A/N: So here it is: the story that I've abandoned all my other stories for. I've already got the next chapter written, and the only thing keeping me from posting is reviews! So if you like it, review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight- but I own Haley and Tristan.

I woke up screaming and crying with my four year old daughter Haley perched over me, concern creasing her smooth forehead.

"Mommy, are you okay? What happened?" Haley sounded worried, and I wasn't surprised. It was the third time I've woken her up with my nightmares this week. I looked at her face and was surprised when I saw understanding in her eyes.

"It's alright Haley, I just had a nightmare," I tried to sound calm and collected for my precious daughter, but she saw right through me.

"You were dreaming about Daddy again, weren't you?" She asked and I wondered how my four year old could be so intelligent that we were able to have conversations like this. She understood how much it hurt me when he left me, and took care of me like I should be taking care of her. She deserves so much more than the life I've given her and my two year old son, Tristan.

"Yes, Hales, but how did you know that?" I asked her. Sure she was perceptive for someone her age, or even older. The doctors had told me she has the maturity and intelligence level of someone three or four times her age, and I worried that my problems were making her grow up so much faster than all of her peers. Already she didn't like to play with little girls her own age, and preferred to have intellectual conversations with their parents.

She looked at me with more concern on her face than a child so young should be able to feel. "In your sleep you were screaming and crying out 'Edward! No! Don't leave me! Don't leave them!' You miss Daddy a lot don't you?"

I was ashamed for letting my daughter see myself like this, but I knew I couldn't lie to her. She knew me well enough that she would be able to tell. "Yes, honey, I do. I miss him very much. Where's Tristan? Is he alright? What time is it?" I looked at the clock. It was 2:15 in the morning.

"Tristan woke up and wanted to come in bed with you, but I told him not to, so he's probably sleeping. Daddy's not coming back is he? It's been months since he's called or written. Tristan doesn't even remember him. He came up to me the other day and asked if he had a Daddy. I told him as many good things about our Dad as I could, but it was difficult because I hate him so much for what he's done to you." Again I felt a wave of fresh guilt wash over me. Not child should hate their father; no child should have to pretend for their younger brother, or even their mother. One last tear escaped down my cheek, and her small hand reached up and wiped it away.

"Haley, do you know how proud I am of you? You are truly the best daughter I could hope for, and I love you so much. Why don't you go to sleep okay? I won't have any more dreams tonight." Well that was partially true. I wouldn't have any more dreams because I wouldn't be going to sleep. At least not tonight.

"That's because you aren't going back to sleep is it?" Haley looked at me and I knew I would never be able to keep anything from her. If she was like this at four, what would she be like when she got older, and I really needed to hide things from her?

"I think I'm just going to watch some television. But I want you to go back to sleep." She had left me with a lot to think about.

I went to the kitchen as quietly as possible and made a cup of tea. I glanced at the clock on the wall. Four more hours until I could call Jacob. I really needed his company tomorrow, or rather, today. I sat down on the couch when something white caught my eye. Our wedding album was out on the coffee table. Haley must have been showing Tristan the only pictures of Edward I have left. I opened to the first page and saw the cover picture, my hand enclosed in his perfect one. As I turned the page I wondered how a love so perfect and happy could end so terrible wrong.

I almost laughed out loud when I saw the picture of us sharing our wedding cake. He tried so hard to look normal while he swallowed the tiniest piece of cake that he would have to cough back up later. It's so obvious he was trying not to cringe. Picture after picture, page after page of us smiling up at the camera. And there was Jake, the best man. It was so hard to convince Edward to let him even go to the wedding; I'm not sure how I managed to let him be the best man. Of course, Jake wasn't too happy about me marrying Edward, but he went to make me happy. And there was the one person who ruined everything, smiling up at the camera in a bridesmaid's dress. Rosalie.

Looking at those pictures wasn't something I should do, and I knew it. It only reminded me of how he lied and refused to change me even after we were married. I didn't mind so much, because we were able to experience parenthood, even if we used a sperm bank. But after I had two children, I still wanted him to change me, and he still refused. He said it would be a danger to our kids, and I supposed it would be, but it couldn't have been anymore dangerous than me being human. But again I agreed, and I stayed human for the kids. He promised me that once Tristan was no longer a baby he would change me, and we would leave the kids with Carlisle. I had everything planned. On Tristan's second birthday, we would have a small celebration and then travel to Alaska to leave the kids with their grandparents.

I thought maybe something wasn't right. He seemed distant, and even more reserved than usual. For the first time I wished I had his extraordinary power so that I could have some inkling of what he was thinking. But maybe I didn't want to know. Maybe subconsciously I knew all along and just didn't want to believe it. Maybe Jake was right all along. Maybe he was just a filthy bloodsucker.

Maybe it was like Charlie said. Maybe he just felt guilty for making me feel so bad, and that's the only reason he came back to begin with. Maybe I shouldn't have taken him back so easily, but I really did think he cared about me. The morning of Tristan's second birthday I woke without his cold arms wrapped securely around me. I assumed he was downstairs, but when I opened my eyes I found his note.

Dearest Bella, it said in his perfect handwriting.

I am sorry, but I have left again. Please do not come looking for me. I cannot bear to see you or our children changed. I know this will hurt you most grievously, and for that I am sorry. I think I should not have come back to begin with six years ago, but I felt so bad for making you suffer. I thought that if I was with you, you at least would be happy. For so long I had not taken my happiness into account, and it's time I begin to do just that. I believe I will be happier with a mate of my own kind and I have chosen Rosalie. Do try to be careful. Even though Victoria is no longer on the loose, there are plenty of other dangers. I am sure Jacob and his pack of dogs will be more than happy that I am gone, and I am doubly sure they will not let any harm come to you. Perhaps you can even find love again with Jacob. I want you to get up and live for Haley and Tristan. You must not transform into the zombie like you did last time. I won't be taking all memory of me away again, but only because I know that would confuse Haley and Tristan. I do beg of you to not tell them what I am, at least until they are much older. My family has already gone again, but Alice says to tell you she is so sorry I am such an insolent git. I am sure that will amuse you at any rate. Goodbye Isabella.

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen

He had signed his whole name. He only did that when he wanted things to seem impersonal and cold. The note was crinkled and blurred in places where my tears had smudged the ink. I still could not believe he had the nerve to write all that down instead of saying it to my face.

The clock on the mantle chimed six 'o clock, shaking me from my dangerous travel down memory lane. Haley and Tristan would be waking soon. I closed the album and put it back in the cabinet with all of our other pictures. Sure enough just as I closed the drawer Tristan stumbled down the stairs clutching Teddy the Bear. Haley was right behind him, already dressed.

"What's for breakfast, Mommy?" Tristan asked. I sighed, haven't having thought of what to fix.

"I don't know, do you guys want pancakes?"

"Yeah! Yeah! With chocolate chips and whipped cream please!" Tristan squealed. I should have known. That boy has a sweet tooth the size of Jupiter. I laughed and began searching the kitchen for the necessary ingredients. We had flour, milk, eggs, oil, and water, but I could not for the life of me find the butter.

"Haley do you know…" I trailed off. The girl had the stick of butter in her hand, along with chocolate chips and a can of Reddi Whip.

"I'm way ahead of you, Mamma," she said with an impish grin. "You really ought to try and get more sleep. You are too tired to function."

"I'm just fine missy. You ought to try and act more like a four year old. People will get suspicious." I stuck my tongue out at her and she giggled.

"Looks like we know who the four year old is around here!" I growled and chased her into the living room. She shrieked as I launched her onto the couch and began to tickle her.

"Not fair! Not fair! You have the advantage! You weigh like a hundred pounds more than me!"

A large, booming laugh filled the room and I stopped tickling. "Jake!" I squealed. If one thing hadn't changed from the last time Edward left, it was how Jake made me feel whole again. Haley immediately jumped up and ran to her "Uncle" Jake. Jake reached down and scooped her and Tristan up before coming over by me.

"It looked like you were torturing Haley, you know, you could get charged with child abuse for that," his eyes crinkled with amusement. He gently set Haley and Tristan down, who both put on their best puppy dog faces until he picked them up again. Their fair skin looked even paler against his tan. His dark brown eyes were laughing and still boyish, and his hair had grown out again. It wasn't quite long enough for the ponytail he used to wear, but it was getting there. I cringed inwardly when I realized my appearance was less than attractive. I was wearing an old ratty t-shirt with plaid pajama bottoms. My hair was in a messy ponytail, and was in definite need of washing, and I didn't even want to think about what my face looked like.

He told the kids to go wait upstairs, because he needed to talk to "mommy". Tristan looked ready to protest, but Haley took one look at me and said, "Come on, Tris! We can go play with your new truck!" I loved how she always knew what I needed, even if I didn't know myself. The kids walked upstairs, and I turned back to the pancakes I was making. The stove was heated and the batter was ready.

Jake seemed to realize that I had to have something to do while he interrogated me, so he didn't question when I kept up the morning routine of cooking and cleaning. Thankfully he skipped the whole introduction and went straight to his rant.

"Come on, Bella! Emmett saw it coming, why didn't you? You can't keep thinking about him, find someone new and move on. It isn't like it was sudden. You were his wife, she was his Monica Lewinsky, they were kind of together the whole time you were! I wasn't even with them most of the time and I realized it the first time I met Rosalie! You were just so in love with the person you thought he was that I guess you didn't see the monster he really was. Haley called me this morning and told me that you were screaming in your sleep again. If you can't move on for yourself, move on for them! There are plenty of other people out there who love you, myself included. And yes, I know I'm shaking, and don't you try to calm me down. If I don't get this out I don't know how I will be able to take it!"

It was true, he was shaking. I could even see the hair on his muscular arms start to stand on end, rippling as he fought to control the wolf inside of him. I feared instantly for the children's safety if he transformed near them again. The last time, when Edward left, it was disastrous. Haley still has the scar on her back, though she thinks it's from falling out of a tree. The words he spoke pierced my already broken heart over and over again, forcing me to live through the reality of the situation. He didn't love me. He never loved me. It was too painful to think about. I suppose there was some truth to his words; I did need to move on, I just didn't know how.

Jake took one last deep breath and gave in to his wolfish side. He was huge, as I was reminded every time he transformed, easily the size of a young elephant. His russet hair gleamed as he turned and ran outside. I knew he had to go to the nearby woods where he had hidden clothing to transform, lest I should see him in all his glory. He returned before I could count to three with an apology written on his face.

I sat down, cross-legged on the floor and succumbed to the sobs rising in my chest. He dropped to his knees immediately and scooped me into his arms. His skin was unnaturally warm, and it soothed me instantly. His chin rested on the top of my head as he rocked me back and forth, and when he took a deep breath to breathe in the scent of my hair, I was reminded of the love he felt for me that I never felt for him. I pulled away and looked into his large, black eyes.

"You do realize that this means something different to you than it does to me? I don't want this to be like last time, when you put so much into us, only to have it thrown back into your face when he came back? You do know that even though I know he doesn't love me, I still love him? You're my best friend, Jacob Black, but nothing more than that." Pain passed over his eyes, proving that he still felt much more than friendship for me, until it was quickly masked by something else.

"I told you once and I'll tell you again, Isabella Marie Swan, as long as you like me the best, better than anyone else you know, I'm okay with that." He picked me up as he stood and carried me up the stairs. He crossed the hall to my room and laid me in my bed. Haley entered and I heard him tell her that Mommy was going to sleep for a little while, and that she and Tristan were going to go to Uncle Jake's shop. I saw is face in my head as my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

So there you have it. Chapter One. I'm looking for a beta, by the way, so if you are interested in beta-ing this story or others let me know! Below is a teaser for Chapter Two!

I know that as a four year old I'm expected to be utterly unobservant and ignorant, but I know the truth. I know that there is something special about me. I'm not just smart, I'm different. I can tell. No matter what Bella wants to believe, I'm not a normal human being. I may not even be human. I get these hunches all the time, and sometimes I'm sure I can just tell what people are thinking. Call it what you want, but I know that it's more than it seems.