Please, for you to fully appreciate my genius, go to Youtube and find 'Gay or European'. Bonus points for watching a Hetalia one.
DISCLAIMER I own neither Legally Blonde or Hetalia. And not even the idea of putting them together, which came from Youtube, even though I would've put two and two together eventually.
There Right There!
They were having yet another world conference. To America, it seemed that there were too many of them. As he fidgeted with his pen, head in hand, he noticed Spain walk in. Grinning, America leaned over to his near invisible brother sitting next to him.
"There, right there!" he said not so sneakily while pointing at the Spaniard who was taking a seat next to Romano. "Look at that tan, that tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin, oh please, he's gay! Totally gay!"
China, sitting nearby overheard the two and turned to face America, replying,"I'm not about to celebrate, every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay, aru."
The other Asian nations, Cuba, and Cana-whatever joined the two in muttering, "It is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically, radically fey?" At the last line, they all glanced at France, who turned away from pestering England momentarily to see what was going on. England took this chance to slip away.
"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks," Japan pointed out.
"Look at his silk, translucent socks," America scoffed.
"That's the eternal paradox," responded China. "Look what we're seeing."
"What are we seeing?" questioned America.
"Is he gay-"
"Of course he's gay!"
"-or European?"
A silence blanketed the room. By this point, the group had all of the countries' attention. And by all the countries, I mean that all the countries not debating were European. Spain, however, was blissfully ignorant, with a faraway look on his face and chanting under his breath about churros. Meanwhile, the North American and Asian nations collectively "ohhh"ed.
"Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee...Is he gay or European?" The group all turned to the one of them that was currently reaching towards Japan's chest.
"Well hey, don't look at me!" Korea shouted as he hid his hands innocently behind his back.
"You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports," whispered that kid with the polar bear, rising to the defense of the ones he had been under for so long. "They play peculiar sports..."
"In shiny shirts and tiny shorts," their group joined in. "Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks! They both say things like 'ciao bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks." Italy froze from poking Germany with a pen at hearing his language, while Germany groaned remembering many incidents of this. Romano just looked a little pissier than usual and Spain giggled that he looked like a tomato.
America rolled his eyes, still confident in his earlier statement. "Oh please."
"Gay or European? So many shades of gray!"
"Depending on the time of day, the French go either way," piped up Korea. Even though all the European nations were offended by the whole exchange, they all gave at least a snicker at this point. France just turned away and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "So what?" Spain, still somehow oblivious, looked at him rather smugly.
"Is he Gay or European or-" BAM!
The door slammed open and Switzerland, who had been missing the whole time, stood in the doorway and yelled, "THERE RIGHT THERE! Look at that condescending smirk seated on every face at work. That is a metro, hetero jerk! That guy's not gay, I say no way!" The door slammed shut leaving them all in an awkward silence whilst everyone unanimously blinked. It was quickly broken by the non-Europeans beginning again.
"That is the elephant in the room...well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume," eyes flickered to Poland, but on the way noticed Spain talking to Romano, and slowly getting closer.
"Is automatically-radically," America said, rising a bit from his chair.
"Ironically-chronially," China stated, leaning forward a little.
"Certainly-pertainly," Canadia quietly spoke, a nearby Hungary pulling out a camera.
"Genetically-medically," Korea announced as Spain raised his hand to Romano's red cheek, faces very close now...
"GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY-" they started flat-out yelling, leaping from their seats and punctuating words by slamming their hands on the table and pointing fingers at Spain. Just then, Spain turned to flirt with Belgium, leaving a confused and angry (as per usual) Romano. "DAMMIT!"
"Gay or European?"
"So stylish and relaxed," noted China.
"Is he gay or European?"
China blinked and rubbed his eyes and muttered "...I think his chest is waxed, aru."
"They bring their boys up different there, it's culturally diverse," mumbled Can-of-food again. "It's not a fashion curse,"
"If they wear a kilt or bear a purse." Nobody missed America coughing England's name in there, seeing as 'The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' includes Scotland. England blushed and turned to glare at a very glare-worthy stain on the floor. "Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."
"Yet his accent is hypnotic," cooed Taiwan, listening in on Spain's conversation with Belgium, and then looked down and made a face."But his shoes are pointy toed." Everyone "huh"ed in pity.
"Gay or European? So many shades of gray,"
"But if he turns out straight, I'm free at eight on Saturday!" called out Belgium as Spain moved back to repeatedly poke Romano's face. Many eyebrows raised.
"Is he gay or European?" the strange gathering started chanting.
"Gay or European?'
"Gay or-"
"Wait a minute!" interrupted Japan. "Give me a chance to crack this guy, I've got an idea I'd like to try..."
"The floor is yours, aru," China replied, gesturing forward. All eyes were on Japan as he crossed the room to Spain.
"So Spain-san," began Japan, looking directly at the man. Spain turned and met his eyes cheerfully. "This alleged affair with Belgium has been going on for...?"
Spain blinked. "Two minutes?"
"And your first name again is...?"
"Antonio."
"And your boyfriend's name is...?"
"Lovino."
A gasp swept the room. Spain's eyes widened.
"I-I'm sorry! I misunderstood! You said boyfriend, I thought you said BEST friend! Lovi is my BEST friend!" As Prussia and France were appalled, always thinking that THEY were Spain's best friend, Romano glared at Spain and stood up, pointing his finger (maybe not the index) at Spain accusingly.
"You bastard!" Spain looks at him, shocked.
"You lying bastard!" Everyone else looks, shocked.
"That's it! I'm not covering for you anymore! People! I have a big announcement!" He stood up on the table. "This man is gay AND European!"
"WOAH!"
He turned to Spain. "And neither is a disgrace. You've got to stop your being a completely closet case! It may be hard to see it, but no matter what he says, I swear he never ever ever swing the other way." Now Romano grabbed the front of the poor guy's shirt and started yelling in his face.
"You are so gay, you big parfait, you flaming boyband cabaret!"
"I'm straight!" denied Spain.
"You were not yesterday," Romano said with narrowed eyes. Hungary just about passed out. "So if I may, I'm proud to say," Romano stood triumphantly, "He's GAY!"
"And European!" they interjected.
"He's gay!"
"And European!"
"He's gay!"
"And European and gay!"
"Fine, okay, I'm gay!" admitted a very flustered Spain.
"HOORAY!" shouted the odd group that started this whole business.
Silence invaded the room. All the European nations shifted around embarrassed in their seats, suddenly very self-conscious. The Asian nations returned to their seats and calmly started a conversation in what America would call 'foreign'. America and Canada sat down as well, though Cuba sat far away, glaring daggers at the both of them, not sure which was which. Finally, America broke the quiet.
"Anyone else?"
A/N Yes, he's talking to you. Yes, that country in the back. No, not France, he's too obvious. No, not Poland. Does he even hide it? We all know you're gaaaay~
Erm, now that I'm done talking to no one... This song was stuck in my head ALL. FRIGGIN. DAY. which is uber annoying when stuck at a family gathering thing. So I thought up a fanfic, duh. Spain and Romano cuz of the accents. And yes, I occasionally call other languages simply foreign (ex. "GAH! Why are you all speaking foreign?") I feel the urge to sing this whenever I see France, though. Is that just me?
As a side note, did I totes just publish two oneshots in one day? And does it even count seeing as they're both crack?
EDIT: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH! 7 reviews and 12 favorites? IN ONE DAY? I'm am so flippin' happy you don't even know! All of them made me very proud of myself. So, to all of you people, you should join those great, great reviewers and favoriters in inflating my ego! I love you all so much that you all get free cookies...except my fax machine won't accept them. Nevermind, have mind cookies! Any flavor you like!