Authors note: Hello all! I have had this idea running through my head for a while now, so I finally made it into a story and decided to publish it! This is my first fan fic so please go easy on me. Feedback is welcomed, nothing hash! Read and review. I hope you enjoy! (:
Oh how the mighty have fallen
So many questions running through my mind, a mile a minute, never faltering.
'Why? Why like this, and why now'? My mind screamed at me
I wanted this for so long, so many times I wished you dead. But now?..
I didn't want it to end like this…
I berated you when I should have loved you
I called you names when I should have admitted to myself that you were always the one.
I kept you at a distance because my pride was always in the way
I should've told you…..
And now I won't have the chance too
I wish it was all just a bad dream
But alas it is not
For the sad truth of it is that you are gone, gone to tomorrow land,
gone to bigger, better, higher places
I lay on your grave, laying down two single roses, crying with tears quietly streaming down my eyes
The irony of it all
A red and white rose
White for silence; red for love and courage
Silent love that will never have the chance to be expressed, only admitted now a little too late
It is not much, but it is all that I have.
Now that you are gone everything down to my core, my very being feels empty like a black hole, left behind and forgotten
Desperate on your grave, wishing it was me
It should have been me, I should have protected you, came to your rescue, but instead it was you
You were my knight in shining armor
You rescued me
I held you while you were still with me, we cried, and we talked
And those last moments, oh those last moments with you I'll never forget
The last time you ever spoke to me…
"It's always been you Jane, I've just been too afraid to tell you. But now that I know that I am a dead man I'm no longer afraid to speak my mind. Promise me you'll move on, you won't think about this too much and blame yourself? It's not your fault. No one is to blame, if I had the chance to I'd do it all over again I'd protect you before me. Promise me you'll take care of yourself… And one last thing, give Jester a chance. He loves you."
Before I realized it my head bowed down to meet his, my lips mere centimeters away from his as my mind plays with the idea of giving in to temptation
Finally without second thought and against my better judgement my lips meet his, soft at first and then more fervently, hoping that this would make up for words not spoken
As we break apart I whisper 'I love you too Gunther'
Slowly you replied less and less, and then finally those eyes, those grey eyes of steel closed never to open again.
'Promise me Jane'…. Those were your last words that echoed through my mind
And now as I get up, and dust myself off I whisper 'I promise I'll be back soon'
I see Jester standing there quietly waiting on me
Without a word I walk up and grab his hand
A sense of adventure burning inside of me
Just when I look up I can see the sky bright, clouds out as well, it gives a gentle sense of tranquility
It's like you're still there watching down on me
You were right, it's time now to give life a chance
Love, love as well.
Deep down I know you'll always be there for me…
I won't let you down.
For the first time in forever I can feel something brewing inside of me
It is hope
Hope for the future, it seems exhilarating
I know now that this was just a bump in the road meant to be, and it now sets me free from grief, but not from remembering you
You were the first real thing for me, and you'll always be my favorite "what if"