Tallest Zim
Chapter One: The Death of Gir
"I apologize for calling so suddenly, my Tallest, but I have a request to make."
Red and Purple stared at the video screen aboard the Irken flagship, the Massive, both silently wishing for the death of the diminutive being hailing them.
"What is it this time, Zim?" Red asked in a bored tone.
Zim bowed on the other side of the screen.
"I regret to report that my SIR unit has been destroyed beyond all hope of repair and recovery."
As he spoke, Zim shifted the camera to show a pile of still-smoking scrap pieces, the remains of GIR.
"During an attempt to study the eclectic weather patterns of this planet, my SIR unit was struck multiple times by a natural electrical discharge known as 'lightning', melting his metal frame beyond even the Engineering Departments ability to repair."
Red leaned back, scratching his chin. "You're saying a weather phenomenon was powerful enough to destroy a SIR unit?"
Zim reappeared on screen. "As unlikely as it seems, yes, my Tallest, that is exactly what happened."
Purple snorted.
"You expect us to believe that a simple weather phenomenon was strong enough to destroy a Standard-issue Information Retreiver?"
Red interrupted his fellow Tallest before he could continue.
"Zim, if you are sent a new SIR unit, what's your estimate on how long it would take to conquer Earth?"
Zim paused for a moment at that, only to tap at a panel off screen for a moment. After a beep sounded, Zim returned his attention to the Almighty Tallest.
"About one standard week, my Tallest!"
Purple continued to snort in the background, threatening to break into full-blown laughter, but Red kept a serious attitude.
"Alright, you'll get it. We expect to hear your report in one standard week."
At that, Red motioned to the bridge crew to end transmission. Red barely had time to turn around before his fellow Tallest descended upon him.
"What are you thinking? Giving a perfectly good SIR unit to ZIM?"
Red held up his hands in defense.
"Now, now, I know what you're thinking, but before you go crazy, think of it this way: if Zim gets the SIR and does succeed, that's one more planet to the Empire, and if he doesn't, we can order him to fly into the nearest star as penance for failure. Either way, we win."
Purple stopped at that, a painful expression crossing his face, almost as if he were thinking.
"That… makes sense." Purple finally admitted.
As they were speaking, a new SIR unit was making its way through the Irkan mail system, loaded onto a high-speed shuttle, and launched at Earth.
-One Week Later-
"Greetings, my Tallest! I have excellent news!"
Red and Purple were once again staring at the video screen aboard the Massive, this time Purple had a substantial amount of popcorn and other snacks waiting in the wings. Ignoring his fellow Tallest's frantic food binge, Red leaned upon the railing.
"What news is that, Zim?"
Zim stepped back from the camera, revealing a large, oval-shaped office. A large seal displaying a large, white-headed bird was displayed on nearly every surface.
"I have successfully conquered Earth, my Tallest!"
Red was glad he had already decided to lean on the rail as his knees suddenly felt weak. Behind him, Purple sputtered, spraying popcorn across the Massive's bridge. Before Red could speak again, Purple screamed.
"You WHAT!"
Zim stared at his own screen.
"I said, I conquered Earth. What's so hard to understand?"
Red found his feet again, only to nearly loose them again when he noticed something.
"Zim, are you… taller?"
Zim took a step back from the camera and looked at something just off screen.
"Why, yes, my Tallest, I am. Thank you for noticing."
Indeed, Zim was taller. Before, he had stood at three and a half feet, now, he stood at nearly five.
Purple was still sputtering.
"B-b-but th-that's impossible! No Irkan can change their height!"
Zim looked down at himself, then back at the screen.
"Don't ask me how it happened, I woke up this way this morning."
Red stared at the invader hard.
"You just woke up that way? Right after conquering Earth?"
Zim nodded. "Yes, my Tallest."
Red stood straight, scratching his chin again.
"Interesting, that."
Red held his pose for a moment before turning his attention back to the invader.
"Zim, I want you to report to the Massive. Bring whatever you think necessary. I want you here as soon as possible."
Zim saluted to the camera. "As you command, my Tallest!"
Static washed over the screen as Zim cut the connection.
Red readied himself for Purple's inevitable outburst.
"What are you calling him here for!"
An odd expression crossed the crimson Tallest's face.
"I have a theory I want to test. If it's correct, Zim might have just proven that he can actually be useful."
-Meanwhile, on Earth-
"You're being recalled by the Tallest? But I thought you did everything right?"
Zim chuckled.
"I did. Obviously, the Almighty Tallest have a new mission for me. After all, Earths conquered, my job as an invader here is done, no point in staying."
"Yeah, I get that, but what happens to Earth now?"
Zim shrugged.
"The Bureaucratic Division comes in, sets up shop, installing Earth into the Irkan Imperial Conclave, and life moves on."
Dib crossed his arms, staring hard at his former enemy, his face set hard in thought. Zim laughed at the look on the human's face.
"Cheer up! You won't be here to see that happen!"
Dib snapped out of his glare.
"What do you mean?"
Zim laughed again.
"Weren't you listening? The Almighty Tallest ordered me to bring whatever I thought was necessary! And if it weren't for your help, I wouldn't have conquered Earth inside of a week. That makes you necessary, so you get to come with!"
Dib's scowl slowly turned into a smirk. A moment later, the two former enemies combined maniacal laughter could be heard echoing throughout the White House.