Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion. I wouldn't even want it if I could have it. The album title "In Between Dreams" belongs to Jack Johnson.

In Between Dreams
By: Nanaki BH

She didn't breathe or move. He gripped her throat violently, teeth clenched tight. Somehow, the unfathomable had happened. He'd only wanted his own death… yet everyone else had died for him. He sat alone with her there, surrounded by the oceans of blood, tears falling unwillingly from his cheeks. All he'd wanted was his own death…

Shinji woke late at night, startled out of his sleep by the sound of thunder. The world around him was frighteningly clear. Within seconds of opening his eyes, Shinji's mind was flooded by recent memories of horror and anguish that he couldn't seem to shake away. Inside, he knew something was terribly wrong. His breath quickened and he sat up on his futon, looking around wildly. When he was sure his heart was just about ready to burst from its cage, he let out an ear splitting scream. He sat there for a moment, legs pulled up close to his body, hands clutched tightly in his hair. In the back of his mind he was almost thankful for the unnerving quiet of the room.

He heard footsteps rapidly thudding down the hallway to his room. There, in his doorway, stood Asuka, clad in her familiar baggy shirt and small shorts. "Shinji!" She hollered in a whispered voice. "What happened? God, wake me up will you!"

He let his hands fall from his hair to rest at his lap, but kept the rest of himself relatively still. For a while, he just sat there, trying to find the words to articulate what was going on inside of him, but he found nothing that would bring justice to the chaos. In fact, he could find no words at all, just sounds and feelings; memories. Eventually, his gaze fell to his hands… and noticed a single tear fall from his cheek to his palm.

"Shinji," she repeated, "what's wrong?" She came to his side, sitting next to him to rest a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. His face finally faltered, his lips quivering, teeth chattering together in fear.

"Asuka," he whispered. It seemed to be the only word that could come from his lips. "Asuka," he breathed again, trying desperately to tell her anything. He reached up and touched her cheek, surprised to find it warm and real. His hand slowly slid from her cheek to her neck where he lingered there briefly, remembering something in particular.

Asuka jerked away, smacking his hand. "Knock it off, you pervert!" She was blushing madly.

"No!" Shinji managed. "I… I just," he stopped, realizing that no matter what he said, it wouldn't make sense to him or her anyway. "Asuka, you're alive." He decided it was the best way to word what he meant. She felt so real to him… not like she did moments ago, lying cold and almost dead on the deserted and dying planet.

She scoffed, backing up. "What? Did you have a dream I died or something?" She sat awkwardly for a little. "That's okay, Shinji," she said, "I've had dreams like that." In her eyes he saw something familiar; the same thing he saw in her eyes when she talked about her mother.

"No," he said, "not a dream." He shook his head furiously, furrowing his eyebrows. "It couldn't have been a dream." Another tear slid down his cheek. "Asuka, if I was asleep, then I've been asleep my whole life!"

"What are you saying?" she asked him curiously.

"I'm saying," he said, gasping for air through his tears, "that I've… I don't know." He laid himself back down, putting an arm over his face in a feeble attempt to hide his tears. "You died… Misato died… my father, Kaworu, Rei, everyone!" The tears couldn't be held back any longer and he sobbed openly, shoulders shaking with every tremor.

She laid herself down next to his futon, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Shinji-kun," she whispered, "dreams are just dreams. I know. You were probably scared by the thunder. You woke me up from a really weird dream too. Spiders… blach!" Asuka put a hand on his arm, easing it away from his tear streaked face. "Listen, just go back to sleep."

"No… I can't," he said in a voice small. "I can't. Not now." He rolled over to look at her; seriously taking in her whole face. "Asuka, it just felt so real." For a brief moment, he closed his eyes as somewhat of a test. He counted to three, praying all the while, and then opened them to luckily see the world before him again. "But this must be real. You must be real… and me too, right?"

She nodded.

"Good. But I don't remember this. All I can remember is my dream." Suddenly he panicked inside, fearing that maybe he'd just jumped into another reality. Could this have been what Rei was talking about? No, he thought to himself, that can't possibly be. "Why are you here, Asuka?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"We're at the apartment, right?" he asked, trying his best to steady his shaky breathing. She nodded. "Alright, so what are you doing here? In my dream you were from Germany… and you stayed here with me."

Asuka laughed, sitting up. "Yeah, I am from Germany and I am staying here with you as a transfer student. Your father thought it would be good for you to have somebody else here with you."

"My father?" he asked, the familiar resentment rising in him once again.

She made a small sound of affirmation. "Yeah, idiot. Did this dream erase your memory or something?" She laughed again, punching him playfully on the arm. "No, it must just be late. He's out working for the government or something… I don't know exactly what he does because you've never bothered to tell me. He's never here though. I've never seen him but he talked with the teachers and told them I could stay with you."

Shinji looked up at her, really seeing her. It was weird. The room gradually felt more like home; something he hadn't felt in a while. "Thank you. I must sound really weird."

"No, it's okay," she said, leaning back with her palms on the floor. "I don't mind. I was finding it hard to sleep with the thunder as it was."

Shinji folded his arms behind his head and crossed his legs comfortably at the ankles. "So what about the others?"

"Like who?" she asked.

"Like Misato, Ayanami, and Kaworu. What about them? They were all in my… dream and they were very important." He felt something in his chest… that out of place feeling again. Silently, he begged the warm feeling to stay; not to leave him now when he'd just found it.

Asuka frowned, eyeing him warily. "This dream must have really messed you up. I guess they can do that sometimes… well, Misato's our teacher." She laughed again, poking him between the eyes. "She's not dead. Don't worry. Ayanami Rei is a new student, but who's Kaworu?"

He paled; understanding then what the fear was. "You… don't know him?"

She shrugged. "Doesn't really sound familiar… But we have some new kids at our school I don't know. What does he look like? Or was he a friend you know? Heaven knows you don't tell me much." Asuka watched him intently as he shifted uneasily on his small bed.

"He's just a little bit taller than me," he whispered, sounding like tears were threatening to enter his voice. "He's thin, has pale skin and light hair… and he smiles a lot. It's weird, Asuka," he said, staring at the wall. "I feel like I've just been somewhere else for a really long time, like this is real, but so was that. How long have we been in school this year?"

"Only for five days. Just enough to get us started," she said simply.

He wanted to believe her so much, but couldn't bring his heart to trust her. He rolled over and faced the window, finally closing his eyes for good. "I'm going to go to sleep. Make sure to wake me up in the morning."

Author's Notes: I didn't intend to make this multichapteral, but I can make it a two part thing, I guess. In good tradition of Evangelion, I'm not going to explain much. That's all you're getting from me – it was a dream. How the hell would I explain further plot in that show anyway? Well, tell me what you think. Kaworu+Shinji will be in the next chapter for you.