Hey, want to do something that will maybe seem fun and cruel at the same time?

*sigh* What is it? It better not involve altering the DW universe.

Oh, we're doing the opposite. How about letting these guys live in this world for a while?

...What...?

You heard me, we take those guys, and stick 'em in the real world.

We need a reason to take them out here.

Oh, I know that, and that's why I placed 10,000 pounds of Minecraft dynamite in the center of China.

WHAT?!

Director takes out his computer, and presses a couple of buttons. A loud boom is emitted.

*BOOOOOOOOOM*

Whoops, my computer crashed.

What did you do?!

Director said in a calm voice,"I got rid of the land, and now DW characters have no where to go and they have to live in this world."

Did I just hear what I thought you said? Excuse me, I-I think I had earwax stuck inside my ears. Could you repeat that?

I blew up China, simple.

What about the innocent people that-

I disabled civilians for the DW world. No one was harmed.

What about-?

Also disabled animals.

The DW characters?

Oh, they will be looking a little burnt.

They're dead?

No, they would get caught in the blast, but won't die. Just smoking.

I-I...You...You're a psychopath!

Compared to Szayel Aporro Granz from BLEACH, I look like a sane man. He would have used nuclear bombs instead of dynamite.

Animator composes himself and said,"Well, you got them without their home. What are you going to do?"

They'll be here.

Is the boss even going to approve of this? You will lose your job!

Oh, who says anyone's going to know about this? Only you and I know this happened.

Director's voice turns serious,"This is an experiment. Unfortunately, it's not authorized. So, I had to do this the hard way."

Why are you doing this?

I said I was a computer engineer, but that was a lie. I was a scientist once responsible for millions of deaths. I was one of the people that created the atomic bomb and then the hydrogen bomb. But you know my true identity now, so I can't let you live.

You won't get away with this!

But since we're good friends ever since we first worked together, I'll be nice to you one last time. But, if you run to the authorities, I'll kill you on the spot.

Director removes his sunglasses, and crushes them. "This identity of mine was to mask my true colors, you always thought of me as a fool that messes things up."

"So every stupid thing that you've done, was just to cover up your scheming side? I should have known no one could be that stupid to work here and not get fired the next day!"

Director chuckled,"You are sharp, but not enough. You never knew my name, that's got to be a red flag for you. Well, I should tell you my name before this. My name is Dr. Takasugi Abuto. Since we are revealing our names, you should reveal yours."

"I guess I'm going to die, I should reveal it. My name is Izuru Sakabatou."

"That's what I found when I looked at your file. And you are not a computer engineer, you were a failed doctor that let multiple patients die under your care. Thus losing your doctor's license." Izuru flinched at the info being thrown at him. "Damn, you knew. I thought I could have a fresh start by working here. But I didn't know there would be someone that actually remembers those years."

Takasugi laughed manically,"HAHAHAHAHA! A failure doctor and a hidden scientist working here? What are the odds? Well, time for my experiment to start. We don't want to dawdle, well now, Izuru?"

Izuru glared at him.

Takasugi looked back, then laughs when he walks away.

He then walks back, laughing. "HAHAHA! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I can't continue this. We're lying to the audience here." Izuru then laughs with him. "God, I was starting to believe it myself! HAHAHA!" Takasugi regains himself and turns to you, the reader.

"This whole thing was staged, if you hadn't noticed yet, you should have saw this coming, when I said I was a scientist that worked on atomic bombs and hydrogen bombs, that would put me at around World War Two. And I'm only twenty-two! If that was true, I would have been older than Huang Zhong! I crushed my sunglasses, just like Sosuke Aizen when he revealed he was evil. That's another red flag that this was too good to be true! Also, those were fake. I have my real ones here." He puts his sunglasses on. "Another red flag was when the writing style changed. It was simple from the beginning and it started to have the correct way of writing dialogue as you read further. And my voice turned serious! You never see me be serious! The only thing we didn't lie to you about was our names. I'm just not a doctor. Though the blowing up China thing was my idea, I'm not doing it out of cruelty. "

Izuru gets into the conversation."I was never a doctor, but I got a doctorate in computer engineering though. We're sorry for misleading you, but when Takasugi did the "I am bad now" card, you should realize he did it in a cliche anime way. And I just learned Director's name now."

Takasugi said in a sarcastic voice, "You're welcome. But that's not really a big deal. The author just did not have a name ready for me and tried hard to make us not call each other using our temporary names."

"I thought the author did not like giving names."

"Yeah, she doesn't. But it's weird for other people to call us Director and Animator. So the author felt like giving us names would break up some inconvenience."

"Alright, we should get started with bringing those DW guys out here for the experiment. You did not blow up China for nothing."

"Why are you calling this an experiment?"

"It kinda is, you are seeing if they could live here without screwing up."

"Huh, yeah. We should check on them."

Takasugi gets his computer, and looks at China through the screen. "Whoa, those dynamite blocks really pack a punch. Let's see how Sima Yi's doing." He sets the screen, and it revealed Sima Yi covered in soot.

Sima Yi coughs then says,"What cataclysm has destroyed all of the land in one fell swoop?"

"Ha, he looks like a chimney sweep. But I should fetch everyone to get over here."

"What about Dong Zhou?"

Takasugi sighs and says sadly,"...Yes, him too..."

"How are you bringing them here?"

"We have a portal."

"We have a portal?"

"How else we got the DW guys here for the counseling?"

Takasugi and Izuru enter the room that contained the portal and turned it on. Takasugi suddenly said out loud,"It's possible they are not able to go back to China." Izuru looked at him in shock and said,"Why not?" He replied,"It turns out 10,000 blocks of dynamite is enough to cause the server that helps repair China crash completely. We are going to have to make them blend in here for the rest of their lives possibly."

"They can't age nor die of natural causes! They'll be ageless in this world, and this will cause a ruckus! Is that server operable?"

"We are going to have to wait a month to see what really happened to the land. In the meantime, they have to learn to survive here. But almost everyone is grown-up, so we won't have to worry."

"The older people yes, but what about the younger ones? You know, like Sima Zhao, Liu Shan, or the Guans?"

"They have parents. But obviously they are going to have to get a job as well."

Takasugi looks at the portal worriedly,"We are going to have to drag them out here using this."

*1 hour later*

Everyone, covered in soot and blackened, appears in the large room the portal was in.

"Oh, look, Li Dian has an afro. Gan Ning too. Oh, nice! Xiahou Dun got his Vegeta hair into an afro too."

Everyone glared at Takasugi.

"Ok, too soon."

Izuru tried to console them DW characters but it wasn't enough. "It's a long story on how this happened. And it was mostly Takasugi's fault."

Everyone in the room said,"Who's Takasugi?"

"Oh, yeah, they still know you as perverted director. This guy's name is Takasugi."

Everyone either started to burst out laughing or just chuckled.

"That can't be his name! HAHAHA!"

"HAHAHA! That's a laugh! HAHA!"

"Hahaah, that's a name for someone that's not, well, not him. Hahaha."

"That's a badass guy's name! Look at the evil guy from Gintama!"

Takasugi eyebrows furrow and he yelled out,"You need me if you are going to learn how to survive in this world! You may be rich bastards back there, but here, you are at the bottom at the food chain! In this world, you work for everything! 2000 years into the future, bitches! Deal with it!" Izuru looked at Takasugi with widen eyes. "Wow, this is not acting this time. You're serious."

"You bet your ass, I am! Now! All of you! If you were a warrior, get a job that requires strength. If you were some smartass, be a doctor, scientist, or basically anything that require a brain these days! I'm not getting a "This is a bother" from anyone! I'm looking at you, Zhao!"

Sima Zhao looks confused and says, "What? I don't say that a lot."

"Whatever. Now, whatever rank, whatever kingdom you were in, that does not matter here! In reality, you are the same as every one in here. Be glad we're not in modern China, it's a mess down there, to be honest."

Everyone groaned.

Izuru went and said, "Are you sure we can reveal that to them? And it's not that bad in certain areas." Takasugi replied,"China back then is WAY different then today China. You'd wish past China was today's China. Now, we are going to have make you blend in around here, so toss those robes out."

Zhang He goes in front of Takasugi. "Care to show us what is the fashion of your time?"

"Well, it really depends. These days, clothes could be anything. Not just robes. Izuru, can you fetch me a catalog from the lounge?"

"A magazine's right there."

"Not the one you're thinking of..."

"Yep, you're still you. Be right back."

*5 minutes later*

Izuru comes back, holding a stack of magazines.

"I said one."

"I can't tell which is appropriate for them. Here."

"This is a woman's catalog."

"Zhang He will be interested."

"Fine, here. Tell what you think."

Zhang He looks through the magazine. "Why is this woman exposing her chest so much? And this one has tears in the dress...And this one is nude. "

"Yep, today's fashion is over-the-top. And you're looking at an ad for body lotion. Here's a Men's Warehouse one."

"It seems rather stylish, but black and white is so bland."

"Well, I have the purple suit I took off of Gangster Sima Yi back when I made him. Want that? Suits these days can be any color basically." Izuru asked,"Can't we just give them their DW7 DLC costumes?"

"Nah, they're not in school. And the ones new from DW8 don't have one. So, we'll have to grab what we can from a thrift shop."

"They all are quite unique-looking, won't fans recognize them?"

"Please. They'll just think they're VERY good cosplayers."

"What about the Sima family?"

"What about them?"

"It will be hard for them to walk around each other here. The father and mother are the same age as their sons. People will be weirded out on how they look so young."

"So? They can just say"I eat a lot of healthy stuff and use this special facial cream." This century won't think they're witches. Just lucky or healthy or Sima Yi couldn't keep it in his pants when he was younger."

"That's rather inappropriate..."

"What? It will make a decent "how I met my wife" story here. And the most likely. Oh, in order for people to not recognize him, we can just remove his hat." Takasugi goes over to Sima Yi and lifts his hat up and down. "Known. Anonymous. Known. Anonymous. Known-GAH!" Sima Yi hits him.

"How insulting..."

"Ow...So, any thrift shops around here?"

"Not really. There are clothing stores, but they really break the bank."

"We are going to convince the boss to pay for all of their clothing, but we have to blame the explosion on something."

"What about an earthquake or a typhoon? Surely it can cause enough damage."

"I can say Lu Bu blew a fuse when going to the bathroom."

"No, that's too stupid for anyone to believe. No one can fart that powerful. Just say an earthquake."

Takasugi sighed,"It's always logic with you...Fine, I'll say that AND it was combined with a typhoon."

"That's very unlikely for both disasters to happen at the same time."

"Ah-ha! So, it CAN happen! I'm off!"

Takasugi runs out of the room. Izuru then remarks something to the characters,"I think you guys should clean up and straighten your hair. I'm sure you guys don't want to look like you just came from a coal mine. Oh, wait, there are over 70 of you..."

Meanwhile at CEO's office...

Takasugi tells CEO a "earthquake and typhoon combination" destroyed most of China.

"...So, I had to take all of the DW characters out of China, and they have to live here for a month, and we want you to buy some proper clothes so they can blend in here."

CEO looks at him for a moment, then gets up. "You now want to be called by your name?"

"That's not the point here! I'm asking if you can pay for the DW characters' present clothing. They can't just walk around in their robes."

"Why not? People'll think they're very good cosplayers."

"Yeah, I thought that. But they have certain quirks that might give them away. Sima Yi's laughing will make him a mad man, Xiahou Dun's anger will land him in jail, not to mention that Vegeta hair really gives it in mugshots, Guo Jia will spread and/or get AIDS, the DW women will get harassed, Jia Chong's insanity certainly will earn him a trip to the mental hospital, Wang Yi also, Ma Chao will go there not long after he keeps on yelling justice, Lu Xun will be deemed an arsonist here, and Wei Yan is a caveman. That's only like a tiny sliver of the cast!"

"Won't China respawn?"

"Um...it was so devastating, it's takes more than a month to fix."

"Alright, we'll get them some clothes, and some money to get around here."

"Thank you, sir." (He didn't really think about this much...Oh well.)

Takasugi leaves the office and goes back to the portal room.

"Okay, he's willing and he fell for the little fib I told him."

"Huh, very surprising...How are getting them out here? There are like 70 people here. "

"Take my car."

"We are not stuffing them into that! Grr...we don't have limos...nor vans..."

"How about we take groups, let them get their clothes, then drop them off somewhere?"

"They don't even know what's out there! This world has really changed in 2000 years."

"We are only two people, there are 70 of them! We need a way to have them figure out the customs here."

The two pondered for a bit. Izuru breaks the silence.

"Wait, we don't need to worry about the adults, but the younger ones will make a ruckus out there. We'll need to send someone out to see if they can handle it."

"Take Guan Yu out there," Takasugi suggested.

"I'll have Buddhists bowing at my feet and his."

"Cao Cao?"

"He'll stop listening to me when he sees a pretty lady."

"Sun Jian?"

"He'll get shot. You see how he can attract arrows. Bullets are no different."

"Liu Bei?"

"He'll get mugged. He's too damn kind, he'll just hand over his wallet."

"Sima Yi?"

"He's a mad man. He'll earn himself a trip to the station just for laughing like a crazy person."

"I do not laugh like a crazy person!"

Takasugi said sarcastically,"Oh, then we can show ALL the times you have laughed in an inappropriate situation? And that's...about...what do you know? ALL of them!"

Everyone in Wei and Jin nodded.

"Hey!"

Takasugi walks over to Sima Yi and punches his face. "OW! Why did you do that?!" Blood flows from his nose.

"Dear god! You bleed! Could this mean...?"

"Everyone is actually human! Well, they can't age still. It's possible they can die in this world If that's the case, Sun Jian, Dian Wei, and Sun Ce MUST avoid ghetto neighborhoods."

"But happens if they actually die here?"

"That's a good question...They might won't be able to respawn since they are human now. We can't be reckless now with them."

CEO walks in through the door, holding sets of keys. "Need to transport over 70 people? Well, I have some limos outside for them to get out there. But, after we get the clothing, they're on their own. You two can help them. Oh, we have cell phones, too."

Izuru and Takasugi looked in surprise. "You will do this for us?"

CEO talked in a very sarcastic voice, "Nooo, I want Ancient Chinese people to live in a very stuffy company building for a month. Of course I'm helping you! The cell phones are outside the door."

Takasugi goes to grab a handful of cell phones and begins to throw them at the DW characters' faces. "Cell phone bitch slap! Cell phone bitch slap!"

OOF!

OOF!

OW!

OOF!

OW! Stop throwing them!

CEO stops Takasugi. "Stop, those cost more than your salary."

"Oh, fine." He starts to give them away normally. He then asked,"Are you sure they can know how to use it?"

"They'll figure it out...maybe...I've already set all possible contacts in the phones."

"Wait, EVERYONE is in the contacts page on EVERYONE'S phone?"

"Yes, you never know."

"So, Zhou Yu can call Cao Cao if he wanted to?"

"Yes."

"And Sima Yi can prank call Zhuge Liang?"

"Well, they have caller ID. But they can call each other if they felt like it."

"Oh, so Sun Jian can call Lu Bu?"

"Yes, think of anybody calling someone, and it can happen."

"Wow, let me see one." Takasugi takes a leftover phone and calls a random person.

Ringing is heard somewhere in the room. Lu Meng looks at his phone. "How do I answer?" Lu Su comes up next to him. "That button says "answer." Press that.

*BLEEP* "Hello?"

"Can you hear me?"

"Yes, from across the room."

"No, on the device you are holding."

"Oh, that too. Interesting thing, you can speak to someone even when you are not even face to face with the person."

"You can think about that after I hang up."

"How do I hang up?"

"There's a button that says "Hang up."

"Oh, there-"

Lu Meng presses the button.

"Huh, you're right. You can call anybody."

"Now, let's move. And get these guys cleaned up."

"We don't have a shower room."

"Who says we are going to one? We can go to the ones that are on the beach, at the gym, or at people's houses."

"Wait, what?"

"You will let them use your shower and Izuru's. And use the neighbors'. "

"Why not yours?"

"I live far from here. I know you two live nearby here."

Takasugi turns red, smiles pervertedly, and is snorting out steam. "Lian Shi and Zhang Chunhua can come by my place-GAH!" Four chairs hit his back.

"The husbands and wives do not approve of that."

"Oh, wait. Huh, huh...The women can shower together-GAAAH!" More chairs hit him. "Or maybe the husbands can go with-GAAAAAAAAH!" Even more chairs were thrown at him.

Cao Pi looked interested at the idea. "That doesn't sound too bad...OOF!" A chair hits him.

Cao Cao had Takasugi's face on. "Oh, anyone who wants to-OOOF!" A chair hits him.

Izuru facepalms and sighs. "Maybe everyone can go somewhere else besides our homes. There's a hot spring around here."

Takasugi's face lights up. "Oh, yes! They can go there!"

"You just want to be a pervert."

"I'm a feminist."

"Ha. Very funny. And I'm the president."

"Quit your bickering and let's go."

They gathered everyone outside and got them into the limos.

"Since they are still bitter towards each other, we put them according to kingdom."

"Lu Bu, Wen Yang, Ding Feng, Xu Chu, Pang De, Dong Zhou, Meng Huo, and Deng Ai can't fit into the limo doors."

"That's why I had a larger limo ordered for them. It's over there. And these guys don't need to worry about each other, so it won't be rocky."

CEO escorted the tall or big guys to the larger limo.

Izuru asked,"Who's driving?"

"Oh, you, of course. Choose what kingdom you want to drive around with. No tradebacks."

"I call Jin! It'll be fun to see their reactions!"

"I guess I get Wei. They're less rowdy."

"I'll drive Shu, while I get three other guys to drive Wu, the big guys, and Other."

They all get into their chosen cars. Groans is heard from Takasugi's car.

"Hey! I'm not that bad! I would LOVE to see if you guys can drive! Oh, wait, you can't! This is your first time in something that's not driven by a horse."

Sima Yi gives him a smart-alleck answer. "Oh, you're the horse? Such a ugly-looking one."

Takasugi gives him a comeback. "Says the one with "horse" in his name!"

He starts the car suddenly and races off. CEO and Izuru sighed and followed him with their cars. Then the other limos start to follow them.

In Jin's car

Everyone inside is being thrown around due to Takasugi's rough driving.

AH! Stop it!

Who let you drive?!

I feel sick...

*SCREECH*

*THUD* OOF!

OW!

I really don't feel good...

Takasugi sees Sima Zhao turning green and opens a window. "Let it out there!"

I'm not doing that!

"Puke on Zhuge Dan or puke outside! Your choice! It's not my limo!"

Zhao sticks his head out the window, and lets it all out. Everyone covers their eyes in disgust. He retracts his head back in the car.

Wei's car

Izuru saw Zhao puking, and is immediately disgusted. "Looks like they're having a rough ride..." Cao Cao asks him,"Hey, are the springs separated?"

"It's divided to one giant spring for men and one giant spring for women. We can't just Three-Kingdom the baths. But you can maybe try."

Shu's car

CEO drives the Shu car. Liu Bei asked,"What is this world like? The man said it has been 2000 years, what has changed?" CEO answers him, "It has changed a lot. But it is hard to explain everything in one drive. Guan Yu is worshipped as a god in Buddhism here."

"Wow, really?"

"Yep, there are these small statues of him. You'll see one eventually. And there's a temple going to Zhuge Liang back in China."

"Oh, amazing! Do I get something?"

"There's this statue of you near Zhuge Liang's temple. It's kinda cracked."

Zhao Yun gets into the conversation. "Do I have a statue or temple?"

"Uhh...(He has completely fictional achievements in ROTK...I don't know what to say without hurting his feelings.)You got a painting..."

"Oh. That's nice."

Wu's car

A random person that works for Koei is driving the car. The back was very noisy and annoying him. Gan Ning, Sun Quan, and Sun Ce were chugging the champagne that was in the limo. Ling Tong and Taishi Ci were yelling,"CHUG, CHUG!" Sun Quan won, and it was even louder. But he was very woosey. The Koei worker rolled up the window behind him to block out the noise.

Other's car

Another Koei worker drives the car, and it was very quiet behind there. Except Zhang Jiao's preaching.

The big guys car

Wen Yang and Deng Ai just sat there, being quiet as Lu Bu argues with Dong Zhou. Ding Feng, Pang De, and Meng Huo looked outside. Xu Chu ate some of the food that was in the limo.

"Why am I stuck with this swine?! He should be dead!"

"Lu Bu, you killed me! Why not do it again?"

"My pleasure!"

Lu Bu breaks a champagne bottle, and goes over to Dong Zhou.

"You will do it again...You dog..."

Lu Bu stabs him with the broken bottle.

"What the hell's going on?!"

"Lu Bu killed Dong Zhou."

"Eh, I expected that."

Jin's car

Sima Shi looks at a champagne bottle and picks it up. "What is this?"

Takasugi answers, "It's a fancy drink. Try to open it. Rip off the foil, and shake it."

Shi does as he said, but nothing happened. "What exactly am I supposed to wait for?" The cork suddenly flies off, hitting Zhang Chunhua, and getting the liquid onto her. "Oh, sorry, Mother!" Everyone in the car was slightly blushing and staring. Takasugi turns around. "What happened? Oh-ho-ho!" He quickly turns perverted and stares at Zhang Chunhua, losing slight control over wheel, but regains himself. But he adjusts his rear-view mirror to look at what's behind him.

Wei's car

Izuru sees Takasugi adjusting his mirror and can see he was trying to look at the commotion. He drives his car forward to give the car in front of him a tap in the back. Guo Jia and Cao Cao get near the driver seat to see what's going on in front.

"Whoa! That lady is wet with that liquid! I want a better look!"

"Is that Sima Yi's wife? I want a peek too."

"Stop it, and get back there!"

Guo Jia and Cao Cao were pulled back by Xiahou Dun and Cao Pi.

Jin's car

Takasugi felt the tap, but still left his mirror in the direction of the commotion. He teased,"Need a towel?"

"Yes!"

Takasugi then gave the back napkins. Sima Yi gets slightly ticked off. "These won't be enough!"

"Make due. Besides, I think this is a better look for her-AH!" His head is grabbed by Zhang Chunhua. "If you would be so kind, please give me something to dry off with." Takasugi felt his head being crushed by the minute. "Ok, ok! The towels are under the seats!" She lets go of his head and goes back.

When she got back, she noticed Sima Yi staring at her.

"What are you looking at?"

"O-Oh! Um, outside..."

Takasugi commented, "Suuuuurrrrre. I saw your eyes drifting down at her chest."

Shu's car

It's quiet until CEO's phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Um, Lu Bu just killed Dong Zhou. What are we going to do with him?"

"We're out here for a while and someone already dies. Great. Just great. But Lu Bu is Lu Bu, it was going to happen soon anyway."

"Do we dispose of the corpse?"

"Be discreet."

He hangs up. Liu Bei tells him,"I heard Lu Bu killed Dong Zhou."

"Any wrong?"

"Not really."

The Koei worker parks the car off the road and into a secluded area. He gets out and tells some of the people to carry Dong Zhou's body and bury him. After that was done, they got back on the road.

Wei's car

Izuru's phone rings, and he answers it. "Hello?"

"I just heard from the boss that Lu Bu killed Dong Zhou."

"Is that supposed to make me happy or sad?"

"Well, we won't have to deal with that fatso."

"I suppose." He hangs up.

"Hey, Cao Cao, Lu Bu just killed Dong Zhou."

"Oh."

"That's it? Oh?"

"It's just not saddening because he was just awful. And Lu Bu is being Lu Bu."

"True."

After 30 minutes of driving, they reached their destination. Takasugi hits a squirrel when he parks.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Nothing...Get going."

Takasugi and the rest of Jin get out of the car. After a while, Izuru and Wei come, then Shu and CEO, and last Wu, Other, and the big people cars. They then all enter the hot springs place, and are greeted by a hot spring worker.

"Evening, gentlemen. How many people will be here?"

"81, including me, Izuru, the boss, and those guys that drove Wu, Other, and the big guys' car.(Dong Zhou's dead.) Do you have room for that many?"

"Uh..uh...yes...But what is the occasion?"

"Office party."

"But the people behind you are in funny clothing..."

"Out-of-season costume office party."

"O-Oh, okay. Right this way the women's is on the right, and the men's on the left. And those three seem drunk."

Sun Ce, Gan Ning, and Sun Quan were hiccuping and puking into potted plants.

"Ugh...right...Guys-"

Zhang Fei walks in front of him. "I know how to deal with drunks."

(You're a drunk youself...) "Ok, if you could handle it..."

Zhang Fei escorts the three Wu drunks to puke in a larger potted plant.

"That's not making it better...And sorta ironic..."

"Eh, get 'em some coffee."

"Alright..."

30 minutes later...

The whole men's spring was divided up between Cao Cao, Liu Bei, and Sun Quan. Takasugi commented,"Hey, they Three-Kingdom'd the whole place. And where do I go? Where do Jin and Other go?"

Izuru just simply asked,"Why are they splitting themselves up? Are they that bitter towards each other?"

"I'll just go in. I'm not really anyone here. Jin just went into the Wei area, and Other is spread out here."

Some random people were slightly scared of Lu Bu sitting next to them. "Oh, my god! Is that a yakuza? Be quiet! He can hear you!"

"What about Lu Bu? He's making the random people nervous here. They think he's yakuza."

"Ha, like Kazuma Kiryu. He really looks like him. Maybe Lu Bu can get a job as a yakuza. Now if you excuse me." Takasugi gets up, the steam censoring his "area." He then gets out, and walks over to the wall that separates the men's and women's baths. Izuru then looks at him and asked,"What are you doing? Oh, wait. I already know. But thanks to convenient censoring, the steam will block your view of the ladies." Takasugi still make a tiny crack in the wall and looks through.

"Why are you making it look like you do this every time you go to the baths?!"

"Because I do. It's hard to look through here, I keep on seeing the kids. I want real women." He then climbs the wall and looks over there. Cao Cao noticed him. "Hey, What are you doing?"

"Looking at the women's' baths." This caused Cao Cao to jump out of the spring and run over to where Takasugi was at. "Really? I want to see!" Guo Jia then followed Cao Cao's example and was at the wall also. CEO began to walk over there along with the three Koei workers. Then some of DW men began to walk over there. By that time, about one-third of the men's bath was at the wall. Izuru then saw most of Jin still in the bath. "Not looking with them?" Sima Yi replied,"I'm not a pervert like them. Zhao maybe, he's over there with the rest." Then random people began to comment on Sima Yi's hairstyle. "Hey, is that a girl? No, it's a guy. Does he know that's a female's style?" Sima Yi's eye started to twitch. "...Is it really like a woman's...?"

"Yes. Consider throwing that out when we get out in the real world. Just leave your hair down. Wait, where are you going?" Sima Yi gets up, and walks over to the wall. "YOU TOO?! You just said you are not like them! Oh, well... I see some of Shu, little bit of Wei, some Wu, and the other guys are still in here. The men over there are really liking the view." He then some whispers over at the wall.

"I want to see those two to wash each other's backs."

"No, those two are better off washing each other's backs."

"The steam's covering the view!"

"Lian Shi's got a nice pair..."

"I think Zhen Ji has a nicer pair."

"I go for Zhang Chunhua's."

"She's older then you!"

"I would still tap that. Even if she can kick my butt."

Over at the women's bath

Xiao Qiao was splashing around in the bath until she noticed multiple shadows over the wall. "Hey, are those statues that flow red water? That's so cool!" Da Qiao noticed them as well. "Red water? It's hard to see in all this steam..." Sun Shang Xiang was sitting there and watching the "statues" flow red water. "Those can't be statues..." Lian Shi goes over to her and says,"My lady, what do you think they are?" Sun Shang Xiang looked at the "statues" again,"I think...ugh...it's hard to see in this steam!"

"Well, shall we see what they are?"

"Even if we can't see in this steam, these rocks can tell us."

Zhu Rong and Zhang Chunhua then walked over to the "statues" with a rock in their hand. They both throw their rocks, hitting two of them.

"OOW!"

"AAH!"

It turns out they hit Meng Huo and Takasugi that were looking over the wall.

*THUD*

"Hmph, those "statues" are men peeking at us."

Wang Yuanji throws a rock to one of the men, and it hits. It was Sima Zhao.

"OOW!"

The rest of the women then left the bath, disgusted and into the showers.

"AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Then a barrage of rocks went towards the men, and knocks every single one off the wall.

Over at the men's bath

A giant line of peeking men were lying, groaning with red marks on their faces next to the wall.

Takasugi yelled at Sima Yi, "Hey! You used me to take the rock thrown from your wife!"

Sima Yi teased,"I have faster reflexes. And since you were right there, might as well."

"Yeah, and that did not save you from being machine-gunned with rocks." Izuru then walks over to him and teased,"How was your time?"

"Shut up and get to your shower."

1 hour later...

Everyone was quite relaxed, except for the people that got rocks to their face. Takasugi had bandages on his face. CEO walks up to him, also in bandages. "I had someone to pick up the clothes, and now the DW people are trying to wear them. All of the clothes are suits, since they will need to look for jobs."

"What about the women's?"

"Oh, I had my wife choose for me."

"Aw, you're married?"

CEO blushes. "Yes. Why are you surprised?"

"Nothing. Are they all unique to them?"

"Some are, some may have similar styles. But they'll fit right into the crowd with these clothes."

"I want to see what you chose for them."

"Go in if you like. Zhang He's enjoying his outfit. Cao Cao is checking himself out. Xu Chu is well...struggling..."

"No, I want to see the ladies first. If you know what I mean..."

"My wife gave decent clothing to all of the women."

"Oh...Well, I still want to see. And I should play some "stereotypical 90's music whenever someone walks out in their new outfit" played in movies. "

Takasugi takes out his phone. While he is doing that, Diao Chan walks out of the women's side in a very sparkly dress and her hair is tied into a bun with strands hanging out and walks out into the lobby. Every random person's mouths hung open and then Takasugi yelled out,"Why does she look like she's going to prom?!"

CEO replied,"Since these guys need to make a living for a while, I called in a few favors. Diao Chan's a hostess."

"Oh, I bet she will be very popular. And Lu Bu will NOT be happy Diao Chan is getting paid to see other men."

"I explained everything to Lu Bu. I told him not to scare any guy as they will be his meal ticket. That shut him up."

"Where's Izuru anyway?"

"He still in there. Teaching the guys about buttons and zippers."

Men's side

Izuru is busy (exhaustingly) explaining the buttons and zippers to the Shu people, then moved on to Jin. "So, anyone need me to tell you on buttons or zippers? I know you guys are used to wrapping cloth and tying them to hold your clothes. Oh, you guys are done." Sima Zhao asked him,"Why do these pants have these "zippers" anyway?" Sima Shi then asked,"And why is there a hole on the pants in the first place?"

Izuru explained,"It's to make putting on pants easier. If you're a heavy man. But usually, some men tend to use that opening as a easy door for their "thing." Two common uses for it is to take "it" out to urinate without removing your pants. The other...is...well...depends on who you are, for easy engagement for sexual intercourse without removing your pants. That answer your question?"

Sima Zhao and Sima Shi just stared at Izuru with a weirded out face. "Yes..."

"What are you telling them?" Sima Yi walks towards Izuru in a dress shirt, a grey suit jacket with matching slacks.

"Oh, it's not purple...Surprising..."

"You thought I was going to wear purple?"

"Yes. You wear purple. A lot. "

"Hmph. I must say. These are very comfortable garments. But what is this?" He holds up a tie.

"You wrap that around your neck to hold the collar in place. You can make it hang lower below your neck if you prefer. It's a fashionable item to make you look more professional-looking."

"Eh..."

"You don't have to wear it."

Izuru sees Guo Huai coughing. "Hey, need some medicine? Today's medicine is pretty effective against a cough and...you might need to visit a doctor to figure what that disease is."

"You could get some? And what are doctors like here?"

"Oh, yeah, they're so easy to get. Doctors are pretty effective here compared to 2000 years ago." (Wait, they can't see him...He doesn't have insurance. We might need to take him to a free clinic.)

Izuru then walks over to Wu's area. He then sees Sun Ce and Sun Quan figuring out to use the tie.

"How do ya use this cloth? Does it go around your waist? Nope. Too small."

"I think it goes around your neck."

Sun Ce just wraps it around his neck and ties it improperly. "This it?"

"No..."

Izuru asked,"Weren't you two drunk?"

"Oh, yeah. We got sober after drinking some of this blackish-brownish liquid."

"It has an unusual taste, but it was okay."

"What about Gan Ning?"

"He threw the brown liquid out and started to dance around in the sanitation facility. And he collapsed.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he just got sober now. But has a bad headache."

Izuru then walks to another area.

"How do ya put these weird clothes? What's up with the hole in the private area? Screw it. I'm just putting on this top and pants."

Gan Ning walks out in the unbuttoned shirt and unbuttoned pants.

"Ugh...Buttons...use them..."

"How do you put them in this hole?"

"Just do."

Gan Ning fiddles with the buttons, manages to get the pants and zipper, and immediately gives up on the shirt and walks out in what he was wearing.

"Ok..."

He then walks to Wei's area. He sees Zhang He running up to him in his purple suit.

"What do you think?"

"You figured the buttons out? And it looks nice." (Huh. So that's where Sima Yi's suit went.)

"I love this shade of purple. It has the elegant style while being not to flashy at the same time."

"I'm glad you are liking this." Cao Cao goes over to Izuru. "Why is there a hole "down there"?"

"You can urinate or have sexual intercourse without taking off your pants. Please zip that up now. It's not decent to walk around with your zipper down."

"Oh, okay. Thanks for the info." Cao Cao zips his fly up and goes out. Izuru then goes out himself. He is greeted by Takasugi. "Have you seen Diao Chan? She's covered in sparkles! Look at Lu Bu! He's blushing to the collar of a tomato!"

Izuru looks over Takasugi and sees Lu Bu in a suit acting shy near a sparkling Diao Chan. "Why is she wearing such a fancy dress?"

"Oh, she's going to be a hostess. The boss called in favors to give jobs to people."

"But they don't have diplomas. Should they at least get a G.E.D?"

"That's for the remaining people that will find a job themselves. And how long does it take for over seventy people to dress?! "

"You shouldn't rush them. They don't know the customs of today and it will take a while to learn."

"Can I just look at what the women are wearing?"

"You know you're the DW women's "No.1 person to watch out for when in dressing chambers."

"What about you?"

"Obviously they're not letting me in. They know I'm not homosexual." Jin's men walk out in their suits.

"Oh, look at that. Sima Yi's not wearing purple for once."

"Ha. Ha. You people think I would wear purple everywhere. I get sick of purple myself."

"Hey, I just noticed you look like Micheal De Santa from Grand Theft Auto 5. All you need is a slutty daughter and a cheating wife to complete the set."

"What...?"

"You don't have a daughter now...So Shi can be a man-whore. Zhao can be the fat-ass son that sits and gets stoned all day while playing video games."

"What?!"

"Takasugi, they don't even know who you are talking about."

"Fine, are your ladies out yet?"

"I haven't seen them."

After ten minutes, they saw the Wei men walking out in their tidy suits.

"Look out, future time ladies!"

"I really want to see what they look like these days."

CEO stands up and goes over to Guo Jia. "Since you like meeting and charming women, I have a job that will be in your interest. You will be a host."

"Oh, sounds interesting. What do I do?"

"Just flirt with ladies all day long."

"Sign me up!"

"No, Cao Cao, you're too old to be one."

"Aww..."

"But Cao Pi can go. Along with Li Dian and Yue Jin."

Li Dian told CEO,"I don't want to really spend the whole day sitting there." Yue Jin yells out,"Yeah, me too! I want something active!"

"Ok, you can choose something else. Cao Pi? You interested?"

"Hmph."

"Exactly what my guy wants in a host. You're going in there. Women like cold assholes."

After CEO is finished employing, the women's curtain opens with Wei and Jin's women walking out in their clothing. All of the men in the room had their mouths wide open as they walked out. Some other random women looked jealous. "Who are they? They look so beautiful... Are they famous? Who are the lucky men?"

Takasugi and Izuru were in complete shock. "Whoa...look at that...Your wife knows her stuff... I'm stunned at how beautiful they are in modern clothing." CEO acts triumphfully and says,"Well, my wife knows her way around fashion."

Cao Pi admires Zhen Ji's striped black and white jacket on top of her white halter top, and black pants with her hair let down. "You look absolutely more beautiful then in your original dress. Hmm...you like it? I'm glad this pleases you." Guo Jia and Cao Cao look at the women, faces red and steaming. Cai Wenji was in a loose o-neck with blue jeans while Wang Yi was wearing a loose shirt with torn jeans. Cai Wenji blushes."Um...you two are staring for rather long..."

"Quit staring. You two. Or I can gouge your eyes out."

Cao Cao and Guo Jia adverted their eyes to Zhen Ji. Sima Zhao was doting on Wang Yuanji and commenting on her clothes. She was wearing a white dress with teal shrugs over it. Yuanji starts to blush,"Um...I...I..." Zhang Chunhua was wearing a purple blouse with a women's blazer over it, and wearing black pants. Sima Shi comments on the two women, "You look gorgeous, Yuanji. And Mother, you look absolutely stunning. Father, what do you think? Father?" Shi turns to see Sima Yi brightly red in the face as he looked at Chunhua. "I-I...Uh...I have no words to express what I think..." Zhang Chunhua slightly blushed when she heard him say that. Takasugi slowly comes up behind them. "Um...can you keep the blushy stuff to a minimum? This isn't a ro-OOF!" He gets punched by the two without even turning to him. "Ok, ok, just saying..." He slinks back to the his chair next to CEO and Izuru.

"You just killed it."

"Do you know HOW RARE this happens?"

"Yep, I got over there and stabbed it multiple times. I should go and get some transportation ready."

Takasugi gets up and leaves the place. After twenty more minutes, everyone else was finished getting dressed. Wu had their men in just dress shirts and improperly-tied ties, Shu was a mix of green suits and dress shirts with the ties figured out. Zhang Jiao was wearing a disco costume, while the rest of Other had on suits. Yuan Shao's was the most unique-looking because it was in a shiny gold color that blinded everyone in the room.

"Yuan Shao, stop sparkling. You're getting so much light around here I feel like I'm at a Liberachi concert combined with Zhang Jiao's funky outfit."

"Oh, but this makes me the most-"

"I don't care! Just turn off your sparkle factor already!"

Yuan Shao stops sparkling, and the light dies down a bit. The rest of the women walked out after that. Guan Yinping, Bao Sanniang, and Xing Cai were all wearing green school girl dresses with Xing Cai has leggings under her skirt. Guan Yu and his sons were crying happy tears for Yinping. Yue Ying was in jeans with a green blouse and a white jacket. Zhuge Liang's jaw dropped when he saw her. Lian Shi was in a red tunic with white pants. Sun Shang Xiang was in a red women's t-shirt with torn-jeans. Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao were in summer dresses. The Suns were commenting and admiring Shang Xiang and Lian Shi. Zhu Rong was in Western-style clothing along with jeans and boots. She got multiple comments from Meng Huo about how she looks great and so on. Takasugi came back and saw all of the women. "My, my! 2000 year-old women look good in these-Kmph!" He received multiple potted plants and chairs to his body.

"Ok...ok...Now, we need to find a way for you guys to get jobs and a place to stay. The limos are outside, and some other vehicles if you feel like if you need to go alone."

He leads everyone outside to find a couple of scooters and motorcycles. One scooter had the Jin character on the back. Izuru commented,"Why does this have Jin's symbol here?" Takasugi replied,"Look at the scooter. Look familiar?"

"It's Gintoki's scooter from Gintama! How do you-? And what does Jin have anything to do with it?"

"In the original, the character behind the scooter is "Gin." I just made a little funny joke with the Jin character. Get it? Jin rhymes with Gin? I call it "Jintama." I would go and watch that myself if that were an anime."

Izuru gives an unamused look to Takasugi. "Really? Jintama?"

"What? It would be pretty funny if Sima Zhao, Sima Shi, and Wang Yuanji to own a odd jobs service. Wait, that can be their job! You three, start a business with doing odd jobs!"

"That's just awful."

"Oh, they would have the Yorozuya place that has Zhang Chunhua as the landlord."

"That is slightly insulting to her...And this isn't a parody fic, so we can't do that here."

"Deng Ai can be Gengai...Huh...it rhymes kinda.

"Can you stop? We are getting off-topic."

"Alright, alright. So, who wants to try out these babies?"

Everyone looked at him weird.

"I meant the vehicles. Not actual babies."

Yue Ying goes up to a motorcycle and examines it. "How does this work?"

"Oh, well it-"

*VROOOM*

"I got it!"

"Wear a helmet! It's there behind you!"

She puts it on. "My dear! Get on!" Sima Yi teases Zhuge Liang,"Go, she's waiting..." He snickers. Zhuge Liang gives Sima Yi a glare and gets on the motorcycle with Yue Ying. Then they take off immediately, with Zhuge Liang screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! How can something go this FFFAAAAASST?!" Sima Yi starts to laugh at Zhuge Liang's screaming. "Hahahahaha! Look at him! Hahahaha! Huh?" Suddenly he was on a motorcycle with Zhang Chunhua and she quickly starts it, races off with Sima Yi screaming himself. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You're going too fast!"

Takasugi laughs at Sima Yi's trailing screams. "Karma...And I really want to make the Jintama thing! Screw it, I'm doing it anyway!"

*Gintama's fifth opening DOES plays*

The front of the wheel is shown, then shot of Sima Zhao wearing a helmet with goggles on it. Switches to Sima Shi wearing glasses behind him on the scooter. Then Wang Yuanji riding a giant panda next to them. The title shows Jintama instead of Gintama. A hand rips the title screen off. It was Izuru.

"Stop with that! We have to figure out what jobs they have to do! And where are they going to live!"

"Oh, fine. Guo Jia, Cao Pi, and Diao Chan are hosts and hostess. What about the four that just drove off?"

"They can figure it out. Maybe they can become teachers, but they are going to have to lie and say they went to Harvard or Yale. They look like it anyway, so the person hiring will buy it."

"The boss can drop them off at the job. And we need to-"

CEO interrupts him,"They can take care of themselves, they are not little babies. I gave everyone a little pamphlet that describes the basic steps of living here."

"Oh, ok..."

"Oh, one more thing: On their phones, it has a GPS tracker, so you can find them if you need to visit one of them."

"Whoa, really? Let me see where the four drove off to."

Takasugi takes out his phone, and presses a few buttons. Here is what the screen looked like:

ZL: Moving...

YY:Moving...

SY:Moving...

ZC:Moving...

"They're all moving...Oh, one of them stopped."

SY:In contact with police

ZC:In contact with police

Takasugi's jaw drops. "Oh, no! They got pulled over by police!"

"Damn! Wait, I think she can "persuade" him..."

"She's not going to do that! Huh? The thing is moving again..."

SY:Police neutralized

ZC:Police neutralized

"They knocked him out! Huh? What now?"

ZL:At gas station

YY:At gas station

"What? What are they doing there? I have to get to these guys before they end up in a cell!"

Takasugi gets on a motorcycle and drives off. Izuru sighs,"So, how are we going to do this?"

CEO gives him a reply,"I thinks it's better if they are in groups. People! Separate into groups, it will be easier!"

Everyone gets into groups, but Sima Zhao gets the Jintama scooter and gets on.

"Zhao, where do you think you're going?"

"I read through the paper, and I got it. I'm going to look for a place to crash, then a job."

"Yuanji, you're going with him. Jia Chong, you too."

"But there's only room for one more..."

"The scooter has a side car."

Izuru takes out the side car and sticks it on the Jintama scooter. "Jia Chong, you will be sitting in here." Jia Chong looked displeased at the small compartment. "I don't think I can fit..." Izuru implies,"Weeell...there's sitting behind Zhao..." Jia Chong immediately hops into the side car. "No thanks."

"Well, Yuanji, you go behind him."

Yuanji gets on the scooter behind Zhao. She slightly blushes.

"Here. Some helmets." He gave Zhao a helmet with goggles, and the two normal helmets. They then drive off.

"I'll drive the people to a place they can start looking."

Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Lu Xun, and Lu Meng all get on motorcycles. Gan Ning starts one up, "These look fun as hell!" Ling Tong starts his and says,"Just look for a job? That sounds boring, but I have to eat." Lu Xun and Lu Meng had to share one. "Oh, no. Lu Xun, let me drive. But I want to try these!" Izuru goes up to them. "Let Lu Meng drive, you'll be pulled over if you're seen driving." They switched positions with Lu Meng being the driver. They all drive off, with Ling Tong and Gan Ning trying to ram each other off the road.

"Ok, there are no more motorcycles. We will take you guys to a certain spot and help you look for places and jobs."

All of the groups enter the limos with Izuru, CEO, and the Koei workers. Izuru then sighs, "This will be a long one..."

Announcement from perverted dir-I mean-Takasugi

"I heard that!" Takasugi walks onto a white screen. "Oh, hey. I know, I know...You saw me drive off after Yi, Liang, Ying, and Chunhua. But I want to make a thing clear. Whatever questions you have...Don't ask them. I know you are going to ask if they can get sick, if they can get jobs, get a place, or even asking where their phones are. But, it's better if you think about that yourself. Another thing, you will get see what your favorite characters doing if they didn't appear in this chapter yet. It's just so damn hard to remember over seventy to eighty characters! They're hitting the number of characters there are in a mainstream anime or manga like Bleach and Naruto! Oh, the Jintama thing...I saw the moment and took it! I'm going off-track...Ok. Now here's what I took the time to do.

Takasugi leaves, then comes back dragging a tied-up Sima Yi in a chair. "Ok, the author normally doesn't care if this has reviews or not. But I CARE! Reviews give me something to hide behind when I do something stupid in these things!" He points a gun at Sima Yi's face. "So, if you don't review, I'll shoot Sima Yi. IN THE FACE. What? He's not that popular? He deserves it? Ok, get me Plan B!"

Takasugi drags a chair with a tied-up Zhao Yun in it. "Ok, if you don't review, I'll shoot poster-boy's face off! What? He's not that popular either? Get me Plan C!"

Takasugi drags a tied-up Xu Shu in a chair. "Ok, I'll shoot this guy's face off if you don't review! He's popular?! How?! He earns more votes than the guy he recommended! God, people are weird...What? Not convincing enough for you? How about this?"

He goes to drag a tied-up Guo Jia. "Ok, this convincing? NO?! You are really pushing it!"

He drags a tied-up Li Dian. "I'm not even that popular!"

"Eh, you are popular enough. WHAT?! YOU ARE STILL NOT CONVINCED? Might as well stick Minecraft dynamite near all of these guys."

NO!

GAH!

I kick Takasugi away. I don't want hate mail thrown at me just because you threaten to blow pretty boys' faces off!

"I'm not a pretty boy!"

Sima Yi, you are! Even though you are seventy-something and look like a twenty-something!

"To be exact...He would be 1,835 years old by now."

Well, we don't want to see that as a human.

"But this is the first time you have appeared in a fic."

I pick my nose. Well...since you were attempting to kill the popular characters...I can't just sit by while you tarnish what I'm running here...

"You're pickin' your nose now!"

Eh...

"Why don't you appear more?"

This is about Dynasty Warriors, not me. The only time the author can be in the story is when it's an autobiography or in the first-person point-of-view.

"You sound like Izuru now..."

That's because I based him off me. You are based on people and friends that tend to make stupid decisions yet are still pretty bright. Well, I can't stay too long, bye.

I take an eraser and rub myself out until I disappear from the screen.

"So, anyway! I'll shoot-"

NO YOU'RE NOT!

"Ok...Review or comment."

This isn't YouTube.

"Shut up and let me speak!"

Gee, so touchy...

"Ok, you heard me. Review."