It's been two weeks and no one has come and gotten me.
Honestly people, I'm Jagged Fel. The great Jagged Fel. Does it matter that I got shot down by an ex-politician? Ktah, cut me some slack. It wasn't my fault…ok, maybe it was my fault. But who in their right mind tries to shoot down such a fine, skilled, hot physical specimen such as myself? (And all the Vong that were gunning for me during the war don't count) Even if I am their daughter's ex-boyfriend.
After all these years, I can see why Leia Organa Solo married Han Solo. They're both crazy. And they brought forth even crazier kids into this galaxy—as of we didn't have enough chaos as it was!
I'll skip over Anakin. I respect him and Jaina and their family enough not to talk about him. He was normal. Or as normal as you can get for a Solo. He knew what he needed to do to help who he wanted to, and he did it. I suppose to a certain extent Jaina does that, but she is always hindered by her anger, her fear of the Dark Side…but you get the holo…
Let's start with Jacen. At one point, I actually thought he was the rational one in the family. Don't even ask me where or how I got that delusion. Somehow I guess I thought that just because he had a certain thing for mediating, that made him wise and rational. How wrong could I be? First that escapade of his in Ebaq, going after his sister against all those Vong? Pure insanity. Then fighting the Supreme Overlord by himself? See above answer.
Now that leaves us with Jaina. Possibly the craziest of all the Solos. You want examples? Okay, here goes. First there was the time that she and Durron came back for me at Borleias. I have no arguments to that decision since is saved my life and jump-started our relationship, but from a detached point of view—that was fraggin' insane. Then there was her and Jacen's jaunt on Yelisa with their cousin Sal-Solo. I'll let that event speak for itself.
And you know what's sad? I still love her.
Well I can't ever really believe
No one was sent to get me
And I feel like I'm being erased
No one got left here
I'm all alone
No one was sent to get me
I'm all alone
No one got left here
That probably makes me more insane than the whole Solo family combined, but it's true. I still love her. I still love her because I don't know how not to. I still love her because back on Borleias, she took a hold of my heart and never let go. Even though she's ruined my family name and betrayed me with her new buggy-boyfriend, in my heart, I know she's the only woman I'll ever love. Pathetic isn't it?
I know, I should be moving on. Shawnkyr has told me that over and over again. But Shawnie doesn't understand love. All she understands is strategy, piloting, and duty.
I take that back. She does understand love, but she doesn't know she understand it. A few months back, I attended her wedding to another Chiss man. It was an arranged marriage, meant to cement the bonds between two particularly powerful families. Shawnkyr took her marriage like she takes everything—unblinking. Before the wedding, she had never even heard of the man, let alone known him.
Yet there she was, giving herself away to him. Shawnkyr told me privately was that she regretted having to wear her hair loose like a married woman because it was difficult to get under a helmet. She just got married to a complete stranger and all she can complain about is her hairstyle.
What Chiss don't realize, and what I'm not sure Shawnie even realizes was that she was miserable. Her comment about her hair told me just that. The Shawnkyr I grew up with and fought alongside would never have commented on such a trivial thing. Now she's stuck in a loveless marriage raising a passel of Chiss children with minimal piloting skill.
That drives her Sith, above all things. I know she wanted children who could pilot a clawcraft with some proficiency, but I appears they take after their father, who teaches at the Chiss Academy of Art. Needless to say, they may study art, but none of Shawnie's children are any Thrawn.
I mention Shawnkyr because she made me realize, that if I continued along the course I was headed, I would end up like her, a tool used to further someone else's needs. I figured out that during all the years that I had worked so hard to rise in the military ranks of the Chiss, I had been unconsciously unhappy for one reason.
Jaina.
I've been without her, so I have made myself miserable for that without even thinking about it.
But I'm fine
No one got left here
Well I'm fine
No one got left here
Now, don't be asking me, "if you've had this revelation, why are you sitting here and not out enjoying the galaxy's wonders with Jaina?" Like I said, I've been stranded here for two weeks. I've had lots of time to think. Besides the initial camp set-up and the occasional search for food, all I can do is think.
So I've been thinking.
I've thought and I've thought and I've thought. When ever I get tired or bored of thinking of what I should have done or what I could have had, I think about what I did have and what I did do. I relive my memories with Davin and Cherith, of meeting Uncle Wedge (who by the way could be as crazy as the Solos—maybe that was a requirement to join the Rebel Alliance), of getting into a clawcraft for the first time, but most importantly, and frequently, I think of Jaina. I think of all the times we shared during the war. It's ironic, isn't it, how the war that killed countless people and was the darkest time of my life, held my happiest memories?
I remember after our first kiss, we were sitting up on the roof of the Biotic Faculty, and Jaina pointed out the star of Alderaan, as it appeared thousands of years ago. I was amazed at how even though the planet had been destroyed nearly three decades before, it could still be seen from so many other planets still mourning the loss. Alderaan is like my love life. Gone, but still the shadow of what once was still visible.
I can't even breathe when I see
The pictures sent without you
I feel like I'm being erased
No one got left here
I'm all alone
No one was sent to get me
I'm all alone
No one got left here
So after my fun little crash-landing, I found this cave that I've been staying in for the past two weeks. Now that I think about it, I spent part of my life in baronial mansion, a Chiss academy, countless numbers of Imperial Star Destroyers, and now a cave on a jungle world. And to think I used to dream of being a pilot.
I guess my childhood delusions are gone.
But I'm fine
No one got left here
Well I'm fine
No one got left here
But I'm fine
No one got left here
Well I'm fine
No one got left
So now I wait—kick back and wait—for someone to realize I'm gone, or to realize that they might need to come and get me. Fresher duty for the first person to realize I'm gone. Sure as hell took the long enough.
I'm so sick of this terrible instinct
It's so hard now
Just to find you
I'm so sick of this terrible instinct
It's so hard now
Just to find you
They were calling for her. He kept calling her. The Kind were calling her in her mind, Zekk was calling her comlink. She had ignored both of them as long as she could, but the Killik's constant calling in her head was inhibiting her ability to sense Jag through the Force. As for Zekk…well, his constant calling her comlink was just pissing her off. Finally she pulled her cylindrical communicator off her belt and answered its' beeping.
"Solo." She snapped tersely, knowing who it was going to be.
"Jaina?" Zekk asked brightly, delighted she was finally responding. "You're answering! Look, what are we doing going after Fel like this? We know—"
Jaina cut him off sharply. "Listen up and listen good Zekk. I am going after Jag. Because I love him. There is no we. Now I am going to find Jag and if I have to leave this comlink right here in the dirt to get you to shut up, so help me, I will. I'm not going to bother listening to what you have to say because you've already told me. But I'm going to tell you what I've already told you: I don't love you. You can't make me love you. You're my friend, nothing more, and if you keep this up, you won't even be that much longer. Now, I have better things to do right now than argue with you, so good bye."
With that, she hung up. He didn't call back and she was able to focus on trying to sense Jag.
So sick of the terrible instinct
I can only find you
So sick of the terrible instinct
I can only find you
As Jaina approached the mouth of the cave she sensed Jag inside and, she heard whistling. Jag must be really delusional if he's whistling—he never whistled during the war. She was about to step into the cage when she heard something approaching. Oh no, the Kind are searching for survivors. Maybe if I can get Jag to shut up I can shield us with the Force.
She took a step into the cave when Jag stopped whistling. "Stop where you are! State your name and allegiance." Jag said loudly. Jaina winced at his volume and sensed him raising his charric to point at her chest.
"Quiet Fel," She hissed, her voice unrecognizable, "Unless you want to be a Joiner, I suggest you shut that word port of yours." Jaina strode forward and tried to ignore his blaster.
"Who are you?" Jag asked again, this time more quietly.
"No One." Jaina answered softening her tone, "Just be quiet."
She felt his disbelief in the Force. "Jaina?"
"I said No One. And I said to be quiet. The Kind is coming."
"B-bb-but Jai—" Jag managed two words before he was silenced by the mysterious person's mouth on his. He smiled into the kiss. Everything was going to be alright. She was right. No one kissed like that.
But I'm fine
No one got left here
Well I'm fine
No one got left here
But I'm fine
No one got left here
Well I'm fine
No one got left