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The Boughten Bride: A Fairytale – of Sorts

The First Bride

Of the three Cartwright brothers, the one known as "Little Joe" married first.

"You're a goddamn fool," the eldest brother, Adam Cartwright, said when his brother came home with a bride. "What do you know about her?"

"I know that she's a beauty and despite what you might think, I'm glad I married her. And we have time to get to know one another better. We have our whole lives ahead of us."

"And what if you don't like what you come to know? It'll be a little late then, won't it?"

"Older brother, don't be so cynical. What if I fall in love even more? What if I'm going to be drunk with happiness? You ever think of that?"

"This isn't a fairy tale, Joe, this is life. There are no 'happy ever afters'."

"There might be, Adam. You should give things a chance, find a wife for yourself. Sleeping alone and taking care of your needs yourself is making you old and grumpy before your time." And Joe winked and laughed; Adam just made a sound of disgust.

Joe's wife was named Bernice and she had honey-blonde hair, a pretty face, and bright hazel eyes, very much like Joe's. She was silly, barely educated but adored her handsome young husband who had traveled to a small town on the outskirts of Baltimore to fetch her. Joe was excited to have such a woman waiting for him – congenial, obliging and more than pleased with her prospective husband's beauty. There was such an attraction between them that they married the same afternoon they met and Joe was even more pleased when they lay together that night. As Joe later told Adam who mentioned Bernice's ignorance, "We don't discuss poetry or do ciphering in bed so her having no education is fine with me. I'll teach her all she needs to know." Joe grinned. But the newlyweds' ardor was a problem once they arrived home to the Ponderosa as it caused some discomfort among the other two brothers to see Joe and Bernice giggling and kissing one another when they were together.

Even Ben Cartwright, the father of the three brothers, had noticed and made a comment. "Joe, there is such a thing as propriety. Bernice is a lovely girl and I know what it's like to be in love but please show proper decorum; save the open affection for the bed chamber."

Adam was disdainful of their constant touching and Bernice's silliness, but he admitted to himself that his young brother having a wife only reminded him of how lonely he was.

At close to 40 years, Adam Cartwright was a self-confirmed bachelor – at least so he claimed - and yet he secretly longed for a wife to share his days and his nights. The middle brother Hoss, a large man by anyone's standards, also yearned for a wife so he set about to secure one in the same manner as Little Joe had – a mail order bride.

The Civil War had decimated the male population in the northeastern and southern states and many young women of those areas, yearning to become wives and mothers but not finding any eligible men, took a chance of fate and mailed ads to newspapers that would reach the hard-working bachelors in the wilderness of the western states. The territory west of Missouri lacked available women of the marrying type; it seemed the perfect solution for all involved. Many eastern widows with their children in tow, found that along with the death or their husbands came destitution, so if any man wanted them sight unseen, as many of these relationships started, it was preferable to watching one's children starve. Love wasn't as important as the poets and novelists stressed. Safety, a home of one's own, and food on the table, no matter how meager, was far more important and if a woman had to lie under a man in order to be protected and provided for, it was a bargain. Men who longed for a wife to handle the affairs of the house and make it a home felt that a woman's beauty was secondary. After all, at night in the bedroom, lamps and candles could be extinguished and "all cats are grey in the dark." Any woman's body was the same to a desperately lonely man.

Within six months of their meeting and marrying, Bernice Cartwright was with child. The family visited the young couple whose house stood in a pastureland with a tall stand of sheltering trees at its back. The interior was lit with many lamps and at dinner that night, Joe broke the news to his family while Bernice blushed and giggled and accepted the kisses from her relatives. And puffed-up Little Joe strutted about as any young cock in the chicken yard would.

And Joe and Bernice's good news, although welcome, reminded Adam of his longing for a wife to bear a child of his before he was too old to enjoy being a father.

In the darkness of the evening, as the father, Ben, and his two sons rode the short distance home from the youngest's house, the middle son, Hoss spoke aloud of Little Joe's obvious happiness and asked if it was wrong of him to envy his brother a bit and desire the same for himself.

"Not at all," Ben said. "I would hope such happiness for all three of you."

So Hoss decided he would write an advertisement for a wife. When he told Adam, he chided Hoss but agreed to assist him in composing a small ad to appear in the eastern papers. In the ad, it was stated that only a woman who was interested in marriage to an honest, hard-working man need respond. It was surprising to both Hoss and Ben that the ad which actually revealed so little information about Hoss, should engender 26 responses. But Adam was certain he knew why; almost all requested they be brought to Nevada.

"Don't send them any money or even a train ticket to come see you," Adam advised. "If you do, the money will more than likely be pocketed and the ticket cashed in. For all you know, this may be how these women make their living; some may already be married and their husbands encourage this dodge."

"But how can I meet them then? Go visit like Joe did? Specially iffen they have a husband."

"You can - just don't have your expectations too high. But if you find a woman you like, write her back and ask them to pay their way out. If they're unhappy with you or the situation, then say you'll pay their return ticket. It sounds fair."

Reluctantly Hoss agreed that Adam was more than likely correct and the exultation he initially felt at the many responses vanished and a sense of defeat overtook him, especially after he answered many of the letters and received no further response. But one day there was a letter from a woman in Minnesota. Her name was Hennie Gunborg and she lived on her father's farm. She was 29 and wanted to be the wife of a farmer. She was good at husbandry, she said, and enjoyed taking care of the home; sewing and cooking were her pleasures. And, Hennie added, she had the money to travel as she considered herself frugal and had savings of her own. Therefore, despite her father's objections, she would be arriving with her cousin, Alvar Larsson, within a week's time. Alvar would judge the man and give his opinion and report matters to her parents if she chose to stay and marry him.

"This cousin of hers," Adam said as he handed the letter back to Hoss, "might be her husband instead of her cousin. They might be coming to see how much money they can bilk from you. Be careful."

"I swear, Adam, the older you get the more suspicious you get."

"That's because I've seen more and now that the war's over, people are looking for ways to make a quick buck. You need to be careful."

"Your brother's right," Ben said. "Joe just got lucky with Bernice. It won't hurt to slow down some and make sure this Larsson is really her cousin."

"Well, just in case Miss Gunborg is the one, I want a house to bring her to," Hoss said.

"But Hoss," his father said, "you don't even know that she's the one."

"I know," Hoss said. "I just know."

"You're a goddamn fool," Adam said, shaking his head.

"Maybe I am," Hoss said. "Just maybe I am, but I ain't gonna be no lonely goddamn fool."

There was a long-deserted house that sat on the Ponderosa and creatures had come to make it their own. But Hoss and Adam and Joe went to it, sweeping out cobwebs that sat as thick as curtains over the windows. They patched the roof to keep out squirrels and owls and rebuilt walls that had hidden mouse nests. The house was white-washed and stood out from all the browns and greens of the wilderness. The old furniture was taken out, broken down and burned and the floors were scrubbed clean. Even the chimney was swept. Hop Sing and Ben came by one day and brought new linens for the kitchen, bedroom and the bath and Hop Sing, reveling in his displeasure at the way the brothers had cleaned, took it upon himself to scrub down the kitchen after them. He also polished the pots and pans and the new stove that had been brought in from Sacramento City and proudly placed in the kitchen, the stovepipe snugly fit through the roof.

"Hop Sing," Hoss protested, "that stove's brand new! Why're you polishin' it?"

"Now it be new and clean!"

"When you marry," Joe said, "we'll throw a barn-raising. You know, have all the neighbors in, have a barbeque and Hop Sing can cook a wash tub full of beans and bacon – gallons of lemonade, cakes and pies…"

"And a keg of beer!" Hoss added, grinning.

That evening, the one before Hennie Gunborg and her cousin were to arrive, the family of men stood and looked proudly around the renewed house.

"Now all you need is furniture," Adam said as he stood and looked around the bare parlor.

"Long as they have a bed," Little Joe teased, "they won't need anything else."

Hoss blushed. And Adam laughed with the others although his heart was heavy; he was certain it would end badly and Hoss would suffer a broken heart.