I sit by the fire now, deep in the wilderness in search of Merry and Pippin with the
two remaining members of the Fellowship. But this quest; this journey...I am changed
somehow. Something in me is different than before. Well a lot of things, really.
But oh, how I miss my home beneath the Mountains! Sometimes I find myself thinking about
the Mines of Moria; the home of my Fathers. I keep seeing the image of Balin's tomb
in my mind. Over and over again, I see the rotted bones of my people lying forsaken
on that cold surface. The Mines had been so beautiful once, everything perfectly chiseled
and carved; the Hall's columns rising higher and higher in the sheer beauty of our
workmanship. Sometimes I can almost feel my hand against the marble floor of the
Great Hall. The others, they help take away the pain sometimes.
The Hobbits, for example. Merry and Pippin always fumbling about, badgering me; but I love them all the same. If something were to happen to those two and we came too late, I don't know what would become of me... They always had a smile on their face, and that helped me, even if they never knew it. In fact, a lot of people don't know how much they help me through hardships. It's because I always hide my feelings behind that damned grim and expressionless facade. I cringe on the inside every time I force myself to wear it. There's a time and a place we all hide behind; an alternate face. Is not everyone guilty of this?
Boromir was guilty of it, as well as I. He was a proud man, putting forth all his trust in his homeland. I don't doubt his courage and dedication; those qualities, I know, were genuine. His heart was not full, though. I could see past him; his eyes gave it all away. He yearns for something more than combat; as does Aragorn. But Aragorn longs for something long past while Boromir longs for something that has yet to happen.
The Ringbearer; Frodo carries a burden I could never really comprehend, no matter how hard I tried. His is the choice of Drahlomë: to lose himself for the sake of the world, or to lose the world for the sake of himself. I remember when my Father first told me the story of Drahlomë. A mere children's tale, I know; but the memory struck me when I first saw the constant distress that Frodo carries with him. Frodo couldn't possibly find it in him to do the latter, so ofcourse he would surrender himself to the evil and spare the rest of us. That is what drove him to leave the Fellowship at Amon Hen; that is what will drive him on; and in the end, that is what will drive him to victory. And Sam, bless his heart, will drive him to insanity! Ha! That little Hobbit is a handful, but I miss him; both of them.
Ah! And then there is Legolas... At first meeting in Rivendell, I thought he would be the end of me on this quest. But along the line somewhere, he broke down the barrier that kept my feelings in a tall citadel within me. I couldn't hide from him anymore. Before this blasted quest, I was as hard as stone; such is the way of my people. But now it's as if that elf has softened me, and the once unbreakable stone of my spirit has been cracked and water is seeping through. I know not whether this is for the better or for the worse; but if it brings us closer it must be good. For he is the most cherished of all the Fellowship to me. Ever since Lorien, sense has been knocked into me...or knocked out of me. Either way, Legolas is close to my heart, and if I ever lost him like Boromir I doubt I would ever be the same. Infact, I know I would never be the same. I'd hate to admit it; for if I did, it would show that my Dwarven hardness has truly been cracked... but I hold that elf closer to my heart than anyone who ever came before him. He is a companion... and a friend.
I believe I have finally achieved the equilibrium among the rest of the Fellowship I had hoped for. The taller of the members, Boromir and Aragorn and the rest; I had always wanted them to see that I was no different, that my height made me no weaker and no less of an asset to the quest than they. I didn't want them to think any less of me as they would another Man. But Legolas has shown me that this sense of equilibrium between us existed in his mind all along. Befriending me as he has done shows that he harbors a certain level of respect and kinship for me, and when I feel distress come over me, this thought always seems to comfort me.
I still remember when Aragorn spoke to Legolas and I after Boromir's departure:
"Gimli...we need you. You have an endurance that will prove vital to our journey. Have we not been together for so long that we would abandon each other now? Nay, I dare say not."
My victory had been reached; I was their equal, though I suppose it had been so all along. They had accepted me as one of their companions long ago, their equals in strength and will. I just wanted to hear it with my own ears; hearing it would lay my mind to rest. I just hope to the Valar we don't get to those poor Hobbits too late.
The Hobbits, for example. Merry and Pippin always fumbling about, badgering me; but I love them all the same. If something were to happen to those two and we came too late, I don't know what would become of me... They always had a smile on their face, and that helped me, even if they never knew it. In fact, a lot of people don't know how much they help me through hardships. It's because I always hide my feelings behind that damned grim and expressionless facade. I cringe on the inside every time I force myself to wear it. There's a time and a place we all hide behind; an alternate face. Is not everyone guilty of this?
Boromir was guilty of it, as well as I. He was a proud man, putting forth all his trust in his homeland. I don't doubt his courage and dedication; those qualities, I know, were genuine. His heart was not full, though. I could see past him; his eyes gave it all away. He yearns for something more than combat; as does Aragorn. But Aragorn longs for something long past while Boromir longs for something that has yet to happen.
The Ringbearer; Frodo carries a burden I could never really comprehend, no matter how hard I tried. His is the choice of Drahlomë: to lose himself for the sake of the world, or to lose the world for the sake of himself. I remember when my Father first told me the story of Drahlomë. A mere children's tale, I know; but the memory struck me when I first saw the constant distress that Frodo carries with him. Frodo couldn't possibly find it in him to do the latter, so ofcourse he would surrender himself to the evil and spare the rest of us. That is what drove him to leave the Fellowship at Amon Hen; that is what will drive him on; and in the end, that is what will drive him to victory. And Sam, bless his heart, will drive him to insanity! Ha! That little Hobbit is a handful, but I miss him; both of them.
Ah! And then there is Legolas... At first meeting in Rivendell, I thought he would be the end of me on this quest. But along the line somewhere, he broke down the barrier that kept my feelings in a tall citadel within me. I couldn't hide from him anymore. Before this blasted quest, I was as hard as stone; such is the way of my people. But now it's as if that elf has softened me, and the once unbreakable stone of my spirit has been cracked and water is seeping through. I know not whether this is for the better or for the worse; but if it brings us closer it must be good. For he is the most cherished of all the Fellowship to me. Ever since Lorien, sense has been knocked into me...or knocked out of me. Either way, Legolas is close to my heart, and if I ever lost him like Boromir I doubt I would ever be the same. Infact, I know I would never be the same. I'd hate to admit it; for if I did, it would show that my Dwarven hardness has truly been cracked... but I hold that elf closer to my heart than anyone who ever came before him. He is a companion... and a friend.
I believe I have finally achieved the equilibrium among the rest of the Fellowship I had hoped for. The taller of the members, Boromir and Aragorn and the rest; I had always wanted them to see that I was no different, that my height made me no weaker and no less of an asset to the quest than they. I didn't want them to think any less of me as they would another Man. But Legolas has shown me that this sense of equilibrium between us existed in his mind all along. Befriending me as he has done shows that he harbors a certain level of respect and kinship for me, and when I feel distress come over me, this thought always seems to comfort me.
I still remember when Aragorn spoke to Legolas and I after Boromir's departure:
"Gimli...we need you. You have an endurance that will prove vital to our journey. Have we not been together for so long that we would abandon each other now? Nay, I dare say not."
My victory had been reached; I was their equal, though I suppose it had been so all along. They had accepted me as one of their companions long ago, their equals in strength and will. I just wanted to hear it with my own ears; hearing it would lay my mind to rest. I just hope to the Valar we don't get to those poor Hobbits too late.