Ok, I wrote this because I was bored and there was nothing else to write about. Flames are very welcome.
Not another Sequel!
At the emperor's funeral…
Everyone stood, weeping at their fallen leader. How could this have happened? One soldier stood at the podium.
Soldier (at podium): Well, I have never known him very well, but I have always thought of him as my father-
Soldier#1: I thought you said you didn't know him very well.
Soldier: SHUT UP! (Silence) Well, anyways, I think that he was more than a leader to us all. Everyone knew him like family, right?
Soldier#2: I didn't!
Soldier: Security, get that guy and throw him out the air lock! (Security with jet packs grab a guy and stuff him through the air lock. Then they hit the "open switch". A scream of terror is heard behind the doors.) Okay, that was the wrong guy, but you all get the point.
(Suddenly, the casket opens and an eerie light shines from it. The body of the emperor rises and lands softly on the ground.)
Emperor: I…am…
Soldier#3: Half-naked, waist up? Boy, do you look ugly as hell!
(The Emperor fries Soldier #3's body with his force lightning. He stands up to the podium.)
Emperor: My soldiers, I have been revived and now am ready to take revenge on the rebels who dared to destroy my empire. But first, we must reinforce our armies in order to crush them in our iron grip of doom. Who's with me on this! (Silence. The emperor gets ready for his lightning, but then everyone starts cheering.) That's better.
The Rebel Base
Luke Skywalker is meditating in his room, floating in the air using the force. Suddenly, he sees a vision. A horrible vision, a vision that would leave the bravest man pissing his pants. Yes, it was a vision of…
Luke: CHICKENS! (C-3PO enters)
C-3PO: Sir, what is wrong?
Luke: THE CHICKENS; THE CHICKENS ARE GOING TO GET US! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
C-3PO: Uh, sir, have you been smoking tobacco again?
Luke: Of course not! (Hides a bag full of tobacco leaves behind his back)
C-3PO: Ok, Master Luke, that's enough tobacco. Give me the ba-
Luke: CHICKENS!
C-3PO: What on Earth are you talking about!
Leia: (Enters the room) What the hell is all this racket! Can't you see I need my beauty sleep to look like some gaudy queen!
C-3PO: Princess Leia, Master Luke has been smoking again.
Leia: Luke, give me the damn bag! I don't care if you have a vision of doom or whatever; you are going back to the insane asylum!
Luke: But, baby…
Leia: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME BABY AGAIN!
Luke: Whatever, babe.
(Leia beats up Luke with one of C-3PO's arms.)
Leia: Now, I want you to tell me why you have been screaming about chickens in a slow…quiet…manner.
Luke: Okay. (Takes a deep breath) The Emperor is going to take over the galaxy with giant chickens from the planet of Chickenland.
Leia: That's it, give me the leaves crap.
Luke: But bab- uhh, I mean Leia, it helps me-
(At that moment, an explosion is heard.)
Leia: What the hell was that! (Runs to the location of the explosion. When she gets there, she sees five-foot chickens with machine guns.)
Luke: Now do you believe me!
Leia: SHUT UP! (Leia grabs her blaster and gets behind a wall. The chickens then get into position and start firing. Bullets fly everywhere. Lasers start shooting down the chickens. Chickens shoot down rebel soldiers and throw an egg grenade at them, which explodes with egg shell shrapnel.)
Rebel soldier: Your Highness, we're outnumbered! We can't win!
(The Emperor enters)
Emperor: Ha ha ha. You are powerless against my new chicken soldiers. Prepare to die!
To Be Continued… Well……. Not really.
Emperor: Prepare to die!
KABOOM!
Emperor: What was that! (Sees something in the distance) Oh, no! It's my archrival. It's, it's…
(Blocks of cheese enter)
Emp: CHEEEESE!
Cheese Leader: Ok, men, destroy those chickens!
Cheese soldiers: YESSIR!
(The cheese soldiers beat the crap out of the chickens. The Cheese Leader kills the Emperor.)
Rebels: Hooray!