Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon. Isn't that something?
Without Her
Warmth.
That was the first thing 23-year-old Elli Taylor felt as she awoke one morning. The warmth of the sun's first rays, the warmth of her bed, the warmth of her husband's hands on her body... She opened her eyes slowly, taking in her surroundings.
The bedroom she shared with her husband was small but cozy, smelling of summer wildflowers that were growing on the farm outside.
Her eyes wandered to the bed she lay in next to her husband. It was a particularly warm night last night, so they had slept without the covers. It was probably a good thing since she was feeling warmer than usual right now...and she knew why...
She looked down, noticing her husband's hands on her body. They were affectionately caressing her swollen belly, rubbing slowly in circles. She blushed and turned her head slightly to look at her content husband.
"G-Good morning," she whispered, feeling her heart flutter quickly as he smiled at her.
"Good morning," he replied lovingly, his fingers now tracing the shape of her pregnant belly. "How do you feel today?"
Elli gazed at him, admiring the way he looked in the sunlight pouring through their bedroom window. She loved the way his dark, mussed hair coruscated in the light... the love in his large, brown eyes that she knew was just for her...the build of his lean, muscled body...
Blushing deeply, she glanced up, remembering she had been asked a question. "Hmm?"
Her husband chuckled. "I said, how do you feel today?"
"Oh, I'm fine," she answered softly, placing her hands atop his.
His hands were motionless now, and he looked up at her, momentarily confused. "I'm sorry, El. Did you want me to stop?"
"No," she replied, her voice still gentle, and smiled coyly at him. "I like it. It feels good... It's a nice thing to wake up to."
She giggled softly as she saw him blushing lightly, and leaned toward him to kiss him. Her husband was quick to return the affection as he resumed caressing her. After a moment he pulled away to kiss her cheek, and made his way to her neck. He began to leave a trail of slow, tender kisses down her neck to her collarbone, moving further south...
He could feel her pulse quickening beneath his lips, and smiled as he knew what to do to arouse his wife. His hand gently traveled up and down her body, fingers delicately tracing every curve.
Elli moaned softly, then pleadingly whispered her husband's name. "Jack..."
She could feel herself growing increasingly warm, and closed her eyes, allowing Jack to continue loving her. She thought Jack was going to just kiss and caress her, but when she felt his hand cup her left breast, she opened her eyes and looked at him, both desire and disapproval in her eyes.
She blushed and frowned, trying to control her breathing which had become slightly ragged. "Jack... you know we can't."
He stopped his ministrations reluctantly, pulling his hand away and moving up toward her. He buried his face in her neck, nuzzling against her soft body. "I know..."
Jack wrapped his arms his wife, wishing to hold her close, knowing she was very fond of the act. Elli contentedly cuddled closer, feeling the quickened pace of her husband's heartbeat against her back. Both were feeling warm and content in comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company.
A minute later perched a pretty, bright bird on a branch in the tree just outside the window. It began to sing a beautiful song, its chirps high and sweet. Jack smiled as he listened to the lovely song, appreciative of the reminder of why he loved the countryside. He knew he wouldn't have been able to even hear birds sing in the city.
Elli gasped quietly, suddenly, as she felt her baby kick against her. "Oh, that was a strong one..."
She reached down to stroke the area, as if to soothe the child inside. She chuckled, murmuring to herself. "He's probably hungry, I'm thinking."
Jack shifted a bit, surprised, and raised an eyebrow curiously at his wife. "He?"
Elli internally scolded herself. She had been entertaining thoughts of the baby's sex for a few weeks now, but kept those thoughts to herself. Her musing just now was the first time her husband had ever heard her say anything about what the baby could be.
Elli nodded shyly. "Our baby is very energetic and I can feel it moving around a lot. I'd been wondering if it was a boy. I... I think it is."
A content smile spread across her husband's face. He maneuvered himself in front of her. "You really think so?" he whispered happily, excitedly.
Elli nodded again. "Maybe we can find out for sure when we go to my appointment later." She looked away for a moment, then asked quietly, "Are you hoping for a boy?"
Jack reached out to brush aside a lock of hair that had fallen into her eyes. Kissing the tip of her nose, he murmured, "What matters to me is the baby's safety and health, and that we can raise our child together. Whether we have a son or daughter, I just want us to be a healthy family."
Elli smiled at him, tears filling her eyes. "Me too. I love you," she whispered.
Jack smiled back at her, stroking the side of her face gently. "I love you too. C'mon, let's get ready so we won't be late."
"Are you listening to me, Tim?"
If Dr. Timothy Wilson were honest with himself, he would've said no. No, he wasn't listening to his patient chattering away; he was focused on his work. Or maybe he was daydreaming...anything but listening. Yet, he knew what would happen if he said no: his patient would him an impatient glare, an exasperated sigh, and then proceed to tell the very long story from the beginning.
And no one, not even Dr. Tim, wanted that from Manna. He quickly thought of the last thing she had said. "Of course, Manna. Something about Cliff?"
He continued the check-up by taking her blood pressure. Manna smiled ear-to-ear, seeming as eager as a little girl about to share a secret. "Yes, I have a feeling that our Cliffy boy is in love!"
Cliffy boy? Dr. Tim thought, his eyebrow raising half an inch. Uh...
Manna laughed, seeing this. "His real name is Clifford, you know that, Doctor. But ever since he's stayed on with Duke and me, he's become like a son to us. Anyway, I do believe the boy fancies the innkeeper's daughter."
She squealed suddenly. "Oh, what if it is love? It'd be wonderful, don't you agree, Doctor? Cliff and Ann, Ann and Cliff... Even their names sound cute together! I think they'd make a cute pair. One time I did see Ann bring Cliff a snack, and the boy was blushing and stuttering left and right..."
Eventually Manna's voice faded away as Dr. Tim tuned her out again. He knew Manna meant no harm in her gossip and storytelling, but at times it just was more than enough. On second thought, maybe it was better to have a grateful attitude. The clinic had been too quiet and it had been depressingly lonely ever since Elli left...
Elli. Just the thought of her name reminded him of how stupid he had been in letting her go...
Getting his stethoscope, he informed Manna that it was time to check her heartbeat. It was quiet as he listened, and just as soon as he was done, Manna started to chatter about Cliff and Ann's wedding which "should be coming up within the year."
"Your heart is in good condition," Tim went on professionally.
Manna smiled. "That's great. Speaking of the heart, Doctor, hasn't yours grown fonder due to the absence of a certain nurse?"
Tim turned away, placing his stethoscope back in its place. He lingered for a moment, his back facing his patient. He would not let the town gossip see his reaction to her painful question.
He hated that she was right.
Yet his heart had not just grown fonder. It was full of love that he knew would be unrequited.
He shifted his gaze from the floor to Manna's face. "I do believe this appointment is over, ma'am," he said evenly.
Manna, not seeing how serious Tim was being, laughed heartily. "Why the formality, Tim? Well, I do call you Doctor because that's what you are, but please! You know to call me by my name! Anyhow, I do suppose you are busy as a doctor and all, so I'll be leaving now."
She paid him, then smiled sympathetically at him. "I know it's hard to forget her, but love can and will come again, Tim."
No, it won't, Tim thought miserably. There won't ever be another woman like Elli.
Manna left just as soon as the last two people Tim wanted to see came into the clinic.
Elli smiled warmly as she entered her old workplace and spotted her former boss. "Good morning, Doctor." Beside her, her husband tipped his hat to acknowledge the older man. "Doc," he said politely with a grin. "How are you?"
The doctor nodded at the Taylors. "Good morning. I'm doing well, thank you. And the two of you?"
"We're doing fine and hoping the baby is too," Elli replied, maintaining her sweet smile.
Her smile... The one that Tim had come to love. It was one of the many things he loved about her. She was the only one to have made him smile...
"Of course," he said quietly. "Come right this way please."
As he pulled aside the curtain to allow the Taylors to pass through, he looked down at the floor in thought. He wanted to treat Elli like a normal patient, but found it very difficult to do so. It was one of the many difficult things in his life...
His heart grew tight in his chest, suddenly, as Elli walked past him, her natural, sweet filling his nostrils. He was overwhelmed by his feelings of her at that very moment, and clenched his trembling fist in his lab coat pocket. He just knew the upcoming hour was going to be nearly unbearable.
The fact that he had to see Elli, be near her, touch her and speak with her, all the while knowing she'll never be his...
She'll never know how I feel, Tim thought forlornly. Of course it's my fault for not telling her when the time was right. It's my fault I pushed her away.
He looked up to see Elli already seated, her hand linked with her husband's.
Her husband...
Tim glanced at Jack, whose other hand was on his wife's belly, and felt something die in himself a little. No, he couldn't show any emotion...not right now. He had always been strong in that way, always maintaining a calm, professional air about himself. A private and quiet man, he showed emotion only when he was very close to someone. And now he could no longer share his thoughts and feelings with that someone...
The appointment had gone well so far with Elli pleased to know her weight and blood pressure were normal, and she was in good health overall. Now came time for the ultrasound. As Dr. Tim was getting the equipment for the Doppler ultrasound ready, he couldn't help but sorrowfully peek at Elli's rounded abdomen.
She was 20 weeks pregnant and glowing in joy at the knowledge she was a mother-to-be. Yet Tim wondered what it'd be like if he were her husband and the father of her baby...
Jack.
He has no idea how lucky he is, Tim thought. Elli is sweet, beautiful, kind, caring and wonderful...and I'm so stupid for letting her go.
He glanced again, this time at the well-loved farmer. His view on the young man was mixed. He felt Jack was a nice, hardworking guy who had done nothing wrong with courting and marrying the then single Elli. Yet it was because of this that Tim saw Jack as a rival of sorts (though Jack was already married) and felt uncomfortable and jealous around him.
He should let this go and be a friend to Jack, he knew, but he just couldn't...
Elli laid down on the examination table, feeling both nervous and excited. She felt nervous as she hoped nothing was wrong with the baby, yet excited to have a sonogram and to see her baby come to life and move within her. She looked up and smiled at her husband, who leaned down and kissed her forehead. She then glanced at Tim, who began to rub a cool, clear gel on her abdomen. She noticed that Tim seemed so concentrated, and thought it was to be expected from such a good doctor.
As he put the transducer on her and turned on the monitor, Tim thought back on his behavior.
Too late did he realize that this woman had had quite serious feelings for him, feelings that went unrequited for two years. In the beginning, he saw Elli as his young assistant, an assistant who needed to focus on her career and not on him...
Romance in the workplace meant trouble, Tim was convinced, and he did not want to complicate his job as well as Elli's, nor distract her from learning what she needed to know. In addition to that, he was used to knowing what to do in his career. But with women, he knew nothing... He couldn't risk letting others, especially a certain young woman whom he was beginning to show interest in, know this.
Too late he realized that in choosing no relationship for the both of them, he was the one who missed out.
But he wanted the best for her! Goddess, how did it come to this?
The Doppler was turned on, and the baby came to life on the monitor screen to everyone's left. "Here we are," Tim said softly, seeing the happiness in Jack and Elli's eyes. The sound of the baby's rapid heartbeat echoed throughout the small room.
"It's beautiful," Elli whispered, enjoying every moment of hearing it.
"Sounds like it's got a strong heartbeat," Jack commented proudly.
Tim nodded, focused on what needed to be done in the procedure. "You're right. The baby is in good health as well. Size and weight are just fine, the heartbeat is nice and strong... No abnormalities whatsoever."
"That's wonderful, Doctor. Oh!" Elli gasped quietly as the baby kicked.
"Wow!" Jack exclaimed, his eyes still fixated on the the monitor. "Look at it move! This is amazing, Hon!"
Elli smiled and took his hand, joining him in watching their baby. "Yes, it is."
Tim, seeing Elli, noticed he had never seen her this happy before. Wait, that wasn't true. He'd seen her smile this way, seen her eyes full of joy and love, heard her soft voice whenever she spoke of the people she cared for, seen her blush at the sight and mention of Jack...
He sighed, the realization that Elli would belong to Jack forever coming to him again.
He remembered when he slowly began to lose her to Jack.
She had greeted the farmer and welcomed him to the village three years ago, giving him sandwiches. She made small talk and was friendly to him. Oh, she was just being her usual kind self, Tim reasoned. As the two talked from time to time and got to know each other, they formed a warm friendship.
Good for her, Tim thought. Everyone deserves a friend. Elli seemed happier, especially when Jack brought her flowers.
Just as friends of course.
But after she watched the summer fireworks with Jack on the 24th, Elli came to work the next day with a certain look in her eyes. At the time, Tim thought she was just thinking of something. Now he realized that look was similar to the one she used to give him at times...
Days had gone by, days when Tim saw Jack more and more often, and he couldn't help but wonder why Jack would come to the clinic like this if he wasn't sick.
The flowers. The laughter and conversations. Elli. Of course...
If only he had paid more attention...
But he didn't.
That was why he was surprised when Elli seemed impatient one day. Apparently she had a date with Jack and wanted to go home early so she could get ready. The day had been a slow one, and Tim saw no harm in letting her go, assuring her he could handle everything.
The look of sincere gratitude in her eyes stirred his heart a bit...
He hadn't known Jack kissed Elli under the moonlight on the Moon Viewing Festival until Manna had spread the word. According to Manna, Elli was very pleased "and who wouldn't be after being kissed by a handsome man beneath the light of the stars and the moon? Oh, it's just like in those fairy tales I used to hear about as a little girl..."
Now Tim knew Manna was inaccurate at times, but he couldn't help but wonder if she had been right this time.
Winter came around, and he noticed Elli seemed busy and fretful during the second week. What for? he had thought. He finally realized it when he spotted a plate containing a slice of chocolate cake on her desk. The dessert was neatly wrapped in red plastic wrap and had a matching colored bow atop.
Oh, this was sweet, he had thought and promised he'd act surprised once Elli returned from the filing cabinet in the back room.
But when the young nurse strolled back into the lobby, grabbed the cake and her coat and walked out the front door, Tim stood there, blinking. Then he remembered Elli had asked permission to leave for about fifteen minutes so that she could take care of something.
He knew now.
And when the Starry Night Festival arrived, it was not Tim whom Elli asked to celebrate with. Before Jack came, he had always been the one who Elli's invitation was for. And every year, he had had rejected her for the same reasons. He was afraid of getting close to someone, he thought his time was better spent in a deep, philosophical conversation with Pastor Carter over a glass of wine, he wanted her to stay focused...
He especially wanted her to stay focused. He knew of Elli's dream to cure her grandmother, and he would never forgive himself if he stood in the way of that as her lover instead of her teacher. Education and career always came first, and she needed to understand that...
But last year, when he did not receive Elli's invitation, he was left with strange feelings. Why did he feel odd? He never looked forward to hurting the young nurse by rejecting her. Yet something inside was bothering him. His annual get-together with Carter was less enjoyable for some reason, and he was definitely distracted during conversation. His mind began to wonder.
What if he'd said yes to Elli, at least once? What if he found he enjoyed spending time with her outside of a work enviroment? What if work could be twice as enjoyable knowing he could depend on her not only as his assistant but as maybe...something else...?
That was when it hit Tim: he'd been wrong about Elli. She could balance her career and her social/love life. How very wrong he was in not giving her enough credit...
Elli was nothing but thoughtful and giddy in the days following Starry Night, but at the same time she was content, truly happy and at peace. There was a glow about her, an aura and spirit that elevated her heart and soul. The female villagers who knew her were certain that the young girl who grew up in the small village was now a happy woman in love...
At the New Year's celebration, Tim watched with envy as Jack asked Elli to dance. Why was this bothering him so much? Did he feel Jack didn't deserve Elli? He didn't know; he just knew he didn't like this feeling...
A question from Elli startled him one day.
She had approached him timidly and quietly asked if he had a moment to spare. Tim had nodded and put down his clipboard so he could give her his full attention. When he looked her in the eyes, he felt his heart beat just a little faster...
"Doctor, I need to tell you something..." Elli started slowly.
For some reason, Tim's heart wouldn't stop pounding. What would she say? Maybe she'd let him know she still had feelings for him...and then he'd tell her he cared for her as well and--
"I've been thinking lately... How would you feel if I were to stop working at the clinic? I don't plan on doing such a thing...um, not now anyway. But I need your thoughts on this..."
Stop working at the clinic? What? Why would she...?
Tim swallowed as he realized Elli probably had the feeling that Jack was going to propose soon. Now that he thought about it, word around town was that Jack was remodeling his house...
Tim saw the worry in Elli's eyes, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You've done so much for me, for everyone and this town. I nor anyone else will harbor ill feelings should you wish to leave the clinic," he said truthfully. "I would be able to manage on my own."
Elli didn't know it, but in his heart, Tim was saying goodbye.
And sure enough, Jack proposed at the end of Spring.
He remembered the day he heard the news. He'd come downstairs after his lunch break and was greeted by a blushing, teary-eyed nurse. "He finally asked me," she whispered, clutching a Blue Feather to her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh, Doctor, I'm so happy!"
It became very real to him that day that the young, beautiful Elli would truly never be his.
He attended the wedding and wished the bride and groom the best of luck, all the while feeling depressed that he had made the biggest mistake of his life when he failed to respond to Elli's feelings two years ago.
Only a day after he was on his own in the clinic did he realize how deep his feelings for his former employee were and how much he needed her. He had said he would be able to manage by himself if Elli ever left, but it was a lie he told to her and himself...
On his birthday, he received a card in the mail.
Elli.
She had written to tell him happy birthday in her neat, cursive handwriting, and that she hoped he was doing well. The letter even smelt like her, and Tim held it to his chest, feeling his heart nearly break at the kindness of the woman he was in love with.
Why... Why did he give her a reason to move on from him?
Elli came back to the clinic one day.
At first, Tim thought maybe she changed her mind and wanted to come back to work. That'd be great.. He would have someone to talk to again, and he could be near her and care for her again...forget that she was a married woman...
However, Elli was not a nurse that day, but a patient. She had greeted the Doctor in her usual kind manner, spoke with him and happily told him her married life was simply wonderful when she had been asked.
Good... Tim thought emotionlessly. Jack treats her well..she's happy...
Then Elli told the Doctor the reason for her visit, with a blush on her cheeks: "I've been feeling ill recently, and I think I have an idea why. But I want to be sure..."
Her years of experience in the medical field had not failed her: she was indeed pregnant. Although it was a joyous occasion, it was also another painful reminder to Tim that the woman before him was no longer the single Elli, but Mrs. Taylor, wife and mother-to-be.
And that day was the beginning of a lifelong struggle...
"Doctor?"
Elli's voice brought Tim from his thoughts back to reality. He shook his head a bit and blinked. How long had he been thinking now?
"Are you ok?" Elli asked worriedly.
Tim nodded slowly, looking away. "I just have a bit of...a headeache," he lied quietly. He nearly said heartache and although that would've been the truth, he couldn't say it. He had to maintain his image, continue pretending everything was fine.
But how long could he keep up this facade?
"Take it easy, ok, Doc?" Jack said, sharing his wife's concern.
Of course Tim knew he couldn't take it easy as long as he continued to covet Jack's wife. Maybe I'll go to church, he thought, shame rising within him. I've already sinned twice today...
Jack paid what was owed to the Doctor, and Elli thanked him before leaving. Tim watched the couple leave, more Elli than Jack, and sighed once the two were gone.
"And so continues another day without her..."
At home that night, Jack had prepared for bed and settled beneath the sheets, waiting for his wife to join him. She was in their bathroom, brushing her teeth. Jack pulled back the sheets on Elli's side of the bed, then laid on his back, his hands folded behind his head. His thoughts were on today's appointment. He found it absolutely amazing. Having been an only child, he had no experience when it came to babies. But he was determined to learn. He wanted to be the best husband and father he could be. Elli and my child deserve it, he thought proudly.
The bathroom door opened, and Elli emerged, her clothes in her hands. She was humming quietly, folding her clothes to put them away.
Jack looked up when the door opened, and was momentarily stunned. He felt his heart begin to race as his eyes traveled over his wife. She was beautiful to him. This was the way she looked everyday, but there was something about the way she looked tonight that made her even more beautiful to him.
Maybe it was the way she glowed in the path of moonlight coming through the window...maybe it was her pretty voice that hummed the song they sang together as children... or maybe it was the way her nightgown clung to her body, stretching over her pregnant frame. Or maybe it the was the look in her eyes as she glanced his way...
Elli caught her husband staring at her, and her cheeks flushed pink. "What?" she said softly.
Jack smiled, and his eyes lingered over her for another moment before he answered sincerely, "You're very pretty when you're pregnant."
Elli blushed deeper. "Really?"
"Yeah. Come here."
She put her clothes away and joined him in bed, where she kissed him deeply, appreciatively. "Mmmm," Jack murmured when they parted. "What was that for?" he asked, though he enjoyed it.
"For saying I'm pretty. Thank you."
He smiled. "It's true!"
She smiled too and cuddled close to her husband, enjoying the heat of his body. At the thought of heat, her mind went to the frequent thought of holding her baby, the warmth of its little body against her own. Her smile grew wider. She couldn't wait until her little one was born.
"I'm glad the baby is ok," she said softly. Her hand gently caressed her womb, her eyes following her own movements. It was all she could do but imagine stroking her baby as he or she lays on her chest.
Jack found her hand under the sheets and gently squeezed it. "So am I." Then he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. "I love you."
Hearing him say those words filled Elli with warmth, that of which spread to her cheeks, tinting them a soft red. She sighed internally, her heart swelling with requited affection for the man beside her. She smiled at him tenderly, and squeezed his hand in return, whispering, "I love you too...very much."
Later that night, Jack laid awake to observe his wife. He watched her sleep peacefully, admiring her beauty and listening to her rhythmic breathing. He had watched her sleep before when they were children. After playing for hours on the Taylor farm, they retreated to the peak of Mother's Hill, where Elli wanted to rest before continuing their game of hide-and-seek. However, within five minutes' time, she had fallen asleep next to Jack, her head resting on his shoulder. The young Jack merely smiled, partially embarrassed but partially pleased. It felt nice to know she depended on him even then, and as he let her rest against him, he thought it his duty to protect the young girl.
Jack smiled at the memory and reached out to gently stroke his wife's hair. He felt he always wanted to protect this woman. She was his best friend, his lover and the best thing that ever happened to him. He couldn't imagine his life without her.
Elsewhere, a certain man had no choice but to deal with this reality.
End.