Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba.
I was sitting at my desk in my room, staring off into space, wondering why I had felt such peculiar waves, when she called and told me. It seems like an eternity ago now, but it was really just a few months ago.
I refuse to speak about it with her. I will not call back those horrible memories any more than necessary.
She is still there, near to him, too near to him, and I can't control it. If I speak out, she will be hurt in more ways than one. I am helpless to protect her.
IT ISN'T FAIR!
I want to scream that to the world, to him, but I can't, I can't, I can't...
It'll kill her. He'd go after her again, I'm sure. But, still...
It just isn't fair.
I love Tohru, there's no denying it. Her voice is that of an angel's, her face a gift from some deity or other, her body beautiful, and her personality...
No one can ever be half as good, as perfect, as she is.
It's no wonder that I love her.
She couldn't love me back, I know... She wouldn't shun me, but she would feel differently afterwards and...
I can't take that.
But I can take her presence, however rare and brief, and relish it.
But then I see it...
The scene plays before my eyes. I know what happened. I know what he did to her. He deserves nothing less than death for tainting such perfection with his evil...
I delve into her mind by mistake, and I see it. All of it. Playing over and over again. Her smile is fake now. What a beautiful smile she had...
I felt something was wrong with his aura, I sensed it. I hated him on sight, though I don't usually prejudge people. He felt... Wrong, and dirty, and evil. His waves were dark, clouded.
I kept silent. It wasn't my place to speak out. At the time, they were in love to all others. I assumed I was just jealous of him. Everyone else thought he was wonderful, funny even. Uo thought so too, laughing...
Oh, why didn't I just tell her? Now the guilt is ripping my soul to shreds, begging for forgiveness that I will never, can never ask for.
I could never willingly bring back that memory.
That monster raped her.
A monster, yes, what else could such a thing be called? His name was a lie, a deception. Only creatures with decent hearts and souls are worthy of being named.
He deserves to die.
But, no, I can't. I can't fry his brains out of his skull as I long to do so badly. I can't ask Uo to bash him to bits, break him apart, let me reach into his pooling blood to smear his heinous, sacrilegious crimes all over the walls.
She doesn't know.
Tohru told me first. Her trust in me was shocking. I didn't deserve it then and I still don't now.
I act alright, but inside I'm going insane. All I can ever think about is the unspoken crime committed against my angel. How could such a demon have been created, to go against the world's own living example that we could rise above our problems, we could live better, happier lives even though the world is constantly trying to bring us down. That we could see the good in everyone, everything, over the bad.
Condemn him to the darkest pit in the underworld!
I fear him, hate him, long for his death...
Still he lingers, even joking like all the others do about rape.
It isn't funny. It will never be funny. How can people joke about such a thing?
Calm down! It's not like anyone is ever really raped anyway!
Lies, all of it. They do get hurt like that. I zapped someone for joking about it, but Tohru asked me not to again. I cannot deny her. I would do anything she asked of me.
Even holding my tongue.
I cannot speak of this with anyone. No one else knows. I do not speak of it with Tohru. I could never do that.
But keeping my silence is driving me mad. My sanity is leaving more and more every second of every day.
But there is no way I could ever talk with anyone about this. They couldn't understand. I can. I understand myself well enough. I can tell it wasn't my fault that that monster did this to her with my brain, but my heart tells me I should've told her the moment I had a bad feeling.
May he never do this again. Please, God, look over Tohru. Watch over her. Her joy is dwindling... She's getting depressed... I fear that she...
That she might try to kill herself.
No, not Tohru... But she isn't Tohru any more. Now she's been tainted. Her light is half-and-half. She thinks less and less of herself. Her self-esteem is nearing nothing.
If she dies, I will join her.
After all, the moon cannot live without the sun.
I love her more than my life. Maybe, even if I go to the underworld, she will go where she truly belongs.
As heaven's highest angel.
My angel...
I want to cry, but people will ask questions...
Questions I can't answer.
The memory of what I saw in Tohru's thoughts plays again and again and again and...
SHUT UP! STOP IT!
I WANT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!!
The memory never stops, it's always there... I fail my classes in school. No matter, the make up tests are easier anyway.
The memory bothers me to no end, to be sure... But it must bother Tohru more. It happened to her. How can I feel self pity when faced with this?
I retreat into this world of crime in my mind, immersing myself in it's evil aura. I give in to the thoughts, no longer shoving them away. I imagine it in other ways, with other characters.
What if it had happened to me instead?
That would've been better. Tohru would be okay again, and...
No, no, don't think about yourself, Hana! Think about Tohru... Like always. It wouldn't matter if it happened to me... No one would know or I'd be dead. No matter.
I'm not as strong as Tohru. I couldn't live through something like that.
All night long I turn it over in my head. Only Tohru notices the bags that are forming under my eyes from little or no sleep over the past few weeks... Or are they months now? I mull it over again.
And again.
And again.
And again...
Once more, just once more and maybe I'll figure it out...
Why her? Why my precious angel Tohru?
WHY?!
It isn't fair, nothing is...
Again, again, maybe if I think it over again I can figure it out...
All I need is one more time...
Maybe another, but no more...
Wait, wait, that makes no sense, gotta ask again...
So I continue like this... Knowing, someday, I will snap and kill him before killing myself, and what scares me the most is...
I'm looking forward to it.
Condemn that monster of a human to the underworld. Let Kyo never see sunshine again.
After all, he stole mine from me, didn't he?
Owari
Sorry, I had to type that. I know I say I'll answer any question that you ask, but in this case... I may have to withhold some things.
Review, please?
Should I have a second chapter, maybe?