So this is after season four finished, but without the wedding at the end. It's going to be a MerlinxArthur story and it will contain what I'm sure you've all been waiting for, for four seasons like I have, Arthur finally finding out about his best friend and manservant's magic. But of course an adventure has to go along with the confession. I hope you leave a review and enjoy!

Of Crystal and Rock

Nightly Splendor

Isolde's funeral was held on a bleak day, corresponding with the manner in which she was killed. Tristan was in the front with Arthur and most of the other knights. I hung towards the back with Gaius. I couldn't help but have this guilty feeling like there was something more I could have done; anything to prevent the woman's untimely death. Arthur had taken it particularly hard, since it was his life she had sacrificed hers for. Tristan moved forward and dropped a bouquet of yellow and purple flowers on the dirt. Gwen came up beside me and squeezed my arm tightly, surprising me from my revere. After that everyone started to disperse around the grounds. I had this same piercing sensation, like I had somehow failed and couldn't recover, when Morgana had shown her true colors and betrayed Arthur. I don't know why I made a connection between Isolde's funeral and her disappearance, but this unnerved me. Maybe it was the fact that she had gotten away and we didn't know where she was or what her next move would be. Leon started away first, followed by Percival and Elyan. I watched Gwaine touch Arthur's shoulder and Tristan's before he turned away. We made eye contact for a moment and I nodded, Gwaine nodded slightly and went on his way with the rest of the knights. Arthur started to speak to Tristan but the older man just shook his head and Arthur turned away. He glanced around, I don't know if he was looking for me or not but when our eyes met I followed after him without a moments hesitation. I knew a grieving Arthur when I saw him.

When we made it back to his chambers he turned on me without preamble, "Why does it seem that people always die for me?"

"Arthur, people die because its there time…"

I start to say but he cuts me off before I can finish the sentence, "That's not what I meant! I couldn't save my father, Morgana betrayed me, Agravaine betrayed me and has died," that name made me wince as the memories in the cave at Ealdor came back to me. Not one of my proudest moments, but Arthur continued on, "Lancelot gave his life for me and now Isolde. Not even to mention countless knights who have laid down their lives for me in the past."

"You are worth protecting Arthur, don't you see that?"

I wish there was more I could say. I wish there was another way for me to prove it to him, but I was drawing blanks. All the magic in the world couldn't help me now. He turned his grey-blue eyes on me and I could feel my resolve melting. We had been friends for five years and still I couldn't tell him my secret. I had tried my very hardest in the woods to show him that he was the true king, the ruler to unite all of Albion. If he could not see what he meant to this land after getting Excalibur, what more could I possibly do for him?

I said nothing else.

I could feel Arthur's eyes on me as I went around his chambers, tidying up papers, picking up stray clothing, and moving chairs to their rightful places.

"Thank you Merlin."

I smiled one of my eye creasing smiles, "It was nothing, Sire. Just my regular duties."

"No I mean, thank you for always being there. I'm glad I can count on you."

"You can always count on me."

Arthur nodded, and then grinned mischievously at me, "Yes I'm glad I can always count on you to muck out my horse stalls, launder my clothes, and polish my armor."

I shook my head and turned to leave. Glancing once more over my shoulder, I saw Arthur give me a small smile and I left with that sight pressed into my vision.

"Merlin!"

I blink a few times before my eyes settle on Gaius' face. His white hair is flatter than it usually is and he has his famous brow raised. I wonder if I have done something… again, "Yes?"

"I asked how Arthur was doing."

"Oh! He's alright Gaius. He seems a bit upset but that is to be expected. Tristan and Isolde offered to fight with us and in the end he couldn't protect them both."

"Yes, it was very sad," Gaius drawled in his deep voice.

I wished him goodnight, changed my clothes, and crawled into bed. I buried my face in my pillow. Although I felt exhausted I found myself unable to fall asleep. Wriggling this way and that, tossing and turning, then I ultimately threw the covers back and growled in frustration. Something was hammering at the back of my mind like a warning but I couldn't figure it out. My instincts had never failed me before and I was sure it wasn't going to happen now, but still answers evaded me.

Finally giving up the undefeatable task of falling asleep, I got up and made my way to the armory. If I couldn't sleep, I might as well start doing some of my chores so when Arthur called me a lazy dollop-head, I would at least have some way of defending myself.

"I wonder what Arthur would say if he saw me cleaning his armor in the middle of the night," I murmur to myself penitently.

"He would definitely call you a dollop-head."

I jump up in surprise by getting an answer when I wasn't expecting one, just as the armor clanks loudly to the ground.

Arthur strolled in and picked up the armor where it had fallen, "Well that needs to be repolished now."

"What are you doing here, Arthur?"

"I was looking for my sword."

I tilt my head to the side slightly, I'm pretty sure I left it in his chambers.

Then he rolls his eyes at me fondly, "I couldn't sleep. I really don't know what I was doing but I heard noise in here and you mumbling to yourself on the ground."

"I was not mumbling to myself," I remark affronted.

"What are you doing here, Merlin?"

"I couldn't sleep either."

We regarded each other for a few moments. It wasn't often he wasn't remarking some joke or the other and it wasn't often that I had no comeback for him (or that I wasn't doing something absolutely goofy, in the process making my self look a total fool).

"Merlin, do you remember the first time we met?"

"How could I forget? You were a huge pratt!"

He narrowed his eyes at me and for a moment I thought he was going to be angry but then he continued, "Yes you just didn't realize I was a royal one!"

I laugh slightly and smile at him reciting my line back to me. Since I had given Arthur the sword something had changed. I don't know exactly what but when he gave me looks they lasted longer and I felt he was appraising me differently. It's hard to describe and I don't even know if it's really happening or if my imagination is taking over, but I have that feeling now. The way Arthur's eyes are bearing into mine, I don't know how to react or what he expects from me. It makes me nervous, but it also makes me… excited, and that makes me unsure.

"Gwen… she hurt me."

I blink at the rapid topic change, were we not just having a moment reminiscing? But nonetheless I clear my throat and agree, "I know she did Arthur."

"And I can't forgive her."

For the longest time I had been comforting Arthur. Telling him his heart would mend and he would forgive her, that she would come back to him in his time of need and she had. Then they could get back together and live happily ever after and I would be happy for him. This was the first time that all those feelings inside me felt wrong. I love Gwen, she is my friend. But for the first time I realized deep down I didn't want Arthur to forgive her. I wanted him to put his faith and love and everything else in someone else. Now I see that the person I hope he ends up with is someone I would have never expected. I want him to be with me. I love him. I've always loved him. As a friend, as a king, and now I see as so much more than that.

"I said that there was something about you Merlin, that I would figure it out."

I lick my lips. He can't mean the magic, can he? I've done nothing suspicious with it lately. What is it that he has figured out about me? My mouth is unexpectedly dry now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say. I have never felt like this before. It's exciting and intimidating.

"And have you?" it comes out as a breathy whisper, not what I meant at all. My eyes flick up towards his. Why do I feel like I'm acting like a blushing maiden? Probably because I am.

There are probably about ten different responses I was expecting from him, but what he did was definitely not one of them. Before I can even register what happened his lips are pressed against mine. I've seen Arthur kiss Gwen before, all sweet and chastise and that's exactly how he is. He's not demanding, he's not domineering, and it's not enough. My hands move of their own accord, I swear to it, they wrap around Arthur's neck bringing him closer to me. Apparently that was all the permission he needs because I'm thrust against the armory wall with Arthur's hand pressing painfully and deliciously into the skin of my hip. I part my lips and he slips his tongue into my mouth. I move my tongue along his and although this is practically my first kiss it seems I do know what I'm doing. We slide a bit to the left, both of us bump into the table and Arthur's helmet clatters to the ground. The sound is so loud in the silence of the night that we jump apart and stare at each other wide eyed like neither of us knows what happened. Perhaps neither of us do know what happened right there. I watch Arthur bring the back of his hand to his mouth, I think in a gesture to see if what we did really occurred.

"We… we both need to get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning," Arthur says and then is out the archway before I can utter a response.

What the hell just happened? What the hell was I thinking? What were we thinking? My mind is a jumble of confusion. I can't decide if I am pleased or mortified by my actions. Arthur is my friend; he is my king for goodness sakes. I make it back to my room in a daze. I don't remember how I got there or when I feel asleep but I realize I am asleep when this vivid dream assaults me.

I am running through the forest. I don't know what time it is, but it's almost dark so it must be around dusk. The trees and shrubbery shoot past my eyes as I continue on my journey. Am I running from something or to something? I do not know. It feels like I have been running for such a long time when finally I stop. I put my hands on my knees and take deep cleansing breaths to regain my energy. I'm in a small clearing with the forest still surrounding me on all sides.

Suddenly an ominous feeling invades my mind as a dark shadow appears above me. For a moment I think it is Kilgharrah and the tension leaves me, but then I see it is much too small. It is Aithusa! He flies down and lands in the clearing with me. We stare at each other and I am so pleased to see him thriving. Then Morgana walks from the trees.

"What is a lowly servant doing in this place?"

Morgana still doesn't know about my magic, I realize suddenly. After all the times I used it to thwart her plans I can't believe she still hasn't figured it out. I think perhaps now nothing worse can happen but then someone else comes out of the trees. He is tall and rather gangly though he probably isn't more than sixteen or so. He has dark hair and the most piercing blue eyes I have ever seen. Eyes I realize that I have seen before.

"Give up Merlin, you can't possibly hold your own against the three of us."

My voice evades me. I can't win against them and I know it.

Morgana thrusts her hand out as her irises glow a molten gold and I have just enough time to parry the attack by getting my own hand up.

She looks up at me in surprise, "So you have magic Merlin? You, the person closest to the king, have been deceiving him for the longest time."

I sputter and jolt awake in a cold sweat. I glance out my small window and see the moon still out. I couldn't have been asleep for very long but then why does it feel like I have been walking for miles on days end. I am more exhausted than I have been in a long time. I am not timid or easily frightened, I am a strong warlock with strong magical abilities but this dream has me shaken.

Why I am so shaken, I know can be one of two reasons. Or probably both I realize belatedly. Something foreboding was shown in my dream having to do with Morgana, Aithusa, and that young man. And the other, which is hard to think about but too true for words, I am probably Arthur's closest friend yet I deceive him on a daily basis. I've always realized that I do this but now it seems so much more deceitful then I remember. I am torn between telling him my secret and continuing to hide it more than ever.

When the sun came out I do not know, but I hear Gaius in the other room starting on his morning tonics. It is time for me to go face Arthur. I get up, get dressed, and splash water on my face.

"Good morning Merlin."

"Morning Gaius," it definitely hasn't been a good morning. I grab my brown jacket and shrug it on heading towards the door.

"Don't you want some breakfast?" Gaius calls.

My stomach is definitely in too many knots to eat right now, "Not hungry."

I walk off towards the kitchen and fetch Arthur's breakfast. When I get to his door I take a deep breath. Arthur is still in bed with the covers wrapped around him. I go to the blinds and fling them open, "Morning Arthur its time to get up!"

Arthur rolls away from the light and totally ignores me. I set his breakfast on the table and go to get his clothing for the day. By that time Arthur has meagerly gotten out of bed and is wiping a hand across his face, I have done most of my work. We go about our morning routine in relative silence, something uncommon for us. I am lost in thoughts of my dream and Arthur probably about yesterday's events.

"Merlin, are you angry?"

I turn to face him, confusion evident on my face, "Angry? Why would I be angry?"

He coughs and clears his throat, "You're unusually quiet. I thought perhaps last night bothered you."

Last night? He can't possibly know about my dream so why would he... suddenly last night comes flooding back into my mind. The smell of polished metal, intense eyes, soft lips, and bodies pressed together, oh yes a warm body pressed to mine. I probably blush so dramatically, as I feel my face heating up noticeably. With that terrible dream, last night's actions had totally slipped my mind, though I don't know how.

I realize Arthur is still waiting for an answer, "No I'm not angry. Why would I be?"

He breathes a sigh of relief, "Well that's good to hear. So nothing's bothering you then?"

For a split second those thoughts I have sometimes about confessing to my magical abilities bubbles up in my throat. If we were to be together he needs to know, but then realization hits and I know we would never be together if he knew. I probably wouldn't even live long enough to think about the consequences if I told so I swallow the words back down and smile.

"No nothing's bothering me."

He nods, gets up, and leaves to go to court and listen to the problems of the day and speeches and anything else that needs his attention since we've come back to Camelot. And I am left standing here with thoughts in my head unanswered, words on my lips unsaid, and clothes in my arms unwashed.