AN: This is a one-shot inspired by a song. But it's not a songfic. I hope you Enjoy!!!
Music playing, friends laughter, cold drinks....it had seemed like the perfect evening. Sakura had been smiling since Kakashi had come home and said they were going out. It was something they rarely did so she was bound and determined to enjoy every second of it. But she didn't need to see who walked through the door or even hear her name. She knew who it was the moment Kakashi removed his arm from behind her shoulder and leaned away from her.
She smiled through the pain she felt clenching at her heart. Too scared to say anything not wanting to start an argument with him. She did her best to focus on the conversation, knowing he was probably trying to do the same. But her eyes couldn't help but search for the woman who was ruining more than her perfect night.
Finally spotting her sitting at the bar, already flirting openly with the men on either side of her. Her beauty would catch the eye of any guy. And glancing at the man she loved, she could see that she still caught his. Though it didn't seem like he existed at all to her. Her smile faded as she averted her eyes to the half empty glass in front of her. They have been together now for ten months, even went as far as to live together. But after two years he still seemed to love her.
It seemed she really had no desire to smile or laugh with their friends now, she suddenly felt empty and alone. Apparently her change in behavior didn't go unnoticed. Because Asuma cleared his throat and asked her how she liked working at the hospital. Lifting her head she managed a smile saying "I love it!" What else could she say, she had taken the job after Kakashi convinced her they would be able to spend more time together if she quit doing missions. But neither of those statements were true.
"I'm pretty beat, I think I'm gonna head home." Kakashi whispered in her ear and moved away again as if being close to her was wrong. Again the pain struck her chest. She met his gaze and was about to say she would go with him. But that pained look hidden in his lone eye told her he wanted to be alone for awhile. And as if he read her mind he patted her thigh and told her "You stay and have fun."
All she could do was nod and smile as she watched him get up and say a short farewell to everyone. Turning, shoving his hands in his pockets and made quick for the exit. Was it really that painful for him to see her? She watched, her smile slowly fading, as he stopped at the door and glanced over his shoulder. But it wasn't her he was looking at. She felt the sting in the back of her eyes, but the tears remained unshed as she quickly flashed everyone another smile reassuring them that everything was fine, he just had a long day.
She could see the question in their eyes and prayed they would remain unspoken. She sipped her drink, reminding herself that this was why they didn't go out anymore. Then she realized everyone at the table was laughing again, she didn't know what about, still she forced herself to join in. It's all she could do, her gaze fell on the woman again, telling herself how stupid she was for letting her invade their relationship. She always seemed to be lingering in Kakashi's thoughts.
"He's a fool." Asuma whispered for her ears only.
Sakura gave a small laugh, but couldn't help but think that she was a fool just as much as he was. Who in their right mind would hang on to someone who was always looking at some else? Finishing her drink, she excused herself from the table. And before she knew it she was standing at the bar, only a man and a bar stool away from the woman. She knew everyone at the table was watching her, whispering, but she didn't care.
She ordered a drink and waited. Listening to her flirtatious words and laughter as the men bought her drink after drink, that for some reason she didn't seem to be drinking. Then finally the man got up, Sakura took a deep breath, holding her emotions in as she plastered a smile on her face. "Do you mind if I sit here?" She asked making sure she could hear it.
The woman turned and smiled. "Go ahead."
Sakura slipped onto the seat and was beginning to wonder what she was gonna do now. Did she just want to know what was special about the woman who held the heart of the one man she loved? Was she actually gonna get mad and tell her off? Sighing she took a sip and decided that maybe she should just go home and sleep on the couch. But the woman's voice rang in her ears.
"Do I know you?"
Sakura let out a small nervous laugh at the question. "Do I look familiar? I'm sure you've seen me around."
"Is that so." The woman stated not seeming to really care either way.
She couldn't believe this woman. "I know you've probably heard my name, but we've never been properly introduced." Sakura finally met the blue eyed gaze of the woman. "I'm the fool in love with the fool who's still in love with you."
She watched as the woman's face went from confused to thinking, then finally she seemed to remember. "I see." She turned back towards the bar and for the first time Sakura saw her take a drink.
"If you got a minute, I've got something to say." Sakura suddenly blurted. "It might sound crazy but last night in his sleep I heard him call out your name." The woman's gaze shot to Sakura with a look that she couldn't really decipher, but she seemed too happy for Sakura's liking. "This ain't the first time, he's done it before." She had to look away. "And it's hard to face the truth that he's still in love you."
She let out a strangled breath wondering why she was saying anything at all, but the words just came flowing out. "I know love is a fragile thing, and I'm trying hard to make it last. But it ain't easy holding on to my dream" She again met her gaze. "When he's holding onto the past."
It was as if everything around them disappeared and right now it was just the two of them, fighting the current of emotions. Sakura felt the sting in her eyes and took another drink before sliding off her stool. She stood there for a moment, feeling the woman's gaze on her back. She had no intention of yelling at this woman, what good would it do? But she had to say what she felt. "Just one more thing before I go. I'm not here to put you down. You don't love him and that's a fact." She glanced over her shoulder. "Girl I've seen you around." Feeling the trickle of a tear down her cheek she turned away. "But you hold his heart in the palm of your hand and it's breaking mine in two. Cause I'm the fool in love with the fool, who's still in love with you."
With her head held high and shoulders straight Sakura walked away and out of the bar. Regretting even talking to the woman as the tears came the minute she felt the cool night air on her face. She really was a fool. She felt worst now then when she did before. The woman had seemed almost thrilled to hear that Kakashi was still hung up on her. She wiped her tears as she repeatedly called herself the worlds' biggest idiot.
She didn't know how long she had been walking before she stood at their front door, but she made a decision in that time. She didn't want to go on hurting like this. A broken heart for losing him she could handle, but having to deal with the fact that he will never look at only her would slowly kill her day by day. Wiping at her cheeks again, making sure to remove the evidence of her tears, she unlocked the door and stepped into the darkness of their apartment.
The bedroom door was cracked and the dim light of the lamp on the night stand sent a streak of light across the floor of the living room. She didn't have to see the scene, she could already picture him asleep with his book laying out on his chest. She shook her head and let out a small laugh, like he would have really waited up for her.
Pushing open the bedroom door, it was just as she pictured. Wearing nothing but boxers, covers kicked to the foot of the bed. One hand still resting on the orange book on his chest. She had to smile at the scene, but her heart ached, she knew she should leave him. Even though she might be thinking selfishly, she just wanted to avoid more heartache.
As she always did, she gently slid the book out from under his hand, setting it on the nightstand. Pulling the covers up he began to stir, then he mumbled 'her' name yet again. In that moment it was as if her heart had shattered, she froze for a moment, waiting for him to settle, then gently covered him.
Standing over him she felt another tear escape, she really did love him despite everything. Grabbing her pillow, she decided it best she sleep on the couch. She turned the light off and as quickly and quietly as she could she headed for the door. But she didn't make it far.
"Sakura" Kakashi sleepy voice sounded in the darkness. She stopped in her tracks, her heart pounding against her ribcage. Was he talking in his sleep? Or was he awake? "What time is it?" She heard the sheets rustle as he sat up. "Aren't you coming to bed?"
Her heart raced and she could feel her body begin to tremble. She didn't want to confront him right now, not when her emotions were already beyond frazzled. She just wanted to walk out, leave quietly so she wouldn't have to cry in front of him.
"Sakura?"
His voice calling her name sent a pain shooting through her chest. She clutched the pillow tight to her chest, forcing her words to come out calm and collected. "I didn't mean to wake you." She tried to smile. "I was thinking of sleeping on the couch, I feel like I'm coming down with something and I didn't want to take the chance of you getting sick." Scolding herself inwardly for telling such a stupid lie.
"You're sick?" He flicked on the light. "If you're not feeling well you shouldn't be sleeping on the couch you sleep in the bed." She heard the him move and sheets rustle as he stood from the bed. "I can sleep on the couch."
"No, it's alright." She quickly countered. "I don't mind." She sucked in a breath when he spun her around and placed his hand on her forehead.
"Hmm...you do seem a little warm." He brushed his hand down her face cupping her cheek. "You lie down and I'll grab you some medicine."
He then disappeared out of her sight, leaving her alone with her breaking heart. Why did he have to be so kind to her now? All she wanted to do was leave. So then why was her body obeying, why she lying in bed with her face pressed into her now tear stained pillow? She swallowed her sobs as she heard him enter again.
"Here" His voice was soft and soothing as the glass and a bottle rattled on the side table. The bed shifting as he sat down made her hold her breath, then gently his hand rubbed the length of her back. "Your trembling" His worried voice made her heart ache. "You should get under the covers."
She turned her head away from him, letting out her long held breath. His touch was burning her skin through the cloth of her shirt. He was worried about her and now he was taking care of her. Even though she lied to him, here he was concerned for her. She scrunched the sheets tight in her hands. When he was alone with her he was the man she loved, when that woman wasn't around he was the man she loved. But when he was sleeping....... "Leave me alone." She whispered, her heart aching with every word.
His hand stilled, before slowly be withdrew it. He let out a sigh and shifted on the edge of the bed but he never stood. "Listen Sakura." He hesitated. "I'm sorry about tonight. It's just...........I've got a lot on my mind." She cracked a half smile. Her white lie didn't make her feel so bad anymore, seeing as how he could tell one just as easy. "I promise I'll make it up to you." He continued. "My next day off we'll go out."
"Yeah sure." She muttered. "That is if I'm not working." She couldn't hide the disdain in her voice.
"Oh....right." If she didn't know better she would say that he was disappointed. But she did know better. She was the second in his life, that was something he didn't have to say out loud for her to know.
"You love her don't you?" She gave an empty laugh through her tears. Mocking herself for being a fool. But his sudden stillness and silence told her all she needed to know. "I'm going to sleep now Kakashi." She whispered. "Good night."
He sat unmoving for what seemed like an eternity. She closed her eyes hoping that when she opened them again, this night would be nothing but a bad memory. The last thing she remembered from that night was Kakashi whispering 'I'm sorry' in her ear before leaving. It would be two months before she saw him again.
When she had woke the next morning he was gone. Drained of energy, but still spent the day packing her things. He had never shown back up before she had left that evening. Which was probably for the better. The next two days were spent curled up on the couch at her parents' house watching overdramatic soap operas. By the end of the week she had but in a request to take part in missions, only working two days a week at the hospital. After that she had submerged herself in her duties.
And then finally at the two month mark, she had finally been convinced by her new squad to go for a drink after returning from a successful mission. The bar they had dragged her too brought back memories she was still trying to forget. Sitting at a corner table, they drank, laughed and talked of life. For the first time in two months she could smile.
But her smile faded, when the last person she had expected to see walked through the door. He had taken the time to change from his normal attire, wearing black slacks and white button shirt. The ache in her was unbearable as she watched him take at seat at the bar, not even glancing in her direction. She gulped her drink hoping to drown out the fact that she wanted to cry.
But she wished inwardly he would spare her the smallest glance. Because no matter how much she tried she couldn't forget. His warm lips on her skin, the cool touch of his fingers, the way she came alive in his arms. Staring at him now made her blood flare and the last remains of her heart break.
With great effort she drew her eyes away to focus again on the conversation. She could see them talking, but couldn't hear a word over her heart beat. And again her eyes were drawn to him, like they always had been. Only this time he wasn't alone. In that instant she realized that she really had been erased from his life, yet she was still holding on. She hadn't even known that tears were running down her cheeks until she felt the heavy weight of a hand on her shoulder.
Shocked for a moment before she began to wipe the tears from her eyes. Giving a defeated laugh when they wouldn't stop. Now in the middle of a place she never wanted to be again, in front of people doing their best to cheer her up, she was letting her raw emotions take hold. Jumping to her feet, she couldn't remember what excuse she made up as she turned away and walked out.
She had walked until the moon hung high in the sky. She had cried until her eyes had seemed to dry up. But ending up on the doorstep that she used to call home seemed like her cruel fate. She had things she needed to say to close him off from her life. And the key she clutched tight in her hand was something she had to return. Holding onto it had brought nothing but false hope.
In mid-air her trembling hand came to a halt. What if he wasn't alone? What if he had brought her home to their bed? That wasn't something she was willing to confront. Or maybe he was at her place. With a heavy sigh she lowered her hand, then she slipped the key under the door. Deciding that this was better, confronting him in any way would be too painful. What she needed now was to move on. She couldn't let this stop her from being happy. No matter how hard it was going to be.
"Sakura?"
The sound of his voice caused her heart to skip. She kept her gaze locked on the door in front of her. If she looked at him now she would lose, she would rush to him and beg him to take her back. Apologize for whatever, she didn't care, as long as he held her again. Plus she didn't want to find out if he was alone or brought her with. He was probably coming home from her place happy to be with the woman he's loved for so long. And here she stood, hopelessly in love, only moments ago she had decided to forget and be happy.
"What are doing here? It's the middle of the night."
She couldn't decide if it was irritation in his voice or hurt, but he sounded distant, he was getting further and further from her. "I slipped my key under the door." She turned away ready to leave as soon as her feet would let her. "Sorry to bother you." She took that first weighted step. And every step after that she wished he would call out to her. But as she rounded the corner she heard the sound of the door creaking open, then closing moments after.
She had to stop and place her hand on the wall to steady herself. No matter how much she lied to herself, no matter how much she loved him, she was never going to be important to him. A heavy weight settled on her heart. But instead of tears she let out a laugh. Running her hand down her face she muttered. "You really are pathetic."
"Yeah I know I am, but do you really have to sound so pleased when you say it." Her body froze and her breath hitched as he spoke. "Why don't you come back and we can talk properly this time."
Talk properly? What was he gonna tell her, 'Let's stay friends', 'I'm sorry I don't love you'. Like she really wanted his sympathy chat. "I don't wanna talk." She spoke honestly as she straightened. "I have nothing to say."
She heard him let out a breath. "Fine, We don't have to talk." She yelped when he grabbed her, spinning her around and crashing his lips to hers. After the moment of shock had passed she leaned into his warmth. His tongue grazing over her lips that she parted them with ease allowing him to explore. She knew this wrong, so wrong. But the instant he kissed her, all her reasoning thoughts went out the window.
"I love you." He whispered against her skin as he grazed his lips over her chin and down her neck, slowly making his way back to her lips. "Don't go."
She closed her eyes and stifled a groan as the touch of his lips made her blood flare with desire. He snaked an arm around her waist pulling her to him. Capturing her in a kiss that was hard and needy. His free hand trailed down her back to rest on her rear, Pushing her harder against his arousal. She knew one thing. She wanted him, wanted him deep inside her, now.
But it wasn't meant to be. "No" She pushed her hands against his chest, successfully putting at arm's length away. Which was still too close. She took a few deep shallow breaths gathering her thoughts and her courage. "I won't be second best in your life any longer."
Those were the last words she said to him that night. He never said a word, never followed as she turned and walked away. Hoping she fooled him with her head held high and her shoulders straight. Hoping that he never saw the tears streaming down her face.
It was funny, the world around her seemed dreary and empty after that. For the next few months she wondered if she had done the right thing by pushing him away. But he never attempted to contact her after that, so that meant something. Didn't it?
She didn't know why she went out of her way to try and get a glimpse of him even now. She always seemed to fall a little further into the abyss when she did. But the day she saw the 'For Rent' sign outside of his apartment was the day she found herself banging on his door. When the door finally opened she felt like a complete idiot. There stood the women with the blue eyes that haunted her nightmares.
"Who is it?" His voice rang from somewhere else in the apartment.
"I think it's for you." The woman smiled disappearing from the doorway.
Even as Kakashi appeared before her, she stood motionless, her senses numb. She finally recovered from her shock sending him a scowl. "Forget it." She turned away. "I don't want to rent this place after all." She really would have though, she had a lot of good memories there that she probably didn't need to remember. But the fact remained that she was still staying with her parents and apartments were hard to find. But now...now that he had been with her in that apartment, she didn't want any part of it.
"Sakura stop!" Kakashi called as he grabbed hold of her arm. "Would you wait?!"
She jerked her arm from his grip. "No!" She hissed as she took off at a full sprint. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was the one who was causing her pain. She could have stayed with him all those months ago and tried to work it out. But she had left. And now she seemed to running from the truth more than running from him. She didn't want to hear any of it.
It happened in seconds. Her body jolted backwards and she felt the strength someone's grip on her waist. Then she was picked up and thrown over someone's shoulder. She didn't need to look to see who that someone was, but still she sent a glare over her shoulder at him. "Put me down!!" She demanded.
"Not a chance." Kakashi hissed back. "You're not getting away this time."
She struggled in his grip, hitting his back and kicking her legs. But his grip tightened on her, unfazed by her tantrum. She growled under her breath, she didn't want to go back to that place. With that woman there, there wasn't any room for her. Her cheeks stained red as she heard laughter from bystanders. He was gonna pay for this. And as much as she hated it, she played along.
Now if she would have been paying attention she would have noticed that they were headed in the opposite direction of the apartment. That fact didn't click with her until he stopped and she heard him fumbling in his pocket, pulling out a set of keys. She looked over her shoulder to see the front of a house just as the door swung open and he carried her in. She flinched when the door slammed shut.
"Now." He turned setting her down and backed her into the door. "You're gonna listen." He placed his hands on the wall next to her head, trapping her. She opened her mouth to argue, but he quickly pulled of his mask and crashed his lips to hers successfully silencing her. The kiss was hard and raw, he wasted no time exploring her mouth with his tongue.
She groaned into his kiss. Instantly her body began to crave him. The-hell-with-it was her thought as she tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. His hands now wondering her body, up her hips to the hem of her shirt. She shivered as his fingers touched the bare flesh of her stomach. Slowly travel higher till he reached the swell of her full breasts aching to be released from their cloth prison. He ran his thumb over the hardened nipple, causing her to throw her head back and thrust her hips forward, pressing against his cock straining against his pants.
He smiled against her neck as he trailed kisses across her skin. He knew all her weak spots and he knew she still wanted him. And this time, she wasn't gonna fight him. Her breathing ragged as he pulled the shirt over her head throwing it aside. His lone eye darkened as he admired her perk breasts. Then brought one cloth covered nipple into his mouth. Flicking his tongue sending a wave a heat straight to her core.
He soon showed the same attention to the other one. Until finally she was left squirming to feel his lips against her skin. Slowly one hand traveled down over her curves, sneaking it's way under the hem of her pants. She sucked in a breath when his fingers rubbed against her cloth covered moist folds. He caught her lips in a searing kiss as he slipped a single digit beneath the lace covering and found her hot and wet. Telling him of her desire and need for him.
He swallowed her groan as he slowly slipped his finger in, then another. Moving in a torturing rhythm, until she began to move her hips wanting him to go deeper. She clawed blindly at his clothes wanting to feel his skin under her hands. Finding herself unable to achieve her goal he withdrew from her long enough to throw off his vest and shirt followed by his remaining clothes. She had taken this time to remove the rest of her clothes and watched with great anticipation as he freed himself.
Without wanting to wait any longer she reached for him, stroking his hardness in the palm of her hand. Sliding to her knees she wanted to make him feel the same desire and need she was feeling. He sucked in a breath when her soft wet lips touched his cock and cloaked him in slick warmth. He had to brace himself against the wall as she grabbed his ass and ran her smooth tongue from tip to base.
"Sakura" He said through clenched teeth to warn her if she didn't stop soon he was gonna lose his control. And it was when she withdrew and smirked up at him from under her lashes that he growled and pulled her to her feet, those sexy emerald eyes expressing nothing but hot, ripe desire. Once again backing her against the door. Grazing his lips against her cheek as he ran his hand over her thigh bringing it up and cupping her rear. "I'm not letting you go this time." He whispered as he teased her wet opening with his tip.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and thrust her hips forward. Causing them both to groan as he entered her. Slowly he went deeper and deeper, only to withdraw and thrust forward. Harder, deeper with every thrust. He cupped her breasts, attacked her nipples. She ran her hand through his hair and down his back. Dwelling on the sensation of his body drilling into her and the hardness of the door against her back.
Both climbing higher and higher. She through her head back as the wave washed over her. Feeling his last frantic thrusts before he joined her in climax. Laying her head in his shoulder as she waited for her body to regain control, she held on tight. Not wanting to let go. He too leaned forward crushing their bodies closer.
She smiled and closed her eyes, but tears began to trickle down her cheeks. "You're an idiot." She muttered. She heard him chuckle against her shoulder. She however didn't find the fact funny. But she was in no condition to argue. Being held his in arms and still joined as one was a moment she wanted to hold onto.
Finally, he withdrew and lowered her leg. But he didn't let her go far as he pulled her close and embraced her. "She was only there because she's renting the place now, nothing's happened between us since you left." Were his confusing words that made her heart skip. "I was informed of a certain little chat you had." He continued, feeling her tense in his arms he kissed her hair. "I'm sorry, but it took me awhile to realize it."
She couldn't help the sob as she buried her head in his chest as he spoke again. "You are the one I love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with." He pulled back and gently cupped her cheeks bringing her tear stained face into view. "I bought this house for you." He wiped at the tears with his thumbs. "For us. So please forgive me."
She stared at him unable to believe what he was saying. But the sincerity and love she saw in his eyes and heard in his voice, told her she's been a fool and she would be a fool for life if she kept running. She threw her arms around his neck and smiled. "We're both idiots, but I still love you."
He laughed, but again brought his lips to hover over hers. "Welcome home Sakura."
AN: Nothing like good blinding sex against a door to say I love you......(Clears throat)....sorry maybe it's just me. LOL.......anywho, now that I got that out of my system I can move on. :) Please leave a review and let me know what you thought! LUV YA