Lincoln's Noir-Mare: Case of the Missing Dollies
This is a city. One where crime has overflowed like the river during the rainiest of days, and where mysteries are just waiting to be solved.
I'm what you might say, the city's best crime buster and mystery solver.
Detective Loud's the name, Lincoln Loud, a hard-boiled detective who isn't afraid of anything.
During a slow afternoon of business, as I was lounging around in my chair, reading the daily strips, a little girl in a frilly dress enters my office.
Folding the newspaper away, I ask, "What can I do for ya, miss?"
"Please help me! All my dollies are gone! Can you please find them for me, mister?" she cries, her floral hat in both hands, giving me puppy dog eyes.
"Hmm... I'll see what I can do, Miss..."
"Loud. Lola Loud," the little girl finishes.
"Alright, Miss Loud, don't you worry. I'll get your dolls back, if it's the last thing I do," I declare, accepting the case.
"Oh, thank you, mister!" Lola says, hugging me.
With that, I step out of my office building and into the outside world of downtown Royal Woods. First order of business, dropping by the malt shop to see my long-time associate, Clyde McBride.
After all, he's never lead me astray from cracking any cases in the past, so why would he, now?
Soon entering the establishment, I order a vanilla shake and head towards the booth where my partner usually is during a slow day.
"Hey, McBride, how are things going with ya?"
"Not much, really, Linc Loud."
"We've just got a new assignment on our hands. A Miss Lola Loud has had her dolls stolen, and I need your help to find out who was responsible," I say to him, sipping some of my beverage.
Clyde replies, "I'd like to, Linc, but I don't have any leads this time. Maybe you can go see if Lucy and Luna have any dirt. It's poetry night at the coffee shop down the street."
"Good thinking, McBride. They usually have the up-and-up on the little things that happen in town." I finish my shake and get up from the booth. "If you'll excuse me... I've got some sleuthing to attend to," I resume, exiting the malt shop.
Taking Clyde's advice, I headed for the Beat-Down Cafe, a local hangout for down, beat beatniks. After Lucy was done with her deep and insightful poem, with bongo accompaniment from her partner, Luna, I approach them backstage to query them about the whereabouts of Lola's marionettes.
"Sorry, dude, but we don't know anything at all. Our hands are completely clean," Luna claims.
"Why don't you try asking Leni at the flower shop? That's where most gossip in Royal Woods comes from. Maybe she knows something about those missing dolls," Lucy suggests.
"Alright, I'll go see what Leni knows," I sigh. Once again, I head to another part of town to ask the flower shop owner about Lola's missing dolls, to which she replies, "I wish I knew who would do such a thing, Mr. Loud. Sorry."
"Maybe you can ask the local auto repair girl, Lana. She totally owns a garage not too far from here. I bet, like, she might have an idea where you can find the doll-nappers."
Once I arrived at the young grease monkey's working quarters and asked her about the missing dolls, she says she doesn't know anything about that.
What would then follow after this confrontation is a seemingly endless stream of "I don't know"s and "Maybe you should"s from nearly every person in town.
After having asked every possible source I could think of, I was thinking about what to do next, until I hear a whistle coming from a nearby alleyway.
"Psst! Over here!" a feminine voice whispers. As I cautiously stepped into the dingy corridor, it turned out to be Loretta, Leni's twin sister, but she likes to be called Lori for short. I've frequently been bumping into her during the last several cases I was assigned.
"I know where the doll-nappers are hiding out. Here. This is their address," she states, handing me a folded slip of paper. "If you go there, you'll find the dolls and their captors. But if anyone asks, I never told you anything."
Following the directions to the doll-nappers' hideout, I look around to see that I'm in the darker part of town.
I come across the building the map lead me to, its door left slightly ajar.
Heading inside, I look around in the dim room and see an open bag full of dolls under the only present light, steadily making my way towards it.
All of a sudden, something poked me in the rear, and I discovered it was a tranquilizer dart.
As it was pumping a healthy dose of its sedative contents into my bloodstream, I fall to my knees and pass out on the floor.
Soon, I come to, only to discover I was now tied down to a wooden table. "Hey, girls. Look. He's finally awake..." a voice says from the shadows.
Five figures step out of the dark parts of the room and into the light underneath a dangling lamp.
The doll-nappers were none other than a gang of gunmolls, consisting of Carol Pingrey and her partners in crime: Belle Fox (alias Thicc QT), Whitney, Fiona, and Becky.
"Alright, you conniving thieves! Where are the dolls of Lola Loud?!" I exclaim.
"Oh, you mean these old things?" Belle replies, spilling the contents of the burlap sack in her hand.
"You see, Linky, we only took little Lola's dolls to use them as bait to lure you directly to our hideout. Basically, we wanted to capture a much more valuable prize... You," Carol explains.
Suffering from post traumatic stress, memories from long ago flash before my eyes, as Carol and the girls came closer and closer to me, with stares of feral predators.
They unzipped my trousers, unbuttoned my coat, and stripped me of my other articles of clothing. First, Fiona sat on top of my face, rubbing up and down, while Whitney had my wiener in my hand, rubbing the sides of my legs.
Then, Belle wrapped her chest around my shaft while Becky was exploring my mouth with her tongue. Next, Carol sucks me off, her palm cupped around my coconuts. For their grand finale, one by one, they mount me, their hands clutching my wood, as they slowly ease it into their special parts.
After my last load was forcefully shot into Carol, I hoped my captors were done now. Unfortunately for me, Carol notifies, "We're not quite done yet, Linky. We have one more member in our gang, and I think you might know her." I saw her turning to someone in the darkened part of the room. "Come on in!"
I saw a strange but familiar shadowy figure that resembled Loretta strutting around in the umbrage. I couldn't quite make out who it was, but when Carol asks, "Wanna have a turn?", the shadowy gunmoll replies with one word I knew all too well...
"Literally."
I turned pale and froze in place, as the shadowy figure comes closer and closer. Just as she came out of the dark and into the light, the last member of Carol's gunmoll gang, turns out to be someone I feared the most...
"Hiiiii-ya, Linky..."
*Thunderbolt*
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lincoln screams, as he shot up from his bed, followed by uncontrollable crying.
All at once Lincoln's sisters rush into his bedroom to see what was going on. "Lincoln, we literally heard you scream!" Lori said. "Is everything alright, Lil' Dude?" Luna asked.
"I had a really bad nightmare!" Lincoln said.
"By my calculations, this marks the 10th nightmare in a row that you've had." Lisa theorized. "Truly this nightmare must have been the scariest one yet." Lucy said. "And I've had good nightmares."
"What happened?" Lynn Sr. said as he and Rita entered the room. "Linky had another bad nightmare!" Leni said. "We heard him scream ever louder than last time!" Lynn said. "And he's crying!" Lola said, scared. "Is Lincoln going to be ok?"
Understanding Lincoln's sorrows, Rita tells the others, "All of you can go back to bed. I'll try to calm him down."
As everyone was about to go back to their bedrooms, Lincoln requests, "Can Lori stay, mom? I need to tell her about my dream. It's very important."
"You guys go back to bed." Lori instructs. "I'll tell you what Lincoln's nightmare was about in the morning."
As Lynn Sr. and the other Loud Sisters went back to bed, Rita and Lori sit down at the end of the bed, as they listen to how Lincoln's dream unfolded.
"Alright, honey." Rita said. "Tell us what happened this time in your nightmare."
Holding back some tears, Lincoln began describing his nightmare, "I wad a hard-boiled detective back in the 1940's, and was on a case to find Lola's missing dollies. I was instructed by someone to head to a building where Lola's dolls were being held in."
"But when I managed to find them, it turned out to be a trap, as I then got captured by Carol and her gunmoll gang! And they... they... they.. OH, IT WAS AWFUL!"
Lincoln started crying uncontrollably as Rita tried calming him down. Upon hearing what had happened in his dream, Lori realized Lincoln still hadn't gotten over Carol and her ex-friends, who had just raped him.
"Don't cry, honey." Rita said, hugging her son. "It was just another nightmare. I'm sure you'll get over it soon enough."
"But that wasn't the scariest part." Lincoln cried. "I saw that Carol, Belle, Fiona, Whitney and Fiona were joined by one more gunmoll..." "Who was it, Lincoln?" Lori asked. "Was it Dana?"
"No." Lincoln cried. "It was someone else." "What did she look like?" Lori wondered. "She looked a lot... like... you." Lincoln said, pointing right at Lori.
Hearing how the dream ended with someone who looked just like her, Lori was utterly confused.
"Wait... Are you saying the last gunmoll in your nightmare... looked a lot... like... me?" Lori asks him, to which he nods. "Yes!" Lincoln sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"
This made Lori feel a little bit uneasy. Could Lincoln's dream be just a nightmare... or some sort of premonition of something to come?
Whatever the case, Lori tells Lincoln, "Don't worry, little bro. I would literally never do anything like that to you. Besides, Carol and the others are still behind bars. There's literally no way they'll ever get close to you now."
Giving Lincoln a hug, she tells him, "As long as I'm around, Carol or her girls won't try anything to get their hands on you. So try not to think about those awful times with her anymore, OK?"
"Ok." Lincoln sniffled as he nodded. "Good night, lil' bro." Lori said.
As for Rita, Lincoln was still feeling scared and crying, so she tries to calm him down as best she could. "Lincoln, I don't know if you're too old for this, but..." Rita said, as she wrapped her arms around her son, embracing him in a cradling-like hug.
"Would you like me to sing you a lullaby to help you get back to sleep?" "I don't know, mom." Lincoln sniffled. "That nightmare I had was really bad. Could you maybe hum it to me instead?"
Hugging her son and swaying him slowly left and right, Rita began to hum an old lullaby for Lincoln, a lullaby that he remembered from when he was an infant. Eventually, as his mother held him close, Lincoln started to get drowsy. And soon enough, Lincoln lays back down on his pillow and drifts off to sleep.
"Good night, Lincoln." Rita says, stroking his white hair slowly and kissing his cheek. "Here's hoping for a sweeter dream."
With Lincoln safe and snug in his bed, Rita quietly left the room, closing the door slowly. And as Lincoln slept with a smile forming on his face, he knew that as long as his family was there to protect him, especially Lori, there's absolutely nothing that could take him away now.
Meanwhile...
In a juvenile detention center, somewhere in between Royal Woods and Great Lakes City, a certain blonde girl was putting the finishing touches to something she was writing.
"It's finished. The first phase of my plan is all ready to go." Carol said.
"It may have taken the last couple months to prepare, but once I get out, I'll finally one-up Lori once and for all."
"And this time, not only will she end up where I am, but she'll lose everything she loves and everyone who ever liked her."
She then turns a couple pages back to glance at a sketch of Lincoln she drew.
"And don't think I've forgotten about you, Lil' Linky... I'm saving you for later, once I've dealt with your sister..."
What could Carol's first phase to her plan of revenge be? What does she have in store for Lori and the rest of the Loud family, especially Lincoln?
Whatever may happen, a new story will unfold in...
"THE LOUD HOUSE: A CAROL OF REVENGE"