p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt;"Why can't everything go back to being simple? Not that it ever was. I want Break to chase me through the halls again with me screaming at him. I want Elliot to vent to me about how much he hates Gil, whether I get annoyed at him or not. I want to take back that time I got upset at Uncle Oscar for braiding my hair like Jack's on my 25th birthday. I want to call Break Xerx-Nii-San just one more time, I want… I want to make sure he saw my face enough times that even when he's in heaven he won't forget what it looks like. In fact I'd give the world for one more candy being popped in my mouth followed by the comment to smile more. I should have visited Elliot at school more often, he would have told me to leave him alone but I would have stayed anyway. I bet he would have asked me to help him with his homework at least once, but maybe not because he was really smart and he always had Leo. I want one more day where I was so depressed that I didn't want to get out of bed so that Uncle Oscar could come and cheer me up. Now I'm just stuck laying there, I won't let Gil see me like this and Oz doesn't dare enter my room. Ada doesn't know I cry myself to sleep at night, neither does anyone else. Maybe Xerxes, Elliot, and Oscar do, that would be embarrassing, but I hope they know it's for them. I wish I was better at showing people how much I love them, maybe if I was I wouldn't have so many regrets. I hope that no one ever finds this, I'll probably burn it afterwards, because these three people are my biggest weaknesses. Or maybe… my biggest weaknesses are those that are still alive, the ones that I'm clinging on to so fiercely that it's going to kill me someday. The only people I have left. /p