A/N: So, I wrote a Death Note fanfic - not my first but the first one I'm publishing here - and I decided to upload it on this wonderful site. I know I could use a lot of improvement, so if you would review and tell me how I can improve you would make my day and receive an excellent e-cookie. Please?
This takes place in an AU in which L did not die, but managed to unmask Light as Kira, by the way. Inspiration were several other fics I've read by two of my friends, namely carino2 and Opal Roseblossom (who is the best beta ever) but those were not for the DN fandom.
Disclaimer: Are L, Matt and Mello still dead? Then it's obvious that I do not own Death Note.
Light looked up as he heard footsteps approaching. He knew what was in store for him, but he didn't want to think about it just yet. He didn't want to feel the bittersweet pain that came with the realization. He tugged on his restraints, binding his wrists to the wall, though he knew it was useless. His skin had been broken countless times, smearing his wrists and the metal with dried up blood. The parts of his wrists that were not bloody were a very vivid purplish blue colour from the endless attempts at escaping. The door opened – it did not creak because it was so well oiled – and Light was suddenly very interested in the floor he was standing on.
'Hello Light.' Of course, it was who he thought it would be. There were only a handful of people who ever came down to visit him, and only one who would talk to him.
'How are you?' the voice continued. Light did not want to respond, so he kept silent and refused to meet the gaze of his visitor. Footsteps were heard again and Light felt a hand touch his chin, forcing him to lift his head. Still, he refused to look in the eyes of the other in his cell.
'Light, look at me.'
The brunette shook his head slightly, knowing that he would see it. His visitor saw everything, even things he didn't want him to see. They knew each other too well. Being cuffed to the other one for a couple of months can do that to you.
'There is a 84% chance of Light again refusing to talk to me,' his visitor muttered. 'But I don't understand, why won't he? He knew I didn't have another choice. I did what was necessary to keep him alive, was that so bad?'
He stroked Light's cheek and the captive whimpered. He was not going to show how much he yearned to be touched by the other man. To be honest, he didn't want it at all. If you say something often enough, it's supposed to become the truth, right? And even though Light's excellent mind told him that this was, in fact, a lie, he still held on to it for dear life. He knew that if he didn't his composure would be lost.
'It seems like Light does not want me to touch him. However, there is a 60% chance that he is faking displeasure.'
Was he ever wrong? Light started to doubt it.
'All Light has to do is tell me to go away and I will.'
This was just another one of his manipulations to get what he wanted. The brunette had managed to keep his mouth closed and not say a word for the last couple of times these meetings had happened, but his resolve was cracking. All he really wanted was to be with the other man, was that so bad? Even if he had made his dream break into tiny little pieces. Even if he was the cause of his current situation. Even if they could not seem to stand each other.
'Come on, Light, just talk to me.'
Still Light had not said a word, or met the other one's gaze once. In fast, he had also managed not to think about who was in his cell with him. But that would change soon. He could feel the turning point nearing. He could not keep up this pretense any longer.
He finally cracked when his visitor put his hands on his shoulders. He followed his arms – which used to be tanned, but were now as freakishly pale as the hands touching his skin – until their fingers entwined. His breath felt warm on Light's chilled cheek and Light closed his eyes.
'Please, Light. Talk to me.'
'No.'
He could immediately bite his tongue for saying that.
'That is quite contradictory, isn't it?' L chuckled softly.
Well, whatever. He had already spoken, so he might as well continue.
'It might be, but you weren't going to go away unless I spoke to you, so there. Just leave, L.'
The detective chuckled, burying his head in the crook of Light's neck. The brunette inhaled his all-too familiar scent and suddenly wished fervently that L would not leave again. Instead of buckling to desire, though, he pushed the other man away with his knee.
'Go away, L,' Light repeated. Didn't repeating something make it turn into the truth?
'I know you don't want me to go.'
'For crying out loud, you told me that if I'd talk to you, you would go!' Light forgot all about being silent and hushed and instead just shouted this as loud as he could. L clapped a hand over his mouth.
'Shh, do you want your guards to know what is going on here?'
That sparked his interest. His guards didn't know that the detective was here? Then he realized that L was lying and that they did know he was down here.
'They do know you're here. Probably you sent them away,' Light sighed. Neither of them could lie to the other.
'What if they didn't? Is it so bad that I visit you every so often? Is it so bad that I want you for my own?'
Light did not find it so bad. He just didn't like the fact that he had to be kept locked up, like some kind of animal. He had only wanted to do good, why did no one see that? Why was L the only one slightly sympathizing with him?
'Why did you tell the team I was Kira? I told you because I trusted you. And now, I'm here, locked up, and you're saying that you want me? That's fucked up, L. You know it is.'
'Don't you see this is the only way we can be together?' L let go of his hands and started pacing through the tiny space that was the only thing Light ever saw. 'If they had found out I knew all along that you were Kira, they would have lynched me, and you right after. Now, they have confidence in me again. And I still get to be with you. Don't you see, Light? I am continuing your work, I'm just not killing people like Kira did.'
This was all very logical, but Light just didn't want to see it. How could he? He was the one spending his days chained up in this cell, only being allowed to move freely through the small place when it was night and he was released from the chains so he could lay down, while his hands still were cuffed together. L could at least still move when he wanted to.
'I know this seems unfair to you. But in a while, I'm going to get you out of here.' The detective stopped pacing through the room and took his old place again, stroking Light's cheek once more. This time, the brunette let his head lean in L's hand. 'I promise you that. We will live happily ever after. There is a chance of 57% that my plan will succeed.'
Light didn't think that was a good enough promise. But what could he do about it? He saw L checking his watch.
'I've been here too long. I have to go.'
'Finally.' Light forced his eyes to stare coolly into L's, but he knew that his entire body was giving him away. He could feel his hands clenching into fists when he said that, wishing that L had left his own hands in there so he could hold on tightly to him.
'I know you don't want me to, you don't need to pretend. I'll be back soon. I promise.'
L's lips quickly touched Light's, and the sudden contact made Light's heart explode in bitter happiness.
'Mark my words. You're going to be out of here in no time. I promise you.'
L left his cell and Light let his head hang, already yearning for the detective to come back. He tried to be reasonable about it, but he couldn't. Once more, he struggled against the chains binding him to the wall, the rattling of them audible through the entire floor he was on. L must have heard that. He would come back, right?
'L!' he shouted ultimately, wanting the detective to come back so badly, to not leave him here alone again, that he could care less about his composure and keeping up pretenses. 'L!'
Tears threatened to stream and he couldn't do anything to force them back. Light cried, for the first time since L had uncovered him as Kira. He cried for the ghosts of touches he still felt on his skin. He cried for his new world that would now never come to existence. But most of all, he cried for the future that he and L would never have. Because there was less than 15% chance that L actually meant what he had said.