The prompt: Dragonball Genderswap

Dragonball series era; can be told in vignette form; full story/plot not required; no sex expected. Goku/Bulma, Bulma/Yamcha, Goku/Chichi, (and optional Yamcha/Chichi) scenes of the characters first meeting/just getting to know each other. Flipping the sexual dynamic leads to even more LULZ.

The fill:

A/N: (I never noticed this before, but Dragonball has a lot of drugging and lying in it)

(Also I'm so bad with names)

There was only one clear thought running through his head: oh my god she's dead she's dead oh my god I just hit someone with my car, just like my dad warned me.

In her lime green shirt, the words 'Bloomer' were written in bold white and green, he trembled. Of course he shouldn't be, since he was a brave and brilliant young man and he totally hadn't seen that kid in the middle of the dirt road.

He didn't even have a chance to apologize before the crazy girl was yelling at him for trying to take her fish, and then overturning his car oh dead god his car

It all became a blur of fear and gunfire that proved to be ineffective, and pleading and confusion. Then it was over, and unbeknownst to him, his life had begun.

"My Grandma told me to be polite to any men I met."

"Your Grandmother's a wise woman."

"She was."

Then Bloomer was being poked with a bright red stick in the crotch and being asked, "Hey, where's your tail? Huh. Boy's have theirs in front then?"

He had nearly learned to tune out the ranting in the backseat as Oolong and Goku fought over whether or not the shape shifting pig was a girl or not. After a while, of fishing using his underwear ("What can I say, Goku, the ladies love me."), drugging Oolong, pushing back memories of that creepy old woman Master Roshi, everything seemed peaceful. It almost became a vacation. A fucked up one, but one, nonetheless.

"Goku. Please keep your clothes on."

Of course, even that went to hell when their ride ran out of gas, Oolong ran off, and Goku accused him of being a wizard. Even the revenge they got on the porker ("How can you treat a lady like this?") didn't make having to walk all the way through the forest into a horrible desert any better.

But for the dragonballs, it was worth it.

"This sucks! I'm going crazy!"

"Are you giving up?"

"No, yes, maybe. I don't know." A rant burst out of him as he shoved himself backwards into the shade to pass out. It was the coolest place he'd been in since they'd first stepped onto the sand. Peace. He dreamt of swimming in a cool dark lake, diving deeper and deeper, until a giant grab reached up with pincers to attempt to take his nose and hair off. Its black eyes were merciless.

He woke up with a snort, hearing a high pitched scream and a blushing girl with long curly dark hair that swiftly ran away before Bloomer could say a word. Only take in the sight of such a pretty girl, speeding past his eyes and through his heart and out of his daydreams. Stunning, that such a rare desert flower actually existed.

"Wow, you guys, who was that girl? She was a totally babe! Did you guys get her number? Did you see that face? And that hair? And that chest? Totally hot!"

Goku had scoured the surrounding land, seeing only animals, trees and mountains. Not a single person at all below. "Where is he?"

The nimbus cloud beneath her also didn't seem to have a clue.

"Come on, he has to be somewhere."

Then she spotted a small boy in blue armor, saying something about 'how romantic.' She couldn't quite recall what the kid was supposed to look like. Everyone pretty much looked the same to her, only having changes in color and hair shape. Voice though, that helped.

…Only she had never heard this person's voice either.

"Hey," Goku called down, "Are you Cheech?"

"Yes I am. Who are you? You're the second girl that knows my name." There was a high screaming (laughter?) like a monkey getting its tail grabbed. "Ahah, you must love me too."

Goku could only blink. "You seem like a nice person. I guess."

"I don't know if my father will let me have a girlfriend though."

"That's alright. Your dad sent me."

Was he a boy, a guy, right? He wasn't like Bloomer though, since he had no problem riding the nimbus. That was a good sign that she wouldn't be all crazy and mean like the blue-haired boy. Already, he didn't seem to be as whiny either. But loud. Cheech was definitely loud.

Throughout the ride, he clung to Goku, and yelled. It got annoying. Especially when Goku lightly kicked him in-between the legs to see if he had a tail there like Bloomer. "Oh, so you are a guy. I wasn't sure at first." He only screamed louder and shoved Goku off the nimbus cloud only to crash into a rock.

Boys were weird.

When Vegeta came to after a day, a night, another day of training that had literally made her pass out from exhaustion, she awoke to candlelight and the smell of pasta sauce. That was not usually what happened. Where were the hissing computers of her gravity chamber, or a beeping healing bot or the annoying blonde man to comment on how strong she was? Not even the screeching whine of the awful man that also lived her and was the sandpaper to her soul, along of course with that third-rate moron Kakarrotte.

She stared stupidly at the sight before her: a bistro table completely out of place in the plainly furnished bedroom she used, the silver candle holders shined to a fine glow, the delicious food that clearly his mother had cooked. "Huh."

"Oh, Vegeta." That annoyance voice of that idiot she lived with was deeper than normal. The blue eyes were narrowed and focused entirely too much on her as he rested his chin on the clasped hands to gaze at her. "You're finally awake."

"Yes." Somehow, the sheets ended up being balled in her fist and pulled nearly up to her chin.

He fairly purred the words, "That's good."

The sheets rose higher.

The scientist was uncorking the bottle after a short, sad struggle that left his normally perfectly groomed hair hanging into his pale face. "I'm sure you notice that you smell less than normal?"

"…What?"

"I bathed you when you were out of it." He shrugged, like it was of no consequence, filing a glass with blood. "Don't worry, I kept my eyes closed through most of it. Now hop out of that bed and come here."

This was not how a Saiyan princess should be treated, but since when had the foolhardy human ever been able to understand his place?

Bloomer held the glass up to admire the liquid, swirling it. Just then Vegeta noticed the velvet smoking jacket with its ridiculous patched elbows, and the sad little hair that the man had grown on his upper lip. "Let's have a nice dinner. Then. Dessert."

He clapped his hands together, grinning. "I have whipped cream!"

Vegeta had her own view on the matter. "Get out. And leave the food."

"Oh Vegeta. Why do you struggle so? We both know where all this romantic and sexual tension will lead?"

"Your death."

"You're such a black widow."

Vegeta wasn't sure what he was referring to, but knew that the man had no right to sound so enthused.

"Come on, Veggie-"

"Don't you call me that."

"Just sit down and have a normal dinner together. Is that so hard?"

"Fine." Reluctantly, the Saiyan sat up. At least she would be fed. Slowly, her black eyes fell downward to inspect herself.

"Did you put me in a dress?"

"I thought you would look nice in it." He took a sip of the red liquid. "I was wrong."

"Just pass the food. Ugh," she tugged at the long useless skirt of the dress. "I can barely move in this."

"I can help with that. I mean. In removing it."

"Shut up, human."

"Have a drink."

She took a suspicious sniff of the glass handed to her. "Is this juice?"

The blue-haired man paused, eyes vacant. "Oh. Yes. It is. And good for you. Yeah. Drink up."

Vegeta blinked when his glass was knocked against the other. While she was drinking it. And nearly making her choke.

"Cheers.

"Now, just let me refill that drink for you."

Krillin was ready to join in on Trunk's pleads for them to go get Goku. She was right, totally right, regardless of how Vegeta had bested Juukugou. They needed Goku here, desperately.

When the heavy metal doors finally fell down, and the smoke had cleared, it was nearly a relief to finally see the terrors that Trunks had described. They were both disappointing, and terrifying. Even Gero, Nijuugou, that madwoman, looked unnerved in their presence. And quickly lost all control on the situation as her head was crushed in.

That did not make Krillin feel any safer, looking up from the destroyed head that had been crushed right before her to truly take in the androids. The right androids. One was a girl, an orange scarf, short skirt, and a pair of blue lifeless eyes that seemed to suck the life out of whatever they set upon. Disturbing how the androids all seemed to share the same irises. She hadn't looked surprised to see the fighters outside the still smoking door frame. The other…

Well. If circumstances had been different, she would have harbored a secret crush on him that would have gone nowhere and only resulted in emotional pain when he found someone. Unless he did have someone, and the two were actually lovers. They seemed close. They bounced what may have been jokes that went over everyone else's heads as they opened another capsule to let a huge mohawked woman out as Trunks screamed, turned Super Saiyan, and approached a breakdown.

Not very tall, slim, blonde, incredible handsome. The shirt cut just low enough to see the top of a lightly muscled chest. Long legs that may have, under different circumstanced, made Krillin want to put her head down for a quiet moment. He caught the eye with that face, and Krillin had a hard time looking away. Even when the female cyborg motioned to her with one cocked finger for reasons unknown and ideas suppressed.

Neither of them looked like fighters. Which made the ease in which they rubbed the fighter's faces in the dirt only more humiliating. Slapped down Trunks in matter of seconds, Tien and Piccolo within a minute, and Vegeta lasted the longest, but that was probably just because they wanted to have some fun and test out their powers. Really insult the Saiyan by having her power up, only to break both arms and send her son flying into the Princess.

Her pleading only momentarily slowed them down to inform her that they were just sociopathic machines. A dark smile in a short skirt. 'This is just a game.'

Maybe it was a good thing Goku wasn't here. He would have been slaughtered. Now, at least, they had some time and could prepare…why was he coming closer to her? Juuhachigou, the blonde android, with his own smile, hands on those slim hips, coming closer, a dizzyingly confusing, conflicting sight.

Oh god, he was going to kill her, wasn't he?

She was too afraid to do anything but remain frozen when that striking face neared her own. That white-gold hair gleaming in the sun and was he pouting?

Reficul Satan could only stare down from the rooftop he was currently trapped upon. All the scraps and bruises disappeared at the rising tide of red that threatened to blind him. No, not red—pink.

The Great Sayaiwoman was about a hundred and fifteen times more dramatic than necessary. All those stupid, stupid poses. The worse monologue. The way she bashed aside villains with a single easy blow that you could tell didn't even make her break into a sweat. In fact, the only sign of nervousness she ever really showed was when Satan came after her, demanding to know her identity.

There was no one Reficul hated more.

Nothing in his life made him angrier than the sight of skin-tight black tights. A leotard, he remembered thinking when first seeing that bucket-head, is she wearing a leotard? And a cape?

She took all the dignity from what Reficul spent his days doing. Plus that stupid red flapping cape was just asking to get caught in a door and get the girl shot. Though…it didn't seem like bullets actually hurt her…Body armor. Had to be wearing body armor under those tights. Though, there really didn't seem to be anything under there than skin. Arg, just like some sick fanboy's fantasy. At least she wasn't wearing heels. Or anything showing cleavage, because that cliché would have stricken even him, the great hero of this city, dead.

The only good thing about her was that it made him feel better about his own bright yellow shirt. Hell, she even made the thieves in their overdone hockey-masks and black clothes look good. Ugh. That coral pink would haunt his dreams. Even when he closed his eyes, and almost wished that his kidnappers had used a blindfold, he could see that color emblazoned beneath his eyelids. The heavy radiator that this factory used to make apparently still worked, because his entire body was heating up.

It wasn't just the clashing fashion sense (why would you wear an orange bucket with black tights and a pink tunic? Why? What could possess a person?), but just the entire fact that the Saiyagirl was taking up space. Existing, that was the real outrage. Beating up bad guys and doing that hokey voice as she demanded they give up. How easily she dodged, and then ran straight into the blaze of gunfire without a pause or flinch. And not a single drop of blood to darken that tunic.

Let's not even mention the entire topic of a human being flying.

Because if he thought of it, his entire head would just feel like exploding because that was not supposed to happen. This was how Lex Luther began. Yes, he wanted to tell Saiyawoman, he also had read pulpy comic books, but he had stopped. Nor had he modeled his entire life on them, either.

How she carefully knocked the villains aside with just the tips of her fingers, almost too fast to see. Then she really was too fast as she literally caught a missile launched in her direction with a giggle. Complete with a new dweeby pose. "You guys, you never learn. Don't you understand!-"

She casually tossed the gently struggling rocket behind her into the building's doorway. "-That justice always wins in the end-?"

The building exploded behind her in a torrent of dust and flying bricks and mayhem. Reficul felt the entire structure shaking beneath him. Weakening the entire structure to collapse inward and have the roof cave in to crush anyone (such as the hostages) inside this abandoned factory that now that he thought about it, was also a huge cliché. At least the bad guys were attacking the mall again, because Eraser still complained about how many stores had been demolished from that explosion. He looked out onto the blue sky coming closer. The world shifting to forty-five degrees of blue. Yep, this was how he was going to die.

Fiftysixtyseventyfivedegrees oh fuck, this was such a stupid way to die. And with geometry in her head. Closed his eyes, at least die thinking of something else, auuugh, anything else but math. Not his mother Hecate's disappointed expression as she discovered what happened to her only child. Recalling the stupid garbage like where he'd left his backpack and lunch (in an alley a few blocks from this factory, never to be seen again), how his parents had almost named him Mastema, that flamingos got pinker the more they ate shrimp, that chocolate contains some chemical that had the same stimulate the same reaction in the body as falling in love, that acceleration was mass times net force and how that new dork with the ridiculous underwear Gohan girl had stood up to start reciting formulas to the physics teacher's delight and to everyone's stares.

Coral pink over black tights. A bright head of short golden, glowing hair. "Oh god, not that!"

Eyes opened onehundredonehunredtendegrees

Dark eyes set in a pale nervous stuttering face. How she was the first real life girl who's underwear Reciful had ever been really shown. "Definitely not that!"

The world stopped tilting. Laughter, hideous laughter, rang in his ears. Shifting of bricks against bricks, the scrape of metal against rock, that reminded him again of physics class and of a long lecture on friction. "Ah-hah! There you are, Mister Reficul. I was looking for you."

A big beaming smile. You could see how delighted she was, even through the visor. "I was worried about you!"

Reficul looked down. Floating above, let's say, ninety-feet above the ground. Still struck to that radiator. Thankfully the ropes had been tied so tightly. "You moron!"

"Nice to see you two. Aren't you ever polite?"

"I'm going to tear you apart for this! Put me down! Now!"

"This is why you don't have a girlfriend, Reficul." She was lecturing him. "You should be nicer to ladies."

"Are you even human?" He hissed, and was met with big eyes staring at him wildly. Way too closer. Nearly hugging. Arms outstretched. Mouth moving up and down, oh god, would have preferred to just fall to his death than been this close. Say something. Something that will make her think you're normal—not that you're weird—she is. She's the weirdo. Say something.

"How can you even fly? And stop trying to hug me! And how do you even know if I have a girlfriend or not!"

So, he had a stalker. And was still stuck to a radiator. And had been saved by the Saiyawoman. All this, and he was late for school.