Because he felt like he had nothing to live for…that was the reason why.
Waking up from a dream, a cold sweat appeared on his forehead. That vision flashed through his mind again, the image from his past:
A young man, probably in his early 20s, walked down into an abandoned town. The sidewalks were cracked and the buildings were greatly ageing as if they were about to come crashing down crushing anything and everything below it. Turning right, into an alleyway lined with garbage cans, he saw a new born kitten trapped underneath a trash can lid. Within three long strides, he was next to the small animal. Freeing the feline from the harsh laws of gravity, the young boy thought to himself as he watched the kitten dart away into the shadows of the alleyway.
Indeed, that was so. The boy felt as though he was trapped by the limits of the earth; an empty puppet with no purpose. Not knowing his father's whereabouts, having no friends that supported him, and being deserted by his family when he was only a child, he no longer wanted to feel the pain of rejection. He ran and ran trying to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. But no matter how far he ran, the end of the tunnel kept getting father and farther away. He could never see the purpose of life, so he gave up on it.
He continued to walk down the dark passageway on the side of an old, unused building. A drop of water fell from the sky and landed on his cheek, causing him to look up. He expected rain. It never came. Instead, he spotted the small figure of a young girl, one foot planted on the edge of the building's roof with the other hovering, dangling eighty feet above the ground. Eighty feet may not seem that high on paper but it was definitely high enough to kill someone.
A jolt of adrenaline rushed through his veins as the boy ran up to the roof. Luckily for him, the girl had not yet jumped. He made it just in time. In an instant, he ran to the girl, his hand tightly secured around hers. She slowly turned her head around to see who had stopped her from plunging into the ground. His dark midnight blue eyes bore into her dull, honey-golden ones. Her eyes held nothing but sadness and fear. Her body was trembling, her hands as cold as ice, and her skin covered in obvious signs of abuse. Then he remembered. That single drop of what he thought was rain came from this girl. Her face was stained with old tears, and fresh ones still leaked from her eyes, an expression of shock and confusion on her face.
The man understood her pain of loneliness and quickly pulled her away from the edge into a warm embrace. He, too, was about to jump but after what he witnessed; he knew why he was here. He had a purpose now and it was to protect this girl with his life.
As soon as the heat from his body consumed the coolness of her fragile body, he felt her tense. However, she relaxed when she found no sign of threat or danger from him. Who was this man? She never met him before and yet here she was in his arms. Why was he there the exact moment she was about to die? All of these unanswered questions swirled around in her head, but she didn't care. She felt safe with him, and that was all that really mattered. Being with him made her worries wash away, the thought of death banished from her mind. The man felt the same. Death seemed distant now. This was it. She was the light at the end of the tunnel, the light he always longed to reach. He finally did it. He made it to the other side where bright rays of the sun shined.
All of a sudden, he broke from his thoughts as a hand was placed on his forehead. He stared at the woman to whom the hand belonged as she looked at him with worry.
"Are you okay?" she asked. He smiled in reply and nodded. "That's good," she sighed in relief. She wore a bright and gentle smile as the sun gleamed on her beautiful face, causing her to glow. Yes, that day exactly 10 years ago when they met, that was the best day of his life; the day that started it all and the girl who he gave his heart to.
She was the light at the end of his tunnel – She is What He Lives For.
The inspiration behind What He Lives For came from the part of me that wishes for instant relief from all the pain and suffering that has been harboring inside me. When you've been depressed for so long, you start to lose feeling for everything; nothing seems significant anymore. It's not as though you think your problems take priority over your friends, family, school or work. It's an overwhelming feeling of confusion that eventually burns you out and you don't know where else to turn. You feel like there's nothing else to lose and no one is going to care.
But that's not true at all.
It is a HUGE struggle to fight with yourself whether it be in your mind or with physical harm. I know. I absolutely know how it feels. I've been there and I still fight with myself today. Depression sucks, it really does and I'm not going to say it's easy to get rid of because it's not.
But why are you here today? What made you not give up on yourself yesterday?
This story illustrates that even a stranger can be your most important reason for living. The person you are waiting for all this time is out there. You don't know when you're going to see that person. You don't know where. You don't know the situation you're going to be in. But he or she is out there. And if you give up so soon you two will never get a chance to meet.
Do NOT give up, please. Your chance will come. Be patient.