Cecilia's Song
by Zeelee
based on Blink 182's Adam's Song'
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest,
Who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was
Never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine,
I didn't think enough
Cecilia slowly climbed the stairs. She was doing it, this time. The doctors would not come in time; she would die instantly, she'd make sure of that. No one would disrupt her peace this time. No one would interrupt her silent agony.
What could possibly make you want to off yourself, kid? You don't even know how life gets, that stupid doctor had said. He didn't understand; no one understood. Not even her sisters, her only true friends, understood. They didn't understand how trapped she felt, how suffocated, constricted she felt. They didn't understand how hard it was just to keep up the pretense of living.
I'm too depresed to go on,
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conqured, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was watching
Hate to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in
My room alone
It was such a rush of power, as she walked down the hallway to her room. The choice was hers, all hers; she could jump, or she could jump. Just knowing that made her feel so powerful! It sent a shiver down her spine. This was it; she would finally do it.
It was such a relief, to know that she could stop pretending soon. After she made that jump into the next world, there would be no mother worried she was doing drugs or having sex; no father smiling fearfully, as if she would explode at any minute; no endless stream of do-gooders, thinking they could help her out of her hole', when none of them, not a single one, knew what had driven her to cut her wrists, what drove her now to jump.
The only thing she missed, really, was her sisters; her beautiful, caring sisters, the only ones who came even close to understanding. She loved them so much, and she knew they would miss her, but they could do nothing to stop her fall. Her mind was made up.
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months,
I'll be unknown
Give all my things to
All my friends
You'll never step foot
In my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that
I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this
Is not her fault
She walked across her room as if in a daydream, her brain letting go and her body automatically taking control, taking her to where she wanted. She felt the first peace she'd had in a long time-her mind was made up, and there would be no more furious arguments between the different sides of her mind. It was a bit like the quiet after a violent, life-wrecking storm-the storm that had quietly taken place in her head, downstairs at the party, as her old self made one last stand to keep her alive. But it had surrendured, and now everything was peaceful.
She stood in front of the window, looking down at the ground far below. She knew exactly how she would do it: she would jum gracefully, and impale herself on the fence posts below. Hopefully she would die quickly; if not, that was too bad, but pain didn't matter. Her only fear was that the EMCs would get here soon enough to save her life.
I never conqured, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was watching
Hate to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time
In my room alone
Time seemed to slow and almost stop as she jumped. As she flew towards the ground, she found herself strangely remembering times in her youth, before her craziness, when she had climbed that wonderful elm tree in the front yard. She had loved that tree so much, and as she stared at it, looming ever closer to the fenceposts, she had an eerie sense that soon, it would be following her, it would suffer the same fate as she.
She only felt a brief thump as she slid neatly over the fence post. There was pain, but not much, and she felt it only as if she were watching from far away; as if she had already died, and was now merely observing life on earth.
She could feel the blood soaking through her clothes. She could hear her heart slowly stop pumping blood, and feel her brain shut down. Her last thought before slipping away was, I hope I see my sisters again....
I never conqured, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is watching
The time goes by
The tour is over I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time
In my room alone