HP!AU for FMA

"No way, Maes!" Roy snapped. "This is …I would never do that to Riza!"

Maes nudged him "Come on, it's just a little prank"

"Do you not remember what Armstrong did when someone spiked her with that damn potion?" Roy asked lowly. He didn't want to be overheard, even mentioning The Incident would get him cursed to high heaven by the blonde so-called Ice Queen. "Because I'm pretty sure Riza would jinx you so hard your grandkids will feel it. And I don't want to see if she's scarier than Armstrong when she's pissed because, honestly? I don't want to know."

"A duel between them would be interesting, don't you think?" Maes says curiously, rubbing at his chin with exaggerated thoughtfulness. Completely ignoring anything else Roy had said. "Riza has better aim, but Armstrong uses wider ranged destructive spells…"

"If by 'interesting' you mean 'would probably blow up the castle' then yes" Roy replies, annoyed. Maes didn't understand. He had never seen Riza truly angry, not like Roy had. "This is wrong, Maes"

"I just want to see-"

"I hate that damn potion" Roy muttered, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Can't trust anything I eat or drink" His dark eyes narrowed on the beverage he had just poured, unable to help but entertain his suspicions. He had seen it appear on the table, unless someone had managed to trick the elves down in the kitchen it was safe.

Roy sympathized with Armstrong, for once. Though he would rather snap his wand than admit it out loud. He too was a popular target for potions and charms to gain his attention and affections, though he hadn't been victim to a love potion like she had been.

Yet, that is. He thought darkly, sneaking a glance at his best friend.

His best friend who was innocently fiddling with a very suspicious looking little vial.

"Maes-" He growled.

"What?" Maes asked, the absolute picture of innocence.

"I have a feeling that potion isn't pepper up" Roy hissed. "And I also think that it isn't attuned to you"

"Wow, Roy!" Maes exclaimed happily and sarcastically. "Are you sure you aren't a Seer?" he teased.

"I'm seeing myself stuffing that potion down your throat, vial and all" Roy replied calmly.

"Violent this morning, aren't you?" Maes responded, not bothered by the threat at all. "But yes, this potion is attuned to you so unless you want my oh so lovely affections I wouldn't suggest stuffing it down my throat"

Roy raised a dark eyebrow "You're right, I wouldn't want to deal with you. Maybe I should give it to Gracia and see how you like it" He taunted.

Finally, Roy thought victoriously, a flicker of annoyance appeared on Maes' face. "Not funny"

"It's hilarious" Roy disagreed flatly, taking a sip of his coffee. "And if you can see the problem with giving it to Gracia then you can see the problem in giving it to Riza" He added seriously.

"Yeah, yeah" Maes sighed, and put the vial down on the table. "It wears off in two hours" He informed his friend. "I've tested it"

"You tested it?" Roy sputtered.

"All parties consenting" Maes assured him with a grin. "Jean is just as bad at flirting with the potion as he is without, in case you were wondering"

"Jean?" Roy repeated. "What…Who…?"

Maes shrugged, a devious grin on his face. "I talked Sheska into taking care of him for two hours in exchange for some new books"

Roy rubbed at the bridge of his nose and gave a long suffering sigh. "That poor girl…what has she ever done to you Maes? Why do you always do this to her?"

"Hey, she does it to herself!" Maes argued, pushing his glasses higher on his nose. "She does it because she's curious about my ideas and willing to actually experiment a little…unlike you" He shrugged "And Jean did it for a few sickles"

"Because I can actually say no to your stupid schemes" Roy replied with a roll of his eyes.

Maes snorted "Sometimes you can, don't flatter yourself"

Roy grumbled into his coffee, unable to truthfully deny it. An arm obscured his vision as he put his cup back down.

"Hey-!"

"You can't fall in love with yourself" Maes explained as he emptied the vial into the cup. He gives Roy a wry look "Well, no more than you already are"

"Pouring a love potion into my coffee is not how I would get rid of it" Roy complained, staring down at the dark liquid. He ignored the comment on his ego. Roy knew he was confident, but Riza always made sure he didn't become too self important.

Maes had just poured the potion into a perfectly good cup of coffee and Roy knew it was just to agitate him.

The coffee didn't look any different and Maes was right, a potion attuned for him would have no effect and he had already mixed in sugar and creamer. Was it not so early in the morning then maybe he could be bothered to get a new cup but…

He sniffed it, ignoring Maes' amused face as he did so.

It didn't smell any different…

Wait. He took another sniff, eyes narrowing. Yes it did. Barely and only because he was looking for it. Very very slightly and nearly overwhelmed by the smell of coffee.

He remembered what amortenia smelled like for him from potions, but it still had his stomach jolting a bit.

The smell of burning wood from a fireplace, old parchment, and an odd mixed scent of flowers and gunpowder that Roy would deny belonged to a certain blonde he knew.

"It's not amortenia, I'm not rich and that stuff isn't cheap" Maes informs, him, pouring himself a glass of pumpkin juice. "It's just the Twilight Moonbeam love potion. It still smells nice, though"

"That's from the WonderWitch line, isn't it?" Roy asked, still frowning into his potion contaminated coffee.

"Yup" Maes replies, drinking from his glass and reaching for a biscuit. "You just put a hair of who you want the drinker to fall for. Easy"

"Do I want to know how you got one of my hairs?" Roy asked warily, Maes didn't answer beyond an amused 'do you really want to know?' look.

Roy shrugged and took a drink from his cup, not caring at this point. He looked up as the morning post came in, an owl carrying the morning paper swooping towards them.

Riza liked to read the morning paper, whereas Roy preferred the evening edition. They shared a subscription and so Roy took the paper and unfurled it, taking a quick glance at the headline as he sipped his coffee.

Nothing he found terribly interesting.

"Hey, Roy!" A voice from behind him called. Roy looked up and turned, seeing Heymans waving at him from across the hall. "Come here for a sec!"

Roy sighed, and gave Maes a warning look as he got up to see what his friend needed.

When he returned Riza was sitting across from Maes, Roy slid into the seat next to her.

"Good morning" he greeted, smiling as he caught a glimpse at the strands of hair at the edge of Riza's bangs that, no matter how hard she tried, refused to be tamed. They always stuck out a little and Roy always found it endearing and amusing.

"Good morning" She replied, gracing him with a smile of her own.

Maes was grinning like the cat that got the canary and Roy knew to be wary of that look.

"Maes, wha…" he trailed off in the middle of asking what had his friend so smug. He followed Maes' line of sight and felt his stomach drop to the floor.

Oh god, Riza was going to murder him and hang his body from the Grand Staircase. Olivier would use him as a piñata as she and Rebecca bought Riza congratulatory butterbeers. He was dead. He was so dead. He should send his aunt his things now to save the school the trouble later because he was dead. He was so dead that the ghosts should start preparing a welcoming feast for him. He wasso dead that he should decide where he wanted to be buried now. He was just…So. Very. Dead.

And Maes Hughes murdered him. He was so going to haunt him.

She had his tainted coffee cup in her hand and Roy suddenly remembered that she often took sips from his drink or stole food off his plate. He did the same, after all. But now…

He was so dead.

"…Riza?" He squeaked, causing Maes to slap his hands over his mouth in an attempt to stifle his laughter.

Since Maes was practically dying not to laugh meant that she had already drunk some.

"Hmm?" Riza asked, putting the cup back on the table.

She didn't look any different, Roy thought frantically. And she hadn't said anything…

"Roy? You look like you're going to be sick" She said worriedly, eyebrows coming together as she scrutinized him. She leaned in closer and Roy got a whiff of that damn flower-gunpowder scent.

Well, he felt like being sick. Sick with dread. But for a moment confusion overwhelmed him.

"A-Ah…no just…I haven't studied for our test in Defense yet…" He stuttered, saying the first thing he could think of.

As from a great distance he heard Maes' snort, losing his fight to stay quiet. Roy didn't care, he was entirely focused on Riza and whether or not he had two hours to complete his will and testament before she regained her senses and cursed him six ways to Sunday.

Roy very dearly wished that the floor would open up and swallow him.

Instead of love struck or shy or anything else that Roy associated with love potions Riza simply looked at him as if he'd gone crazy.

"The test is on Wednesday and today is Saturday…" She said, speaking slowly as one would when explaining something to a child. She of all people knew he was not the type to study so far in advance without badgering, let alone worry about not having done so yet.

Her eyes narrowed, going from Roy to Maes, who was shaking with the effort to keep his snickering quiet.

"Alright what's going on?" She demanded, when her blazing auburn eyes returned to him Roy jumped in his seat.

He put his hands up in surrender and resisted the urge to run out of the great hall.

"Nothing!" He said a little too quickly. She frowned, skepticism clear on her face. "I did nothing!" Roy insisted. "H-He…" He pointed at Maes across the table, he had stopped laughing but still had a wide grin on his face as he looked from Riza to Roy.

"I what, Roy?" Maes said, much too innocently, a conniving sparkle in his eyes.

"You-!"

"You're the only one of us who's acting differently" Maes said, with a significant look as he met Roy's eyes.

Roy's eyes widened and his jaw slackened as he realized what his friend was saying. He looked at Riza again who simply raised a blonde eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

Riza…Riza wasn't…affected?

But there were only two explanations. Either she had recently taken a Hate Potion to cancel it out or…

Roy swallowed, his heart pounding so hard he thought the organ was going to escape his chest and run away like he wanted to.

Or there was nothing to change.

"Riza…" Roy swallowed, his throat feeling dry. His voice had yet regained its squeaky quality. "Maes…uh…he put a potion in my coffee. Do you-Do you feel alright?" It was the truth, to an extent.

Riza's eyes widened in alarm, then narrowed in anger, thankfully directed at Maes as she whirled to face him. "What did you put in there?" She demanded sharply.

But nothing, not even Riza Hawkeye's temper, could put a dent in Maes' good mood.

"Something that apparently has no effect on you two" Maes said smugly.

"That's impossible" Riza said simply, still annoyed. "Whatever it was must have been defective"

"Yeah, sure" Maes agreed, still smirking.

Roy was going to murder him.

Right after gravity stopped moving everywhere. It was a good thing he was sitting down, Roy realized in a distant part of his mind, because otherwise he would have toppled over.

"Maes you know better than to be putting potions in people's drinks" Riza scolded, pushing the contaminated coffee further away from her, a troubled frown on her lips.

Roy watched her as she did so. Watched as she acted the exact same way as she always did.

She was fine. She wasn't affected. She wasn't affected by a Love Potion that was directed at him.

"I do" Maes said, smile firmly in place.

Riza noticed. "Did someone hit you with a cheering charm?" She asked, clearly suspicious of her friend's strange behavior.

"No, I'm just happy. It's a great day." He looked over at Roy, who was nearly catatonic at this point. Maes' grin widened when he saw his friend was staring into space. "Don't you think so Roy? It's Saturday. The sun is shining and the birds are singing…and here we are without a care in the world. What a wonderful morning!" he finished dramatically, grinning ear to ear.

Roy wasn't sure if he wanted to throttle him or curse him. But the thought was distant, as if Roy was reading about it rather than thinking it himself. Most of his mental facilities were running and screaming in his head, the mental equivalent of a record scratching or tires screeching. Everything was just…stopping and starting and rearranging.

Riza wasn't affected by the Love Potion.

"…I'm about to hit you with something a lot less pleasant than a cheering charm" Roy finally said, almost in a daze. Yes, he could latch onto that thought.

That was not earth shattering or world changing.

Getting sweet, sweet, revenge on Maes Hughes was what he could focus on. That didn't cause his brain to shut down.

"Let it go, Roy" Riza said, rolling her eyes at her two friends. She poured herself a non-potion contaminated cup of coffee. She poured another one and handed it to Roy. "Whatever it was didn't work"

Roy turned away from glaring at Maes to give Riza his full attention.

Didn't work…Didn't work!? Oh if only she knew….

Should he tell her? Or let her live in ignorance? And was she really not acting any different? She hadn't so much as blushed…

Maybe Maes was fucking with him, maybe it hadn't been a Love Potion…

But no, Roy realized, he had smelled it himself. It was a Love Potion.

But if he told her…That would certainly put her on the spot about her…feelings.

Feelings for him….

No, he couldn't do that to her, wouldn't…

Plus Riza would probably kill Maes before Roy got the chance to.

"But Riza…" he said weakly

"If you're that bothered then take house points, Mr. Prefect" She replied, looking at him expectantly.

Roy stared at her, not processing her words. The thoughts of Love Potion, not affected, and Rizaconsuming his thoughts. With a small portion to spare for thinking about how he was going to make Maes wish he had never heard of the word 'potion.'

Riza looked at him quizzically when he didn't respond, worry appearing in her eyes.

"Maes, five points for putting a potion in Roy's drink" She said decidedly, eyes firmly on Roy as she spoke. Worried about his distant stare. He was looking at her, but his thoughts were a million miles away.

Maes wasn't bothered in the slightest.

"Worth it" He said cheerily, holding up his glass of pumpkin juice in a half hearted toast.

"Roy are you sure you're alright?" She asked, speaking gently. "You look pale"

He must really look shaken for her to look at him like that, Roy realized.

He shouldn't make her worry, he hated to make her worry.

"Fine" he tried to sound as normal as he could. "Sorry, I'm just… thinking" Again it was the partial truth.

What he was thinking….Riza isn't affected by the Love Potion.

Would the adrenaline from that realization ever leave his veins? Roy couldn't imagine it would.

Riza's lips thinned as her focus shifted to her too happy friend across the table. "It doesn't have delayed effects does it?" Her tone implying exactly what she'd do if the answer was yes. "Whatever it is hasn't made Roy sick?"

"No, it hasn't. That's just Roy being Roy. It doesn't make people sick" The bespectacled student answered honestly. Unless you count love sick, he added mentally.

"Maes-" Riza began, but he waved her off.

"Relax, it was only supposed to last for two hours anyways" He shrugged "But since it's not having an effect you don't have to worry"

Roy's eyes narrowed at his friend as he put sugar and cream into the new coffee Riza had given him. Finally coming back to earth by shoving 'Riza isn't affected by the Love Potion' to a very dark corner in the back of his mind. He needed to focus on how he was going to get back at Maes. He had to focus on not worrying Riza by acting weird.

…Had to focus on why Riza wasn't acting weird.

No he had to not focus on that, Roy thought sternly.

His heart sped up again.

Maes met his glare and winked, grin widening to a maddening degree.

Riza wouldn't know, but Roy did. Maes was choosing his words carefully. Maes had said 'not having an effect' instead of 'not working' and Roy knew why.

He would take more house points but he knew Maes didn't care. No, Roy thought, Maes deserved much worse than simple point deductions…Maybe he would jinx his glasses into losing their prescription. That would annoy him sufficiently. Yet Roy was tempted to do more…maybe curse him to taste nothing but spinach for a month?

Possible, Roy thought, calming down as he thought up new ways to get revenge. He took a sip of his coffee before turning back to Riza.

Again he made sure to check if she wasn't acting any differently but she was the same as always, and Roy was confident that out of everyone he would be able to tell if she was acting strangely. Roy discovered that he was hoping that she would continue to act as normal.

No! Roy thought frantically staring at the table with wide eyes. He shouldn't hope for anything. Riza was his friend! He shouldn't be hoping for anything!

He looked up and snuck a peak at Riza where she sat to his right.

Currently she was nibbling on a piece of toast and reading the newspaper, not even paying the slightest attention to either him or Maes. The morning sun streaming down from the hall's large windows making her golden hair glow prettily in a way that, once Roy noticed, he had to force himself to look back at the table.

That wasn't new, but it still caught Roy off guard every time. Which, unfortunately (or fortunately) for him was every morning.

And why was that? Roy wondered. Oh he knew Riza was pretty, beautiful, even. And she was his friend and he lo-cared for her deeply. And he knew she cared for him too but…Not affected by the Love Potion

Roy shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

He saw Maes watching him watch her, and Roy was quick to send another annoyed glance at his best friend. Maes shrugged and began to pile food onto his plate for his breakfast.

Roy gave Maes another dirty look but took his cue to start breakfast. He didn't have much of an appetite, his stomach was in horrible knots and his heart rate was still a mile a minute, but if he didn't eat then Riza would be suspicious.

He made Riza's plate too, seeing as she was engrossed with the newspaper, as usual. When Roy slid the plate over to her she finally spoke.

"What was the potion anyways?" Riza asked, not looking up from the paper.

"Yeah, Roy, what was it?" Maes asked cheerily.

"I don't know, you're the one who put it in there" Roy growled. You tell her, he thought vindictively

Maes frowned at him for the first time since Riza had sat down. Debating the wisdom of telling Riza Hawkeye that he had just put love potion in Roy's morning coffee.

No, Maes thought wisely, he liked his current non-jinxed self.

"Nothing" he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

Riza peeked at him from over the paper, eyes narrowing in suspicion. She thought about the effort of wheedling the answer out of him but seeing as whatever it was didn't work…She could ask later, if it was important. She knew that when Maes didn't want to talk, he wouldn't. Besides, if Roy wasn't insisting on it then it couldn't be anything too terrible.

And if Roy insisted he felt fine and Riza knew she herself felt perfectly normal and seeing as neither of them had suddenly sprouted feathers…She could let it slide.

"Potion incident aside, are we still going to practice Transfiguration today?" Riza asked, her attention shifting as she spoke to both of them.

Roy shrugged as casually as possible even though his bones suddenly felt too long for his body "Yes, as long as Maes stays away from the potions" He added pointedly, looking at his best friend who was still grinning.

"Are you sure, Roy?" Maes asked cheekily. "I don't want to be a third wheel, here. Don't you want to spend some alone time with Riza?"

"No more so than usual, Maes" Roy ground out, long used to his friends antics to match make. But now there was a fire in his very bones, worry and agitation and the thought of Riza not affected by Love Potion.

Maybe he should pretend to be sick. But then Riza would insist on taking care of him, wouldn't she?

Oh, how was he ever going to deal with this?

No . Roy thought. It didn't matter. Everything was the same as always. Riza was his friend. And if there was…something…she wanted to tell him then he would listen but until then everything was perfectly normal and fine.

The same as it always was. Riza with her sharp mind and gentle heart.

"If you're worried about being a third wheel then we can invite Rebecca or Gracia" Riza suggested calmly, peering at Maes from over the paper. "Though I think they had plans today"

Like Roy she was also used to Maes' 'suggestions.' They had flustered her at first, but at this point in their friendship she had developed an immunity.

"As if that harpy you call a best friend would study with me in the room…" Roy grumbled, more out of habit than thought, biting into a piece of bacon. It tasted like ash.

Riza sighed exasperatedly "I honestly don't understand why the two of you can't get along…"

And so the conversation went. It was normal, by Roy's standards. Too normal.

Except for his pounding heart and twisting stomach.

If love potion didn't have any effects…what did that mean?

Roy knew the answer, but he desperately didn't want to think about it.

Mostly because he didn't know how he felt about that fact.

But, strangely or not so strangely, Roy realized that it actually didn't matter. It changed nothing. He and Riza were the same as always. And so was Maes, though he was happier and smugger than usual. But…truly it was fine.

Even with his new found knowledge Roy realized that it truly didn't change anything. Riza was his friend, and though he had to constantly push away thoughts about how he felt about the Love Potion not affecting her…He felt the same and she acted the same.

He cared for her deeply and if she ever wanted to tell him about her feelings then he would listen and maybe then he would confront his own feelings on the subject. As of now Roy didn't want to. They were friends and he didn't want to jeopardize that by even thinking about what else he could feel for her.

The two hours passed without him noticing.

It was eight at night and Roy was walking down the hallways with Maes by his side. Riza having left them to spend time with Rebecca a few hours ago. The hall was abandoned and Roy could see no one else around.

"Alright, out with it" Roy finally said, turning on his heel to face his friend. "You've had that look on your face all day" he was ready for Maes' to say 'I told you so' or some other nonsense.

Roy had been thinking about it all day and he already had his reply. It was a good reply about respecting Riza's right to share her feelings on her own time and how this didn't mean Roy had to tell her or Maes anything about what he might feel, which as far as he was concerned was nothing but friendship.

He and Riza were friends. Yes. That was it. And Roy hadn't been happy or pleased or anything about the potion's non-affect. Not at all.

And he was still extremely cross with Maes for forcing Riza's feelings out into the open like that, even if it was only known to the two of them.

Maes crossed his arms, his face the very definition of self-satisfaction.

"That potion wasn't for Riza"

It wasn't often that Roy was rendered speechless.

"Huh?"

"You're a smart man, Roy. But sometimes you're a little too trusting" Maes revealed, practically giddy. "I can't believe you drank something that you knew I had poured a potion into! You even saw me do it, after I told you what it was!" He chuckled, his amusement increasing as Roy's face turned a funny shade of angry pink.

"What did you do?" Roy asked, feeling his stomach drop. He had an idea. A very very bad idea…

"Oh come on, put some thought into it. I'm sure you can guess who the potion you took was attuned towards…You smelled it yourself, it was a love potion" He shrugged. "It had no effect on Riza…"

Because you can't fall in love with yourself, Roy thought, eyes widening with horror and realization. Recalling their conversation that morning.

"You spiked me with love potion!?" Roy squawked, trying to keep his voice down. He didn't need the whole school to know.

"Love potions cannot synthetically cause an emotion that is already genuinely present" Maes said, sounding as if he was quoting something.

Roy stared. His world view was tilting with realization and his anger was trying to find its footing as it did so.

…He knew how he felt about Riza. Or he thought he did. They were friends. Best friends. Childhood friends…But this…This was something else. This was Love Potions they were talking about!

He had spent all day thinking about Riza, about it not affecting her. And yet all this time…

"Don't lecture me on potions you traitor! You-you…" Roy said, spluttering and not able to think of enough insults. He wasn't sure if he was more angry, embarrassed or utterly confused.

Love. Love? Love!? The word wouldn't stop ricocheting in his head and all Roy could think of was the scent of flowers and gunpowder, of how Riza's hair glowed in the morning sun or the gentleness that showed itself through her auburn eyes and soft smile.

She was his friend! And he…

He…he cared for her so very deeply.

And he wasn't affected by the Love Potion.

The other thing that all Roy could think of was how badly he wanted to throttle his best friend with his tie.

"With that potion you were supposed to fall in love with Riza Hawkeye for two hours…" he paused for dramatic effect. "Funny" Maes said with mock thoughtfulness "You didn't act any different…No effect whatsoever…You were able to be mad at me and practice Transfiguration and everything else, just like normal" He smiled, this time it was genuine and not at all gloating. His eyes were kind. "Roy, I think it's time you confronted your feelings for Riza"

"MAES HUGHES!"

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please review!