After three tense weeks, things at Fox River Penitentiary were starting to creep back to normal. The inmates and staff began to walk with a little more calmness, but the riot had left certain little stains in their gait. Abruzzi now had this weird compulsion to speak so close to a person, they could practically hear his thoughts. Bellick had surgically attached his keys to his stomach so he could never lose them. So, in order to open doors quickly, Bellick now roamed the prison shirtless, much to the chagrin of anyone with eyesight. But without a doubt, Michael was affected the most. Whenever someone made a sudden movement, he would jump up into the rafters like an overgrown pigeon and start rambling about cheap liquor. But after three weeks, everything started to settle down. But like Haywire with a possum and a waffle iron, it was amazing how many things could go wrong.
It all started on a normal day. With average inmates (plus one overgrown pigeon) eating sub-par food. Oh, how quickly things went downhill.
"Hey Michael," Sucre said between bites, "Can I ask you something?"
"Hey Sucre, did I ever tell you about the time I traded a hubcap for vodka?" Michael asked with a nervous twitch in his otherwise calm face.
"Yeah, Papi, you did. Like, a half an hour ago." Sucre said with a frown. "So can I ask you something?"
"Ask away." Michael said while flapping his "wings".
"Okay, a) Why aren't you in the whack shack? And b) Why do you have to play the hero all the time?" Sucre asked.
"To answer you're first question, they wouldn't let me back in after I ate all the arts-and-crafts birdseed! So there! The joke's on you!" Michael shouted triumphantly, feathers not at all ruffled. "And to answer you're second question; I have no idea what you're talking about!"
"Oh come on," Sucre said with a hint of exasperation, "You know you have the hero compulsion, just admit it."
"Improbable!" Michael shouted. "Lies! Wait, are you feeling alright? Are you? How's your blood pressure? Have you been going to the bathroom regularly? Can you see a bright light? This man needs help! I'll save you! JAWS OF LIIIIIFE!!"
Michael had leapt over the table and started to "save Sucre's life". Michael had smashed his lips over Sucre's and blew into his mouth like a balloon while simultaneously punching him in the chest in a twisted version of CPR. Meanwhile, all the inmates watched in shock and horror.
"Whoa, kinky." Tbag said with a wolfish grin.
Finally, after a couple more minutes of Michael's "heroism" the guards managed to separate the two, much to T-bag's displeasure.
"It's okay, everyone! He's safe!" Michael said weakly after several gasps for air.
Sucre was in what seemed to be a catatonic state.
"Yeah, good thing you were here, Fish." C-Note muttered.
"Hey Pretty! John-boy seems to be having a stroke!" T-bag shouted with glee as John blanched, "Looks like you better go save him!"
"JAWS OF LIFEEE!!" Michael roared with a manic gleam in his eye as he attempted to escape Bellick's grip.
"Fish, if you don't let me die, I'LL KILL YOU!" John shouted behind a protective barricade of mobsters.
"He's obviously delusional! But that's alright! I'LL SAVE HIM!" Michael screamed as he wriggled away from Bellick and jumped at the mobster-wall.
Michael's aim was off. He ended up tackling some white supremacist at T-bag's table.
"Ugh! Who do you think you are, boy?" an eight-foot-tall hick asked Michael disgustedly as T-bag pouted in jealousy.
"Who am I?" Michael asked theatrically, "Why, I am evil's worst nightmare! I am the vigilante of Gotham-"
"Fox River." Bellick corrected.
"-Fox River." Michael repeated. "The vigilante of Fox River. I am the night! I am justice! I AM…..THE TATTOOED PIGEON!"
This statement was followed by a ringing silence throughout the whole prison.
"More like the Tattooed Screaming Idiot." a small voice said from the crowd.
"Who was that?" Michael screamed as he hopped on the table, "Show yourself! I will bring you to justice!"
"I'll bring your mom to justice!" the voice said again.
"That doesn't even apply to what's going on right now!" Seth protested, but was quickly shushed by T-bag.
"Uh, you guys, I think we might need a sedative in the cafeteria." Bellick mumbled quietly into his walkie.
He was not quiet enough, though. He under-estimated Michael's super pigeon hearing.
"Villain! You dare conspire against me?" Michael said while tying his jacket around his neck like a cape, "Very well! You will never catch me!"
And with that, Michael ran out of the cafeteria at super sonic pigeon speed.
"Sucre, what's wrong with you?" T-bag chided as Sucre twitched nervously, "Pretty is obviously in perfect mental health."
"Uh, guys? What's the rule on using elephant sedative on inmates?" Bellick questioned his walkie anxiously.
Hey, you guys! I'm baaaack! Part Two will be up soon, because I have insomnia!! Yaaaay! Thank you for reading :) Reviews would be loved, cherished, and treated like a fluffy kitty. :)