When Simon received the text, he thought he was hallucinating. He would have never imagined that a girl like Isabelle could be interested in someone like him. Even if he wasn't sure what that really meant. At the beginning Simon thought it was a joke, but after seeing her name at the end of the message, it seemed very real.
After losing his memories, he felt empty. As if a part of him failed, or simply wasn't there at all. He used to dream about the girl with jet black hair almost every night; the girl whose face he didn't know. And when Simon could finally recognize her, he felt like everything came alive. For the first time in a long while he felt complete.
Two weeks had already passed since he assisted to his best friend's mother's wedding, and on several occasions he met with Clary either to go for a coffee to Java Jones (under the curious look of the girl behind the counter), or to the comic shop. The redhead told him a couple of times that Isabelle wanted to see him; but Simon wasn't completely comfortable being near her yet, so he kept refusing.
Simon was walking through a street-usually-busy, which, surprisingly, was empty. Maye way too empty, he thought.
There was no trail of Isabelle.
He walked a little longer, almost arriving to Central Park, to see if she was there. He didn't find her.
Confused and frustrated he sat in one of those banks on the park. He tried to look, in some of the expressions he had seen in her, when she was with him at the wedding, some indication that she was lying to him, or that she had been pretending in front of him. But he couldn't find it either. Everything he'd seen in Isabelle Lightwood had seemed as real as it was fantastic (as if it were one of his dreams); however, not fake at all.
The sound of his phone made him forget about his thoughts, at least for a while.
It was his sister Rebecca, asking how he had gone on his date. He decided it was best to call her, to satisfy his curiosity, and for her to leave him alone until he returned home.
-Simon?
-Hi, Becky.
- Finally you deign to call me; I've sent you hundreds of messages this week.
- I'm sorry. I hadn't seen them until now.
-Yeah, of course. Well, it's not the matter now. Tell me, how did it go with Isabella?
-It's Isabelle, Rebecca. And it's not a date. Besides, she's not here yet and I'm starting to think she's not coming.
-Are you saying that it's a trap to make you look ridiculous? Listen, Simon. If the girl doesn't arrive in the next fifteen minutes, you let me know.
-Ok. See you, Becky; I'll call you as soon as I arrive home.
Simon was debating mentally if he should write to Izzy or not.
Are you really coming, or you're just making fun of me?
A few seconds later, she answered.
Why would u think that I'm not coming?
Maybe because you said you were always punctual
I'm right behind u, silly
Simon turned abruptly, hoping his bad eyesight wouldn't play tricks on him. But he got shocked when he saw her.
Her dark eyes shone in the moonlight, giving them silver glimmers. Her hair, the same hue as the night that hung over them, was slightly stirred by the gentle breeze. She was wearing a long, blood red coat, and high black boots.
Isabelle smiled.
- You thought I would leave you planted?
-Hum, I… I…
-It's ok. You don't have to explain yourself.
-I… I actually don't know what to say- Simon admitted as he got up-. Do you want to go for a walk?
-Sure.
The girl wanted to grab his hand, but for the good of both she decided to hold back.
-Have you thought about going to university? -she asked, thinking that maybe she wouldn't like the answer.
-The truth is that when I returned to my normal life- Izzy closed her eyes tightly, as if that hurt-, I didn't care much about the brochures; at that time I wasn't sure of anything, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I'd thought that going to college didn't make sense anymore, and that it was no longer worth rehearsing with the band if I got distracted thinking about other things, and did nothing productive for the group.
-Can I ask what had you been thinking about so much that distracted you from doing the thing you like the most?
He sighed.
-I'd been thinking about you, even if I didn't know you. I always remembered bits of my dreams, I thought maybe they were visions, but I rejected the idea. And when you and Magnus told me everything, my life made sense, they were neither dreams, nor visions; they were my own memories consuming me inside, just because they'd been snatched from my memory. I was neither in the human world, nor in the world of shadows; I was in limbo, stuck in my thoughts. Unable to do anything to remember. Can I ask you something?
-You already did- Simon laughed-. Go ahead, ask.
-How did we…?
-It was months ago. I was kind of broken in that moment.
Simon looked at her sideways; Izzy was walking with the view towards the ground. For an instant he thought he saw her tremble.
-We were in New York, right?
-No. We were in Idris; the home of the Nephilim. I think I owe you an apology, by the way.
-Why?
-Let's say that I took a little advantage of you.
Simon was horrified.
-Did we… You and I..?
-No! Never. Anyway, I prefer you to remember these things on your own. Take the time you need. You were there for me when I needed it, so I'll be there for you too. I'll help you.
-I have to admit that I was surprised when I received your message for us to meet so late. And then I thought you were making fun of me, even before I came.
-But, even so, you ... You came.
-Of course I came- he answered.
Isabelle remembered when Jace had disappeared along with Sebastian; she'd asked Simon to go with her, told him that she needed him, and he'd answered with the exact same words. A rebellious tear ran down her cheek. Izzy dried it quickly so Simon couldn't see it.
Almost without realizing it, they had reached a bridge placed right above the East River.
-I think we should go, it will soon be midnight- she said.
-Hum…, yeah, of course.
Once at the door of the Institute, Simon thought it was time for him to go home, when Isabelle's hand on his wrist stopped him.
-Answer with nothing more than the truth to what I'm going to ask you. Have you been avoiding me since Jocelyn's wedding?
-Why would you think that?
-Don't answer with another question, Simon, just answer what I asked.
-No.
-No, what?
-I haven't been avoiding you.
-Clary told me you'd been very busy with the whole college thing every single time I'd wanted to meet you. Excuses, evasive, call it what you want. The question is why. Did I say or do something that made you feel bad? Did I hurt you in any way?
-No.
-Then why?
He didn't say anything.
-Answer me, Simon!
-Because I feel that I'm not enough for you, that every time I see you I think maybe you need someone better, someone who is at your level, Isabelle!
She threw herself into his arms before she could regret it.
-Never say again that you're not enough for me- she whispered against his neck-, do you hear me? Never again.
Simon inhaled Izzy's perfume.
-Alright, I won't do it again.
-Do you want to come in?
-Iz, I don't know if I should…
-There is space. A lot. Besides, it's late, and I don't think you want to wake your mother up. Just send her a message, tell your sister, I don't know...
-Izzy?
-I'm afraid that if you leave, I won't see you again.
Simon sighed and nodded; he let her take his hand and guide him into the Institute.
She ordered him to stay in the room to which she'd led him, while she went to look for something. He took his cell phone from his pocket and dialled Rebecca; surprisingly she did not answer, so Simon chose to leave a short message.
-Hey, Becky. I called to let you know that I'm at the Institute. As soon as you can, tell mum not to worry, I will go home in the morning. You don't have to return the call; see you soon.
He looked up, and studied the bedroom. The walls were dark, as was the floor, but still looked bright. It had a large full-length mirror placed in one of the corners and another one, much smaller, belonging to the dressing table; on it, you could see all kinds of makeup, glitter, perfume bottles of different sizes, and any number of accessories. In front of the mirror was a chair covered with clothes, chains, and more than one belt with weapons. In another corner there was a small sofa, a library, and some shelves with pictures (which he would look at another time). He turned, staying in front of the bed; it was perfectly made, with a leopard padded on top and a few colourful pillows, with glitter, and sequins.
Simon thought that it could be any teenager's room if it weren't for the belts equipped with knives, daggers, and some of the other things they used in combat; but surely that wasn't the room they had for him.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Isabelle watching him from the doorframe. She approached silently and sat down next to him.
-Do you want me to take you to your room or would you prefer to stay a little longer with me?
-I think I can stay a little while.
-That's what I wanted to hear. Do you have any question you want to ask?
-How did I become the "daylighter"?
-Something I can answer, Simon.
-I don't know what you can answer.
-Simple things; things that don't require a long explanation.
-Ok. Was it you the one who kept my Star Wars t-shirt and my Naruto comic book?
-What? What are you talking about?
-Izzy…
-If you already know the answer, why ask?
-Because I want to hear it from you. Will you give it back?
-No.
-No? - He repeated in astonishment.
-No.
After a pause, he decided to continue asking.
-What had happened for you to be broken? - Isabelle looked at him confused-. I mean, when we were in… Idris, you said it was?
Her face suddenly darkened.
-If you don't want to tell me, you don't need to do it.
- Many things happened there. It could be said, that, at that time, the war was in full swing- she said without any hint of amusement, without any expression-. Many people died. Dozens of lives were lost in battle. And I…
-Izzy.
-And I was the person with greatest stupidity that exists on Earth.
-Do not say that- he chided.
-It's what I was. I was proud. Always thinking that I am right, stubborn, not wanting to listen to others - her eyes crystallized.- She closed his eyes tightly, begging to erase the horrible images of Max's lifeless body from his mind, despite knowing that she would never forget that-. Why have I always had to be like this? Why? Why was I never like Alec? Always passive, attentive, the best to listen ... I didn't want to tell my parents, but from that moment, there is no opportunity to lose, to reprimand me, and blame me for that.
-Blame yourself for what?
-For letting that happen to him. I feel as if I had murdered him myself. I didn't want to listen to him; I left him alone with a monster. With the one who killed him - the tears struggled to slide from his eyes, to end up travelling a road without destination or end.
-Isabelle. Isabelle, look at me- he stroked her cheek gently, and made her lift her head. You can't blame yourself for something you didn't do.
She clung to him as much as she could; Izzy was more serious than before, she looked distressed, and seemed as if she could sink at any moment.
-I'm so sorry, Iz, but… Who did you leave alone?
-Max. My little brother. He warned us that we were being attacked; but I didn't want to listen. I told him to stay right where he was; Max was always a very obedient child, he did what I told him to do, he stayed with his own murderer in the same room, when I came back, Sebastian was gone, and Max ...
- Enough, Izzy, do not torture yourself anymore.
-I wasn't able to go to his funeral. And I never dared go to visit him. I thought that if I didn't, it wouldn't be entirely real. If I could do anything, believe me I would do it just to have my little brother back.
-I know.
-I saw your inert body once. You were dead. And even though I didn't know you very much at that moment, I felt something that I didn't know what it was.
Simon smiled. He looked over her face to analyse it. He lowered his eyes a little, and managed to see two very small, almost invisible, marks on his neck.
- Have I ever bitten you?
-Not just once. But don't worry, I asked you to do it at the time, and once you saved my life. Simon, I ... I had a really bad time when you became a mundane again. I thought I had lost you forever, but I knew that if you were happy, at least it would be worth it; we all knew you'd never wanted to be a vampire so your life would be what it used to be. You would have lost Luke, our friends, Clary, and you would have lost me too. But you would have never known.
Izzy struggled to endure the urge to cry.
-I don't think I can take more losses; if you leave too ... Then I don't know what the hell I'm going to do- she said with a thin voice.
He put an arm around Isabelle and pulled her close. She rested her head on his shoulder, and for the first time in a long time, allowed herself to cry. Izzy wept until she fell asleep in Simon's arms. Her own hero.