Chapter One: Violent Delights

(AN: I'm co writing this story with the bae. please review and favorite. Flames are also welcome. or as Tara the great would say. "FLAMS." Enjoy.)

The fly on my window died…just my relationship with Edward Cullen. I curled my pale fingers into a white fist. My eyes were stinging and red with unshed tears. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, and I cursed each thump, as it was a mere reminder of my own fragile, ever-changing humanity.

"Bella!" Charlie called from downstairs. "It's nacho night!"

I sighed. I couldn't enjoy simple pleasures such as nachos, when my existence hinged upon that of my pale Adonis, my savior, my lover, my brother, my mother—wait, forget the last two.

"I'll be down in a sec," I replied, my stomach growling the engine of Edward's car.

"No, you'll come down now, Bella," Charlie yelled. "Don't give me any of that "sec" crap."

I groaned, but heaved myself from the bed all the same. Each footstep was an echo of steps that I used to take with Edward, through the meadow, through his house, through dreams where I could still feel his cold embrace.

The floor creaked under my weight—the weight of my heavy, still-beating heart. When I saw Charlie at the table downstairs, an expectant smile lighting his craggy features, I tried to look happy, excited even, but such emotions were foreign to the rainclouds of my sadness.

Charlie shoved a plate of nachos at me as I sat down. I shuddered at the carb content.

"Eat, Bella," he said. "We need to get some meat

on those bones."

I gave a feeble grin in return. "Yeah, sure Cha-Dad." I only just remembered the "Dad" part. Charlie detested it when I dared refer to him as "Charlie."

I took a bite of the nachos. It tasted like cardboard. It reminded me of Edward's tongue, but in a more edible way. Then again, pretty much everything was reminding me of him. Especially all the Ice-Type Pokemon I was catching on my old Pokemon Emerald Version game I found in my nightstand upstairs.

These days, pokemon was my only escape from the pain that was my waking world. I lived through my trainer, or Edward's, escapades. Glalie my favorite-aka Rosalie, because she was so cold, was almost a level seventy.

Charlie's voice jolted me out of my tortured thoughts. "So, why don't you hang with your friends tomorrow night?"

I winced as his use of the world "hang." Charlie had wanted to sound like one of the "teenagers" for a while, without realizing that I was no longer a teenager, but an old maid, too ancient for Edward.

"Sure," I said, without realizing I'd just agreed with Charlie. My stomach dropped at the thought of "hanging" with my "friends."

Charlie shot me a megawatt grin. "I'm proud of you, Bells." He said. "I know these last few months have been rough for you, but I'm happy you're working your way through them."

Like a fat kid at a pie-eating contest, I added mentally, with no certain degree of bitterness.

I ate the last of my nachos-normally I licked my plate clean, but tonight, my stomach felt like it was filled with rocks, and I was a stone sinking to the bottom of the ocean that was my unacceptable reality.

"Thanks, Dad," I said, and pushed my plate towards him. It made a weird scraping sound across the table. Like Edward's voice, when he tried singing to me that one-a smile broke across my lips, then I remembered that Edward was gone, and the smile vanished from my face.

"Hey, wanna watch some Jeopardy later?" Charlie asked. I shook my head. Nachos were alright, but I drew the line at Jeopardy.

So I returned to my room, my safe haven, where I flopped across the bed, and buried my face in the pillow. Tears began to linger on my eyelids, collecting on my frail eyelashes, and a sob tore itself free from my throat, where it burst into the open air, like a large zit.

Edward's impossibly pale face filled my mind. I remembered his amber eyes and sloping cheekbones. I was a mere peasant next to his glowing beauty, despite the fact that I had won and competed in many toddler beauty contests back in Arizona.

Bella...his voice, smooth like dark chocolate caramel, filled my mind. I moaned from the ecstasy of his smooth vibrato. Edward...I thought in return, praying that he would hear me, return my message and run into my arms, his lips tracing across the contours of my face and my fingers running over his hard, defined pectoral muscles.

I forced myself up onto my elbows, my fingers groping for my Gameboy Advance SP on my nightstand. As my fingertips found the cool casing, a rush similar to that of that one vampire who looked like Dave Mustaine from Megadeth biting my arm coursed through my lithe, albeit shivering body with the 1986 LP "Peace Sells… but Who's Buying" playing in the background. I think the vampire's name was James, but I like to think that it was actually Dave Mustaine. Despite what a terrible human being that ginger-haired son of a bitch is, he makes some damn good music. Anyway, I picked up my Gameboy with my cold pale fingers, now almost as cold as Edward's. (but not as cold as Dave Mustaine's.) I flipped the switch on the side of the device and it activated like it always did, flashing with a white screen and then the letters that spelled out "Gameboy" appeared on the screen. My gaze drifted away from the screen of the Gameboy towards the now closed window that l always used to leave open for Edward to come through on those summer nights we spent together. Even though it was only a few months ago, it felt like so long ago since the Cullens had left town. When I shifted my gaze back to the gameboy screen, I realized that I'd missed the entire intro video that always played when the player turned on the game. I used to always press the "A" button and skip the intro when I was a kid, but now I liked watching the intro video. Anything to distract myself from the musings of my tortured soul. I hit the "A" button on the "Continue" option at the top of the screen. The screen flashed and there he was, the 32-bit vampire Pokemon trainer Edward. he only used Ice-type pokemon (along with a few Ghost-Types, and Zubat, Golbat, and Crobat because vampire bats.) he had bronze hair and icey pale skin just like the real Edward did.I liked to pretend that the game took place in Washington State and that Littleroot Town was Forks, Lilycove City was Seattle, and Pacifidlog Town was one of the San Juan Islands. The other cities got names as well, but I won't get into that.

I pressed the directional button on the Gameboy and watched Edward move across the screen. I wish I could move so freely, yet my legs were stiff and tired of this life. Edward's avatar hadn't yet realized the cruelties of this planet that I call home. Edward made his way into the grassy patch outside Fallarbor Town which was covered in soot from the volcano, a few steps into the grassy patch he ran into a wild pokemon. It was a Spinda, It was at a significantly lower level than the Glalie that Edward sent out, and I had no interest in capturing it nor would it give me enough EXP points to go up a level. Nonetheless, I selected the "run" option. Edward got away safely from the wild Pokemon. This process was repeated several more times but with a different Pokemon each time. Running from the wild Pokemon reminded me of how Edward used to run through the forest with me on his back.

I wish that I had someone's back to support me, yet I was entirely self-sufficient. My own back was breaking under the weight of my permeating depression, which filled the room like a black stormcloud. Lightning crashed through my mind like a Raichu when it got angry, highlighting the wreckage that Edward left behind.

I came to the realization that Pokemon alone wasn't going to distract me from Edward. I turned off the Gameboy, and stowed it back on my shelf, the promise to "play it again tomorrow" lingering on my tear-stung lips.

I walked over and picked up my laptop from my desk drawer. I had just started keeping an online diary after Edward left me and Alice stopped responding to my emails and desperate sexts. The months following Edward's departure had made me desperately horny and the sheer loneliness had made my sexual orientation irrelevant.

I typed in my password. It was "EdwardxBella5evar." In hindsight, I should've changed, as every time I typed it in, it served a horrible reminder of the fate of my only, my one true love.

My desktop background was a picture of Edward in full sunlight, wearing nothing but a jockstrap and big white Adidas sneakers that he said he got at a thrift store in 1988. He had reluctantly sent the picture to me after I'd begged him for months-he'd only relented when I promised to send him a picture of my unshaven toes. Edward had a bit of foot fetish-well, a toe fetish, to be exact. Sometimes, on those long, cold nights, he would suck them as I fell asleep. He would also ask me not to shave them because the hair turned him on. I didn't really get it, and it was kind of disgusting, but I did it for Edward, because I loved him.

I opened a new word document. Dear Alice, I started to type. I am lonely. I am sad. I miss you and Edward. You're kind of like my sister, except I'm weirdly attracted to you sometimes, I don't think a person feels that towards their sister. I hope you're reading this, because if you're not, that means I'm dead-just kidding. I just want to die. Thanks for leaving me, bitch.

I pressed save, and slammed my computer shut. My thoughts, dark and deadly, began to creep up on the edges of my tortured mind. I snorted back a snot bubble that began to form in my nose-the feeling gave me the sudden urge to hock a loogie, for some reason that always made me think of Pokemon The Movie 2000 because of the legendary Pokemon Lugia that was featured in it. It had the ability to talk and I thought it was really dope when I was a kid. I still think it's pretty cool, but now with all the new Pokemon it's hard to pick a favorite one.

Sometimes, just to feel like I wasn't alone, I would try to remember the feeling of Edward's cold lips on mine, the way his tongue slithered into my mouth like a dead, bloated snake.

But then when I thought about snakes I got on the Pokemon track again, and all of a sudden I was picturing myself making out with Arbok. Damned PMS.

I fell back on my bed, and closed my eyes. Sleep came slowly, and so did I, As I finished my pre-sleep ritual.

My mind and body at rest; I let the fuzz creep over the backs of my eyes.