So I don't think that Neville is gay so be warned when you read this story because we all know that he ends up with Hannah Abbott as JK Rowling said. My friend Bilba-Mildred (this is a nickname don't ask) came up with this ridiculous story after having one too many hot chocolates. This is purely fictional for amusement purposes only so sit back and relax and enjoy.
It was a wet and rainy day at Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. There was absolutely nothing to do and a bored wondering Kurt was patrolling the corridors filling in for his friend's prefect duties.
"Probably off snogging someone," he thought.
Then, after he was sure that no one was partaking in any forbidden behaviors or activities, he was out of things to do. He asked his best friend, and secret crush, Harry, for an idea. But, alas, Harry was off playing quidditch with Ron and Ginny. Saddened by the absence of a companion, Kurt once again searched for a familiar face.
Neville was lonely as he was taking care of Professor Sprout's mandrakes. He sobbed as he thought about how he had yet to find that "special someone," as his grandmother had promised.
"It seems like everyone has a significant other," Neville thought sadly, "If only I could find someone with my same hopes and desires, fears and troubles, and thirst for knowledge, then this empty void in my abdomen, near my heart region, would be filled."
Sighing, he went back to the shouting mandrakes that were in need of potting. He hummed a happy tune to comfort himself as he returned to his tedious job.
Kurt decided to return to the Gryffindor common room to see if anyone was doing anything of interest. He noticed on the bulletin board that Hagrid was in need of a squad of interested individuals to help him search for Grawp, his younger half brother, who just so happened to be more of a giant than he was. Kurt took note of this and decided that this was just the sort of excitement he was looking for. Why should Harry, Ron, and Hermione be having all of the attention and adventure? With that on his mind, he set off on his way.
On the way to the forbidden forest, he saw Firenze, and said "Top of the mornin' to ya,!" suddenly acquiring an Irish accent for no reason.
Firenze gave him a strange look and shrugged off the comment, as he was used to this flamboyant little wizard's outbursts.
Walking jauntily, he started to hum the qudditch chant from last year, which had been originally used to insult Ron, but became a rally cry later on, "Weasley is Our King."
Weasley is our king,
Weasley is our king,
He didn't let the quaffle in,
Weasley is our king.
Weasley can save anything,
He never leaves a single ring,
That's why Gryffindors all sing:
Weasley is our king!
"That is such a good song. I am suddenly inspired! This will be the inspiration for my new dress robe line coming out next fall! Yes, that is what I will do," Kurt though happily and continued on his walk.
Neville, having finished his job, and having lost his hearing slightly, decided to help Hagrid. He had seen the notification in the common room and thought he might be of assistance. He didn't care much for magical creatures, but this sort of activity would help him meet fellow students from other houses.
Once at the forest, near Hagrid's hut, Neville waved hello to another sixth-year. It was Kurt, the only Gryffindor that ever dared to wear a bowtie (Pepto-Bismol pink, by the way) and that wore a purple sweater vest under his cloak. He was in his potions class and always wanted to talk to this intriguing wizard, but was always too shy.
The two began searching for Grawp in the forest and struck up a lively conversation about Muggle Broadway musicals. It was quickly discovered that the two were into the same sort of plays.
"Wouldn't it be funny if there was a play making fun of You-Know-Who," Kurt inquired.
"I would pay money to see that," Neville added with a chuckle.
"We should make a play about that and we can make it big," Kurt said.
"Yeah, maybe some day," Neville said thoughtfully.
After two hundred and forty six minute, seven seconds, of aimlessly searching for Grawp, Kurt and Neville decided to call it quits and just hang out, as they discovered that they had much in common. They took a seat by the lake and talked about their hopes and dreams, as any two people meeting for the first time would (sarcasm implied).
After twenty-two minutes and six seconds of meaningful conversation, Kurt had a confession to make.
"I hope this doesn't affect our friendship, but I have been harboring feelings for you ever since you walked onto platform nine and three quarters that first September 1st. I, Kurt Hummel, half-blood, as a gay wizard, am deeply in love with you, Neville Longbottom. I understand that you are interested in witches, but please, just give me a chance.. If you say no I-I-I don't know what I will do. Maybe I'll jump off of the astronomy tower or give myself up to Tom Riddle. I can't help it. I've had crushes on all of the other Gryffindor wizards, but they have all been scared away. I am hoping that you will take a risk, take a chance, and just go on one date to Madam Puddifoot's tea shop with me," Kurt said with passion.
Neville, taken aback by this monologue, ran away towards the castle screaming, "Bloody 'ell! Someone save me from this freak of nature!"
Kurt, deeply wounded by this outburst, sobbed silently to himself. He was found with a bottle of poisonous potion in his hand by one Colin Creevey.
"Please stop. It's not worth it. I can talk you out of it," Colin shouted.
"You don't understand the pain and torment that I have just been through. I revealed my feelings for someone and they ran away, as if I were some sort of monster. You can't possibly understand,"
"Yes I can," Colin replied with a hug.
The two ran off into the sunset, holding hands, ready for their own journey into the world of romance.
THE END, such a great story, no? Huh, I thought it should've gotten an award for Best Story Ever!
Please review. I want to know what you think of this piece of crap.