Recipe for a McFadden family disaster: Start with two parts stubbornness and combine fierce protectiveness and denial with burgeoning independence and petulance. Mix in fear and guilt and let simmer, stirring the pot frequently. Toss in jealousy and a severe case of wrong place/wrong time and bring everything to a boil. Serve with angst and hurt/comfort.

Or… Adam and Daniel butt heads one too many times. Heartbreak and tragedy ensue. Those two plus Crane, Brian and a side helping of the rest.

Rating: PG13, T (language, adult/mature themes)
Wordcount: Approx. 4,300 of 100,000 plus
Warnings: Those aforementioned adult/mature themes, f-bombs and worse, plus a few potentially triggery scenarios.
Disclaimers: See my profile page.
Notes: So, I've updated my profile, removing the line about not posting works-in-progress to the Web. That's because this fic is definitely a WIP. I've been working on it forever though and, at over 70,000 words and 140-plus pages as of now, I'm itching to start posting it. I still have a lot more of the story to write from scratch though and it's not coming together quite as neatly as Surfacing had when I started posting it. With that in mind I need to give myself more breathing space in terms of posting increments. That means, to begin with, I'm aiming at uploading a chapter every three weeks. With a promise to speed things up when I feel I comfortably can.
Thanks as always to Katt for this beta and for all the time you'll be spending working on this monster in the coming months.
Apologies and thanks to Terry McMillan for such a wonderful title.
This story is set a few months after the series ended, in the Spring of 1983.

Waiting to Exhale
by May Robinson

Chapter 1

Daniel McFadden quickly made his way down the long stair-case, shrugging on a leather vest over his best shirt, his most-recently written melody playing in his head.

"Meep meep."

"Hey, watch it, squirt!" he groused in response to Guthrie's Road Runner impersonation. Seemingly oblivious, the twelve year-old scooted past him, his knapsack in tow. In an effort to avoid elbowing the youngster, Daniel had damn near lost his footing. He wasn't truly mad though. Guthrie's enthusiasm was a welcome thing. Especially these days.

He knew the boy was both in a hurry and excited. Sophie Barton and her son Eddie were waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.

It was a busy Friday night in the McFadden household. The Bartons had been invited to dinner after which Guthrie would head back to their place for a sleepover. Despite their initial conflict over some property rights, the neighbors, especially the two boys, had become good friends. Daniel knew his youngest brother was looking forward to hanging out with Eddie, watching TV and especially playing video games, the latter being something he never had the opportunity to do at home.

Evan and Ford were already out, having been picked up by friends and given a ride to the school dance. It didn't actually start until seven o'clock but Daniel knew the guys would be taking a detour for ice cream or milkshakes in Copperopolis before heading back up to the school. Having volunteered to chaperone, Adam and Hannah would soon be following them.

As good a reason as any Daniel was glad he was through with school dances, if not quite school itself.

With Daniel and Crane on their way to Stockton, Brian would soon be the last McFadden left at home tonight. Not for long though. Linda - or was it Lindsay? - was picking him up and they were going out. Daniel had hoped their date would include coming to watch his band play but, oddly, despite Brian's bar-hopping inclinations, he hadn't shown any interest in seeing them perform even before they'd landed their gig in Stockton. Daniel was trying his best not to take that personally. Still, he had a sneaking suspicion about why Brian wasn't coming. That it had to do with brotherly solidarity and unfortunately Daniel wasn't the sibling Brian was siding with.

"Did you remember your toothbrush, Guthrie?" Hannah asked as the boy pulled his jacket out from the front-hall closet.

"Aw, Hannah," he replied sulkily, as though the mere thought of having to brush his teeth had somehow just ruined his entire weekend. Daniel had to grin at the kid's pouty face, grateful that his baby brother was again unwittingly pulling him out of the morose thoughts he so easily found himself languishing in these days.

Their sister-in-law remained undeterred and, having caught up to Guthrie, placed her hands firmly on his shoulders and steered him back around to face the stairs. "Don't, 'aw, Hannah' me, young man. Someday you'll appreciate my interest in your oral hygiene," she said with a smile and a genuine twinkle in her eye.

"Hannah's right, Guthrie." The agreement came from Mrs. Barton and Daniel felt a momentary pang of sympathy for the youngest McFadden. Motherless for ten years, he now had two on his case, even if neither were technically his. The pity didn't last though once Sophie, who was way too attractive to be anyone's mom, caught Daniel's eye and gave him a wink. "You keep brushing your teeth and you'll have a smile that'll drive the girls wild. Just like Daniel's," she said lightly and Daniel snorted and dropped his head, desperately trying not to smile. He hoped like hell his hair was covering ears he knew were flaming red. He looked up again though when Sophie affectionately patted his arm. "I hear it's standing room only over at The Brick Walk and mostly women in the crowd."

Daniel was saved having to answer by Guthrie's incredulous, "And that's supposed to make me want to brush my teeth?"

The kid looked like he'd just sucked on a lemon and Daniel couldn't help but laugh.

God, it felt good to do that. It had been pretty tense at home lately. With his last year of school winding down, instead of being around more like Adam had expected, Daniel had been absent. A lot. The band had accepted this awesome gig at The Brick Walk restaurant and bar in Stockton and it was keeping him out late Thursday and Friday nights. Saturday nights too of course but, what had seemingly pissed Adam off the most was when the club had added an earlier set for the band on Saturdays too. Daniel supposed he should've talked it out with Adam first before accepting but, damn it, this was Daniel's life. His dream. Not to mention his future livelihood. Besides, he was making good money. Enough that the band had finally been in a position to set up a bank account.

Daniel was even putting aside some of his portion of the earnings for the ranch. The rest was just for him; savings toward rent somewhere or maybe his own car so he wouldn't have to take the bus down to L.A.

Not that he'd made any actual plans to leave home.

Yet.

Someday though…

Admittedly only Crane knew about the ranch money. He kind of had to know since the band had appointed Crane as their manager-slash-accountant. Daniel hadn't wanted to tell anyone else yet though. Okay, so maybe he was being a little superstitious. Maybe even a little paranoid about losing the gig somehow so, until he had enough money saved to help out with something significant, he'd told Crane to keep quiet about it.

Crane hadn't exactly warmed to the idea. Big brother had argued that Adam would be more receptive to the whole Brick Walk scenario if he'd known from the start about the income Daniel was pulling in. Daniel could see the logic in that but; he still wanted to hold off; looking forward to the day he could hand over a substantial wad of cash to Adam.

Daniel couldn't wait to see the look of shock and delight on his oldest brother's face when he saw how much money Daniel had already earned.

And maybe then Adam would truly believe in him, believe in his talent.

Happily, Daniel was already in that position but he still wanted to wait until after Crane had tallied up this weekend's take before announcing anything to the family. Despite his objection to the secrecy, since Saturdays provided the band their best income, Crane understood why Daniel wanted to hold off a few more days.

Daniel knew he could count on Crane's silence. His closest brother had been even more supportive than usual since they'd started playing in Stockton. Though it was a point of contention with Adam and Brian, Crane was doing Daniel's chores on Friday mornings - allowing him to sleep in some before school - plus he was doing Daniel's share of the load on Saturdays. He was also coming to see the band perform Friday nights without fail.

He'd been coming Saturday nights too up until the last month when the additional set was added. Both Adam and Brian had objected to the ranch being down one vehicle for that length of time, an argument Daniel understood. So, on Saturdays Red picked him up and they'd meet Cory and Sam, the other guys in the band, at The Brick Walk.

Daniel was lucky to have Crane on his side. Hell, sometimes it felt like Crane was his only ally, though he knew that wasn't fair. Or accurate. Hannah had stood up to her husband a few times when it came to the band and Daniel truly appreciated it. He supposed that might have been the real reason Adam had only grumbled a little more than usual when Crane had insisted he was going to take over Daniel's Saturday chores.

It had been working too. At least until the damn clutch died on the tractor. Again. Ranch-work Crane could do every bit as well as Daniel but, he didn't have Daniel's skill at mechanics. Brian was just as good with a wrench as far as Daniel was concerned but, with brother number two working the range so much, equipment repair typically fell to number four.

There was only so much even Daniel could do though with used and re-used parts. The clutch was toast. He'd known it when he'd begun the repair last Sunday but, well, pride got in the way so he started pulling the thing apart anyway. And even though he'd tried to baby it, he still managed to shear off some of the flywheel bolts trying to remove the infernal thing. So, now the flywheel was sitting at Walt Henry's garage waiting for Daniel to resurface it.

Which he couldn't do until the new clutch came in. The one that was on back-order.

Of course.

He should've called Ed Rackley that Monday to let him know they needed one but, well, that new melody had come to Daniel in class. And it had taken all his willpower just to stay seated at his desk instead of bolting out of Physics class to put the notes down on his sheet music like he'd wanted. He'd spent his lunch hour working on the song and completely forgot to call Ed. By the time he'd remembered the next day, they'd sold the last one in stock and had to place the order instead. Something even Crane didn't know.

It wasn't Daniel's fault the damn thing was on back-order. Was it?

Even still, guilt was gnawing at him. At least he could feel better about paying for it himself once the part came in. After all, new clutches were exactly the reason he'd started setting aside that cash.

Between Sophie's flattery, Guthrie's antics and the pride Daniel felt in knowing that he'd be the one purchasing that clutch, his spirits were starting to lift again. Never mind how much he was really looking forward to getting on stage tonight and singing his songs to a truly appreciative crowd. And speaking of his fans, he felt just cocky enough to respond to Sophie's comment about them.

"Well, not all of them are girls. There's a few guys too."

"Yeah, jealous ones," Crane interjected good-naturedly, swiping a hand through Daniel's hair as he, Brian and Adam made their way from the kitchen over to the stairs.

"That's my boy," Brian contributed; his smirk all the more amusing once Adam yanked the dish-towel from Brian's shoulder and draped it over his head.

"I'll just bet," Sophie said provocatively and Daniel blushed again at her brazenness. He knew the older woman had no interest in him; in fact she flirted with all his brothers, even married Adam. Still, as confident as he was with the girls in school and those showing up for his gigs, Sophie Barton had a way of making Daniel feel like he was back in sixth grade again. When he'd had his first crush on a grown woman - Mrs. Cook, his home room teacher.

Apparently all their talk about girls was too much for Guthrie. "Ewwww, come on, Eddie," he said with an eye-roll before the two boys trudged upstairs, presumably on the hunt for Guthrie's toothbrush.

Momentarily distracted by poor Guthrie's repulsion, Daniel startled a little when Adam came up behind him and wrapped an arm across his shoulders. There'd been such a strain between them lately he had to admit that the unexpected gesture felt awfully good. Daniel even relaxed and leaned into it some. And when Adam gave him a squeeze and began to speak, Daniel was actually looking forward to his big brother joining in with their teasing banter.

"Too bad we couldn't get some of loverboy's adoring fans out here to cheer him on… maybe then we'd have ourselves a working tractor."

Daniel tried not to flinch. He knew by Adam's laughing tone that he was kidding. His big brother didn't mean those words to hurt, right? His gaze darted to Crane, and Daniel caught a flash of anger in his roommate's eyes before being met with sympathy. Hannah's head had dropped but he could see that her lips were pursed, like maybe she was holding something in. It helped to know that they understood. That the sudden ache Daniel felt in his chest was justified.

It didn't help enough.

Abruptly shrugging out of Adam's hold, Daniel bit out, "Gotta get my gear," and then hurriedly made his way back up to his room, slamming the door even louder than he'd intended when he got there.

"Shit!" Vince Warner swore, slamming on his brakes as he realized he'd been driving too fast and missed the corner he'd been looking for. Big mistake. Clipping the shoulder, the gravel beneath the Ram's tires was loose and he felt his thudding heart leap into his throat as the half-ton's empty bed started to fishtail. Over-steering he narrowly missed hitting the guardrail before the tires finally found purchase and shot the truck across the road. He was damn lucky the isolated route was empty of any other traffic.

Come to think of it, he hadn't seen anyone else on the road from the minute he'd turned onto it.

He was stopped now, whether he'd intended or not, the Dodge's nose and front wheels pointing down into the ditch running parallel to the roadway. Somehow he'd missed hitting the trees and shrubs lining the hills not to mention the speed-limit sign just a few feet away.

His legs were shaking involuntarily, as was his arm as he fumbled open the door and got out of the confines of the pickup. Practically falling out of its cab, he leaned over and braced his hands against still wobbly knees. Sucking in cool air and ignoring the resultant sting in his tender nostrils.

After a minute or two, he felt both his heart-rate and his shakiness subside. Straightening, Vince inspected his vehicle; elated that not only had he found no damage, none of the tires were buried in the soft ground either. The rear wheels were still on the shoulder, more or less, so all he had to do was back the 4x4 out of the ditch and then he'd be home free.

But first he felt compelled to take a look across the road. Call it morbid curiosity but, even as he was steering to regain control and save his life, he'd caught a glimpse of the view. Now he wanted a closer look.

"Son of a bitch," he said out loud. His chest swelling with pride more than relief as he realized his superior driving skills had saved him from what would've surely been a fiery crash had anyone else been behind the wheel. The landscape beneath his boots wasn't quite a cliff; it did have a slope after all but, between its surprising depth and the trees at the bottom of it, the end result would've been the same… certain death.

Vince felt a rush of adrenaline surge through his veins. If only she'd been in the truck with him.

She would've been so impressed.

Adam McFadden stood in the doorway, waving to Guthrie and the Bartons and watching as Sophie pulled away in her station wagon. He wondered how long he could keep standing there before it became obvious to those behind him that he was stalling, avoiding facing the music.

Their music.

Yup, Adam had stuck his foot in it again with Daniel and he knew Crane was pissed with him. Worse, he knew Hannah was too, or at the very least disappointed. Hell, even Brian had looked fairly irritated.

Damn it.

And Adam had been in such good humor thanks to the encounter he'd had in town earlier in the day.

Way to ruin your own good mood, McFadden.

He'd only been kidding when he'd made that comment to Daniel about the tractor.

Mostly.

Okay, so maybe a little dig had been intended but with Crane bending over backwards these days to make it easy for Daniel to play in Stockton, the last thing Daniel needed was for Sophie to feed the boy's ego.

Somebody had to keep Daniel firmly grounded in reality and that job apparently fell to the kid's oldest brother.

Adam had become guardian to Daniel and the others a decade ago and he still took his role seriously. Just because their middle brother was eighteen now didn't mean Adam's job was over.

Especially when the kid was determined to dive head-first into a pit of rattlers. Or, well, get into the music business.

Same difference. Both would suck the life out of him.

Daniel definitely had talent. He'd become a terrific guitarist, had a good voice, great looks and had loads of stage presence. And from all accounts Daniel was really blossoming as a song-writer too. Admittedly those reports came mostly from Crane and, well, Crane tended to have blinders on when it came to his roommate. He'd always been Daniel's staunchest supporter so, though Adam respected Crane's opinion on most things, he felt it might be a little bit suspect where Daniel's music was concerned.

Except whenever Adam went into Murphys, almost inevitably he'd hear from someone singing the boy's praises. With a ready-made and appreciative audience like that at home, Adam frankly had no idea why Daniel had accepted that job in Stockton. It was over an hour away and big brother was none too happy that the teen had to face that drive home in the middle of the night. Especially on a school night.

Truth be told, Adam didn't like the idea of Daniel being so far away playing in bars he wasn't yet old enough to drink in. Though Crane had assured him that the club was far from a dive, Adam knew full well how rowdy those places could get.

He'd wanted to put an end to it; tell Daniel he had to quit outright but, before he could even broach the subject, Crane had cut Adam off at the pass. Coming up with a solution for every logical argument he'd presented, it had actually blindsided Adam a little. Crane was a consummate worrier and took his role as Daniel's immediate big brother very seriously. For him not to worry about Daniel playing as far away as Stockton, well, it seemed almost out of character.

It was hard to argue with Crane's logic though so, despite his concerns, Adam had relented and accepted his brother's wisdom. Truth be told, Hannah's input had a lot to do with that too.

He still wasn't happy about caving though.

He had to admit he almost felt a certain sense of relief when the tractor's clutch decided to croak on them again. Because that had finally proven to both Daniel and Crane that Crane couldn't pull all of Daniel's weight around the place.

Adam hadn't counted on the parts being on back-order though.

If anything, with no tractor to work on after school, Daniel had found even more time this week to hide away in his room and work on his music.

After running into Ed Rackley today and finding out Daniel hadn't ordered the new clutch until the day after he was supposed to, Adam had found himself wondering just for a brief instant if Daniel had decided to wait on purpose.

And then he kicked himself for even considering the notion. He knew the boy better than that. The kid might be burning the candle at both ends but he certainly wouldn't intentionally shirk his responsibilities. Adam still felt guilty about having had such a mean-spirited thought. Probably the only reason he hadn't called Daniel on it.

Then again, he supposed that did have a lot to do with his dig a minute ago too.

Crap.

Adam hated that the kid's music had become such a contentious issue in their house. That it was spawning thoughts like he was having. Hell, sometimes Adam even regretted that he'd nurtured it when Daniel was little, though he knew that wasn't fair. Or true. Without question he believed the boy's love for music had helped pull him out of the despair he'd been drowning in after losing their parents. Adam had been grateful for it then. And he'd encouraged it whole-heartedly.

It was like Evan and his rodeo, a hobby Adam had been staunchly supportive of until he'd realized their seventeen year-old was seriously considering it as a vocation. Hell, he didn't know which career choice scared him the most.

Unlike when Evan had impetuously announced his desire to quit school and follow the rodeo circuit, the worst part of this whole Stockton issue was that it was starting to draw lines between the members of their family. In a way he hadn't felt since he'd kicked Brian off their mountain polo team.

The opposing sides were different this time. Though they hadn't really discussed the matter, Adam felt Brian's allegiance lock, stock and barrel. But where Adam was used to Crane having his back, brother number three was firmly in Daniel's camp this time. As was Evan, despite Daniel's music contributing to the brothers' fisticuffs during the last roundup. Adam figured those two must have drawn the same parallels he had about their future goals and had managed to find a common ground. He supposed he should've been pleased they weren't fighting anymore, and he was.

For the most part.

Ford was staying pretty neutral, though he looked damn miserable playing the role of Switzerland. And Guthrie, well, Adam knew the boy's hero-worship still bought his guardian a lot of good will. Except when Adam crossed the line and said something hurtful. Which was why he was infinitely relieved the squirt had missed what he'd said to Daniel about fixing that damn tractor. That would've earned Adam one hell of a stink-eye for sure.

And then there was Hannah.

Adam's beautiful bride wasn't afraid to oppose him when she thought he was in the wrong. Boy, had Adam learned that lesson the hard way. Fortunately, even when she did disagree with him about the boys, she aired her opinions in private.

They'd been having quite a few private discussions about Daniel lately.

Which was why he knew she was disappointed in her husband right now.

She'd been trying to tell him to give Daniel some breathing space. And to afford Daniel the respect he and his music deserved. Damned if she didn't sound like Crane in those moments.

And though it went against every protective instinct he had, he'd actually had every intention of acquiescing to her wishes. At least for tonight.

Too bad his mouth hadn't gotten that message.

It wasn't too late though. Though Daniel and Crane were due to leave soon, likely as soon as the boy came back downstairs, Adam knew there was still time to extend the proverbial olive branch to his kid brother.

And what a perfectly fitting offering he had to give.

Resisting rubbing his hands together in eager anticipation, Adam finally turned around to face his wife and Brian and Crane. Shrugging his shoulders a little meekly at the varying degrees of displeasure staring back at him, he only had time to send a confident smile their way before he shifted his attention to the stairs and the teenager beginning their descent.

Daniel was making his way with a lot less enthusiasm than he usually had before a show and Adam couldn't help but feel another twinge of guilt. He knew his words were responsible for that change in demeanor.

Before Adam could say anything though, Crane brushed past him and met Daniel at the base of the stairs. Unburdening their brother of his guitar case, the one Adam knew was protecting their mom's old six-string, Crane softly asked, "You okay?"

Though not so soft that Adam couldn't hear it.

Daniel's eyes were downcast when he answered with a shrug. "Yeah… Same old, right?" Still looking at his boots, he glanced up at Crane briefly, adding, "You ready to roll?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure," Crane said with forced enthusiasm and Adam couldn't help but wonder about the hesitation he heard there. Wondered if it was because Crane was torn between wanting to go with Daniel and staying behind to give his eldest brother yet another lecture in his series on "How best to deal with Daniel".

Tamping down the resentment he felt over the latter possibility, Adam stepped forward. Unwilling to let them leave without sharing the news he felt confident would undo the hurt he'd caused.

"Hold on a minute," he said, trying to keep any hint of command from his voice.

"Adam, I can't. I gotta go," Daniel replied almost pleadingly. "I can't be late for this gig."

Adam knew damn well Daniel wasn't even approaching late. Still, he supposed that imploring tone was the only thing keeping his hackles down as the uncharitable thought of: you're never in this much of a hurry to work the ranch flashed through his mind.

He quashed that down too before plastering a smile on his face. One that was quickly becoming authentic the more he thought about his news.

After all, wasn't he about to give Hannah and Crane what they wanted from him? More support for Daniel's music?

He'd show them just how supportive he could be.

"Yeah, well, about that... I wanted to catch you before you left. I've got some good news."

They both were wearing wary expressions now and Adam felt damn near smug, knowing that he'd be responsible for eliminating that concern.

"It looks like you're going to have to tell Red and the guys to get themselves another guitarist for next Saturday." At the look of shock on Daniel's face, Adam practically crowed, "Because I've got you a solo show someplace else."

.

To be continued...