A shout out to XBlack7WidowX for being so supportive!
And also for writing your amaaaazing Jake story! I'm in love with it :).
Jake grasped his wife's hand tightly as he looked down at the smooth mound of earth. His vision was blurred slightly by tears and his shoulders shook as he sobbed. Jake glanced over at Onyx and quickly pulled her close to him. She looked as if she were going to collapse at any moment. Onyx buried her face in his chest and cried. Jake kissed the top of her heads but had no words to comfort her. 'How could this happen?' He thought miserably as tears streamed down his face. Jake looked over his shoulder and saw his brother standing with his head down. Josh looked up and gave him a half hearted smile. Jake couldn't bring himself to smile back so he focused on a point just over his brother's shoulder. There it was just yards away. His father's grave. It wasn't that long ago that they were there for his dad's funeral and the memory brought more tears to his eyes. Jake looked back down at the grave in front of him. Onyx pulled away from him to wipe her eyes and Jake crouched down in front of the tombstone. He reached out and stroked the words etched into the marble stone.
Philip Hero Harris.
Sometimes love is for a moment. Sometimes love is for a lifetime. Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.
After a few minutes Jake's hand fell limply at his side. This wasn't right. Nobody should ever have to go to their own baby's funeral. Onyx collapsed on the ground next to him. Jake grabbed her under her arms and pulled her to him.
"This is all my fault." Onyx sobbed.
"No baby you were so careful this isn't your fault." Jake replied hoarsely, "I don't know why this happened."
"Take me home." Onyx pleaded as she rested her head on his shoulder. Jake nodded and stood up pulling her with him. "Josh I need to get her home." He quickly told his brother. Josh nodded and squeezed his shoulder. "I'll call you later ok?"
"Yeah ok." Jake replied before turning and leading Onyx to the car.
They rode in complete silence except for the occasional sound of sniffling. Jake pulled into the drive way of their brand new house. It had seemed like the perfect size for a family but now that it going to be just the two of them the house seemed far too large. Jake stepped out of the car and waited for Onyx. He held out his hand for her and led her inside. He pulled back the bed covers and Onyx immediately crawled into the bed. Jake pulled her shoes off and then crawled in beside her. 'What did we do to deserve this?' Jake wondered. They had been together little over a year and they had already been through so much. Jake was a recovering addict, they had lost his father, and just when things started to look up Onyx went into labor prematurely. After being in the NICU for three days their baby passed away.
"Jake?" Onyx whispered.
"What babe?" Jake replied.
"Do you hate me?"
"Why would you say that? I could never hate you."
"I killed our baby."
Jake felt her body begin to tremble and held her tighter.
"It wasn't your fault."
"It was my fault! My body couldn't support our son. He was a miracle and I ruined everything."
"Onyx please..."
Onyx cut him off, "I know its true and so do you!"
"I don't know it's true." Jake said sternly, "Onyx we knew from the beginning you had a high risk pregnancy."
He cleared his throat and tried to force back his tears.
"At least we met him." Jake continued.
"Wh...What do we do now?" Onyx mumbled sadly.
"I don't know." Jake answered honestly.
He rubbed Onyx's back until the tears subsided and she finally fell asleep. 'What do we do now?' He found himself asking God. And the next moment he found himself cursing him. People often said that God was good and God was fair. But no good God would take his father and baby away from him in less than a year.
A few hours later Onyx woke up and carefully slid out from underneath Jake's arm. She walked slowly out of the room and down the hall. Onyx grasped the door handle to what would have been her baby's nursery. After a few minutes she finally worked up the courage to turn the handle. She stepped inside and gently closed the door. All of the baby furniture was still in boxes except for a crib in the corner of the room. She walked over and held on to the side for support. Onyx smiled as she remembered putting it together. She and Jake had done it together. They had spent the whole afternoon bickering about the best way to put it up. Onyx missed the bickering. When they bickered and teased each other they were truly happy. They hadn't so much as cracked a Joke since they lost baby Phil. Onyx turned around and looked at the mural painted on the opposite wall. It was of the Cornelia Marie and Jake's dad Phil. Onyx's lip began to tremble and she quickly looked away. Having a baby was one of the only things that kept her from thinking about Phil and now the loss of both of them consumed her thoughts. 'At least their together.' Onyx told herself but it did little to comfort her. Onyx turned back to the crib, lifted up the small pillow, and pulled out the only picture of her baby she had from underneath it. He was tiny but he looked incredibly like Jake. He had his nose, his lips, his chin, and even his eye brows. The only main differences were his skin color; he was darker than Jake he had gotten that from Onyx, and his eyes. He had bright blue eyes just like his grandfather.
Onyx jumped as Jake entered the room.
"What are you doing?" He asked angrily. Jake kept telling Onyx he didn't want her spending all her time in the nursery. It wasn't healthy and being in there wasn't helping either one of them heal. Onyx put the picture back under the pillow and turned to face Jake. "I was... I was..." Her lip trembled as she stuttered, "I want him back Jake."
Jake softened as she spoke and walked over to her. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. "It's going to be ok." He said. The words felt shallow and empty as he said them but he wanted just wanted to see his wife smile again.
The next morning Onyx was sleeping in and Jake was sitting in the living room watching a movie. He stared at the screen but didn't really see. Jake felt his phone vibrate and reached into his pocket. It was Josh. Jake hesitated before answering he wasn't in the mood to talk.
"Hello?" He finally said.
"Hey man. How are you?" Josh asked.
Jake didn't answer. What the hell kind of question was that? He had been at his son's funeral just a few hours ago.
"I'm sorry man that was stupid." Josh said after a few awkward moments.
"Its fine. What's up?" Jake asked.
"I know this is a really bad time Jake but I'm having some trouble getting the boat signed over into our names."
"But we got the money!" Jake said angrily.
"I know but Cornelia doesn't want to give up her stake in the boat." Josh replied just as angrily.
"This is bullshit."
"I know man."
"What are we supposed to do? King crab starts in a few months."
Josh sighed, "Well I can guarantee we won't have the boat by then and it can't fish without a captain."
"Well what the hell are we going to do?"
Josh cleared his throat, "Well I've been talking to Sig and Johnathon a lot lately."
"Spit it out." Jake said his patience was waning and he was already annoyed.
"I'm going to go work on the time bandit until we can get the Cornelia in our names."
"What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"You're going to be on the Northwestern." Josh continued. "What the hell did you just say?" Jake asked as he quickly stood up. Josh said Northwestern but all Jake saw was Edgar Hansen. There was nobody on the planet he hated more than Edgar.
"You heard what I said." Josh replied wearily.
"Why can't I go on the Time Bandit! You can go on the fucking Northwestern!"
"Jake!" Josh yelled, "They are doing us a favor I am not going to start asking to make the conditions!"
"Whatever!" Jake yelled back before hanging up and throwing his phone angrily on the couch.
A few seconds later Onyx entered the room, "What are you yelling about?" She asked.
Jake sighed, "I'm sorry Onyx I didn't mean to wake you up." He replied.
"It's ok. What's wrong?"
"We can't get the boat in our name right now."
Onyx stepped forward and grabbed his hand, "I'm sorry baby."
"So I'm going to have to work on the Northwestern for a while." He added.
"What?" Onyx asked as shock registered on her face.
"Yeah I know I'm not happy about it either."
"I don't want you working with that asshole Edgar!"
"And you think I do?"
Onyx drew herself up to her full height of 5'3."I'm going with you Jacob." She said boldly.
Jake smiled for the first time in nearly two weeks, "Yeah right. Are you out of your mind?"
"I'm serious Jake. I can't be without you. And do you really want to leave me here by myself?"
Jake sighed in frustration, "You almost slept with Edgar Onyx!"
"But I didn't! And besides your going to be there 24/7 so what's the big deal?"
Jake sensed that Onyx wasn't going to give him so he fished around for another argument. "You can't just invite yourself onto someone's boat!" Jake said confidently, "there's no way Sig is going to let you on his boat."
Onyx shook her head, "You're wrong Jake. Sig will understand that we need to be together and besides you forget how much he likes me."
"Fine!" Jake said exasperatedly, "if you think you can get him to agree call him."
"I will."
Onyx kissed him and then headed back into their room. Jake sat down on the couch and smiled in spite of himself. He didn't want Onyx anywhere near Edgar Hansen and he didn't really expect Sig to say yes anyway. He was just happy Onyx was thinking about something other than their son for a change. Jake was hurting just as much as Onyx and was having just as hard of a time keeping their baby off of his mind, but her happiness was a lot more important to him that his own.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Tears in heaven- eric clapton
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