The Gromble whirled to face the late-comer. "Master Ickis, you've finally decided to disgrace us with your presence." indicated the Gromble.
"Ahchoo!" Ickis sneezed loudly. "C-can yuh tur' da heat ub?" he asked hopefully.
"I don't know. Can you go to the Viewfinder without getting snot all over everything?" snarled the Gromble.
Ickis wiped his nose, then looked at his claws. "Probly dot." he determined.
"Sit down anyway and quit wasting our time!" the Gromble roared.
Ickis looked miserable as the Viewfinder began its loop. The class watched as Ickis' shadow darted between hanging racks of meat in a storage locker. He jumped up and grabbed hold of one of the hooks, positioning himself high above the human's eyesight. A hefty butcher wheeled a cart in front of himself. "Sausages, rump roast, sirloin, that's a primo cut right there, ham hocks, bratwurst, hmmm... where dem rib chops at? I hate takin' invent'ry, never can find whatcha lookin' for." the human groused.
Icki's nose twitched. "Ahchoo!" He clapped a paw over his face and nearly lost his grip on the chain.
The butcher looked around quickly. "What the heck was that? Dey ain't payin' me enough for this." he decided as he began pushing his cart back toward the exit. Ickis leapt after him, a moment too late. He slammed into the door and slid slowly back to the ground. Ickis jiggled the handle, found it wouldn't open from the inside, and began furiously clawing at the door. Then he tried running at it, and slamming his shoulder into it like a battering ram. The next effort involved kicking the door. Then Ickis attempted to loom and jump at it, but was unable to increase his size very much. The Viewfinder reel mercifully cut off there.
"Id goes on like dat ahchoo fuh seb'ral hours." Ickis explained.
"Master Ickis, what you've just shown is one of the most insanely idiotic attempts I've EVER viewed. At no point in your bumbling, inept effort were you even close to anything that could be considered a successful scare. Everyone in this room is now -dumber- for having watched it. I award you no points, and may the good sludge have mercy on your soul." pronounced the Gromble.
"Okay, a si'ple 'bless yuh' woulda been fide." Ickis noted glumly.
"The scare is bad and you should feel bad!" jeered Zimbo. Most of the class was laughing along with him.
"Take your germ-riddled carcass and get out of my sight." the Gromble snapped.
Ickis coughed and trudged over to where Krumm and Oblina had saved him a seat.
"Nice effort out there. Good hustle." Krumm offered.
"Thags fuh da comfurding lie." Ickis acknowledged. "Ahchoo!"
"Bless you." Oblina responded automatically.
"I cannot believe you did -that-!" Oblina hissed as she toweled off. "If you EVER tell anyone about what happened at the cesspool I will never forgive you!"
"My lips are sealed." Ickis promised. He shook his fur dry. "Still, you gotta admit swimming has its good points." he insisted.
"Yes. Sooner or later you stop doing it." Oblina recalled.
"That's when I come to your rescue!" Ickis announced dramatically.
"Breaking your word already, that's got to be some kind of speed record." Oblina muttered.
Ickis' face fell. "I don't think I want to be known for that." he conceded.
"Then work to become a better monster!" snapped Oblina. "Humility is one of the great virtues."
"Ha! If it was really that humble, it wouldn't even claim to be virtuous!" Ickis countered.
Oblina was stunned. "That... almost sounded logical. Maybe you have learned a few things." she admitted.
Ickis nodded. "That's why we should have another lesson tomorrow, to familiarize ourselves with the concept." he suggested.
"No." Oblina flat-out refused to return to those cesspools.
"What if we just skipped to the ending? I could teach you all about CPR, I'm even willing to be your dummy!" Ickis offered.
"It's the role you were born to play." Oblina remarked.
"Sooo, can I pencil you in for 3 PM?" Ickis asked tentatively. Oblina thought about slapping him, but knowing Ickis, he'd probly want her to kiss it and make it better.
Oblina loved watching Gludge exercise. "Is he not perfectly hideous?" she marveled.
"He's perfectly something." Ickis stated testily.
"Why don't you go over to him?" asked Krumm.
"He's surrounded." Oblina bemoaned. "He'd never notice me."
"Take away his popularity, his good looks, his great scaring technique and what do you have, hmm?" Ickis scoffed.
"You." Oblina snidely informed him.
"You're not afraid to talk to Ickis." Krumm pointed out.
That decided it. Oblina was never cowardly, she could speak to Gludge just as though he were any other monster, and he would recognize her great aptitude for scares and intellectual superiority. They would hit it off right away! She walked up to him, confident as can be, and Gludge responded with such enthusiasm, even throwing a towel at her! She was still admiring her gracious gift when Ickis tried to remind her to keep things in perspective.
"One moldy towel and you're all swoony! Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself here?" Ickis cautioned.
"Today it's a towel, tomorrow it could be a towel rack!" she insisted. There was no way she'd give up on Gludge, even if she did have to wear braces for the next 2 weeks as punishment for brushing and flossing her teeth just once, to see what it felt like. Ickis and Krumm tried to reassure her that the braces didn't make her any less hideous, but it was hard to take them seriously when Ickis still refused to wear his glasses in public, and Krumm was always trying to grow another pimple.
But Gludge wasn't like those vain, self-conscious boys. He chatted with her in the hallway, and HE took the initiative in asking for the first date! Krumm gave her advice on what to wear for the big night out, while Ickis just stood around scowling and complaining about how Gludge would act, insisting that he cared only for flexing his muscles and showing off.
"Looking sharp." Gludge greeted Oblina. He smiled at his reflection, glittering off her braces.
"Thank you." Oblina replied. She'd never felt more revolting, Gludge was sure to be charmed by her!
"Do you mind if I walk backwards? That way I can look at you all night." Gludge offered.
"I love all night!" Oblina declared fondly.
But the date started out terrible. Gludge was lazy and didn't want to go on any scares, although eventually Oblina got him to reveal that he was worried he would never reach the same level of greatness he'd achieved on previous scares, and she insisted that his best work was far from being behind him. Oblina tried to tell the boys all about the great time she'd had with Gludge, but Ickis and Krumm refused to stay and listen. The next 13 days were a whirlwind of excitement. She and Gludge went everywhere together. They went to class and talked about Gludge, they went to the cafeteria and talked about Gludge, they went to the library and talked about Gludge (until Nesdak reminded them to be quiet), they even went scaring and talked about Gludge. She was so excited about the party they were going to attend that weekend, especially since her braces had finally been removed. But when she ran up to Gludge, he promptly dismissed her and her non-metallic mouth.
"Something came up. So I'm not taking you to the party, y'know something kinda important, so I guess I'll be seeing you." Gludge told her, right before walking over to admire Horrifica's scales. "Now that's what I call a vision!"
Oblina wanted to cry. It pained her to admit that Ickis had been right about Gludge, he was usually a horrible judge of character. But Ickis knew exactly what kind of monster that muscle-bound moron would turn about to be, and had explicitly warned her against him. He was probly going to rub it in her face now, and she deserved to hear however many 'I told you so' lectures Ickis had saved up to tell her.
"He only liked me for my braces!" Oblina sobbed.
"What did you expect? A shallow guy like that, he never saw the REAL Oblina. No, no, no, that- that putrid mass of corruption that is just uniquely you!" Ickis asserted.
"You really think so?" asked Oblina.
"Absolutely." Ickis promised her.
"What he said." Krumm echoed.
"Thanks, you guys. It is really great having friends like you." Oblina announced. She smiled and gave a quick smooch to both of her buddies. Krumm seemed a little embarassed by his kiss. Ickis, on the other claw, looked happier than Oblina had ever seen him look before.
There was no denying it, all of the students had been neglecting their scares (even Oblina had been coerced into putting aside her Manual once a week, so they could all roll Gorblats), but nobody had envisioned the fate that would befall them. It was just as the Gromble has warned in all his properly paranoid speeches, all the monsters were disappearing! Oblina had always been under the impression that the 'pool of elders' was a scary tale the Gromble made up to motivate his class to scare better. But now that it was proven to exist and the imperiled students were most in need of the teacher's wisdom, he had simply given up on them all as lost causes. "I thought I made myself clear. I will assign NO more scares, and I will teach NO more classes." the Gromble had vowed, and he refused to budge from that position, no matter how much Oblina argued with him.
"Come back here! I said we are disappearing!" she hollered, to no avail. Couldn't the Gromble see how much danger they were all in? Poor Krummy had lost his eyes and needed assistance just to eat his favorite garbage and find his way back to the dorm. Oblina had tried a last-ditching scaring effort herself, but was hampered by the loss of her arms. Without her trademark ability to pull her guts out, there was nothing she could offer to save their lives. Ickis, being both the youngest in class and one of the more notorious slackers, had it worse than anyone, having now dwindled to just a head. They had all worked so hard just to track the Gromble down. If Krumm hadn't accidentally kicked Ickis' head down that winding corridor they might never have found their former Headmaster. And still the Gromble didn't seem to care. They had nothing left to hope for.
Oblina was surprised then, that Ickis chose that moment to stop whining about their impending doom, and announced that he had found a way to ensure their survival. He claimed to have spoken to the pool, which was formed from the ancestors of all great monsters, and that the pool was relying on him to save the Monster World. That sort of nonsense sounded to Oblina like it came straight from one of his superhero comic books, but at least it had encouraged Ickis to rally the others.
"We're doomed." admitted Krumm.
"I had to say it but it does not look good." Oblina observed.
"Wait a minute! I've still got my head, you've still got your body, and WE can be your eyes! So, so technically between the 3 of us, we've got 1 whole monster just, just waiting to scare!" Ickis suggested.
"I don't know..." Krumm hesitated with his reply.
"Look Krumm it is either that or we sit here and wait to disappear. If that's what you wanna do, fine, but as long as I still got a head in existence, I'm gonna use it!" Ickis promised.
"Ickis, how commanding you are!" Oblina noted with awe.
"Yeah, what's gotten in to you?" Krumm wondered.
"Let's just say I took a dip in the pool." Ickis declared. "Gather the students and the alumni together. I've got a plan!"
"A plan?" Krumm repeated.
"Yeah, and this time it's a good one! We are gonna beat this thing TOGETHER, without the Gromble!" Ickis vowed. He led them on a series of scares, starting with a golf tournament, where Oblina frightened Fozzie Dougle, the professional golfer. Next they spooked a plumber and his wife. Then they went to the park, and startled an eldery woman and her grandchild. They scared young bachelors, and a trio of sorority sisters. They even went to Yankee Stadium, and while Ickis pretended he'd never snuck in their before, Oblina saw that not only did have the directions to the arena memorized, he seemed to know the names of the entire starting line-up of batters, including which ones were up for various awards nominations and who had the best pre-season record. It was one of the greatest scares they'd ever pulled off, and enough to restore the monsters to their former intact glory.
The Gromble started his classes back up the very next day, even giving a special announcing congratulating the class for their achievements. He pulled Ickis aside afterwards, to speak to the young student privately.
"I'm proud of you, Ickis." the Gromble acknowledged.
"Thank you sir." Ickis replied.
"I think you are destined for great things!" continued the Gromble.
"Really, it was nothing." insisted Ickis.
"Which is why I'm going to ride you twice as hard as all the others from now on!" the Gromble roared.
Ickis waited until the Gromble was out of earshot before launching his complaint. "So not fair! I saved our lives! Why's he gotta make me work harder, what sort of reward is THAT?" Ickis questioned.
"Maybe he expects more of you now that you remind him a little bit of your father, the Great Slickis." Oblina offered.
"The Gromble doesn't really think that of me. Do you think he does? I always wanted -somebody- to feel that way, I never thought the Gromble would be the first! He really DOES admire Dad, y'know. Maybe someday I'll find a monster who'll admire me! It -could- happen!" Ickis chattered, and for a change Oblina let him talk to his heart's content.
Fungus (which was a much less dignified name than Pustule) was a very exuberant young bark-and-bite. Ickis had grown attached to the animal as soon as it had protected him from oncoming traffic. Oblina knew that keeping a pet was a violation of the Gromble's rules, but decided to overlook that temporarily since the creature HAD saved Ickis' life. And it was amusing to watch the two of them interact.
"Here Fungus, here Fungus!" Ickis would call, and the bark-and-bite always rushed to his side. Ickis would then toss a trash can lid for Fungus to retrieve. And Ickis seemed to relish finally having a friend who would jump into puddles and splash about with him. Fungus could actually keep up with Ickis as he ran around in circles at top speed. Fungus was always wagging his tail and licking Ickis' face, even when the monster gave the bark-and-bite a bath, because he'd learned that they weren't s'posed to be covered in the fleas. Krumm asked if he could have the leftover insects anyway, and Ickis obliged by giving him a jar of dead fleas.
Although Krumm's affections for Fungus were rapidly diminishing, since the animal was so determined to keep chewing on his eyeball, Oblina still held Fungus in warm regard. Ickis enjoyed playing with the mutt so much, Oblina was tempted to try bonding with the creature as well.
"What is there in the dorm that we could use to entertain you?" Oblina wondered aloud. Fungus yipped happily and started to chew on her foot. He dragged her to the corner of the dorm, where most of the dirt had piled up, the sniffed the ground excitedly. "Did you want to bury me in that? It would be a relaxing sensation, sort of like the spa days Mumsy used to take me on, over by the chemical plant." Oblina recalled.
Fungus barked, and she began scooping up handfuls of dirt and smearing it over her body. Once she was completely covered in filth, Fungus dug her out. Then he whined, and she proceeded to bury herself again for Fungus' delight. He uncovered her quickly and barked. Oblina sighed and repeated the procedure, with marked less enthusiam. Fungus did not seem inclined to tire of the burial game anytime soon.
"Ickis we gotta do something. Fungus is out of control. Oblina thinks so too." Krumm informed Ickis.
"Where is Oblina?" Ickis inquired.
"You got me." Krumm admitted.
Ickis walked over to where Fungus was chewing on a rubber tire. "Fungus, have you seen Oblina?" he asked the bark-and-bite. Fungus woofed. "What is it you say, Fungus? Oblina's trapped in a well?!" Ickis exclaimed. Upset as he was by that prospect, Ickis also seem to recognize the potential for heroism such a scenario entailed.
Fungus barked again, and dug Oblina out of the dirt pile. "That is -quite- enough!" Oblina opined. "I have had it up to here with this game. I readily admit the first 15 times were fun, but now I must say, it is getting a tad tedious!"
"I better take him out now." Ickis decided.
"Not now, later, when the Gromble is asleep." Oblina cautioned.
Fungus was in no mood to wait. He pushed his way towards the door. Oblina tried to stop him, but he had grown large enough to overpower her, and she ended up riding him down the hall. Ickis chased after her, and managed to grab Oblina by the tail, but the animal wasn't even mildly inconvenienced by the added weight of 2 monsters. He ran through the sewer pipes while Oblina and Ickis held on tightly. He scampered through their classroom and on the library, where Nesdak was shelving another one of Slickis' biographies.
"At long last, every single volume is in it's proper place." Nesdak remarked, as Fungus crashed into her stepladder, knocking over every book. "Rats." she observed after viewing the destruction. Destroying works of literature would have been bad enough, as far as Oblina, was concerned, but Fungus had to drag them into the Gromble's office, where they were scolded and instructed to take the bark-and-bite back to the surface immediately.
"I'm sorry, Oblina. Fungus is j-just young, so he makes plenty of mistakes. I hope he didn't hurt you back th-there." Ickis was already sniveling at the thought of returning Fungus.
"I'm fine. It was a very minor incident, comparatively. I've had worse experiences." Oblina tried to be soothing.
It was true. She had gone on many adventures that could never be described as pleasant, such as having to retrieve Ickis' Monster Manual from Bradley's house. Fungus hadn't put Oblina in any real danger, but it was nice to see Ickis demonstrate such concern on her behalf. It would have been nicer still if they could have kept the bark-and-bite but the Gromble was adamant that Fungus had to go. Ickis cried the entire time, and it broke her heart a little to see him so unhappy.
Ickis was shocked. His classmates were actually cheering him, chanting "ICKIS! ICKIS! ICKIS!" He had to pinch himself a few times, just to be sure this wasn't one of his more realistic dreams, as opposed to the crazy impossible ones where the rules of reality bent to various whims.
"I'm not one to pass out compliments willy-nilly, but THAT my little crud captains was a work of art." the Gromble declared. Ickis beamed as he took his seat. In the row behind him, Dizzle tried to attract his attention. When he turned around to look at her, she actually winked in his direction. (Unless she had dust in her eye. That had happened a couple of times, causing him to be summarily humiliated in front of Horrifica and Hairyette.)
So he really wasn't expecting anything to come of it when he returned to his room. He was playing with that stupid word puzzle Oblina liked so much, trying to remember which way the S in 'Ickis' was s'posed to face.
"Hello, Ickis." Dizzle greeted him from her perch atop the dorm's bureau.
"Oh, Dizzle. What are you doing here?" Ickis wondered.
"I loved what you did today, Ickis. It was so inspired, so powerful, so scary." she gushed.
"Thank you." Ickis noted with pride.
"No thank you. I have a thing for big, scary monsters." Dizzle claimed. And maybe he should have been put on guard by her statement, but it was so unusual to have his feelings reciprocated, and he really wanted to prove that he was as amazing as she thought he was. He took her back to the studio where he had first scared the human artist, and discovered that a statue had been carved in his likeness, labeling him as Fear itself. Dizzle showered him with praise and they went on a scaring spree, where she had him loom on command. Once he got back to the sewers, he decided to follow Dizzle's advice and re-stylize himself as Grand Master Ickis, complete with cape and rollicking theme song. "I like to wail and loom, and wail and loom, and wail and loom! Ow! On the good foot!" Ickis roared as his classmates danced. Oblina glared at him while the Gromble entered the classroom. Surely the Headmaster would put a stop to this nonsense!
But no! The Gromble actually listened to Ickis' claims that he had learned enough to quit school, and encouraged the little fluff-head to pack his bags and leave as soon as the art show ended. Oblina was appalled at how easily Ickis had let fame go to his head, again, and was willing to abandon his friends, again.
"So you're going to be unveiled on the town square tomorrow?" Krumm asked.
"Yup. I'm a star." Ickis announced proudly.
"That's right Krumm. Grand Master Ickis is going to be very, very popular." Oblina sneered.
"Popular. What are you trying to say Oblina?" Ickis demanded to know.
"Nothing." Oblina hissed. Eventually it would dawn on him that a public unveiling meant that humans would have irrefutable proof that monsters existed, and panic would set in. THEN he would come crawling back begging for their assistance, and she would rise above her completely justifiable indignation and help Ickis.
Ickis fell asleep and imagined the consequences of his actions. This time when he tried to loom in front of a human, the small child was unimpressed, since he already owned a balloon that looked like cute, little Ickis. There were novelty monster nicknacks sold everywhere, and his replicas sold for .99 a piece. He wasn't even worth a single scrap of green paper! One of the gadgets winked at him. Ickis then crossed a tongue bridge along with Dizzle only for their path to disappear under their feet, and they fall down into the abyss.
"AHHH! We gotta get that statue!" Ickis screech upon waking up. Oblina breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that one of Ickis' bizarre fantasies was working in her favor for a change.
When they got to the human's workshop, they found the statue was too heavy to budge. Ickis had done so many looms lately, he didn't have strength left in reserve. Oblina tried wrapping herself around one of the statues paws, while Krumm and Ickis pulled on her, but it was no use. Oblina tried to lecture Ickis on his recent behavior, but she made the mistake of using too many big words, and much of the effect was lost. Krumm noticed a truck driving away with the statue, and they raced to catch up with it. Oblina tried to help Ickis into the truckbed, since he'd already exhausted himself earlier. Instead, all 3 monsters got tangled together and fell out of the truck. Of course, this was ALL Ickis' fault, but at least he came up with a plan for who they'd work together to frighten the humans and destroy the statue.
They ambled their way to the town square, where the mayor was addressing the crowd. They rolled over to the grandstand, where the artist was about to present their work. Ickis tried another loom, while Oblina and Krumm stretched their bodies as far as they were able. The end result terrified the humans, and had the added benefit of helping the monsters break free of their entanglement. As the crowd dispersed, the irate sculptor began taking apart his own work, dismissing it as "nothing but a cute little bunny rabbit."
That remark was enough to get Ickis' hackles up, and he would have spent all his remaining energy looming at the guy, if his friends hadn't dragged him back to the sanctity of the dump. Ickis begged the Gromble to be merciful, and the Headmaster consented to let him back to class, although he confessed to having given Ickis' seat to a new student (which was only a cardboard copy of the new Ickis/Oblina/Krumm chimera.) Ickis screamed and raced back outdoors, hoping to find the artist responsible and put a stop to this madness.
By the time they finally returned to the dump, safe and secure once more, Dizzle had moved on to her next squish, Frunk, whose ooze was so slippery it had caused a 3 car pile-up along the Grand Central Parkway. Ickis groaned. Why couldn't that have been a nightmare, too?
"You didn't have to do that." Ickis told her.
Oblina glared at him. "Excuse me? Did you WANT to be stuck in that theme park, super-glued to that sticky mat? Have you any idea of the things I go through on a regular basis, just to keep you reasonably safe and secure?" she huffed.
"I know. And you don't have to do any of it. Most monsters wouldna stuck by me as long as you have. You stopped me from getting plastic surgery, you were the only one who didn't freak out when I was combusting, you helped get rid of those stupid Fear statues, and you saved me AGAIN today, even though I poached your scare to begin with. I was just trying to say sorry, that's all." Ickis apologized.
"Oh. My mistake, I- I thought you were going to try shifting the blame." Oblina admitted. "Apology accepted. Just try and stay out of trouble for the rest of the day or longer if you can manage it."
Ickis nodded, as he took one last look around the theme park. "Hey, there's some cotton candy in the trash! You ate some of that stuff once, what was it like?" he asked excitedly.
"A little bit like being punched in the face. Would you care for a demonstration?" Oblina snapped.
"Shutting up now." Ickis hastily replied.
Oblina was just walking around the dump, minding her own business. She wasn't patrolling for Ickis, who was in danger of breaking curfew for the third time that week. No, she simply felt like taking a stroll in the general vicinity he was known to sometimes occupy. She didn't expect to hear human music coming from over the hill. Maybe that bald, homeless man had salvaged a record player, or those 2 sanitation workers where having a party of some sort. That appealed to her, she was always up for a scare. Oblina ran towards the source and jumped out at what she assumed would be a crowd of humans, grabbing and thrusting out her insides.
Ickis recoiled and nearly dropped his instrument. "Wha- whaddya doing here?" he exclaimed, fumbling with the harmonica. "In another 5 minutes, you'll have broken the Gromble's rule about staying out too late!"
"I could say the same thing about you!" Oblina retorted. "Why are you out here at night, and how do you make those eerie noises?"
"I didn't make them, the mouth harp did." Ickis clarified. "Mr. Robinson gave it to me, so I thought I could keep it. I keep everything that's important."
"Hoarding is a dangerous habit of obsessive-compulsives, and one of the lead indicators of psychological problems." Oblina informed him.
Ickis shrugged. "Like that's ever stopped me before." he stubbornly opined.
"Go back to the dorm, Ickis." Oblina instructed.
"Not until I finish this set. You can go tattle to the Gromble all you want, I'll find a way to keep doing this." Ickis persisted.
Oblina glared at him, but he wouldn't look away. She sighed. "You have 5 minutes left. What can you do in that time?" she wondered.
"I can perform this song by Billy Ocean." Ickis offered.
Oblina smiled encouragingly. "Let's hear it." she allowed. Ickis played the introduction on his harmonica.
"Sometimes I wonder by the look in your eyes
When I'm standing beside you
There's a fever burning deep inside
Is there another in your memory?
Do you think of that someone
When you hear that special melody
I always stop and think of you especially
when the words of a love song touch the very heart of me..." Ickis sang with a deep and soulful timbre.
Her first real date was something to brag about. Krumm wasn't anything like Gludge. True, they were both hairy and hideous, but Krumm actually listened to her and helped out with the scares at the amusement park. It was only natural that she'd want to tell Ickis all about it.
"Icky, it was truly terrifying! Krumm and I had the BEST time. First we frightened everyone on the roller coaster, admittedly they were somewhat tense to begin with, but WE gave them that little shove into complete and utter horror!" she boasted. Ickis nodded respectfully.
"Yeah, that was great. And then we when to the bumper cars, remember when you pretended to be one of the poles, Oblina?" Krumm recalled.
"I was feeling so inspired, it must have been the company I keep." Oblina laughed. "What about when you rolled your eye into that Skee-Ball machine?"
"There were quarters flying everywhere!" Krumm noted happily. "You'd have liked all the blinking lights Ickis, and the yummy paper tickets that popped out of the machine!" Again, Ickis nodded.
"But no evening could be complete without riding the Ferris wheel!" Oblina remembered.
"I had my eyes closed for that one." confessed Krumm. "But Oblina was amazing, really at the top of her game, I could hear the humans screaming all around me."
"I carried your eyes Krummy, so you would feel like you were part of the scare." Oblina told him. "Juggling them was rather enjoyable."
"You can borrow 'em anytime, if you want to practice." Krumm offered.
"Thank you, Krumm. That's very kind. Ickis, did you know they have a mini-golf course, right next to the thrill rides? That was our final stop." Oblina revealed.
"You should go there sometime, Ickis. It's just -built- for scaring. Oblina disguised herself as one of the clubs, and we used my eyes as golfballs." detailed Krumm. Ickis nodded, very slowly.
"That windmill will NEVER be the same!" Oblina concluded breathlessly. "But enough about US. How was -your- evening, Icky?"
Ickis' ears drooped slightly. "Nothing much, stayed down in the dumps mostly. I- I don't feel so great." he admitted as he averted his gaze.
"You do look a little blue. Get some sleep, I'm sure you'll be over it soon enough." she gently advised.
Ickis pulled the blankets over his face. "Wouldn't count on it." he muttered.
Oblina thought she could always tell when Ickis had a bad idea. It rattled her to be proven wrong for the first time. She'd trailed him all across the South End, wondering just WHEN he was going to try scaring a human. He seemed totally oblivious to the puffs of frosty air that were coming out of his mouth (instead of the usual 'It's freezing. Why can't the outdoors have a temperature control setting?' rants he often subjected her to during winter.)
"Ickis, you have to complete your scare SOMETIME tonight! We'll go back to Battery Park, if we must! I don't care!" she snapped. "I can only go with you so far, and no further!"
Ickis' eyes lit up. "There, this is perfect!" he declared.
"I hope you're happy now! What possible scare could you have planned way out here?" demanded Oblina.
"I think I'll try defying gravity." Ickis announced dramatically. "And YOU can't pull me down!"
She stared at him with a mixture of surprise and exasperation. "Are you not being presumptuous? I have not even given you my list of perfectly logical objections yet!" she snapped.
"But you DO object!" Ickis countered. "Why? Oblina, come with me. Think of what we could do together! Unlimited... together we're unlimited!"
She shook her head. "I'm sorry Ickis but I am NOT crazy. Crazy bunny!" she lectured. Oblina watched him climb up the fire escape and survey the city below. "ICKIS, get down here!" Oblina hollered. He took a deep breath, and leaped. "Not THAT way! Ickis, nooo!" Oblina knew he didn't have the innate pouncing ability to pull off such a scare. Did he still think he could just inherit every skill from a parent, and never have to work for anything? She'd never have guessed what he really intended to do. After free-falling for several feet, Ickis' eyes filled with blood and he began to loom. He tucked his body into a crouching position to protect from the force of impact. By the time he landed on the sidewalk he'd grown to an immense height and he managed to balance his weight carefully enough to avoid any injuries from the fall.
"RAWWGRAAARRG!" he roared, shocking all the tenants who had the misfortune of looking at the enormous bloated bunny with massive fangs.
Oblina goggled at him. She couldn't remember the last time she'd ever been so impressed by one of Ickis' stunts. "What is this feeling?" she whispered. "Fervid as a flame, does it have a name?"
She hadn't planned on allowing Ickis a 'pity date' that Valentine's but when Krumm had the audacity to arrange a 'backup' date with Horrifica, she changed her mind. It helped that Ickis had been a lot more subdued than usual in the week leading up to it, evidently still smarting from the loss of his pets. Oblina knew the Gromble couldn't let his Academy became a crass menagerie, and she HAD tried to warn Ickis against the concept in the first place, but he hadn't listened. At least he was following her advice now about obeying rules, by remaining quiet and unobtrusive during class, eating the bare minimum off his plate, doing a series of apathetic looms (most of which involved strolling right up to the chosen human, growling briefly, and changing size, all with a dull, unaffected expression on his face), then staring at the Monster Manual every night. He couldn't be -reading- the book, since he never bothered to turn the page, but it was less obnoxious or harmful than his usual brand of antics. And yet, she found herself missing the old Ickis more than she wanted to admit.
"Icky, Krumm and I have agreed that we should try seeing other monsters. He's going to the Gorblat Lanes with Horrifica, and while everyone I've ever spoken to strongly discourages dating on the rebound..." she began.
Ickis' ears pricked up for the first time in days. "You'll do it anyway? Yeeesss, the sadness gambit paid off!" he cheered.
"What? How much of that was a gambit?!" Oblina demanded.
"1/4. The Monster Manual never used to be that engrossing." admitted Ickis.
"Then why were you staring at it every night?" she snapped.
"I hollowed out some of the pages, and hid your present in there." Ickis explained. "It's lipstick, Bradley says his Mom wears it for special events. I traded him a sparkplug for it, when I went over to pet his meow-and-scratch, Whiskers, who doesn't get along with other pets or I woulda took the kittens over there. You wanna try it out?"
Oblina picked up the lipstick gingerly. "It's a very pastel color." Oblina noted.
"I wanted a softer shade, to compliment your um... forcefulness." he mumbled.
"Ha! If I were a 'forceful' girl, I would behave more like this!" she picked up Ickis and kissed him firmly on the forehead.
He beamed. "Not bad, but next time you should set your sights a little lower." Ickis cheekily informed her.
She swatted him playfully. "You're already beneath me." she stated.
"Wait'll I loom for you." Ickis promised. "We'll go scaring, an' I'll serenade you by the bay, an' then I'll show how to catch lightning bugs an' hold them in your mouth until your teeth light up!"
"So you've got this whole evening planned out?" Oblina inquired.
"Not entirely. I left room to improvise." Ickis claimed. He shot her a wink as they left the dorm, paws linked together.
Oblina sighed. This wasn't the first time she was disappointed in her parents, far from it! But she still wasn't prepared for how much it hurt when they skipped her graduation. She was the class valedictorian, she should have been the envy of all, with the largest cheering section in the entire auditorium. The only monster she had rooting for her was Lugo, her very excellent butler (and he was honest enough to say that Dada sent his regrets, it would never register with Mumsy how important a day this was for her.) As far as classmates went, the only other monster who wasn't surrounded by a crowd of adoring relatives was Ickis, who had struggled all afternoon to catch even a glimpse of the Great Slickis, who had been immediately accosted by 'groupies' at the very start of the ceremony. She spotted Ickis by one of the concession stands, holding a phlegmonade in one paw, while the other was tucked behind his back.
"Hey Miss Valedictorian! Great speech Oblina, you always had a knack for those." Ickis called to her.
"Thank you, but it's just a matter of applying oneself." insisted Oblina. "Every monster worked very hard for this day. We're all proud of you, Icky."
"Yeah, those were real tears of joy rolling down the Gromble's face." Ickis remarked. "Heh. Wait'll he hears I got accepted to Teacher's College, he'll blow a head gasket!"
"Don't sell yourself short. The Gromble knows there's more to you than there appears." claimed Oblina.
"I keep hoping monsters would realize that. Um... now is probly the best chance I'll ever have, so here's your present, hope you like it!" he handed Oblina an elaborately folded card that looked just like her.
"Oh Icky, I'm not THAT repulsive." she protested.
"Sure you are! Go on, try to pull the guts out, that's how you open the card!" Ickis urged.
Oblina gave a little tug. 'Dear Oblina. You are the smartest, bravest, hebopply-est girl I've ever known. Congratulations on being tops in class. You're probly looking for your next challenge already. Why don't you try marrying me? I bet you'd be great at that. Love, Ickis' There was a brass fastener attached to the card, just big enough to encircle her finger. She looked at Ickis, who was smiling nervously. Then she picked up the fastener and tried it on. "That does sound wonderful." Oblina admitted.
"Trust me, it's fun!" Ickis replied as he held out his paw. She took it without a moment's hesistation.
~~~The End.
Author's Note: Sometimes it's about the journey more than the destination. Sometimes it's just about a little monster shaking his groove thing because she finally, finally told him what he wanted to hear. Happy Valentine's to everyone, and may you never give up on love. This one's for you, Reuben! You'll always be my better half. Reviews are appreciated.