Here We Are
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or anything else to do with it, I'm just a really big fan!
A/N: Just a short fic I wrote. Nothing special... and I'm not sure it makes sense. But anyway, enjoy it (
Night was falling again. Night time. I didn't know what to think of night time any more. It was my friend, my enemy... my refuge, my battleground. Only at night was I by myself. I cherished that time. And I dreaded it. I wanted to be alone, just once in my day. But it was impossible until night. Everyone was always watching me, caring for me...treating me like a little boy who kept going out when he wasn't supposed to. Or something like that. But my nighttime sessions with myself always brought fear, anger, and sadness. I was never content.
That night, dusk fell like a blanket over the grounds of Hogwarts Castle. I was curled up, back against the wall, knees pulled against my chest, gazing longingly out the window of my dormitory. I hadn't been outside in ages. It felt like prison. I had to have an escort everywhere... I couldn't be Harry anymore. It killed me. But not really. Only Voldemort could kill me. Seems like a nice insurance policy, doesn't it? As long as Voldemort was alive, I couldn't die unless he killed me. But the mere thought of him slowly murdered me.
There was a soft knock on the door. My spirits debated over whether to allow someone in. This was my only alone time, after all. But that night, I didn't want to be alone. I never really wanted to be alone, but I never wanted to be surrounded by people either.
"Come in," I called gruffly. The door creaked open ever so slightly, and I heard someone slip in. I didn't turn around. Who cared who it was? I felt a hand run through my hair, which was wet with sweat from my tormented dreams. I knew who it was by the cool electric shock that trickled from my head to my toes, exciting every inch of me. How did she always manage to do that to me?
I didn't look at her still, even after she had made her presence known. Part of me didn't want to. She wasn't touching me any more. I knew that. The rain of fear and despair was again pouring at full speed. I called her my umbrella in my thoughts. Because that's kind of what she was for me. She pushed all the bad things from my mind... but she couldn't stop them, just save me from them for a while.
I felt her brush against me as she sat against the wall beside me.
"You want to go do something?" she asked a moment later.
I sighed, ran my fingers through my sweat-dampened hair, and looked at her. I took in every inch of her. Her some-what wavy red hair, the freckles sprinkled across her face, her amber brown eyes. Everything. I memorized her. I did every time I saw her. I memorized her again and again.
Ginny Weasley wasn't my girlfriend. She'd liked me back in my second year, but that was history. She just understood me. She understood Voldemort, maybe even more than I did. No one else, not Ron, not Hermione, not Dumbledore... no one understood what it was like to be chosen by Voldemort. To be a mere pawn in his masterful game of chess. No one who was still alive anyway. No one except me and Ginny.
I nodded gratefully, stood, and retrieved my invisibility cloak, but didn't speak. I didn't speak very often anymore. It was almost too much effort. I was getting weaker. No one knew why. But no one really noticed. They didn't really care about me. Just the stupid prophecy. After all, what was one boy's life compared to a whole race? What were my hope, dreams, and wishes to the rest of the world? Dust. Who cared what I wanted, as long as I did what I had to do.
I repressed my thoughts and focused on Ginny. I was grateful to be with her. Especially on that particular night. We were walking down the corridors now. We were covered by my cloak, but we were careful all the same. Ginny led. She was the one with the plan. She usually was, those days.
She must have known me better than I thought, or maybe we just think alike, but she led me to the exact place I'd been longing to go. Outside.
I smiled like I hadn't in months when I felt the gentle wind whip against my face. It was sheer bliss, to finally achieve something I had wanted for so long. I would've done it myself ages ago, but couldn't. But it didn't matter, I was out there now.
For a short minute, I forgot. About everything. I forgot that hardly anybody on this pathetic earth cared about me. I forgot that Voldemort wanted me dead. I forgot that I was just a stupid orphan who was probably going to die tomorrow. I forgot that tomorrow, they were sending me away.
But I didn't forget for long. It all came back. Every feeling of anger, sadness, fear. It all came rushing painfully back into my system. I tried to hide the fact that I was upset, but Ginny knew me better.
"You... you don't like it?"
"Nah, Gin. It's great." I breathed, facing the wind again. It was refreshing, to feel the cool wind on my feverish face.
"Good, 'cause we're going for a ride." I recognized the familiar twinkle alight in her brown eyes. A ride! A ride on a broom! I nearly burst with the joy of it all. I hadn't ridden in a long time.
As it turned out, Ginny had nicked Ron's key's to the locker room. "The only advantage of having the team captain for a brother," she murmured unlocking the door. She went through a lot of trouble to get those keys, I knew. Ron guarded them with his life, and since there was no other way to get in (McGonagall had done all sorts of tricky stuff to make sure the Slytherins didn't sabotage the brooms), I was horribly thankful she'd gone through the trouble, just for me.
Ginny led me toward the corner, a smile alight on her face. There was a cedar box leaned up against the wall there. It was long, and thin and a silver plaque on it read... 'Potter'. Ginny handed me the box.
"Open it!" I did. I took a deep breath. It was my Firebolt. My Firebolt. I was supposed to be happy, but it didn't really seem to matter. I smiled though, for Ginny's sake. "We've been keeping it safe for you... Professor McGonagall made us PROMISE not to tell you that we knew where it was, she didn't want you to sneak down here for a ride and then get murdered or something." I glared at her. "Right," she continued. "But I figured it'd be all right since it won't really matter after..." Ginny trailed off and sat beside me, laying her head on my shoulder.
"How can they do it, Harry? How can Dumbledore let them?" I sighed, put my arm around her shoulder, and pulled her closer against me. It repelled all the stuff I didn't want to feel when she was close to me.
"He has to let them." I explained quietly. "He doesn't have any choice. The Ministry's a lot harsher now that Fudge is out of office. They'd sack Dumbledore as soon as look at him, if they thought it was necessary. I made him promise that he'd stay out of it, Gin. It wouldn't do him any good, just to get fired."
"Yes, but he's old!" Ginny cried. "He's got over a hundred years under his belt!" I heard her sob into my shoulder. "Harry, you're not even seventeen yet."
"Look." I said, determined. "If something... you know... happens to me, you've all got a chance of being safe. But if Dumbledore's gone, things can only get worse. I have to go. I don't want to go, but I've got to. If I stick around here, eventually, everybody in the bloody school's in trouble."
"I know, but... I could come with you." She said desperately.
"No," I said gently, running my hand over her vibrant hair. "No, you couldn't."
"Where exactly are they taking you?" Ginny asked in a shaky voice.
I couldn't tell her. She wouldn't understand. I didn't understand myself. I didn't know really. But I wasn't going to like it.
"Don't worry about where I'm going, I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself." I murmured, looking at my watch.
"Gin... I can't fly tonight. It's almost midnight, and McGonagall always checks on me at five after."
"Just this once, Harry? I wanted you to fly before..." She collapsed against me, sobbing.
"No." I said firmly. "McGonagall'll skin us BOTH if we're not in bed. "So, c'mon." I stood, and made for the door.
"But... what about your broom?"
"I won't need it. You keep it." I said gruffly.
Ginny walked towards me and draped the cloak over the both us. She took my hand in hers and we walked back to the Castle, both of us knowing, but not quite registering that this was probably the last time we'd see each other. Ever.
We didn't remove the cloak until we had scrambled into the common room. I checked my watch again. "We still have five minutes." Ginny pointed out.
"Yeah. Er... listen, Gin." I said, fingering the cloak. "Will you keep this too... I can't take it. I'm sure if they find it, they'll take it. It was my dad's you know... and I really don't want it ruined forever... You can give it to your kid someday... or something."
"Oh, Harry," Ginny sobbed, wrapping her arms around my neck. I hugged her back, memorizing the feeling she always gave me. I'd need to remember it where I was going.
"Well," I said, when she pulled away. "Bye, Gin."
She sniffed, wrapping her arms around my cloak. "Bye, Harry."
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or anything else to do with it, I'm just a really big fan!
A/N: Just a short fic I wrote. Nothing special... and I'm not sure it makes sense. But anyway, enjoy it (
Night was falling again. Night time. I didn't know what to think of night time any more. It was my friend, my enemy... my refuge, my battleground. Only at night was I by myself. I cherished that time. And I dreaded it. I wanted to be alone, just once in my day. But it was impossible until night. Everyone was always watching me, caring for me...treating me like a little boy who kept going out when he wasn't supposed to. Or something like that. But my nighttime sessions with myself always brought fear, anger, and sadness. I was never content.
That night, dusk fell like a blanket over the grounds of Hogwarts Castle. I was curled up, back against the wall, knees pulled against my chest, gazing longingly out the window of my dormitory. I hadn't been outside in ages. It felt like prison. I had to have an escort everywhere... I couldn't be Harry anymore. It killed me. But not really. Only Voldemort could kill me. Seems like a nice insurance policy, doesn't it? As long as Voldemort was alive, I couldn't die unless he killed me. But the mere thought of him slowly murdered me.
There was a soft knock on the door. My spirits debated over whether to allow someone in. This was my only alone time, after all. But that night, I didn't want to be alone. I never really wanted to be alone, but I never wanted to be surrounded by people either.
"Come in," I called gruffly. The door creaked open ever so slightly, and I heard someone slip in. I didn't turn around. Who cared who it was? I felt a hand run through my hair, which was wet with sweat from my tormented dreams. I knew who it was by the cool electric shock that trickled from my head to my toes, exciting every inch of me. How did she always manage to do that to me?
I didn't look at her still, even after she had made her presence known. Part of me didn't want to. She wasn't touching me any more. I knew that. The rain of fear and despair was again pouring at full speed. I called her my umbrella in my thoughts. Because that's kind of what she was for me. She pushed all the bad things from my mind... but she couldn't stop them, just save me from them for a while.
I felt her brush against me as she sat against the wall beside me.
"You want to go do something?" she asked a moment later.
I sighed, ran my fingers through my sweat-dampened hair, and looked at her. I took in every inch of her. Her some-what wavy red hair, the freckles sprinkled across her face, her amber brown eyes. Everything. I memorized her. I did every time I saw her. I memorized her again and again.
Ginny Weasley wasn't my girlfriend. She'd liked me back in my second year, but that was history. She just understood me. She understood Voldemort, maybe even more than I did. No one else, not Ron, not Hermione, not Dumbledore... no one understood what it was like to be chosen by Voldemort. To be a mere pawn in his masterful game of chess. No one who was still alive anyway. No one except me and Ginny.
I nodded gratefully, stood, and retrieved my invisibility cloak, but didn't speak. I didn't speak very often anymore. It was almost too much effort. I was getting weaker. No one knew why. But no one really noticed. They didn't really care about me. Just the stupid prophecy. After all, what was one boy's life compared to a whole race? What were my hope, dreams, and wishes to the rest of the world? Dust. Who cared what I wanted, as long as I did what I had to do.
I repressed my thoughts and focused on Ginny. I was grateful to be with her. Especially on that particular night. We were walking down the corridors now. We were covered by my cloak, but we were careful all the same. Ginny led. She was the one with the plan. She usually was, those days.
She must have known me better than I thought, or maybe we just think alike, but she led me to the exact place I'd been longing to go. Outside.
I smiled like I hadn't in months when I felt the gentle wind whip against my face. It was sheer bliss, to finally achieve something I had wanted for so long. I would've done it myself ages ago, but couldn't. But it didn't matter, I was out there now.
For a short minute, I forgot. About everything. I forgot that hardly anybody on this pathetic earth cared about me. I forgot that Voldemort wanted me dead. I forgot that I was just a stupid orphan who was probably going to die tomorrow. I forgot that tomorrow, they were sending me away.
But I didn't forget for long. It all came back. Every feeling of anger, sadness, fear. It all came rushing painfully back into my system. I tried to hide the fact that I was upset, but Ginny knew me better.
"You... you don't like it?"
"Nah, Gin. It's great." I breathed, facing the wind again. It was refreshing, to feel the cool wind on my feverish face.
"Good, 'cause we're going for a ride." I recognized the familiar twinkle alight in her brown eyes. A ride! A ride on a broom! I nearly burst with the joy of it all. I hadn't ridden in a long time.
As it turned out, Ginny had nicked Ron's key's to the locker room. "The only advantage of having the team captain for a brother," she murmured unlocking the door. She went through a lot of trouble to get those keys, I knew. Ron guarded them with his life, and since there was no other way to get in (McGonagall had done all sorts of tricky stuff to make sure the Slytherins didn't sabotage the brooms), I was horribly thankful she'd gone through the trouble, just for me.
Ginny led me toward the corner, a smile alight on her face. There was a cedar box leaned up against the wall there. It was long, and thin and a silver plaque on it read... 'Potter'. Ginny handed me the box.
"Open it!" I did. I took a deep breath. It was my Firebolt. My Firebolt. I was supposed to be happy, but it didn't really seem to matter. I smiled though, for Ginny's sake. "We've been keeping it safe for you... Professor McGonagall made us PROMISE not to tell you that we knew where it was, she didn't want you to sneak down here for a ride and then get murdered or something." I glared at her. "Right," she continued. "But I figured it'd be all right since it won't really matter after..." Ginny trailed off and sat beside me, laying her head on my shoulder.
"How can they do it, Harry? How can Dumbledore let them?" I sighed, put my arm around her shoulder, and pulled her closer against me. It repelled all the stuff I didn't want to feel when she was close to me.
"He has to let them." I explained quietly. "He doesn't have any choice. The Ministry's a lot harsher now that Fudge is out of office. They'd sack Dumbledore as soon as look at him, if they thought it was necessary. I made him promise that he'd stay out of it, Gin. It wouldn't do him any good, just to get fired."
"Yes, but he's old!" Ginny cried. "He's got over a hundred years under his belt!" I heard her sob into my shoulder. "Harry, you're not even seventeen yet."
"Look." I said, determined. "If something... you know... happens to me, you've all got a chance of being safe. But if Dumbledore's gone, things can only get worse. I have to go. I don't want to go, but I've got to. If I stick around here, eventually, everybody in the bloody school's in trouble."
"I know, but... I could come with you." She said desperately.
"No," I said gently, running my hand over her vibrant hair. "No, you couldn't."
"Where exactly are they taking you?" Ginny asked in a shaky voice.
I couldn't tell her. She wouldn't understand. I didn't understand myself. I didn't know really. But I wasn't going to like it.
"Don't worry about where I'm going, I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself." I murmured, looking at my watch.
"Gin... I can't fly tonight. It's almost midnight, and McGonagall always checks on me at five after."
"Just this once, Harry? I wanted you to fly before..." She collapsed against me, sobbing.
"No." I said firmly. "McGonagall'll skin us BOTH if we're not in bed. "So, c'mon." I stood, and made for the door.
"But... what about your broom?"
"I won't need it. You keep it." I said gruffly.
Ginny walked towards me and draped the cloak over the both us. She took my hand in hers and we walked back to the Castle, both of us knowing, but not quite registering that this was probably the last time we'd see each other. Ever.
We didn't remove the cloak until we had scrambled into the common room. I checked my watch again. "We still have five minutes." Ginny pointed out.
"Yeah. Er... listen, Gin." I said, fingering the cloak. "Will you keep this too... I can't take it. I'm sure if they find it, they'll take it. It was my dad's you know... and I really don't want it ruined forever... You can give it to your kid someday... or something."
"Oh, Harry," Ginny sobbed, wrapping her arms around my neck. I hugged her back, memorizing the feeling she always gave me. I'd need to remember it where I was going.
"Well," I said, when she pulled away. "Bye, Gin."
She sniffed, wrapping her arms around my cloak. "Bye, Harry."