Rulebook of a Recluse

Rating: T (Subject to go down, but will likely remain the same)

Pairings: Nothing is set in stone yet, but don't read if you think you may be upset about a few peculiar couples here and there.

Summary: In a way, I've made my own world, with its own set of rules and regulations. My main rule? Don't open yourself to anyone. Not even to family. It can only hurt you in the end. It's my mantra, my way of life, my rulebook, and I am perfectly happy with it. So why are some people so adamant about tearing out the pages and replacing them? High School AU, human names, Kiku-centric, various genres.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia: Axis Powers.

Prologue

Tomorrow will be the day I finally enter my senior year of high school. It should be exciting; after all, it's the final year of high school and the seniors have so much to look forward to. But I can't bring myself to actually be excited. It seems to me that my little brother is more excited about me becoming a senior than I am myself. Then again, Yong-Soo always has been an… energetic person.

There are times when I find myself wishing that I was more like him; lively and friendly and not outwardly caring about what anyone thinks. All I would have to do is bounce around like a puppy and people would adore me like they do him. Yong-Soo has so many friends, more than I could count on my fingers. But I know some of them, and I hear the sharp, acidic remarks they make behind his back. Sometimes I wonder if he knows this, or if he really is as oblivious as he acts.

I suppose in the end I'm better off as a wallflower. It's lonely from time to time, but it's better than having "friends" who go behind your back and mock you. Besides, it gives me more time to focus on schoolwork. It's sad to say for a boy my age, but my education is what holds me together nowadays. And even though I put so much effort in doing my best, big brother Yao is always better. He can do everything right by doing nothing at all.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm not excited for senior year. Even if I do graduate, even if I am the valedictorian, even if I get a scholarship, it will mean nothing. I know that I will never be as good as big brother Yao. But there's no use dwelling on the fact, it is inevitable. Shikata ga nai, I suppose.

I am just Kiku Honda, a recluse who takes shelter in his cramped up room and makes a world for himself, with no perfect little Yaos or hyperactive Yong-Soos. And as lonely as you may think it is, I believe I am as happy as I can be.

I don't need someone to break my shell away or pull down my shield. I'm better off staying away from the world and out of everyone's way. In a way, I've made my own world, with its own set of rules and regulations. My main rule? Don't open yourself to anyone. Not even to family. It can only hurt you in the end. It's my mantra, my way of life, my rulebook, and I am perfectly happy with it. So why are some people so adamant about tearing out the pages and replacing them? It's as if they are trying to get me to open up, but don't want to actually give the effort to truly get to know me. People don't seem to understand that you can't fully know a person if you only spend eleven minutes of your time talking to them about the weather.

I know I don't deserve a friend anyways. It may be my nature to be polite to everyone and do what I am asked, but I'm not friend material in any way. I can be cold and distant, even if I don't intend to be. All of those whom I could possibly consider friends are no more than acquaintances I converse with when I absolutely must. I have never even seen any of them outside of school other than Vash and Lili, who happen to be my neighbors.

With or without friends, I'm still going to school tomorrow, and I still view it in the same apathetic way I always have. Because I know that when I walk into homeroom, I'll still be the quiet one in the corner of the classroom who gives everyone the cold shoulder. And I know that there's no way I or anyone else can change that.

Shikata ga nai – Japanese – It cannot be helped.

A/N: Er… you might have caught some possibly forced references to a song. Don't mind me, ha ha ha... Anyhow, on a serious note, this is my first story. And I'm not a great writer, but I really wanted to try out this plot because it's been haunting me every night when I sleep. Though, originally I had planned it to be a bit more lighthearted… Well, I don't think I can write angst too often, and I'll be including Yong-Soo a bit more in the next chapter, so it'll probably get a bit more humorous then. Anyways, this is an AU, and I'd like to know what you think of the characterization, because I'm not sure if I did it right. I've never written fanfiction before, so it's… difficult.

Ahem... Reviews are much appreciated, and don't be afraid to point out any grammatical/spelling mistakes, because I'm sure they're there. I need all the help I can get. Sorry for the long author's note...