It had been three days since the Reaping, and I was still having nightmares about that day. When Effie called Prim's name to be the next contender in the Hunger Games, I wanted to do something to save her. I had this creeping urge to step forward and volunteer as tribute, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not sure what primal urge came over me, but I just couldn't bring myself to take her place and sign my life away. I felt like my chance to be a hero had come and gone; and my beautiful, little sister was the result of my cowardice. The other day Gale had suggested that the two of us run away; I scoffed at him knowing that I could never do that to my mom or sister. I hadn't run away, but my lack of action in that moment seemed a lot like abandonment to me.
I was so relieved that Gale wasn't chosen as well. I know that Gale would do anything to protect my sister, but there's no way I could have handled knowing that one of them would have to die. The local baker's son, Peeta, was chosen as the male contender for our district. I remember a time when I was close to dying from starvation; Peeta didn't even know who I was, but he gave me some burnt loaves of bread and took a beating from his parents for being so generous. Now I found myself rooting against the very person who once saved my life, a person my little sister might have to kill. I couldn't bear the thought of it.
Gale was the only person who could make me feel anything after that. I found myself going hunting earlier and earlier in the morning just to escape my own thoughts. By myself, my mind was a torture chamber. But whenever I heard "Hey Katnip", the pain was numbed for a little while. For so long, Gale had felt like a great friend to me; but the fact that he was there for me when I needed him most made me start to think of him as something more than that. He didn't say much to me, but he was there for me. I really felt like Gale could help me hold my life together even if Prim wouldn't be returning to it. I would never forgive myself for letting Prim go into the Games, but maybe Gale could fill some of that void. It felt empty when I had to go back home; I wanted to stay with Gale.
I hated the fact that the Capitol forced us to watch all of the live coverage associated with each contender before the games began. But I eagerly tuned in every night for a chance to see how Prim was handling the situation. I had seen many Games growing up and learned one thing: the young ones are usually the first to go. But each contestant got to be interviewed for a few minutes. I knew that interview might be the last time I would ever hear my sister's voice.
The interviews weren't that memorable. Some people tried to be flirty, others tried to be intimidating. But no one seemed to make a lasting impression on the audience. Prim's interview was heart-wrenching; even the people of the Capitol seemed a little upset that someone so innocent was in an obvious situation to die in the Games. When she talked about me being her hero, I felt like she must have been lying. There was nothing heroic about wanting to take her place in the Games and choosing not to. What good is a hero if they don't save you?
Peeta was definitely a natural when it came to interviewing. Caesar Flickerman had been doing these interviews for years, but the two of them talked like old friends. No matter what Caesar brought up, Peeta had a witty response that seemed to make the entire audience laugh. Eventually, Caesar began to get personal; he asked if Peeta had a "special lady friend" at home that he was competing for. "Well I guess you could say that." Peeta had the entire audience leaning over their seats to hear the juicy details. Caesar pushed the topic further, "Ah so you want to try to win the Games and come back as her hero huh?" Peeta was obviously uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. "Well I don't think winning the games would make me much of a hero to her considering her sister is the other contender from our district". I felt myself gasp in harmony with the rest of the audience. Stammering, Caesar tried to reply to Peeta's comment, "You mean you aren't going to try to win the games? You know there's only one way for someone to win right?" This time Peeta didn't seem uncomfortable. "I know how the Games work. But I also know that making sure her sister is back safe and sound in District 12 is the only thing worth competing for." Caesar, obviously touched by Peeta's selflessness, answered, "Well if that doesn't make you a hero, I'm not sure what would." The audience jumped to their feet and applauded until Peeta was off the stage.
As the Capitol music played and the screen faded to black, I found myself in a state of shock. I couldn't' believe what I had just heard. Peeta was willing to die in the games so that I could get Prim back. It didn't even make sense. He saved my life all those years ago. If anything, I should be in the Games dying for him! But was it possible he could really save my sister from the people who had been training for years to be victorious in the Games? I shuddered at the thought of what Prim could go through, but I indulged myself in imagining what it would be like for her to return home.
The next day began like any other: hunting. But something was different. I wasn't excited to see Gale anymore. I didn't know how to feel about him after the interviews the night before. I had listened to someone who was practically a stranger discuss how he would give up his life to save my sister; earlier that day I was feeling attracted to being with someone just because they filled the void of that lost sister. I never really felt anything for Peeta, but it seemed like his feelings for me were beyond what I could imagine. But if he did manage to save Prim, it would mean he'd have to die. Obviously, we could never be together if he truly did what he said he would do; but I simply couldn't imagine myself in a relationship with one guy while another was giving up his life for my family.
"Hey Katnip." My stomach dropped when I heard those words. Hunger Games coverage was mandatory for every citizen of the districts; so Gale must have seen the interview and heard what Peeta said. He smiled as he approached me but his face gave no impression of how he was feeling. "Pretty crazy interviews last night huh? Kind of unbelievable if you ask me." There was a hint of contempt in the way Gale made the remark. "What do you mean?" I asked him. Gale responded, "Well, might just be me, but it all seemed like an act. Like maybe he's just trying to get everyone's support for sponsors in the game. I mean he doesn't even know you or your sister. Why would he give up his life to get you Prim back?" Gale's comments made some sense but there was some noticeable jealousy in the way he said everything. I asked, "So you think everything Peeta said was just for strategy? You don't think he'll help Prim out at all?" Gale's human side seemed to return. "I'm sorry Katniss. But when 23 people are trying to kill you, I think you forget all about the people you want to help. I'm really sorry about Prim. I'd do anything to help get out of the games alive." He reached in to hug me, but just as I was about to succumb to the emotion of losing Prim, I realized something. "Wait a second Gale. If you would really do anything to help Prim, then why wouldn't you volunteer in Peeta's place and do exactly what he's doing?" Getting upset, Gale answered, "Katniss I just told you that I don't think anything Peeta said is real. I can't believe you all of people would fall for this. You don't understand how much I care about you. Forget about Peeta!" Gale was getting visibly upset about where this conversation was going, but I had to ask him one more question: "When they called Prim's name, everything inside of me wanted to volunteer in her place. If I had done that, would you have volunteered in Peeta's place?" Gale hesitated, but eventually let out the words, "Katniss I have a family…". As I walked away from him, I realized two things: Gale cared about me for most of our childhood, but he didn't love me. Peeta only seemed to sincerely care about me one time during our childhood, but it was enough for me to believe the things he said in that interview. He loved me.