Once upon a time, there was a man named Geppetto. Then Jupid happened and now he's dead. But that's beside the point. While he was still worm and maggot-free, Geppetto had a pet rock named Gnocchi. But due to negligence, Gnocchi ran away and Geppetto was forced to get a pet log. He named his log Pinocchio, and thus the legend was born.
Now, Pinocchio was just a little log when Geppetto cut him free from the American Redwood Forest. Needless to say President Teddy Roosevelt wasn't too happy about that, so Geppetto is now public enemy #2 (just behind the Fangirl). Anyway, Pinocchio soon found work as a contest judge, judging everything from Laundry Races to Cook-offs. Some people thinks he's corrupt, but he just rolls them off.
One day during an ironing contest, Riku and Zack were neck-in-neck ironing neckties when a crocodile broke through the wall and vomited Will T. onto the floor. The subsequent chum that followed him up the esophagus spewed all over the Riku's silk ties, making Zack winner by default. That angered Riku, so he transformed into Ansem, but Will T. interrupted him with an impromptu rap, throwing off his transformation and knocking him into the Judges' Table. The impact rocked Pinocchio, tipping him over onto the floor where he rolled out the front door.
The little log rolled onto the street, through town, and out the city overpass into the next county. Along the way, he sprouted a couple flowers that blossomed and rained pollen down on every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Major Tom had an allergic reaction, died, and failed to create the Patriots.
Time Paradox!
Pinocchio, now a real boy, was eaten by the crocodile that had purged out Will T. Inside, he met Tinker Bell. The two fell in love. They got married in the croc's lower intestinal tract. Tinker Bell was so full of ecstasy (the emotion, not the drugs. Seriously kids, stay in school!) that she fluttered about everywhere and shook free a mountain heap of "pixie dust". Now, her "pixie dust" (again, not a drug, so get your mind out of the gutter) was actually pollen. The croc snorted out (not like THAT) the pollen, which subsequently gave Major Tom another allergic reaction.
Time Paradox!
Cruella De Vil made a tote bag out of the croc's skin with Pinocchio and Tink still inside. She sold it at an auction where it went to Roo, who subsequently opened the bag to take out the Pooh stick and tossed the actual bag in the trash. Roo then reported Cruella to Greenpeace before returning the Pooh stick to the Fellowship of the Pooh.
The end.