His Process

by Lanceeselhombre

Five times Keith gave into his process, and one time he didn't. (Or, the rape recovery fic where Keith learns to let his friends in and confess about a secret he's hid for ten years.)

1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing

.o.O.o.

Keith ducked under a sword as the training bot lunged at him, feeling air gust by his hair as he narrowly missed the dull blade of the weapon. He staggered forward until he regained his balance five steps later and spun on his heel to face the bot again, just as it lunged for him. It swung for Keith's knees, but the sword didn't connect with them because of the red paladin's quick instinct to jump up and over the blade. Despite his efforts he didn't quite jump high enough, causing the top of the sword to graze the bottom of his boots. He landed on his feet heavily with an uncomfortable groan, quickly throwing himself back to avoid getting punched in the stomach by the hilt of the bot's weapon.

The red paladin couldn't do much more than back away from the training bot for a moment. He blocked a few well placed swings with a parry from his own blade, but they were all at the last second and barely fended off the strikes. He suddenly stumbled over his boot- his own boot- and fell on his back, cracking his head against the hard floor and losing his grip on his bayard. The impact was jarring, so jarring that the calm facade the teen had been trying to keep up wavered and a brief gush of wet warmth flooded the crotch of his skinny jeans. He groaned again, the sound more desperate than before, and gripped at his hair, trying to regain his composure enough to move. He was glued to the floor where he lay, panting tiredly from the exertion of training and making small, uncontrollable noises because fuck he couldn't do this. He quickly stole a glance at his crotch, finding to his relief that it was still dry, but the deep and crushing ache in his stomach wasn't feeling any better.

Small victories.

Thankfully, the training bot kept its distance and eyed him carefully while his internal struggle took place- a function he wasn't aware the bot still had at level four. It stood completely still, giving its opponent a chance to get back to his feet before it continued the onslaught of strikes it had been inflicting on him. The short reprieve from the battle ended several seconds later when the robot's eye glowed a menacing red and it rushed him again.

Keith barely managed to force himself to roll out of the way as a foot stomped hard on the floor where his throat had been, the words to deactivate the training sequence on the tip of his tongue. He abandoned his bayard where it slid across the seamless tile a few feet away and instead focused on trying to get back to his feet and off of the ground where he was hunched over on his hands and knees like a sitting duck waiting to be hunted down by the training bot. He couldn't quite make himself get up no matter how much he wanted to, his shaking legs unable to support his weight. His breathing was coming too fast and his heart was pounding too hard. He was exhausted from training for three hours straight with no breaks. He couldn't do this.

The heavy sound of metal clanging against tile filled his ears, coming from directly above him, and caused a rush of adrenaline to flood his system that had him yelling for the end of the training session before he was aware of his actions. "End training sequence!" He screwed his eyes shut and clenched his hands into tight fists as he heard the bot deactivate behind him with a tell tale click and fall into a heap on the cold floor. It's sword fell with a metallic clang next to his head- right next to his fucking head- and both it and the bot itself fell through the floor, erasing any evidence of the bot ever being activated in the first place. Keith half-heartedly wished the floor would swallow him up as well.

The red paladin panted heavily from where he sat for a minute- still on his hands and knees- while he tried to catch his breath and regain some of his strength. It came back slowly, allowing him to finally stagger to his feet after several seconds of trying to find his footing with nothing but air to grab onto and pull himself up. He straightened up with a desperate whimper and carefully held his lower stomach with his left hand while he walked towards his forgotten bayard. He bent at the knees to pick the weapon up off the ground before standing again and hooking the item onto the side of his belt.

Now that the teen was all sorted out and wasn't standing three feet away from death, he could feel the intense pounding in his lower belly with ten times more clarity than before. He winced and breathed another uncomfortable groan to himself, unable to do more than stand in place while he tried to get a grip on his slipping self control. He dropped the hand cradling his stomach to his side and clenched it into a fist almost as tightly as he was clenching his teeth together because fuck he needed to take a fucking piss.

Hurry up and walk you goddamn baby. He growled internally, fed up with his own body and its stupid needs. He stood still for another couple of seconds before he started walking forward, his strides controlled and tense as he left the deck. He started down one of the blank and pristine white corridors of the castle of lions, headed towards the showers. He felt gross and sticky and hot from his training session and wanted to wash all the sweat off his skin and smell like something other than overpowering musk.

He stalked down the hall at a forcibly calm pace, not even bothering to turn towards his room to grab clothes to change into. It wasn't unusual to see one of the paladins walking around the castle in just a towel after after-training showers; they were more concerned with getting clean than being ready for social activities immediately after leaving the showers.

He walked past a bathroom on his way to the showers, not even hesitating with momentary want or need to stop and use it. Instead he glared at the closed door with a look of profound disgust and disdain until it disappeared from his vision as he turned a corner, completely ignoring the unbearably heavy desperation and the painful stabbing in his bladder. He continued to scowl darkly and glare at nothing even after he was several halls away from the bathroom, his arms crossed defensively over his chest.

He didn't change his mind when he felt a trickle of warm liquid make its way down his thigh. He didn't even bat his eyelashes when the trickle grew to a stream and then to a gush, soaking the crotch of his pants and most of his left pant leg, turning the dark fabric of his jeans a shining black. When his clothes couldn't soak up any more piss they started dripping with it from his thigh and crotch and pouring off of his calf and overflowing from his boot, painting the floor behind him a dark, almost brown shade of murky yellow. He didn't worry about someone finding the large puddle of pee or having to come back later and clean it up; the castle floors had sensors that were triggered when anything considered to be dirty got on them, causing little vacuum-like robots to emerge from the walls and dispose of whatever contaminant that triggered them. They would clean it up for him.

When the gush of liquid finally cut off Keith sighed and scrunched his nose up in disgust. This was so fucking gross. The way his jeans clung to him in odd places along with the sickeningly strong smell of ammonia disgusted him. He hated doing this. He hated pissing in his pants anywhere from two to four times a day and hiding it from the rest of team Voltron just because he couldn't man the fuck up and learn to use a bathroom instead of his pants.

He stalked into the showers, his tense posture a result of disgust, discomfort, and self-hate instead of an overwhelming need to pee. He stripped off his sopping wet clothes and folded them the best he could without getting his hands covered in piss before he hid them in the corner of the shower stall he'd be using to wash himself off. He snagged some shampoo, body wash, and a towel to bring inside the stall with him and closed the curtain behind himself. He put down the items he grabbed and turned on the water, not waiting for it to heat up past ice cold before he stepped into the spray. He just wanted this gross shit off of his body as fast as possible. He could stand a little cold.

He hadn't always been like this. Before his parents died and before he was put into an orphanage he was completely fine. Back then he had no problems with using the bathroom. Back then he didn't have a reason to fear being exposed.

But some shit happened in that orphanage that changed him. Being put into an orphanage at the age he was at the time was hard enough; he was old enough to remember his parents and love them and grow attached to them, and having them ripped from him so suddenly and being forced to live with complete strangers was damaging in its own way. But only a few days after he got put in the system some of the older kids in the same orphanage had him offered to hold him close and make him feel good. Being six, he didn't understand that they meant something beyond hugs and cuddles and eagerly accepted. He had just wanted to feel better, he didn't like having to think about what would happen to him with his parents gone. Cuddling with someone older for a few hours could be comforting and would give his mind a brief rest from its constant worrying.

When the boys asked him to meet them in the bathroom he gave them a look, but he didn't question them. He met them in the bathroom like they asked, ready to cuddle and forget about his worries for a few hours. However, instead of receiving a hug he got three different dicks shoved inside him while he was forcibly held down on the closed lid of a toilet. He cried and screamed and begged for them to stop. He kept asking them what they were doing and told them over and over again that he was scared. He told them he didn't want that. By they didn't care.

Afterwards when he ran to an adult to tell them, the person didn't believe him. No one did. They thought he was seeking attention as a recent addition to the orphanage who wanted to be pampered in the absence of his parents. He even showed them the bruises he got from the experience, but they claimed they were self inflicted. He gave up trying to get them to believe him after a few days of sharp dismissals and swats to his already aching behind whenever he brought up the topic. The adults eventually found out he was telling the truth a month later when another kid got raped by the same three bullies. They tried to apologize and right their wrong with him. But the damage had already been done.

Keith avoided any and all bathrooms after the incident. When the bullies that raped him found out he tried telling the adults they threatened to get him again the next time he used the bathroom. His solution was to stop using the bathroom. He didn't know what he would do instead when he came up with the plan, but the issue sorted itself out during dinner when he pissed his pants for the first time while he'd been holding it and resisting the urge to run to the bathroom. From then on, he chose to use his pants instead of a toilet.

The boy got a lot of beatings for it too. The first few times he was let off with a strict warning, but when the problem continued past a few days he started getting spanked every time he peed on himself instead of using the bathroom. After a week the adults forced him to clean up the mess by himself and made him clean himself up; they even made him do the large amount of laundry he created on his own because they didn't want to deal with it and they couldn't get him to stop. He stopped getting spanked after they found out he really was raped, but they still scolded him and made him clean up after himself.

He grew up with no friends as a result of his problem. No one in the orphanage talked to him or played with him. They all made disgusted noises and made fun of him and laughed whenever he had an accident. When he started school again they told all his classmates, and then no one in his class talked to him. The adults at the orphanage tried to keep the knowledge of his wetting problem from becoming common knowledge-past his immediate class- but that plan went up in flames when his school required him to wear diapers because it was a sanitary problem. It was either that or home schooling, and the orphanage didn't have time to teach their oddball brat to save him the humility of wearing diapers to school. On the bright side, he did have a very good relationship with the school nurse.

As a result of all of that, he grew up in social isolation and became extremely awkward with other people. He became quiet and reserved and never talked unless spoken to first. He learned to be independent years before he should have even started learning to do chores. He became touched starved but also extremely anxious about being touched or approached from behind.

When he left the orphanage and started staying in foster homes, even when he went to the Garrison, he just couldn't stop. The fear of bathrooms was already embedded so deeply in his mind that far after the threat of the three bullies had faded he couldn't bring himself to even try to use a bathroom again. He didn't want to be reminded of what happened and he didn't want to face his steadily growing phobia. He couldn't even look at the damn door without feeling a spike of dread shoot down his spine.

Thankfully, none of the paladins knew about his past, not even Shiro. None of them knew that he pissed himself every day either; he'd learned how to hide it from years of practice. He found where the laundry room was and washed his clothes on his own in the middle of the night then found time during the day to catch up on the sleep he missed. Literally no one on this ship had even an inkling towards his problem.

Well, maybe the mice knew.

It probably would have stayed that way for the rest of the time they stayed up in space if it weren't for Lance. Keith didn't usually have close calls with people seeing him wet, but he started having them often with that bastard around. He was so stealthy when he wanted attention or when he wanted to bother Keith, he would literally pop up behind him as he was about to have an accident. Sometimes Keith could get him to go away before he started peeing, but other times he had no choice but to book it for his room before the white floor below him started turning yellow. Despite Keith's odd behavior, Lance never figured it out; he didn't even ask why Keith randomly took off on him in the middle of a conversation. He never told the others either, thank god.

However, when Lance started actually catching him in the middle of pissing himself, with or without a valid reason for doing so, he knew he was fucked. Even Lance wasn't dense enough to let his reoccurring accidents pass as normal. He was pretty fucking dense though, because it took him catching Keith having an accident four times before he finally grew concerned and started asking questions.

The first time he got caught Keith was walking to his room after he spent a good few hours with Red in her hanger. He spent most of his time outside the training deck with her; he couldn't be training all the time, if he got hurt he would lose one of his places to go and hide out when he needed to pee. He still had his room, but he didn't like being in there all the time, and he refused to purposefully piss in the lions' hanger- he had too much respect for the lions. So for most of the day he reclined against the metal of Red's flank and enjoyed the deep calm that her presence brought until he couldn't wait any longer to pee. Then he would leave the hanger, probably piss himself on the way to his room, change into some dry clothes, then go back to the red lion and relax with her again.

Unfortunately, Lance walked in on him during his process when he wasn't expecting him to. Keith had just left the lions' hanger, later than usual; it was almost time for dinner and he wanted to stay with his lion until he had to leave, figure himself out, and go to eat with the team. He was already leaking when he turned the first corner away from the door and within a few seconds was soaking his jeans. He sighed with reluctant relief as he calmly walked towards his room, doing his best to ignore the hot, itchy, wet feeling in his pants.

"Keith!" Said teen froze at the sound of his name. That was Lance's voice. Shit, he was going to see. He was already soaked and he couldn't stop. This was it, the last few months- or however long they'd been up in space, it was hard to count- of trying to hide his problem were going to fly right out the fucking window. The team was going to hate him now, his childhood of being excluded from every friend group was going to repeat itself. Why did he even-

A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his thoughts. He jumped and yanked away, spinning around to face his teammate. He approached him from behind. Lance was standing a little behind him and off to his side, his hand hovering in the air from when Keith yanked away. His expression was slightly concerned. But why wasn't it disgusted? "You okay man?" Lance asked, his brow furrowing a little more.

Keith stared for a moment. No, he wasn't okay. He was standing in the middle of a hallway pissing in his pants while Lance stood not even three fucking feet away and to make it worse a bit of panic was setting in because the fucking idiot grabbed his shoulder from behind. The red paladin opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again a few seconds later. His voice was gone, he couldn't make himself speak with pee still streaming down his legs.

His silence left them in an awkward stand off, the hiss of him wetting himself and the pattering of the dark liquid hitting the floor white noise in the background. Lance's expression grew more and more worried the longer Keith was quiet, but he didn't say anything either. He was patiently waiting for a reply, which Keith appreciated. He was flashbacking to every time he got yelled at for this and if Lance spoke up again he would probably break down into anxious tears.

The stream cut off, leaving them in complete silence. Keith's mouth was dry, but he opened it to try and answer again. He really needed to speak up before Lance left to go find someone else; he would probably grab Shiro too and he wouldn't be able to deal with this if his leader found out. Because then he would be confronted by an authoritative figure, and that would definitely make him panic and cry and run. Then Shiro would know there was something wrong beyond the fact that he simply had an accident and he'd be asked to explain what was wrong. He didn't want to relive the experience again to confess his problem. He couldn't.

"...I'm fine." He whispered, unable to speak any louder. He met Lance's eyes- his soft, concerned eyes- and immediately looked elsewhere. He wasn't even embarrassed or humiliated, he'd passed that stage early on; he was terrified that he was going to be rejected, ridiculed, attacked and ratted out to the rest of the team.

Lance watched him with a calculating yet soft gaze for a moment. He left his hand fall to his side but he didn't leave. It was quiet. "You should really drink more. That's not a healthy color." He said calmly, no hint of teasing in his words and not even a trace of disgust in his voice. "You should be drinking eight cups of water a day."

What?

"What?" Keith's brain couldn't compute with what Lance just said. Why was he giving him advice? Shouldn't he be laughing at him right now? Wasn't that how their rivalry worked? He just gave him the perfect excuse for teasing and jokes and he was just letting it go?

"Your piss." Lance said, clarifying like Keith didn't know that was what he was talking about. "It's supposed to be light yellow or clear. Yours is almost brown like holy shit drink some water." The tone of his voice was completely serious. "Are you sick? UTIs can make it dark like that. Does your stomach hurt?"

"Uh." Keith still wasn't caught up with what he was saying, but he tried to respond. His stomach did kind of ache, but that was from waiting until he had an accident to pee. He didn't think he was sick, although he did grow up with a lot of UTIs. God he hated them. He was lucky he hadn't gotten one yet while they were in space. "No, I'm not sick. I haven't been drinking much." The less he drank the less he peed, so there was less clean up and less chance of him getting caught.

Lance's pinched up face relaxed. "Well, you should start drinking more. And you should probably flush your system too, if you don't you could still get sick. You probably have gunk building up." He sighed and patted Keith's shoulder, eliciting a small jolt from the teen in response to the touch. He either didn't notice or payed it no mind. "Just go shower and change, I'll tell the group you're coming in a few minutes. The cleaning robots'll clean it up."

Keith blinked. "You're not going to ask why I pissed myself?" He asked, dumbfounded by Lance's reaction. He was relieved he wasn't, but he was just so amazed he was acting like this was nothing.

The blue paladin smiled and shook his head. "Naw man. I mean, unless you want me to?" The look on Keith's face was all he needed to see to get an answer. "Yeah I didn't think so." He laughed. "Just hurry up okay? I can only distract space dad for so long before he comes and finds you himself."

Yeah, that wasn't something he wanted to happen. "Uh, thanks." The red paladin stuttered out, saying the only word he could think to say.

Lance hummed. "Just promise me you'll drink more? We kinda need you to not get sick and be put out of commission." He said, joking playfully but also being completely serious. It was a tone only Lance could accomplish.

"Yeah. Okay." Nope. Not a chance.

Keith stood still for a moment before he could take a few steps forward and leave the large puddle he'd created, cringing a little at the small splash of his boot on the wet floor. He walked off, heading towards the showers again at a forcibly calm pace. Dread was creeping down his spine from turning his back on Lance, his ears straining for any indication that the other paladin was coming up behind him. He peeked over his shoulder to smolder his stupid paranoia that Lance was following and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the teen gone.

He got lucky that Lance took it so well. He appreciated his concern, but he wasn't going to drink more, even to stop himself from getting an infection. Lance already found out once, he wasn't going to subject himself to more frequent episodes and increase the chance of one of his other teammates finding him, or Lance finding him again. He'd have to stop wetting himself in the hallways and start doing it in his room or the showers so no one could walk in on him like Lance did.

Despite his precautions, Lance found out. Again.

He couldn't really help it this time. They had been on a diplomatic mission on a new planet, trying to recruit a new ally for Voltron. Which included a large and very fucking long dinner party. He honestly would have been completely fine if Lance didn't make him drink things during the trip; they were there for seven hours and Lance forced him into drinking at least two cups of water because he had been avoiding any and all liquids the whole time. Keith reluctantly accepted the drinks even though he knew he would regret them, if only to stop the impending fight that would happen if he refused. He didn't want to have that argument at all, much less in a room full of strangers.

By the time they were leaving for the castle again Keith was desperate. He usually didn't try to hold it in by squirming or by other means- all it did was postpone his fate and add a bit of pain- but they were on a diplomatic mission; he couldn't just piss himself in the middle of something like that. It was hard not to though, especially when he had to also be discreet enough so the other paladins didn't notice and try to drag him to a bathroom. They would just be trying to help, but all they would be doing was causing a panic attack by trying to make him walk inside. Which would be worse than having an accident.

But he was finally back in Red, which was partial relief. He was finally alone so he could squirm and press his legs together and groan uncomfortably all he wanted without anyone watching. If he didn't have such a deep seated respect for his lion he would just let go because he really needed to go and it was starting to hurt. He held it though, he could wait until they got back to the castle. At least he could wait until he was out of Red.

The flight back to the castle, while it only took a few minutes, felt like it took hours when he had nothing to distract him from the intense desperation in his belly. The others were happily chatting across the coms, but he'd muted himself so they couldn't hear the sounds he was making. Someone would ask questions and he wouldn't be able to appropriately answer. Being questioned made his mind shut down. He couldn't do it.

When he and everyone else landed in the hangers he wanted to immediately jump out of his lion and run for his room, hopefully before any of the others left their lions to see him run off. He didn't do that though, because he could feel that he wouldn't make it more than a few steps from Red before his bladder gave out. If he left before the others they would find the trail he left behind when he ran. So he sat in Red, shaking and gripping his hair in tight fists- he'd thrown his helmet to the floor of the cockpit in frustration when he landed- with his thighs twisted together desperately.

He panted heavily through clenched teeth, trying to wait as long as he could before he would leave his lion. When he thought the coast was clear he started to get out of his seat so he could grab his helmet and get the hell out of here, wet himself, and clean up so he could continue with his day like his life didn't revolve around his stupid accidents. He shakily got to his feet and wobbled over to the door of the cockpit, using the dashboard and handles to help keep himself steady. He could always come back for his helmet later, but if he took the time to pick it up now he wouldn't make it out of the cockpit.

His hand hovered over the hand print to open the door when he heard a loud knock that scared the piss out of him. Literally. So much for making it out of Red. He thought bitterly as he tried to keep his bearings, which was extremely difficult with piss streaming down his legs. "Keith, we're heading to the common room to play some games, you coming?" It was Shiro's voice. Oh fuck please no.

Keith swallowed heavily and took in a deep breath, trying to steady himself enough to speak normally. The hiss of him wetting sounded so loud, could Shiro hear it too? "Yeah, I was just going to spend a few minutes with Red first." He called back, speaking loud to overshadow the faint shake in his voice. He hoped the cover would be enough for Shiro to believe.

Shiro seemed convinced. "Okay. We'll wait for you there." He said, his voice accompanied by metal clinking as he walked away from the door. He left the red lion, leaving it quiet except for the still present hiss.

The red paladin sighed with relief when the black paladin left without asking questions, leaning his head against the door and staring down at his crotch and the growing puddle on the floor. It was deep gold this time instead of almost brown, which he guessed was good. It didn't make him happy that Lance forced him to drink though. He closed his eyes and sighed again, this time in annoyance at himself while he waited for himself to finish.

I'm sorry girl. He apologized to Red, truly upset that he wet himself inside her. He would have to clean her up himself, which he felt he deserved after he soiled the ancient being. She must be grossed out too.

Red roared in his ear, the sound bringing an overwhelming sensation of calm that traveled down his back like a giant tongue lapping at his skin. Keith felt tears prick at his eyes as he smiled at his lion. Thanks. He stood there long after he finished wetting, letting the red lion soothe him with waves of calm that almost felt like a mental tongue bath. She washed her presence over him until she was content with the mental state of her paladin, then she rumbled her consent for him to leave.

Keith opened his eyes after the waves of calm ended and let out a relaxed breath. He left his place at the door to get his helmet before he walked back so he could leave and get changed. He didn't know how long Red comforted him, but he knew that the others were waiting. He hoped he could get changed before someone came looking for him.

He tucked his helmet under his right arm as he walked out of the red lion, grimacing slightly at the feeling of his suit sticking to him. The liquid soaking it was cold and clammy and somehow felt even worse than warm pee. He couldn't wait to change out of this and into his usually clothes.

The red paladin turned the corner once he left the hanger and bumped into something- hard. He gasped in surprise and flailed out for something to grab onto, his fingers scraping past whatever he bumped into but failing to grab onto it. He closed his eyes in preparation for the impact with the floor, barely catching a glimpse of what he hit.

He fell on his back and hit his head pretty hard on the floor, making him wish he put his helmet back on. He groaned in pain and held the back of his head with both hands, trying to protect it from more damage while he recovered from the hard hit. His helmet rolled off to the side somewhere, but he wasn't sure where because his eyes were screwed shut in pain. Why did it always hurt so bad to get hit in the back of the head?

"Oh shit sorry Keith." Lance apologized as he kneeled down next to the teen's head and gently helped him to sit up. "Is your head okay? Are you bleeding? What's your name?" He started asking quickly, too loud for the red paladin with his head pounding and too fast for him to process enough to answer.

Keith held a hand out and put it on what he thought was Lance's shoulder. "Just shhh." He said, unable to focus on more than the blood rushing in his ears. His own voice sounded muddled when he spoke to assure the other paladin. "I'm fine. Just give me a sec."

Lance went quiet, which Keith was thankful for. He tenderly held the back of his skull until the pounding pain subsided and there was just a dull ache left. He sighed and let go of his head and opened his eyes to look at his teammate, who was still kneeling next to him with a concerned look on his face. He decided that he could talk again when Keith looked over at him. "Is your head okay?" He repeated, his voice worried.

The red paladin nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay." What he meant by that was his head was okay; he was freaking out on the inside because he was soaked in his own piss while talking to the one person on this damn ship that had already seen him wet himself. He prayed that Lance wouldn't notice- it wouldn't be too hard to miss the stain, the whole body suit was black and the liquid had dripped off of the white pieces of his armor- but he didn't think it was possible with how strongly he smelled of ammonia, the scent intensified by how long he'd been sitting in his wet clothes.

The blue paladin nodded and sighed with relief. "That's good. Sorry for knocking into you, Shiro sent me to come grab you." He explained. "He said you were with Red so I came to the hangers." Well, Shiro was right to send him when he did, another few seconds and he would have missed him entirely.

"Yeah, I was." Keith replied shortly, turning to the side and locating his discarded helmet a few feet to his right. He leaned over to grab it and rested the item over his lap, hoping to nonchalantly hide the most noticeable part of the stain.

"Well, you should go to your room and change so we can start game night. Pidge made monopoly, so unless you want to be up all night getting your ass handed to you by her you better hurry up." The brunette said with a smile. Him and Pidge put together weekly game nights to keep some sort of normalcy in their lives. Every time they tried making a new game for them to play. It was Pidge's turn this week.

Keith found himself smiling despite his anxiety. "Assuming I don't kick her ass first?" He challenged, putting his helmet to the side so he could get to his feet. He was looking forward to playing games with the team like he always did.

Lance hissed playfully through his teeth. "I'm gonna tell her you're trash talking." He threatened as he got to his feet as well and offered Keith a hand up.

Keith took Lance's hand and pulled himself to his feet. He then bent down to pick up his helmet and tucked it under his right arm. "Go ahead, I'm not afraid of a pesky little bird. I'll hurry up and meet you there soon." He promised as he turned and started walking towards his bedroom. He would just wipe his lower half clean and go to game night. He could shower afterwards.

"She's gonna jump you just saying." The blue paladin laughed as he held his hands up beside his head. "And yeah, see ya there. Hurry up and change before you get a rash." He said with a wave as he turned to walk back to the common room.

The red paladin froze at his teammate's statement and snapped his head over his shoulder to look back at him. He stared at the teen's back as he walked away, his face burning a red that rivaled his armor. He noticed?

He stared into space even after Lance was gone, trying to get over the fact that Lance knew he had another accident. But he still wasn't asking questions. It took a few more seconds before he could shake himself back to reality and start towards his room again. He stripped out of his suit as soon as he got there and quickly wiped himself off so he could get dressed in a dry set of his usual clothes.

Lance hadn't told anyone the second time either.

Unfortunately, the third time was then he started getting suspicious that something was up.

Keith thought that he was very discreet the third time; he chose to sit on the floor of his bedroom and play with the tablet that Allura had given him while he waited for himself to have an accident- he never chose to wet himself, it always happened when his muscles involuntarily relaxed, so he had to wait. He didn't squirm uncomfortably, press his thighs together, or hold himself, he just let the desperation roll over him until it became too much. To keep himself entertained, he read some translated Altean text on the tablet. Once he peed and cleaned up the mess he was going to relax, maybe take a nap so he was awake enough to wash his clothes later in the night.

It seemed like this time he couldn't possibly get caught; it was the middle of the day when all the paladins usually spent time alone pursuing their own hobbies or relaxing however they pleased. He didn't expect anyone to walk by his door or come looking for him at this hour. Maybe Pidge might knock and ask if he wanted to help her with something on her computer, but if he told her he'd meet her at her room she would leave, giving him time to take care of his problem so he could enjoy some time with her. Hunk sometimes asked if he wanted to bake with him, but he never sought him out if he was in his room, he only asked if he was in a public space and doing nothing important. Even Shiro might ask to spar, but they already did that earlier so he probably wouldn't ask again today.

The last person he expected to hear knocking on the door was Lance. The guy didn't normally come to his room for any reason other than to grab him for dinner or training at Shiro's request if he was taking too long with his problem, or on rare occasions he was just sleeping. The point was, Lance didn't come to his room for the fun of it.

So when a decently loud knock came from Keith's door the teen jumped, nearly dropping his tablet on the floor with a suppressed whimper. The sudden movement made his bladder ache, but he wasn't enough to make him wet himself. "Who is it?" He called, letting whoever knocked know that he was listening. He turned the tablet on sleep mode and put it on his bed and rested his hands palm down on his knees. Why was there someone at his door?

"Hey Keith." Lance greeted from the other side of the door, his tone flat but it also had an edge of hopeful playfulness. "I'm bored. Do you want to play with a deck of Pidge's cards or something?"

Keith blinked. Him and Lance didn't usually play games one on one, but he would be happy to play with him. He always felt happy when the other paladins wanted personal time with him, it made him feel wanted and loved, two things he missed out on a lot as a kid. Sometimes he got so touched tears came to his eyes, but he never let them fall until he was alone. People didn't usually cry over the offer of a card game or a cooking partner or a fellow code hacker.

He would have got up and left to go with Lance if it weren't for the fact that he was in the middle of something pretty important that he couldn't just drop. If he could get Lance to walk away to set up the game somewhere then his problem would be solved. "Yeah, where do you want to play?" He asked, hoping he could keep Lance busy with talking in case he started wetting before he left. He didn't know if he would be able to hear through the door and he would prefer to not find out.

The red paladin could practically hear the smile in Lance's voice. "I actually have a deck with me right now, so if you're okay with it we could play in your room? I have a normal deck and a skipbo deck and even a wizard deck so we can play a lot of different games." Lance said, listing off what he brought with him. He was extremely hopeful Keith would agree to play if he brought the games with him.

Keith bit his lip as he felt the first bit of pee leak into his jeans. He could say he wasn't comfortable with Lance in his room, but that would be a lie. It could work to get him to go away so he wouldn't hear him wet himself though. "Actually could we play in your room or the common room? My room is kind of a mess right now and I need to clean." That wasn't a total lie, his floor was about to get wet and gross and he would have to clean it. Preferably sooner rather than later. The musk of ammonia clung to everything.

Lance went with it. "Same, I get it. We can totally play in the common room. Want to walk there together so we can talk?" Okay, it didn't quite work like Keith had planned. But Lance was buying it so he wouldn't walk into his room at least.

The red paladin went quiet while he tried to think of an excuse as to why he couldn't walk with Lance. In his silence the sound of liquid hitting fabric filled the room as pee gushed into his skinny jeans, thoroughly soaking his crotch and inner thighs and his butt where the yellow liquid pooled under him. He grimaced at the feeling and tried to make his mind work faster so he could come up with a reply- any reply at this point because he's been quiet for too long and he was probably worrying Lance.

"Uh, is there a problem with that?" Lance's voice came through the door, laced with concern and confirming his suspicions. The blue paladin seemed a little hurt and a bit more than put off that he didn't want to talk with him. The problem was he did, he just had something really important and really personal happening right now that was making his mind shut down just like it did a week ago in the hall.

He needed to say something. "No! No, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just-" He stuttered to himself a second, trying to figure out a way to say he was busy that wouldn't get him questioned but also wouldn't sound like he was trying to put off the games Lance wanted to play. The games he also wanted to play. "...I'm a little busy right now. Can I meet you at the common room in like twenty minutes? I'll be finished with what I'm doing then."

Lance was quiet for a second, making Keith fear he had left. "Yeah, I can do that." Lance agreed, although he still sounded a little put off. Oh well, Keith couldn't fix that without confessing about his problem. Which he was not doing. Not to just Lance. If he ever did, he would tell the whole team at once so he only had to say it once.

The teen sighed silently in relief. "Thank you. Seriously, twenty minutes. If I lose track of time come back and bang on my door, you have permission to come in and drag me out by my shirt collar if that happens." He consented, trying to add some positive playful banter to their conversation. He didn't like talking so seriously, it stressed him out.

Lance snorted a laugh. "I'm holding you to that mullet. Twenty minutes. Starting now." He said as he walked off, leaving Keith alone as he finally stopped wetting. The red paladin looked down at himself and sighed. He had twenty minutes to clean this mess up and change before Lance would come back and barge in. He hoped he could do it in under that- he liked being thorough so he could act like he didn't use his floor as a bathroom multiple times a day.

Keith got to his feet and immediately stripped off his clothes and threw them in his hamper. He then cleaned himself off so he didn't smell and got dressed in a pair of dry clothes. Once he sorted himself out he pressed some buttons on the control panel to his room until a small bot emerged from his wall; it would clean up the piss itself. He would have to disinfect the floor and cover up the lingering smell afterwards.

What sucked about the bots was that, while they got everything, they took fucking forever. So by the time the bot finished cleaning up the liquid fifteen minutes had already gone by, leaving the red paladin with no time to disinfect or scent mask the floor if he wanted to be on time to play games with Lance. In a compromise Keith decided to disinfect the floor so at least it was clean; after years of having the same routine to clean up after himself he couldn't just leave his room as is. He didn't want to leave it like it was either, when he came back it would probably smell so strongly of ammonia he would gag. Not how he wanted to end his night.

So seven minutes later, while he was mopping his floor- the whole floor, he might as well clean the whole thing- Lance suddenly opened his door and stomped in. The stomping wasn't really mad, it was more with determination for Lance to get Keith away from his room and into the common room like he promised. The blue paladin spotted Keith to the left of the door with the mop in his hand and went over to him. "Twenty minutes is up. Come on, play time." He said, one hundred percent serious despite his juvenile words. He grabbed onto Keith's wrist and started pulling him towards the door before he could even react.

The red paladin dropped the mop and instinctively dug his heels into the ground to keep himself from being dragged off; being dragged off in the middle of covering up an accident made him flashback to getting spanked for wetting his pants. He knew Lance meant no harm, but he felt the overwhelming urge to yank away because he needed this- the act of being drug out of his room by his friend- to stop. He didn't want to flashback right now. "Wait Lance! I'm cleaning! Let me finish!" He whined, trying to pull back out of Lance's grip.

Lance gave him an exasperated look as he stopped pulling, but he didn't let go of Keith's wrist. "What are you, OCD? It won't kill you to come back and finish cleaning later. It's not like Allura is going to spank you for not doing your chores." The teen joked, aiming his joke at lowering Keith's defenses so he would be more willing to be drug down the hall.

Instead, his joke made Keith tense as panic flared in his chest. That was not a good thing to say around me. He growled internally, his breathing suddenly picking up a little. He covered it up by moodily huffing and whining like his usual self. "Lance I'm literally almost done, I have one corner left. Let me finish. You can sit on my bed and watch me so you don't think I'm blowing you off." He said, trying to get Lance to let go of his wrist and walk away from him and stop talking and let him go back to his process because he was starting to panic and he didn't want to do this right now and if he had to stay like this any longer he would start crying.

Lance gave him the eye. "If I get a please." He said, still joking. He hadn't noticed Keith lowkey panicking yet- Keith didn't know if that was good or bad.

Keith clenched his teeth together for a second to keep his composure. He would play Lance's silly game if it meant he could escape this situation. "Please." He said, a warning edge to his voice that he purposefully made annoyed to cover up his panic.

The brunette smiled and let go of his wrist. "Okay!" He chirped as he walked over to Keith's bed and flopped down on the covers like it was his own bed. He kept his shoes over the side, which Keith appreciated enough to let him stay as he was. "So what do you want to play first?" Lance asked, pulling the three decks of cards he had out of his jacket pocket- Keith hadn't even noticed he brought them with him.

Keith bent down to grab the mop and started cleaning the corner again, trying to vent his anxiety through the menial labor. "What about garbage? I don't really want to play traditional cards right now." He would prefer something that required less focus until he calmed down enough to think. He scrubbed at the floor to occupy himself, praying that the lingering scent of ammonia wouldn't reach Lance's senses.

Lance scrunched his nose up in disdain. "Garbage is named after what it is." He said, a smile on his face despite the playful look of disgust still painted on it. "What about olde maid or canasta? I don't have canasta cards yet but we can still play with a normal deck." He suggested.

"I'm up for olde maid." Keith replied, keeping his gaze on the floor as he cleaned. He could feel his anxiety starting to fade the longer he cleaned and the longer Lance didn't say anything about any subjects surrounding his problem. But he was still nervous; he could smell pee even though his room smelled strongly of cleaner, and if his nose could detect it when he lived with the scent then Lance definitely smelled it too.

"Olde maid it is then." Lance chirped happily as he put the two irrelevant decks back inside his jacket pocket. He took the cards out of the container and started shuffling them to entertain himself while he waited for Keith to finish cleaning.

After another minute Lance spoke up again. "Uh, Keith? I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but your room smells like cat pee." He pointed out, putting the cards down momentarily to focus on Keith, who had frozen in place. They both knew there were no animals on this ship, which made Lance's statement a very serious question. The teen furrowed his brow in slight concern as he watched his teammate struggle for an answer.

"Did you have another accident?" He asked, his voice low and cautious, like he knew he was starting on a sensitive topic. He stayed quiet while he waited for a response, watching the red paladin with a soft and non threatening gaze to keep from accidentally starting a stiff.

Keith stood still, roughly squeezing the end of the mop and using it as a makeshift stress toy. The urge to throw Lance out of his room in fear was extremely strong, but he didn't do it because it wouldn't solve his problem. It would actually make it far worse, because he would worry Lance and Lance would probably tell Shiro and Shiro would come question him and he couldn't deal with being asked about this topic by an authoritative figure because it made him panic like he was starting to panic now. He debated every answer he could give Lance, finding that he only had one that would be valid.

"Yes." The word stung on his tongue and brought tears to his eyes. Lance for the love of god do not keep asking questions. I can't do this. He pleaded internally, trying to keep his struggle from showing outwardly. He was trying not to give Lance more of a reason to worry and ask questions.

Lance sat up and bit his lip, looking just as torn as Keith. "Are you okay?" He started slowly, approaching the topic carefully like he was walking on eggshells. "You've been having accidents since that day I found you in the hall. Are you getting sick?" He spoke slow, keeping his voice soft in volume and non judgemental in tone to keep this from going bad when it could so easily do so. "I'm just worried about you man. I'm sorry if it's a sensitive subject."

Lance you have no idea. "I'm not getting sick." Keith replied softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "At least not that I know of." It was totally possible with how strongly his pee had been smelling lately, but that could also be from dehydration that was causing it to be extremely concentrated.

The brunette nodded slowly. "Okay." He acknowledged, pausing to think of what to say next. "So then why? Do you have a problem?"

Do you have a problem.

Keith literally couldn't deal anymore. He took a deep and shaky breath, trying to get enough air in him so he could speak, because he only had a few seconds before he couldn't. "Lance, please don't be offended, but I need you to shut the fuck up right now. You're making me panic and if you don't stop right now I'm going to hurt one of us." He growled quickly, beginning to shake hard. He turned his head down so his bangs blocked his face and gripped the mop still clutched in his hands, which was the only thing keeping him standing. Without it he would be curled up on the floor and trying to hide inside himself. His chest was clenching painfully and making it hard to breathe. God, this hurt.

Lance shut up right away and froze as well. He understood the gravity of the situation and didn't want to make it worse. He watched the red paladin warily for a moment, looking scared for both of them. Keith didn't blame him. "Is it okay if I touch you?" He asked, very slowly leaning forward to get off the bed.

Keith knew he meant a hug or a hand on his back, but the animosity of the question and Lance moving to get up almost scared the literal shit out of him. "No nononono just stay there. I'll be fine I promise just give me some time to calm down." He gasped, struggling to breathe with his clenching lungs. "You can talk to me, just stay there."

Lance licked his lips worriedly. "What's your favorite card game?" He asked, trying to keep his voice normal. Despite his efforts his voice was deeply concerned, but Keith knew he was trying.

The red paladin licked his lips as well, trying to wet them again so they didn't stick together when he spoke. "Texas hold'em." He replied shakily. "It was the first game I learned to play."

The blue paladin snorted laughter, surprising Keith out of his panic for a short second. "Of course that would be your favorite game Texas." He teased. "My favorite card game is probably canasta. Me and my mamá used to play with the littler kids in our laps to teach them."

"Favorite space food." Lance asked, laying down again to act more casual. Surprisingly, the small change in posture made Keith feel less like a hunted piece of prey and he calmed down more seeing that the other teen was comfortable enough to lay down.

"Can I chose none of the above?" Keith asked, totally serious but also trying to joke. The tremors shaking through his body were starting to subside as well and the crushed feeling in his chest was loosening. Whatever Lance was doing, it was helping.

Lance purses his lips and shook his head as he stared at the ceiling. "Nope. It's not a multiple choice question." He said.

Keith smirked. "Yes it is. My choices are the foods and there's multiple of them." He argued.

"You little shit." Lance gasped. "Stop using my logic against me."

Keith laughed. It was small and quiet and shaky with leftover adrenaline but it was a laugh. He breathed out heavily and let go of the mop, letting it fall into the corner of the room where the walls met. He scrubbed at his face for a second, rubbing some sensation back into the pale skin there. He felt cold and clammy and a little light even though he was breathing right again. Post-anxiety attack symptoms sucked ass.

Lance took Keith's laugh as a good sign. "So are you okay? Not gonna rip my face off if I get off your bed?" He joked, trying to do something with what just happened so it wasn't left hanging open like a bloody wound. He had apparently been witnessing episodes of something very personal that caused his teammate a great deal of stress; he wanted to know where he was supposed to go from here so he didn't step on his toes.

The red paladin sighed and nodded. "I'm okay." He said confidently. "You're good now, I'm sorry I flipped out." He thought he actually did a very good job of staying calm and collected, he didn't break down in hysterical sobs and curl up in a corner.

Once he was given the okay, Lance stood up and walked over to Keith. He stood in front of him, smart enough to not touch him, and said, "I'm not gonna bring the topic up again, so don't freak out. But I just wanna say I'm sorry that I scared you, I didn't know. I won't bring it up again unless you want me to. I won't say anything to the others."

Keith breathed so much easier hearing those words. "Thank you Lance. Really, I can't explain how much that means to me." He said seriously. "I know that I have something I need to deal with that I've been hiding from you guys, but I'm not ready to tell you. I'll get there eventually. I'm sorry that I haven't said anything." He said it, he confessed. Lance didn't know what his problem was or how it started but he just admitted that he knew he had a problem. It made him feel nerve wrecked but also like a fucking champ at the same time.

Lance smiled. "How about you apologize to me by agreeing to play a few rounds of poker?"

The only thing that got him out of explaining himself that time around was his nerves. That wasn't exactly a good thing.

The fourth time Lance caught him was the charm. But that was because it wasn't just Lance.

It was the whole fucking team.

The final time he was caught before everyone found out was game night. He knew it was game night too, so he left Red's hanger early and headed to his room so he could pee and change. That way he could stay and play all night without having to worry about finding a decent amount of time to slip away to go again. Once he was with the team, he rarely left to relieve himself- he only did if it was in the very beginning or very end of something where he could just run and not get questioned.

It was just his luck that Lance went looking for him early too. It was where he was caught that hurt him the most; Lance grabbed his arm and started towing him towards the common room when he was in the same hall as his bedroom. He could literally see his door as he was yanked away from his process for the fourth time in two weeks. He had to pee so bad, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Lance even though he kind of knew about his problem. His silence resulted in Lance successfully tugging him all the way to the common room and pushing him down to sit on one of the white couches before he reacted.

He probably would have handled being forced into the situation he was about to endure better if he wasn't sat down on a couch- a pristine white couch. He immediately flashbacked to every time he was yelled at for sitting on couches or other cushioned furniture and the times he was forcibly shoved off because his foster parents didn't want him ruining the furniture. He always chose the floor as a suitable place to sit now, even in his own room he never sat on his bed unless he planned on sleeping. So, as a result of the memories flooding into his mind, his immediate instinct was to get up and sit down on the floor in front of the couch.

An arm bared across his chest prevented him from doing that. He looked to his left to see Lance sitting down next to him, his face serious. He was holding him down so he couldn't leave. The thought of being forced to stay here until he started wetting made his chest clench uncomfortably. He noticed Lance's lips moving and tuned in to hear the last of his sentence. "-on't want to start late again. Take a chill pill and enjoy the game." Lance said, not dropping his arm. He was waiting for Keith to agree to stay before he stopped holding him down.

Keith's mouth ran dry. He wanted to argue that he wanted, that he needed, to do something before they started game night. He wanted to try and force Lance away so he could get up and book it for his room, lock the door and complete his process so he could play with the team comfortably. But he knew that anything he tried doing to find some relief would end in questions, questions, and more questions.

The red paladin's mouth hung open for a second before he could bring himself to speak. "Can I at least sit on the floor?" He asked, knowing that it was a weird request. He could claim that he would be closer to the board, but that was a shallow cover. It would be nice to just be able to say 'I really need to take a piss and I would like to go back to my room so I can do so in peace,' but that wasn't an option. They wouldn't let him go because there was a bathroom in the hall leading to the common room and it made no sense that he had to go all the way to his room just to pee. If he argued that actually yes he did need to go back to his room they would ask questions. Things would go downhill fast from there.

Lance gave him a weird look and shook his head. "You look like you're about to pop a blood vessel from stress. Relax and take a seat on the couch. Someone else'll sit on the floor instead." He urged, still holding his arm against Keith's chest. There was no pressure to the action anymore, but the threat of the arm acting as a barrier intimidated Keith enough to keep him from shoving Lance's arm away and getting up.

I'm about to pop a blood vessel because you're making me sit on this couch. He thought bitterly. "...fine." Keith agreed reluctantly. Already feeling the beginnings of anxiety pooling in his stomach. He was going to regret saying that later. He just sealed his fate, the whole team was going to see him piss in his pants. He was going to ruin the couch and probably get yelled at by Allura for it-at the very least, he expected the whole team to join in too- and it didn't help that Lance made the spanking joke a few days earlier in an attempt to lift his spirits. He looked around the room and felt a small weight lift off his chest when he noticed the princess wasn't in the room. Good. If she was he might have broke down then and there in a mix of guilt, fear, disgust, self-hate, and despair.

Lance eyed him for a second before he lowered his arm. After another second he turned away from the other teen and started setting up the game with Pidge's help. Pidge was already enthusiastically trash talking, calling that she would win the game after single-handedly forcing them all into bankruptcy. Lance was laughing at her outlandish predictions while Shiro and Hunk sat down in their respective seats to play. They decided Hunk would be the banker and Shiro would hold properties- they were the two who were the least competitive with board games, they wouldn't be tempted to cheat like the younger paladins.

Keith normally loved playing games with the team, but with the inevitable desperation weighing his stomach down heavily he couldn't focus enough to care. He really wished he left the lions' hanger earlier or didn't consent to staying here, because he could have enjoyed this game if he did either of those things. Instead he was going to suffer, barely paying attention and sitting in painful silence while his lungs slowly closed in on themselves and his mind clouded with anxiety until he broke.

This was not how he wanted the team to find out.

Pidge won the honor of going first by arguing that the youngest should go first. After her, the order would be Hunk, himself, Lance, then Shiro. They were all sitting closely to the table so they could reach, Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro sitting on the floor while he and Lance sat on the couch they pulled the table towards. Too close. He was trapped behind the table too, it was pressed up against his knees and he had Lance on one side and Hunk on the other. He couldn't leave even if he wanted to.

Lance gently bumped his arm with his elbow when it was his turn. He grabbed the dice and rolled a number that he didn't pay attention to then moved his piece- the red one, to match his lion- the correct number of spaces. He leaned back a little and rested his elbows on his knees, feet flat on the floor and his back hunched over insecurely. He tried making it look casual so he wasn't questioned, figuring that keeping his legs open and keeping his head up would be enough to offset any worries the others might have.

The red paladin desperately wanted to squeeze his thighs together and twist them together like a pretzel if it meant postponing him wetting in front of the team. He had to pee so bad, he wasn't going to be able to hold it more than a few minutes into the game. He was used to completely ignoring his body from years of practice though, which caused him to continued playing mindlessly, his bladder contracting randomly to try and force itself to empty.

It took seven rounds of play before he felt pee start to leak into his jeans, slowly and steadily wetting his underwear. As soon as he felt the warm liquid in his lap he froze- no one noticed right away because he hadn't been moving unless it was his turn in the game. He sat completely still, hunched over like he had been sitting, staring blindly at the game board as tears welled up in his eyes. He stopped breathing when the stain reached the crotch of his skinny jeans and then the insides of his thighs, slowly soaking the fabric as if to mock him. It was only his mind overreacting however, he always wet slow at first because it took his muscles a second to relax completely after being contracted for so long.

He felt a gently pat on his right elbow and it felt like a damn burst inside him. Piss started gushing out of him, soaking his belly, flooding his lap and overflowing onto his hips and streaming down their sides to the couch cushion. He turned his head down and hid his face in his hands, blocking the other paladins out as much as he could. The same hand that patted his elbow rested on his shoulder, causing quaking tremors to shake his body uncontrollably.

The red paladin was panicking and three out of four of his closest friends were watching, completely clueless as to what was wrong. The other friend had an inkling but didn't know what the problem was either, which didn't help at all. He was remembering what used to happen when he got caught wetting and what happened when he got caught wetting on the couch, reliving each painful memory with terrifying clarity. That wouldn't happen this time. Yes it would.

He still hadn't taken a breath yet. His lungs burned with the desire to breathe but they felt shriveled and crushed beyond use in the confines of his cramping chest. Spots floated in his vision behind his eyelids and his awareness of the room started to become fuzzy.

A big, strong hand pounded on his back once, and he sucked in a deep lungful of air. It burned painfully but satisfied the deep aching want to breathe. His senses came back slowly one by one after that; first his skin tingled to life, allowing him to feel that the piss soaking his clothes was cold. There were no hands touching him. Then he could hear words being whispered to him from multiple angles and several different voices.

"Keith, breathe buddy. It's okay." Shiro coached softly, his voice directly in front of the teen's face. The red paladin had never been told that before, especially not by an adult. It caused air to seize in his throat again until the big hand on his back forced him to take another breath. It hurt but he needed to do it.

On the next exhale he let out a hard, wracking sob. He wrapped his arms tightly around his midsection, hunching forward until his head was between his knees. They knew, they just watched him piss in his fucking pants, there was no way he could cover this up. He was covered in it, the couch and the floor was covered in it, and probably even Lance got a little wet too. He smelled like over concentrated cat pee and because he was panicking the smell was twenty times stronger to him. It made him want to gag.

He heard shuffling, like some of the others were going to move closer and try to hug him or rub his back. Please don't. He thought helplessly, quaking even harder at the thought of being touched. He felt a small movement in the air in front of himself and then words that accompanied it. "Don't touch him. It'll make it worse." Lance said that. He blocked someone from touching him. Thank you Lance. He thought as tears started streaming down his cheeks.

No one was speaking anymore, which was slightly comforting but also not. It made him feel alone and unwatched- which he wanted right now, he preferred to be alone during his process- but at the same time it made him feel abandoned and unwanted. They mentally checked out of the situation, they weren't going to deal with him, they were going to leave just like everyone he'd ever known.

"Keith?" He heard Lance call again, his voice low and soft and in his left ear. "What's my favorite card game?" He asked, going quiet while he waited for an answer. Was he trying to calm Keith down? He didn't know what his favorite card game was, he and Lance didn't-

The night when Lance asked about his problem popped into his head. That's right, Lance talked to him until he came down from his panic attack. They discussed cards. His own favorite card game was Texas hold'em and Lance's was….

"...canasta." He stuttered out, his voice nothing more than a scared and watery squeak. He hated the way his own voice sounded. He was so pathetic. He was being a baby; he just wet himself like a baby and now he was crying about it like a baby. This was team Voltron, they wouldn't pull him over their lap and spank him but just like- what if they did?

Lance gave a small clap. "Wow, you remembered what I said. Do you remember why it's my favorite?" He prompted, his voice growing a little more distant as he leaned back casually. That helped, it really did. His foster parents and the people at the orphanage always got in his face when this happened, having someone acting so calm about it and actually leaning away instead of forward made him feel less threatened.

He was quiet while he thought, occasional sniffles and almost sobs leaving him to fill the silence. "Um-" He stuttered, trying to remember. He needed to be fast, he always had to be fast when people questioned him like this. If he stalled they hurt him more. "I-I-I d-don't kn-know." He forced out, hoping that a bad answer was better than no answer.

Lance clicked his tongue in playful disapproval. "Me and my mamá played while the kids watched and learned." He enlightened him, not getting mad or lashing out that he forgot. He really didn't mind that he didn't remember.

"What's my favorite space food?" He asked again.

Keith licked his dry lips to wet them again. "You never told me." He said, more confident and less shaky than before. He even dared to turn his face enough to look up at Lance, who was leaning back with his arms over the couch and smiling down at him. He didn't look mad at all and that was really comforting. The others were so quiet he could almost forget they were there. This felt just like what happened in his room.

Lance purses his lips and nodded. "Okay, that's fair." He agreed. "I like the weird purple flan stuff that Hunk made. We had it a month ago after we left Prozark?" He explained, tilting his head in a question of if Keith remembered. He did. The flan tasted like heavy cream and grapes. He liked it too, but he wasn't a sweets person.

Keith took a deep breath in when he felt his chest start to unclench. "Yeah, I remember that." He said, his voice finally clam. He was still shaking and curled in on himself-he didn't think he would sit up for awhile, he didn't want to see the mess he'd made or reveal it to the others- but he was feeling better. He could see and think and hear and feel without being overwhelmed with anxiety.

Lance smiled. "Yeah, then you know why I loved it." He said confidently. There was a pause where they were both quiet and their eyes met, but it ended when Keith redirected his eyes to the arm of the couch opposite of him. The red paladin closed his eyes and took another calming breath to steady himself as the tremors finally died down. He didn't sit up, he still wasn't ready to do that. Sitting up meant admitting what he just did.

The blue paladin spoke up a moment later. "Feeling better?" He asked. He was calm and patient while he waited for a response and his quiet made Keith realize that yes, he did feel better.

He nodded and breathed out calmly. "I'm okay." He replied, not committing himself to anything else. He was okay, he wasn't in danger, he wasn't hurt, he wasn't sick. He was just okay.

"Do you want to sit up?" Lance offered as he looked to the other people in the room, who were probably confused and worried as hell right now. They were probably disgusted too, who knows how long he had been sitting there in a puddle of his own piss. Keith's chest cramped a little at the thought of sitting up and having to face the rest of the team. Lance noticed. "You don't have to right now. You can sit up when you're ready." He assured him, speaking a little faster than he had been to get it out before Keith fell back into panic.

The red paladin nodded again. He closed his eyes and breathed in, out, in, out. He calmed down from the small burst of fear that Lance's question caused and tried to work up the courage to face the team. He would never be ready to explain why he was like this, so if he didn't make himself he would never do it. With one last calming breath he sat up, keeping his arms around his stomach and looking to the side where no one was. He left his legs open so they could see the mess he made. It was their choice to do whatever they wanted with what they saw.

"Is there something wrong Keith?" Shiro asked, his voice dripping with concern. "You stopped breathing for more than a minute, you scared us. We can understand if it's not something you want to talk about now, but I think it might help to get it off your chest." He was speaking slowly and for the whole team, taking his time to choose the right words to convey what he wanted to say. Like a true leader.

Keith turned his head to look at Shiro and looked at the bridge of his nose so he didn't have to meet his eyes. Shiro looked worried and deeply concerned without a trace of disgust on his face. That assurance gave him the courage to speak. "Yes, there is something wrong." He started slowly, choosing to stare at his lap instead of looking at his friends. "And I do want to tell you guys. But it's something I've kept a secret for a long time, it'll be hard to come out about it.

"I want to change first, then I can come back and explain. And set ground rules so I don't panic when I start talking." He said, confident that if the could control the environment he would be fine. If he felt in control then he could get through the explanation.

Shiro nodded in understanding in the corner of his vision. "That sounds reasonable. Do you want someone to go with you? Or do you want to go alone?" He was already leaning forward to stand in case Keith took the offer.

The red paladin shook his head. "No, I'll be fine by myself. It'll be better if I'm alone." He promised. If he was alone then he could slip back into his process; he'd been doing it for so long and doing it so effectively that it brought him an odd sense of security. If he was alone he also wouldn't have to fear that he would be spanked by the person walking next to him.

The black paladin leaned back again. "Okay. I'll clean up the mess, don't worry about it." He said, shocking Keith into stuttering silence. No one had ever offered to clean up after him.

No one on the team laughed or made fun of him or even made a face of disgust. They were just worried for him. It almost brought tears to his eyes to know that they cared so much. You guys are too nice. He thought tearfully as he moved to stand. Hunk moved out of his way so he could leave and pulled the table away a little so he wouldn't trip. Keith thanked him with a small voice and walked away from the group, looking over his shoulder every few seconds in paranoia that someone would follow. But no one did.

Once he was a few hallways down from the common room he relaxed completely and stopped watching his back. He pretended like he wasn't caught and he just wet in the hallway like he used to before Lance started finding out. Pretending that no one knew made him feel safer and allowed him to slip back into his process easily. His process was easy and simple and didn't change.

He walked into his room and locked the door. He immediately stripped down to nothing and clean himself up, deciding to take a shower after game night; he would probably wet at least one more time before the end of today and he wanted to go to sleep feeling clean. Once he didn't smell anymore he got dressed in a new, dry outfit and took his time putting on the clothes. He really didn't want to go back and face the team again, but he knew he had to. It was now or never, and he really didn't have a choice anymore after he consented to explain.

He stood in front of his full body mirror, watching his expression for a moment. He looked like a wreck: his hair was knotted and tangled from him messing with it, his eyes were red and puffy from crying and his cheeks were dry with left over tears. He sighed and grabbed his brush to fix his hair and walked into his connected bathroom to wash his face. He locked the door to the bathroom too and washed his face as fast as possible, not wanting to be in there longer than he had to. He could make himself walk into the bathroom for some things, but it had to be under certain conditions and he could only stay in there for so long before he started flashbacking and panicking.

Once he fixed his appearance so he didn't look like a mess anymore he went to his door. He had nothing left to do to try to postpone his fate. He took in a deep, settling breath before he unlocked and opened his door. No one was behind it or even in the same hallway, which was comforting. He left his room and started down the hallway at a slow pace; he wasn't in a rush to see his friends at the moment.

It took him a few minutes to get back to the common room; it felt like it was a few hours too early. He really didn't want to do this. If he could pretend like today never happened and he could ask everyone to never bring up his problem again he would do it. But he knew he couldn't, his team was too caring to let him go back to hiding.

Everyone was exactly where they had been when he left. The board game was still on the table too, no one had bothered to pick it up or they were leaving it purposely in hopes that they could go back to playing after he explained- he would actually like that. Everyone looked up at him when he entered, which made him look down at the floor timidly. He felt intimidated by their gazes even if they were soft and not judgemental.

Lance got up to let him get to his seat this time. Keith whispered his thanks as he shifted over to his seat, which was completely clean- no left over smell or stain. It was like he never had an accident. He felt the couch sink a little as Lance sat down next to him again. Keith sighed and did his best to sit up straight or lean back instead of hunching forward, holding his hands in his lap and fiddling with them nervously. He stared down at his lap as well, still a little too anxious about this to look at them. He didn't want to see their expressions while he confessed.

While he sat there quietly the rest of the team didn't speak either. They say patiently with their eyes on him, waiting for him to be ready to speak. He appreciated that a lot, he didn't want to be rushed. Their willingness to wait helped him relax.

After another few minutes of silence the red paladin spoke up. "Before I say anything, I want to set some ground rules." He said softly, his voice low and cautious. He thought what he would ask of them would be reasonable, but they might not. He hoped they would be okay with his rules.

"What are they?" Lance asked when he was quiet for too long. If he was the only one that spoke to Keith then the teen would be able to do this easier. Lance had seen him like this a few times before, he knew how he would react. The blue paladin wouldn't suddenly lash out at him.

Keith took in a breath. "This is going to be hard for me, so I might stop talking; if I do just be quiet, I'll start again when I'm ready." He said first. "Even if I cry don't comfort me and don't touch me. I'll be fine. Don't go behind me either. If you guys have questions I can answer them when I'm done. Just don't interrupt."

"We can do that." Lance said confidently as he sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "So what's up?" His calm and casual tone was comforting.

The red paladin shifted in his seat so he was more comfortable and leaned into the couch; having the couch up against his back had the same grounding effect as standing with his back to a wall. He felt like no one could creep up behind him or hurt him while he spoke. The others stayed quietly and waited patiently like he asked, which would have made him smile if he wasn't so nervous.

Finally, with one last sigh he started talking. "You guys know that I'm an orphan." He wanted to start on a topic the team was already somewhat aware of so that he could build towards his problem. They would understand better if they knew the reason before the issue. "I lost them when I was really young, I was six. I was immediately put in the system because I didn't have any more family members left to take me in."

He stopped talking for a moment and tears pricked at his eyes. Just thinking about what he would say next was causing the voices of the three bullies to ring in his ears. He could hear their threats, their taunts, their laughs. His body started shaking lightly with adrenaline and a few tears slipped down his cheek. But no one touched him or spoke to him.

"Some fucked up shit happened to me in that orphanage." He started again, his voice shaking and strained. He sniffed loudly to keep his nose from running and continued. "Within a few days of me getting there a few of the older kids- they were probably teens- offered to make me 'feel good.'" He laughed bitterly for a second. "I thought they meant they would cuddle with me.

"The next night three of the kids asked me to meet them in the bathroom after everyone had gone to bed. And I did." His heart was pounding in his chest anxiously, but he could still breathe thankfully. He gave into his desire to lean forward and hide and hunched forward kind of like Lance, but with his fingers tangled in his hair. More tears slipped down his face and started dropping onto his clothes.

His voice was shaking so bad at this point he was almost certain he wasn't understandable. "Those kids raped me, all at the same time. I tried screaming for help, but no one heard me; the walls were sound proof and everyone was sleeping. A-and when they heard me crying for help...they threatened to get me again the next time I used the bathroom if they found out I told anyone.

"I was so scared of them, but I told every adult in the orphanage anyway. I didn't know what else to do." Keith covered his face with his hands and stopped breathing for a second. On his next breath he let out a heartbroken sob. "No one believed me. I showed them my bruises and everything but they didn't believe me. They thought I was just seeking attention.

"When the adults didn't do anything I knew I was fucked. They weren't going to protect me. The three kids that raped me kept glaring at me and threatening me because they saw me telling on them. They hit me and groped me when no one was looking.

"I knew they would rape me again if I used the bathroom, so I didn't. I held it until I pissed my pants every day because I didn't want to get hurt again. But the adults still thought that I was seeking attention by wetting myself. They spanked me every time I refused to use the bathroom and they made me clean up the mess. But I kept doing it because I thought it was better than facing those three again." He didn't stop talking once he got to his problem. If he stopped he wouldn't start again. He was finally confessing everything that happened after ten years of staying quiet and suffering alone and his four closest friends were sitting quietly and patiently and listening. Telling them burned and stung like hell, but it felt so good to let someone know his burden.

He made sure he told them everything. "Eventually everyone found out I was telling the truth when another kid got raped a month later. The kids got sent juvy I think. But they were finally gone. I thought I could go back to using the bathroom and act like nothing happened….b-but whenever I walked in there I panicked. I flashbacked to the rape and I couldn't do it. So I kept wetting myself. Everyone told me I was gross and stupid because the bullies were gone and I had nothing to worry about. But I was so scarred that I developed a phobia of bathrooms before I could stop it.

"I still don't go into bathrooms, the therapist the orphanage made me talk to couldn't help. I stopped seeing her when I went to the Garrison and just dealt with it on my own. No one found out and no one knew, so I hid it. I acted like a normal person."

Keith sniffles again and turned his face to look at Lance. The other teen was crying too and leaning forward in the same position as him, his hands covering his mouth and nose. Their eyes met and for the first time Keith didn't look away. Seeing him so distraught over himself made Keith cry harder. "L-lance, e-every t-time you found m-me pissing on myself, t-that was on purpose. It wasn't an accident." He didn't even know if this was new information to the rest of the team or not, Lance might have told them while they waited for him to come back.

The red paladin closed his eyes but didn't hide his face again. "I'm really sorry I never told you guys, you deserved to know. It's just that I hate myself so much for the way I am and I'm so grossed by the way I deal with my phobia that I didn't want you guys to know. I haven't told anyone for ten years, and the only people that knew from day one ridiculed me and hated me for it. I thought I would lose you guys if you ever found out."

"I'm sorry." He stopped talking; that was it. He just explained himself completely without running away. He fucking did it. After ten years of silence he just managed to tell five of the closest people he'd ever known. It was nerve wracking, especially since he hadn't looked at them and seen their reaction yet. He almost didn't want to look.

But he did, and he was so relieved to see three other faces filled with sympathy and tears and not disgust or hate. He cleared his throat so he could talk again. "I-I'm done. You guys can talk now." He wanted to know their thoughts, he could take it. If they were this accepting ok the outside, how bad could what they had to say be?

Lance spoke up first, which he kind of expected. He knew about this the longest. "Man what the fuck? How did you live with that for ten years by yourself? That's really fucked up." He said, uncovering his mouth and sitting up a little bit. "Can I like give you a hug?" He asked seriously, nothing but want to comfort his friend on his face.

Keith laughed a cry and smiled through his tears but shook his head. "Not yet. Ask questions first." He would break down if he was comforted, and he didn't want to do that before hey got to ask their questions. He knew they had some, how could they not?

"So how do you do it? Like where? There aren't many secluded places in the castle where you definitely couldn't get caught." Pidge asked. That was a fair question.

It was awkward to answer though. If it wasn't weird to explain how he ran his process, it was definitely weird talking about pee after ignoring the subject for ten years. "Um." He started smartly, trying to think of a compacted version of his process, because he had several depending on the situation. "I do whatever Im doing until I get really desperate. Then I usually walk to my room and either pee on the way there or sit on my floor until I can't hold it. Then I clean everything up and change and go back to what I was doing."

It was quiet for a moment, but it didn't feel oppressive. They were probably just thinking of things to ask and in what order. Lance, like he usually did, broke the silence. "Okay, wait. I don't know if this is a stupid question or not but just like- do you shit yourself too?" He couldn't not ask. If Keith avoided the bathroom when he had to pee it made sense for him to avoid it when he had to shit.

Despite that logic Keith scrunched up his nose in disgust. "Ew, no. I draw the line at that." He said. It was too much to clean up and was even more disgusting than pissing himself. "I mean….for the first month, yeah. The other kids were still there. But after they were gone I forced myself to at least endure that. It's also different; no one's going to try and shove a dick in me while I'm shitting right?" That logic is what convinced him to fix half of his problem.

Lance nodded his head in agreement. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure, I had to ask." He said with a watery but playful smile.

Keith copied it. "No, it's okay." They had the right to ask these kinds of questions.

Hunk was the next one to ask something. "Do you get sick a lot? And are you sick now? I don't think you cared to look but the pee on the couch was really dark yellow, almost brown. That's not healthy." He'd already heard Lance made that comment two weeks ago. He was aware piss wasn't supposed to be brown.

"Yeah, I got a lot of UTIs. But I'm not sick right now, I'm just dehydrated. I don't drink as much as I should because I pee less. Less mess, less chance of getting caught, the less I have to deal with it." It wasn't very good logic, but it was logic. And it kept his secret for ten years, so it wasn't very flawed.

Shiro frowned at that, but he didn't look mad. He looked extremely concerned. "You shouldn't do that. Especially up here in space when we're fighting Zarkon. You can't afford to get sick." Somehow Keith knew he was saying that as in 'I don't want you getting hurt in battle because you're sick' and not 'youre jeopardizing the team.'

The red paladin sighed and turned his head to face Shiro. "Yeah I know. Lance already gave me that pep talk." He said as he looked at the blue paladin. "Sorry I ignored your advice."

Lance shook his head and held his hands beside his head. "Dude, I'm not offended. Before I thought you did what I asked and were just getting sick, but now that I know you're just being a little shit I feel better." He smirked at the nickname he called the other teen, and Keith couldn't keep himself from mirroring.

Keith rubbed his face with his hands, unable to get the stupid smile off of his face. "You're such a shit Lance." He said, although there was no bite to his words.

"I know." The brunette laughed.

Shiro rolled his eyes at them. "Okay, enough of that." He started, trying to change the subject slightly. "So Keith, have you tried doing anything besides peeing your pants? Like maybe going in a container and then dumping it out?"

He...actually never thought of that. "No." He admitted shyly, his face burning with embarrassment because he hadn't thought of such a simple solution. "But it wouldn't have been something I would have wanted to try; I would still have to walk to a bathroom to dump it, and someone would see me holding a container of piss and give me a weird look."

The black paladin nodded. "Would you be willing to try now?" He was trying to help him fix his issue without telling him to just get over it, which he appreciated. The team wanted to work with him instead of work him. They actually understood he was traumatized and that he couldn't just stop what he was doing.

Keith looked at the floor for a minute and thought. "Where would I get a container?" He asked, trying to deflect the question for a minute. This was still awkward as fuck to talk about and giving straightforward answers was weird.

Hunk smiled and perked up. "There's a lot of unused dishes in the kitchen. Maybe we could give you one." He offered. Which was nice, but Keith didn't exactly want to think of Hunk when he tried peeing.

"Uh." The red paladin stuttered, his face burning even brighter in embarrassment. "This is awkward as fuck." He said as he covered his eyes so he didn't have to look at anyone.

Lance laughed from next to him. "Yeah, it is."

Keith stayed quiet for a few seconds before he answered. He did want his problem fixed, he hated doing what he did as an alternative; but he didn't really want to have to work to fix it. That would take time and he just wanted it to end now. Just because the team knew didn't mean he would suddenly be more open about it either, he would go right back to his process if he didn't do something to fix it. But was he willing to put in the effort?

"Yeah, I can try it." He finally agreed, uncovering his eyes to look at Hunk. "But I probably won't remember to use it for awhile. I'm so used to just letting go, I'll forget." That was probably going to be the hardest part. He would also going to keep it in his room- there was no way he was carrying that thing around- so he could accidentally slip into his process and ignore the fact that he had an alternative.

"We could remind you." Lance suggested. "And maybe if you made a schedule or something so you didn't always pee when you were about to have an accident it would be easier to remember?"

Keith sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. This was going to be so much work. "I only had accidents for ten years, I don't know how long I'm supposed to wait. One of you guys would have to make it." He didn't even pay attention to how much time passed between accidents, so he wouldn't know how long he could hold it.

"I'll do it." Pidge accepted. She was the one on the team with the most book smarts, she probably had some knowledge in biology and all the related topics.

The red paladin nodded and thanked her. He was about to say something when he was cut off by a laugh from beside him. "So Keith, you do realize that now that everyone knows I'm making you drink your weight in water every day right?" Lance cackled. He did already tell him to drink more once, and because he didn't do it he would step in and make sure he did it himself.

Keith groaned. "Great. Are you trying to turn me into a human sprinkler?" He asked, venting his frustration that he would have to actually deal with his problem now. He wanted it gone and everything, but he was going to hate fixing it. He was going to have a whole new routine that he had to get used to now.

Lance stuck his tongue out. "At least for a few days, hell yeah. I'm surprised you're not sick and you're probably on your way there. You need to flush your system out." He said seriously.

"So what if we go on a mission or we meet with another possible ally? If you're pumping me full of water I won't be able to hold it, and you guys know I'm not using a bathroom." That was one of the main issues he was worried about. The promise of still having an alternative way to deal with his issue while in the ship made him kind of okay with drinking more, but he didn't have that outside the ship. And he couldn't just rid his system of the water if they suddenly had to leave for something.

"Bring the container with you and leave it in Red?" Hunk suggested with a shrug of his shoulders. "I mean, no one other than you is going to be in her most of the time. I could always give you a smaller one to leave in her so it'll fit in a compartment somewhere."

They were trying so hard to make this work for him, he felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of gratitude he had towards them. He felt tears pricking at his eyes again but he didn't let them fall. People don't cry because their friends are trying to help them pee properly. He thought to himself, trying to keep his composure. "Yeah, okay. That works."

"So is that it? No more questions?" Keith asked, sitting up straighter as he started to feel more confident. For the first time he had someone- actually more than one, he had four people- willing to help him overcome his issue. He felt like he could actually do this with their support. He didn't feel as bad about the situation either, knowing that they accepted him as he was.

The red paladin looked around and saw his teammates shake their heads. Shiro spoke up to say one last thing though. "You'll have to start doing exposure training too you know. So eventually you'll be able to use a bathroom again." He said, looking Keith in the eye.

Keith smiled at him and didn't look away. "I know." He said, unable to keep the tears at bay anymore. But he didn't hide when they started pouring down his cheeks. Instead, he sat up straight and turned to Lance. With a short laugh he said, "I'll take that hug now."

Lance smirked and leaned forward to embrace him, and shortly after another three pairs of arms joined in the hug. Keith let them hug him and sucked up the affection like a sponge. The embrace didn't feel oppressive or constructing even though he was surrounded by people; he even had someone hugging him from behind so they all fit in the hug. But he wasn't panicking, he trusted his friends not to hurt him.

"Thank you guys."

They went back to game night like usual after that. Pidge won monopoly three times over despite the efforts of everyone else, then they played random card games for the rest of the night. No one brought up the discussion they had and no one acted differently towards Keith, which soothed any lingering worries the teen had. The team was still the team.

The games ended around midnight- based on the clocks Coran and Allura helped them set up to keep track of earth time- when Pidge started falling asleep. Once her head dipped down and bounced back up a few times Shiro decided that they should go to bed, or at least to their rooms and do whatever they wanted. Pidge and Shiro went straight to their rooms after picking up the games, but Hunk and Lance asked Keith to follow them into the kitchen.

While Hunk rummaged through the cabinets for two suitable containers to give Keith, Lance grabbed a water bottle and filled it halfway to the top with cool water. He handed it to Keith and said, "Here, drink all of that before you go to sleep." The sentence wasn't quite a command, but it wasn't a suggestion. "It's not that much, but it'll make me feel confident you won't faint in the morning."

Keith reluctantly took the water bottle and sighed. This was going to be hard to get used to. He wasn't used to people fussing over him in general and he definitely wasn't used to people fussing over his issue. No one he ever lived with before made sure he drank enough water even if they caught him wetting and noticed the dark color of his pee. They never even asked if he was sick, they just took him to the doctor if he complained of being in pain. "Okay." He agreed.

Hunk stood up with a slight groan and turned to the other two teens, holding two plastic-y containers in his hands. One looked like a mixing bowl and the other kind of like a thermos. Yay, every time I piss I'll think of Hunk baking cookies. He thought as his face lit up in embarrassment. This would definitely take some getting used to.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure you can guess which one is supposed to stay in Red." Hunk said as he held the bowl out to Keith with the thermos inside it. If being handed the two things- knowing that the two people in the same room knew what they were meant for- wasn't embarrassing enough, Hunk decided to add in, "I tried to find things with big rims since you, ya know, probably haven't had to aim your whole life."

Keith hid his face in his hands and shook his head, his face burning redder than his lion. "How am I gonna live through this with you guys?" He asked, not really expecting an answer. It felt so good to know that someone knew and was okay with it, but he hadn't anticipated the fucking jokes. And that wasn't even a joke, Hunk looked completely serious.

Lance laughed and patted his shoulder. "You'll be fine. Soon you won't mind at all, you're sharing living space with an uncle of two and a sibling to five, I'm used to discussing all the fun topics." He snickered.

Yay. "The comments better stay on the ship and stay away from Coran and Allura. Or someone is getting pummeled." He knew he couldn't escape all the joking and comments, that was the nature of his teammates and he loved it even if it was embarrassing. But he wasn't letting them make jokes in front of anyone who didn't know about his issue, he wasn't re-explaining himself and he wasn't letting the other paladins do it either.

"I can try to manage that." Lance teased. "But yeah, seriously, don't worry. I'm not that much of an ass." Keith knew that, but hearing the blue paladin say it made him relax. Verbal confirmation did that to him.

Keith finally worked up the courage to uncover his face and take the bowl from Hunk. "Thanks guys." He said softly as he put the water bottle in the bowl as well so he had less things to carry back to his room. He held the item in a hug to his stomach so he could kind of hug himself around the bowl. He was still insecure about the plan the team helped him make to start him towards getting over his trauma, but hopefully he would get used to it in a few days. Realistically, it would probably actually be weeks or even months. He hoped it wouldn't take that long.

The red paladin turned to leave and started walking towards the door when he heard Lance speak up one more time. "Keith, can I ask one more question?" He waited for consent before asking the actual question, which made Keith happy. Despite all the jokes and comments they still respected his privacy.

Said teen stopped right as he was about to walk out the door and turned his head to look at his friend. "Yeah?"

Lance leaned on the counter in front of him. "Do you wet your bed?" He expected to get an answer based on the shade of red Keith's face would turn, but surprisingly the teen had a poker face. He didn't look embarrassed or grossed out or anything.

"Consciously or unconsciously?" Keith asked in return, needing that clarification before he answered.

"Either."

Keith shrugged. "If I wake up in the middle of the night needing to pee, yeah." He said, not that embarrassed about it because it didn't usually happen anymore. He tended to wet right before bed, so he was empty when he went to sleep. "But not really anymore."

Lance didn't look disgusted at that either, even though he flopped down on Keith's bed a few days ago. Instead, he clicked his tongue and said, "Don't go back to doing that, because if I find out you do I'm going to wake you up every night at like two am and make you pee. In front of me. Because I'm not stupid enough to leave your room, you'll lock me out, and you have a phobia of bathrooms, so you can't go in there."

Yeah, that was enough of a threat to make him not wet his bed anymore. "You could always wait in the bathroom." He pointed out just to mess with Lance, but he was pretty sure Lance took it as an agreement because of the smirk on his face.

The blue paladin stuck his tongue out at him. "You can lock me in there too." He replied flatly, but it was playful. "Just don't be lazy okay?"

"I'll try."

.o.O.o.

Keith groaned and rolled over on his bed to look up at his alarm clock; it was four am. He never woke up this early, the earliest he usually woke up was eight. He was tired, both mentally and physically from the day before. Confessing to his friends took a lot out of him. But that was also why he was awake right now instead of sleeping.

Because Lance asked him to drink what was in that water bottle before bed, he woke up at the crack of dawn, desperate to pee. He sighed and hid his face in his pillow and settled down on his stomach on his bed, ready to wait out the feeling until it disappeared and he could go back to sleep. It didn't take long either, within a minute he could feel himself leaking into hi-

Oh shit. Keith shot his hands down to his crotch and squeezed himself hard, hoping to cut off the small stream that had started. He was really conflicted about whether or not he actually wanted to stop; letting himself continue to have an accident would be relief and he could go back to sleep, but he was supposed to be using the container Hunk gave him instead. It made the desperation twenty times worse, but he managed to stop peeing just before it started getting on his mattress.

The red paladin groaned again in extreme discomfort and stayed where he was for a moment, sure that if he moved he would lose it. He hadn't don't this in so long, he actually didn't miss it. After a few seconds he managed to kick his blanket off and sit up, his hands still between his legs and gripping tightly. He switched the hold on himself for tightly crossing his legs so he could grab the thermos- he hadn't put it in Red yet, he was tired and his room was nearly pitch black, he wasn't playing with aim; he could just stick the tip of his member inside the bottle, it was wide enough.

He unscrewed the top of the thermos and put it next to his thigh where he could find it again, then focused on trying to get himself out of his pants without having an accident. He got his pants unbuttoned and unzipped easily, but getting a hand in his underwear and pulling himself out to aim before he couldn't hold it would be hard. He whimpered desperately as his bladder contracted and grabbed himself again, being smart enough to not grab himself through his clothes, but get his hand under them first.

He moaned as he searched for the thermos with his other hand. It would be so easy to just let go right now and not put himself through this; he just started on his plan, it was okay if he didn't get it right a few times. But he held it and at least tried, because if he let himself do that he would keep doing it instead of fixing his issue. And he deeply wanted to fix it.

The red paladin found the thermos and sighed loudly in relief. Unfortunately, his body took that as a cue to let go and he started gushing into his pants, soaking his inner thighs before he could register what was happening. Fuck wait no. He quickly pulled himself out of his pants and stuck the tip of his dick in the thermos rim. He was certain he spilled some pee on the floor in between his pants and the thermos, but he kind of did it. His bed wasn't wet and he didn't exactly piss himself.

Keith sighed again, this time in frustration. He was going to have to clean up the small amount of mess he made this time before he went back to sleep. He would get the sheets wet if he went back to sleep as is, and now that he was actually awake he didn't want to just leave it on the floor. His hand was a bit wet too, so yeah. He was cleaning this up.

It felt good to finally pee without doing it on himself, but it was almost weird to hear the sound of pee hitting anything other than fabric. The thermos was even fucking louder than his pants, which he wasn't exactly happy about. He really hoped the bowl wasn't as loud.

When he finished he was happy to notice that the thermos didn't overflow- he didn't know why he would think it would, but the thought was there. He screwed the lid back on tight and put the item on the floor where he found it, figuring he could deal with it after he got the piss off the floor and changed. He changed first, only switching out his pants and underwear after cleaning himself up- his shirt was fine. He then turned on his light and pressed the buttons on his control panel to make a bot come out of his wall to clean up whatever he got on the floor.

There actually wasn't much, but it would take a minute to get picked up by the machine. While he waited for that to finish he grabbed the thermos off the floor and brought it to his connected bathroom to dump out. He locked the door and stood so he could still see the entrance to the room as he uncapped the thermos and dumped its contents into the toilet. There was less than he expected there to be, and it was dark yellow, but not brown. He flushed the toilet and rinsed the thermos out in the sink, deciding to find a way to actually wash it in the morning. But he didn't want to have to wash it in the kitchen, because if someone walked in to see him with that specific thermos they would know he used it.

He wasn't used to that kind of public humiliation anymore.

He walked back into his room with a yawn and saw that the robot was done with its job. He put the thermos back in the bowl on the floor and grabbed his mop. He cleaned the floor in front of his bed, turned off his light, then flopped back on his bed, not bothering to scent mask the floor. There hadn't been much, it shouldn't leave any lingering smells.

Keith fell asleep again, and when he woke up he was grateful he took the time in the middle of the night to not wet his bed. He didn't have to worry about cleaning his sheets or the mattress, and he didn't wake up with a painful rash from sitting in acidic piss for hours.

He had to clean that thermos though.

.o.O.o.

Total word count: 20,020

This took me three days to write. I did it fast XD

I've wanted to write this for awhile, and my friend finally talked me into it. Credit to them and to the rest of my beta readers, who are not on here so I unfortunately cannot post their names.

Please comment to let me know what you thought about the fic, and if you're here from amino, please let me know!

Thank you for reading :)