One breath. Breath doctor. Don't stop. Not yet. You're not finished and the universe and you will probably never be. You're not like your friends and enemies you don't have the luxury of letting go completely. One part of you as small as it might be, it will always hold on and never let go. Not this life not the one before that and not the ones yet to come. You're going to take your last breath when the universe collapses and the stars blaze and burn until there is nothing left. Only time itself and you. That's how it's going to end that's how it must be. The Doctor and the universe an endless journey through time and space that will only stop when one of those two things crease to exist.
I know that you want it to stop. Sometimes it gets to much. One Timelord, the universe and a blue box. The only story that never ends. That can never end without destroying the balance in existence itself. I know that you think you can't go on, that it has to stop, that you're broken beyond repair without any hope for healing. But I know you. You will never give up as long as there is one person, one single person left that it is worth fighting, living for. Those special people will find you as long as you are. The universe sends them to you to keep you fighting, to make sure that it's doctor will be able to tend to his most important patient.
Of course it's cruel. I can see how you suffer and I hear your silent screams. I can see your tears. Even the ones you're trying to hide. A hug is just a way to hide your face you say. But this doesn't work with me. I see you doctor. I can understand you and I believe in you. I believe in you.
You are my saviour . I trust you blindly and without judging. I let you do what you think is right. What you do is who you are and you are a good man. I know that you doubt that sometimes but just look at your companions, your friends, your family. They've travelled with you through all of time and space they've seen it's birth and saw it end before watching you creating it anew. They saw every part, every mood of the universe and during that time they were able to see every bit, every thing you are and that made you, as well.
You like to think that they don't see you. That they barely see your outer shell, the strong and independent Timelord. But that is not why they stay. Your companions stay because you need them. They might not know it or acknowledge it but that's the way it is and how it always will be. Those people saw you suffer and die just because it's the kind thing to do. You laughed with them, cried and wept for them and they know it. Deep in their hearts they know that you are a good person.
You know a good person is not someone who does everything right, who safes the day and never causes any pain. A good person is someone who does everything in his power to achieve those things and although it isn't possible to ever reach that goal, you try. Over and over you try and you fail. But you see, in a game that you can't win, why are you sad about losing? Shouldn't you celebrate every time you get a bit closer, you take another step towards the game's end? Shouldn't every small victory be honoured when you fight a battle that you can never truly win?
You are a good man. You are the best man I know. Simply because you keep on trying to be one. You can't believe that can you? You think of all the people you lost. The people, the species you wronged and hurt. You think of the hateful names that people have given you in fear of your power.
But think of all the people you made happy. Think of all the people that love you with every cell of there body. The people that trust you blind. Take your wife as an example. Now what's with the painful expression? River would be devastated if you connected her name, your time together only to the pain it bought you.
River loved you, probably still does somewhere in the biggest library in the world. Think of her smug smile when you messed up and she had to safe you. Her heartfelt laughter when you told another one of your stories or the loving graze with which she'd look right into your soul and touch your hearts with her warmth and compassion.
That woman never wanted to do anything but make you happy while still being her own person. You might blame yourself for destroying her life before it even began and chaining her to you before she was even born. But it wasn't you that took a normal life away from her. It wasn't you that hurt her and it wasn't you that killed her. You know that River was a strong, independent woman that made her own decisions and even though you were the love of her life you never were her life. River died the way she lived. In love with you but not controlled by you. It is not your fault.
The same thing happened to Clara. She decided on her own and you should remember her for her smile, her big eyes and teasing behaviour. Not for the guilt her name makes you feel. Think about all the good things. They outweigh the bad things, don't they?
So as you sit here, alone and in the dark with sorrow and grief consuming your thoughts hear my words and then listen to the other voices telling you: You are loved! You can love! And you were and always will be loved!
Even if your loved ones are dead their love, their memories, their stories live with you. You got to live to keep them alive. You have got to live to safe the universe with that love. You know the universe will always need saving. And I know that as well. Because I am the one that needs your saving. I am your biggest and oldest patient, doctor. I am the universe and I want to say on behalf of everything that I am, " Thank you!"