~ Santana ~
12:34 am
Fuck, I can't get to sleep and I really need to. I've been sleeping at 4 am the whole holidays and now I have to un-fuck-up my body clock with school starting next week, man I hate school. I always get like this around the last few days of the holidays, I start over thinking, getting all anxious and making up worse case scenarios about what's gonna in school this year. Scrolling through Facebook isn't really helping, I'm getting pissed at how dumb some people are and how gay I am for looking at all of Dani's pictures. I just watched "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and now I'm all emotionally unstable rolling around my bed, unable to find a comfortable position. But now that I think about it, it did give me an idea with the diary thing, so maybe I'll try that to get all my thoughts sorted out or just try to get to sleep.
Dear Diary (I think that's how I'm supposed to start this shit),
So, I don't really know how to write in a diary, I never used the ones that I used to get as a little girl so here goes nothing… I only decided to start writing in this notebook thing because I can't think of anything else to do, I can't get to sleep.
School's about to start in a week and honestly, I'm terrified. I really want things to change this year, I want someone to actually know the real me, someone who'll care enough to find out. Everyone at school only knows me as that bitch who doesn't give a fuck about anything or anyone, like I'm some kind of emotionless robot, honestly that's far from the truth. I mean, it's only partly true, I say some shit that no one else would dare say out loud but I'm not as 'transparent' as people might think. Lately I've noticed that I don't really have a friend who I'm willing to talk to about everything, like my feelings and all that crap - and I really wish I did. But, I just feel like no one really cares, including my closest friends. I feel like people around me just like me cuz I'm 'funny', now that I think about it, no one's even asked me how I am and actually want to listen to a true answer and just expect me to say "I'm fine, what about you?" so they can finally go on about what they've been up to.
Anyway, I'm getting sleepy now, so I guess writing on this helped..
Now I'm tired as fuck, writing's always bored me to death, which is a good thing in this case, unlike that time I slept in English class trying to write a story in 9th grade. Well, I'm gonna sleep. Fuck you world.
Hey, I'm new with this writing thing, I love reading fanfiction and I just wanted to give it a shot. If you want the next part please let me know, I'm just writing this as I go and I promise it will get better, this episode is kind of just to see if anyone's actually interested.