So Happily Unsatisfied here! My first real Naruto fan fiction, so please review. I want your totally honest opinions on my fan fic.
Constructive criticism is always welcomed, but flames will be rewarded with immediate electrocution to the sender (read the fan fic, get the joke).
Disclaimer: Because I would prefer not to be sued for everything I am worth and then some, I do not own anything Naruto. Just this fan fiction and the characters.
K-chan: YOU DON'T OWN US! WE ARE REAL PEOPLE!
So Happily Unsatisfied: WRONG, my little emo friend. HANNAH does not own, but I control your fate!
K-chan: I can take you! (gets into martial arts fighting stance).
So Happily Unsatisfied: (grows twenty feet tall) Oh yeah?
K-chan: (cowers back) ok…
So Happily Unsatisfied: (cockily) Yeah, I thought so. Please enjoy the fan fiction.
Character list:
Hannah: Authoress, narrator, queen of sarcasm, psycho animal rights activist, and total art freak. I am strongly opinionated and often tend to over react just a smidge. I have long and wavy blondish-brown hair, hazel eyes, semi-pale skin, 5'3", and I more often than not wear a beret.
18 years old in the real world; 13 years old in the Naruto world.
Zack: Annoying little brother (we all have one or know what they are like, right?), who likes to cough-attempt-cough to play the drums. He is the undisputed Narutard champ of the group. Short and slightly spiky dark brown hair, taupe eyes, 5'2", and sun-kissed tan skin. Imagine first season Naruto with brown eyes, slightly flatter, brown hair, and no whiskers.
15 years old in the real world; 10 years old in the Naruto world.
Vera: My BFF. She is a great writer, and a Harry Potter fan. Pretty cynical, almost as sarcastic as I am, and can get annoyed with Zack sometimes even more than I do. She is the only one out of the bunch who is NOT a Narutard. Thick, long, and straight auburn hair; hazel eyes; milky skin, 5'3", and long face.
20 years old in the real world; 15 years old in the Naruto world.
K-chan: My gothic, random, hyper friend since childhood. Wicked guitar player, serious Kendo athlete, and is always stylish. Uchiha and Kakashi fan girl. Long, pin-straight blonde hair; umber eyes; peach skin; 5'6"; and lean, toothpick-like body.
19 years old in the real world; 14 years old in the Naruto world.
Momo: Cool, spazzy, peach and mango loving friend of my brother and me. Shino fan girl. Short and straight black hair, chocolate eye color, deep brown skin, 5'4", and bright and wide smile.
17 years old in the real world; 12 years old in the Naruto world.
Steven: Diligent, smart, funny, athletic friend of my brother and me. Likes Twilight and draws incredible anime. Shaved blonde hair, Prussian blue eyes, wheat color skin, 5'8", and toned body.
18 years old in the real world; 13 years old in the Naruto world.
Sadie: My red haired cocker spaniel. Sadie is aggressive, protective, attention lover, and leader of the two dogs. Except for the hair color, she would be my clone if I was a dog or she was a human. 10 (human) years old in the real world; 2 (human) years old in the Naruto world.
Snoopy: Black, white, and brown cocker spaniel. A real sweetheart, who loves people. Follows Sadie's lead but is not confrontational without her. 8 (human) years old in the real world; 1 (human) year old in the Naruto world.
Prologue
It started out as just another ordinary Saturday night hanging out with my friends. Vera, K-chan, Momo, Steven, and I all sat around the kitchen table and ate loads of junk food, chased down said food down with piping hot chocolate and marshmallows, shared our infamously random conversations, and indulged comfortably in the warmth of my house's heating system that cold January night. Sounds totally normal, right?
"Hey, K-chan, why did you bring your guitar with you?" Momo asked while staring at K-chan who was rapt in caressing the strings of beautifully polished folk guitar.
"Why not bring my guitar?" K-chan, who took the question as a personal insult to her and her instrument, snapped back at a nervous looking Momo. Her piercing umber eyes bore deeply into Momo's fear struck, bittersweet chocolate ones. It was as if K-chan tried to break you down whenever she shot her unlucky victim that look. There was no doubt that she is scary whenever she gets angry and we all were wise enough not to piss her off. That is, all but one of us.
Running down the stairs came my younger brother, who apparently didn't have anything better to do on a Saturday night than bother us. He darted to the kitchen and carried his instruments of sheer annoyance – his drumsticks. "You brought your guitar?! 1-2-3-4!" Zack managed to say and started banging some overzealous, erratic melody on any and every hard surface he could find, which included my head and K-chan's guitar.
K-chan had the look of the devil painted on her face when Zack pounded his sticks onto her precious guitar. I did not bother to react to Zack banging on my head because I knew that K-chan's revenge would be enough payback for the both of us.
"Hannah, I am gonna kill your brother." K-chan bellowed evilly. Without shifting my vision away from the doodle I was working on, I replied to the infuriated girl by saying "ok, just don't make a mess."
Vera wore an exuberant smile on her face knowing that Zack was going to get his, and Steven was so absorbed in his Twilight book, he did not care enough to hold K-chan back from ripping him to shreds. She neared towards the trembling boy as she cracked her knuckles. With each little cracking noise, K-chan seemed to move a little closer to the fearful boy, but lucky for him, Momo got up from her seat and tried to calm K-chan down. Zack thanked Kami that Momo was there to protect him, and K-chan completely forgot about paying my dear little brother back because when he looked at the clock hanging on the wall, Zack ardently exclaimed "Naruto is on!"
That was all it took for everyone but Vera to run to the basement where the best television in the house is located. Vera, a Naruto virgin, begrudgingly treaded down to the TV room and took her place on the couch. Zack turned on the TV and we were just in time for the theme song. All the Narutards in the room sang along (and knew all the words because that is how we all are obsessed with the anime) to the theme song and Vera cried in pain from the sound of our horribly off tuned voices. I have to admit, all of us together singing sounded like Chidori making contact with a thousand chalkboards, but it's fun to do, so we do it anyway. Sorry Vera.
"Keep it down, Vera! We are trying to w-" Zack started to say to said girl, but was interrupted by all the power in the house shutting off.
"Are you –censored– kidding me!?" Steven exclaimed angrily. He gently put down his beloved book down, released his ever-growing frustration, and gave the poor TV a few good kicks. And of course, Twilight securely sat on a cushion out of harm's way.
"OMFG! That was my –censored– arm!" Momo exclaimed heatedly. The whole house was in complete darkness from the power outage and no one could even see in front of his or her face. Lucky for us, Vera, who had been writhing on the couch quite uncomfortably for some time now finally stood up and pulled out a flashlight from in between two couch cushions.
"And let there be light!" she exclaimed while flipping on the switch. Sadie and Snoopy must have saw the light from the middle floor because they raced down to the basement with the rest of us as soon as that switch was flipped on. Because they like Vera the best, Sadie and Snoopy ran up to her. Vera welcomed them in open arms and petted them reassuringly as if they were her own children. While she was preoccupied with the dogs, Momo thanked Vera courteously and took the flashlight so she could slap Steven in the back of the head. I snatched the flashlight out of Momo's hands and pulled Zack by the arm. "Let's go check the power box," I said.
I handed Zack the flashlight, grabbed my dad's toolbox, and we walked into the other room where the circuit breaker resides. "Are you seriously going to try and fix that thing?" Zack asked, trying to hold back a laughing fit. If anyone would know about my incompetence with tools, it would be Zack, but I was not in the mood to let him make a fool out of me while my friends were around, so I was determined to prove myself worthy of the tools.
"Shut-up! I can do this!" I exclaimed angrily and opened the toolbox to look for a screwdriver or something like that. Of course my plan was off to a great start when I opened the toolbox. Honestly, I couldn't have felt any stupider when I discovered I grabbed by drawing supplies box by mistake.
Zack cackled at my mistake, but I just put down my supplies and said, "Screw this, I can fix this without 'tools.'" "Pfft! I'm bad with tools anyway! I might as well go without them." I thought when I opened the power box, extended my arm, and touched a wire that looked a little loose. As a result of my stupidity, I get electrocuted by the –censored– wires. Blue jolts of electricity visibly surged through my body and I cried for Zack's help. He stared at me blankly for a while before he finally said, "I'm hungry. I'm gonna get some Pringles!" and ran upstairs with the flashlight leaving me with the blue jolts of electrical current as my only light source.
"Where are you going?! I am getting electrocuted, damnit!" I screamed on the top of my lungs at my idiot brother. I finally worked up the strength, no thanks to that oinker upstairs, to pull my hand away from the wire and I –thud– down to the ground. The power then came back on, (ha! ha!), but the alarm decided to go off and made a blaring, annoy screech.
A moment or two later, I heard my friends and my dogs run into the room, all looking like they were ready to beat me with the objects they held in their hands. K-chan with her guitar, Steven with Zack's drumsticks, Vera with her two-ton purse, and Momo with her decorated Naruto binder. Then right on cue, Zack came running down with the container of barbeque Pringles and screamed, "wait, you all are going to beat up Hannah and you didn't invite me!?" He then snatched the drumsticks out of Steven's hands and almost hit me, but Steven held him back.
"Why are you all staring at me and not helping me off the frickin' floor!?" I exclaimed angrily and then Momo and K-chan helped me up.
"We thought someone broke in." Vera said and pointed out my screams of pain, glass breaking, and the alarm going off. I look to my side and see that my arm must have broken the glass window as I was falling and I cursed profusely. I saw my cut up arm ooze with a sticky red substance and listened to it splash on the ground. "Great. Blood. Excuse me, but I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Don't make a mess." Zack said with a hint of cruel irony. I stared at him with a K-chan stare, but he appeared unaffected. Damn. Instead, a wide smirk ran across his face waved the Pringles' container in my face. "Mom is gonna kill you" were the five annoying words he chose to taunt me with.
Unable to control my anger any longer, I screamed "I am gonna kill you!" at the baka, and I chased him around the room. Butt in mid-dash, he nervously let out a huge fart that resulting in successfully knocking out both dogs. Vera whisked the container of Pringles away from Zack's reach and was more than willing to join me in chasing him around the room when she started to feel woozy. In fact, all of us but Zack became lightheaded and the toxic fumes proceeded in us blackening out.
"It's not that b-" Zack replied, but the gases begin to affect him as it did with the rest of us.
Thanks for reading my fan fiction! Before I draw this Prologue to a close, I want to send warm birthday wishes to K-chan (turned nineteen yesterday) and Vera (turns twenty tomorrow)! Love ya both!