"Have you ever heard those stories
where some random object suddenly starts acting up? Like maybe a haunted house?
I'm sure that after giggling about it with your friends, and maybe for a few
nights sleeping with the light on, you easily banished those tales from your
mind, after all, they're just stories, right?"
"But sometimes… they aren't
just stories. Sometimes, they can be horrifyingly true."
"Have you ever heard about that myth called the Pandora's Box? It was
in Greek mythology, once a long time ago, the gods wanted to punish men for
acquiring fire, gifted to them by Prometheus. You'd think they would have just
done the whole fire and brimstone deal, but that's the Christians, not the
Greeks. No, those gods were very quirky and decided to punish man through a most
unusual manner. They created a woman, though how those guys were reproducing
before then is beyond me, maybe homosexuality was okay back then? Anyway, this
woman was named Pandora, and all the gods gave her gifts, like beauty and crap
and stuff like that to make her incredibly alluring."
"One of those quirky tricky gods
though, gave her curiosity, which now in our time translates to nosiness.
Another god, I think it was Hermes, gave her this box, beautifully crafted and
decorated, and told her to never open it. That was asking for trouble right
there, I mean it's like reverse psychology. If a person tells you to not think
of something, *of course* you're going to end up thinking of it right?"
"The fucker of the entire thing is, that box was extra special. See,
even if it was damn pretty on the outside, it contained horrors. Pandora tried
to restrain herself, until her curiosity got the better of her, and finally she
opened the box. And to her great surprise, the damn thing unleashed horrors into
the world, demons, and monsters, hate, anger, starvation, sickness, all the bad
shit to test mankind. However, Pandora got a little reality check and slammed
the box shut, keeping inside the one thing that could help humanity overcome all
those problems. It was hope."
"Now you're probably wondering how that heartwarming little tale is
related to my story. Shut up and listen for a bit. See the same thing sorta
happened to our world like… eons ago. See, a long time ago, ancient times, the
human world and this whole other world, the Digital World were connected. They
had an open pathway between both worlds. Of course, there's always evil
waiting to snap its jaws, and many evil digimon tried to enter the human world
and take over it."
"'Course, the human world didn't lack for defenders, and many
onmyouji and other digimon tried to protect the humans. They managed to defeat
most of the monsters and send the rest back to the Digital World. They sealed
the evil digimon into this box, and everyone thought things would finally settle
down. They made plans to create a temporary barrier for the path, until they
could create the proper spell to send the box back without having more evil take
the Overlord Trip to the human world. Unfortunately, some bumbling fool
accidentally opened the box. The sorcerers managed to use all of their powers to
permanently seal off the gate, and ending up practically killing themselves. The
freed evil digimon, with nowhere to go, and unable to exist for long in the
human world now that the source of their life was cut off, hid in various
inanimate objects, furniture, cars, all that shit. It wasn't very smart move
if you ask me, god knows the successors of the original onmyoujis have been
trying to free and banish the digimon from too many goddamn objects. It's
kinda like that mahou shoujo thing, you always have to defeat some evil bad guy
created from some object, like a handkerchief."
"My family has been one of the Guardians of the human world ever since
that catastrophe struck. We're made up of kaitous… thieves. We steal all the
possessed objects and force the evil digimon to show themselves, and then we
banish them. 'Course we also get to keep the objects we steal. What do you
honestly think that the owners would accept that we had to steal them to free
them from evil digimon? They'd check us all in mental institutions."
"In my family, all the kids are trained from birth to become kaitous.
Then when we come of age, 14, we then receive the not so happy news that we're
going on a life of crime, and danger. Which would be pretty cool if it would
help you get the chicks, but sucks since you have to keep that secret identity
thing. And every new heir, the Shounen Kaitou makes his rounds again."
"And this year, on my fourteenth birthday, I'm going to be the newest
Guardian. Motomiya Daisuke"
"So welcome to the world of Mahou Shounen Kaitou Daisuke!"
"Cut!"
Motomiya
Daisuke blinked at his best friend Inoue Miyako, who was fiddling around with a
handcamera. It had taken them several hours to complete what Miyako claimed to
be "The Chronicles of a Kaitou" because Miyako had been dissatisfied with
the first few takes.
"Miyako-chan,
'So welcome to the world of Mahou Shounen Kaitou Daisuke!' would sound so
much more impressive and…. Mahou-ish if someone else said it. Like some
announcer guy with a nice deep voice."
"Silence!"
When Inoue Miyako said that and glared at you behind glasses that reflected the
light sinisterly, bearing a most frightening resemblance to Gendo Ikari, by
golly, you obeyed!
"I
still can't believe this is actually true!" Miyako sighed, lowering the
camera onto Daisuke's desk, and flopping onto the bed beside her best friend.
"Tell
me about it, I mean I always knew there was something strange when my mother
started teaching me how to steal my classmates crayons in kindergarten!"
Daisuke said laughingly.
"I
mean, who would have thought, the staid, *normal* Motomiya family had this kind
of secret!"
"That's
us, proper and law-abiding by day, magical thieves by night!"
"Not
you, runt, I always knew there was something odd about *you*." Miyako never
failed to rub Daisuke's face to the fact that she was a year older than him,
and happened to be slightly taller, by an inch, and INCH, thus persisted in
calling him names like "shorty" or "runt" or her favorite
"minuteman" which seemed to vastly amuse her for some strange reason. She
always added "In more ways than one!" to it before the set off into
uncontrollable laughter. If she hadn't been his best friend since he'd
stolen one of *her* crayons, but returned it when she cried about losing it, he
probably would have used his mad kaitou skillz to teach her a lesson.
"I
think it's rather sexist though!" Daisuke knew the look on Miyako's face.
Living in the same apartment, going to the same school, and being best friends,
he was the person who knew her best and could predict her moods and reactions
just by reading the certain way her eyebrows twitched when she was about to
scold you, or the way her eyes would get that twinkle before she started
rhapsodizing about her latest crush. People had often mistaken them for
something closer than friends, and claimed that they were such cute childhood
sweethearts. Old men would cackle on how Daisuke got himself a feisty wench, and
how she would be a firecracker in bed. Daisuke would protest that she would be
more like a foghorn. He knew from various sleepovers that she could outsnore his
own father. Still, no matter how violently both of them protested, people would
just exchange knowing looks and pat their heads.
"W-what
is?"
"That
only the males in your family get to be the Guardian! I mean, isn't that
chauvinistic? Don't your family elders think that girls could handle it
too?"
"Maa,
maa, Miya-chan." Daisuke said soothingly, when it became apartment that Miyako
would take up another hour on her soapbox if not calmed. "We *do* have female
kaitous… as a matter of fact, my sister was one before she…" Daisuke
abruptly cut himself off. His sister was a very painful subject, and he often
avoided speaking about her. Most of his classmates didn't even know that he
had a sister. Only Miyako knew that she had disappeared when Daisuke had been
10, but never knew the specifics.
Miyako
softened, knowing that her often gratingly cheerful friend had a very sensitive
side to him. If anything, she was more like an elder sister to him, rather than
a girlfriend. To Daisuke, she was a lot like his elder sister, Jun. All spunk
and fire, but actually very loving once you got past the boy-crazy exterior she
put on. Daisuke, uncomfortable with the topic, smiled his patented Daisuke grin,
guaranteed to make him seem blindingly happy. It was an easy shield for him to
use. If some people used indifference and aloofness, Daisuke would hide behind a
bright smile and a joke. It was not often that the boy would have to force a
smile, he was the kind of person never to hold negative feelings for long.
Miyako,
understanding him, changed the topic. "Anyway, now that we're done with the
introduction, let's move on to the real stuff!" She bounced on the bed,
making the boy nearly fall off from where he was perched. "When's the
ceremony going to be?"
"On
my birthday, Miya, you know that!" Daisuke scrambled to regain his balance,
all in all not an inspiring picture for would-be kaitou fans. "You're
invited to watch the ceremony, by the way."
"Of
course, I would be!" The lavender-haired girl sent her friend a huffy look.
This was an important and exciting event in her best friend's life and she
would not be left out, rules or not! "So we only have one week left to
prepare!"
"Prepare?
Prepare what?" It seemed like Daisuke's role would be the questioning
parrot.
"For
your signature style of course! First you need to get a cool name. 'Shounen
Kaitou' is too general, and just about anyone can assume your identity! Then
we get to your cool costumes, which *I'm* going to design of course! Then we
get your cool weapons, and maybe something… unique for you to leave at the
scene of the crime! You know like Dark Mousy in DN Angel, sending warning
notices, or like throw a rose around like Tuxedo Mask! This is going to be so
awesome!" Miyako squealed.
Daisuke
was horrified. "There is no way I'm going to throw around a rose! How gay do
you think I am?" Miyako shot him the look that Daisuke correctly interpreted
as her Asuka Sohryuu Langley interpretation. The two teenagers shared a love for
all things anime and manga, and their hobbies included writing fanfiction and in
Daisuke's case drawing fanart and doujinshi. They were even doing their own
manga.
"It
doesn't matter if it's a rose you throw around, or if you wield a whip,
Daisuke-*chan*" Miyako emphasized the –chan. "You just need a signature!
Something to proclaim to Japan that the Mahou Shounen Kaitou is back in
business! Make the world pay attention! You want that don't you?"
"Well…
yes…"
"So
shut up and pay attention!" It was clear that in this partnership, Daisuke
was… to put it kindly… whipped. He may be the one doing the thefts, but
Miyako would be bossing him around all the while. Upon coming to this
realization, Daisuke groaned and flopped onto his back on the bed, covering his
eyes with his right forearm. Maybe it would have been better to have kept his
kaitou destiny a secret from his best friend. The idea was rejected immediately.
The secret identity was difficult enough to deal with without having to make
excuses to Miyako.
"Alright,
first, we have to find you a cool weapon, name, signature…" Miyako was in
her element. A connoisseur of various mahou shounen/shoujo series, she was now
being given a chance to create her own magical boy! How exciting!
"Alright,
cool name… how about, Akai Kitsune? No… sounds too nyargh, whatever. Erm,
Yami no Tenshi? Nope… You're no Kaworu Nagisa…"
"How
about Daisuke the Great?" was Daisuke's feeble input.
"No!
Bakayoru! It's unoriginal and totally ruins the secret identity thing!"
Miyako was giving her friend a horrified look for even suggesting such a thing.
"We're trying to be cool yet ambiguous, not pander to your ego!"
Sometimes,
Daisuke wondered how he even *had* an ego with Miyako around.
"Let's
just move on… alright, cool weapon… how about a laptop?"
"Oh
brilliant Miyako. So what do I do when I attack a digimon? Rope them and scream,
"Modem Cable of Love!" Daisuke said, mimicking a certain mahou shoujo.
Miyako couldn't help but snicker at the mental image.
"No,
fool! That's too shoujo!"
After
thirty minutes of debate, Daisuke gave up, and shook his head.
"And
how, pray tell, do we come up with this?"
"Research!"
Miyako stood up and grabbed the bag she had brought with her for exactly this
discussion. She pulled out tankoubons of Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne, DN Angel, and
many others, and threw out many anime DVDs.
"Miyako?"
Daisuke mumbled, buried underneath the pile of Miyako's "research
material".
"Motomiya
Daisuke, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to read as many mahou
shoujo/shounen manga as you possibly can in one week to come up with your kaitou
identity." Miyako said, sounding far too much like the man in that spy movie
for Daisuke's liking. 'I knew I never should have let her watch those gaijin
movies.' he thought.
"Whoops,
need to go home now!" Miyako cried out, after checking her wristwatch.
"Happy reading, Mahou Shounen Kaitou Daisuke-chan!" she said with a grin and
ran out of his room.
"Why
me?"
