Sai/Sakura…

Her smile, so beautiful, I love it when she smiles I long only to be the cause, the cause that makes her smile, the cause that makes her laugh. I wish I could paint it, I've tried countless times but its never perfect nothing is perfect but her, never could I do her justice, her beautiful lips, her mouth , her nose , her everything.

I'm sitting in her living room, a room full of people surrounding her like a sea her closet friends, it's her birthday today she is eighteen. So many years I have known her yet never has a nice work passed my lips, it kills me inside yet she can never know, never. I'm sitting in the corner on my own no one will bother to talk to me, no one ever bothers, that is except her. She looks over at me flashing yet another bright smile; I look away but not quick enough to miss the hurt cross her face, the hurt I caused? Why? Why would she care anyway she doesn't even like me no one does. I'm cold I'm heartless I have no emotions. On the outside. Inside I cry out every time I see her, my heart beats fast. I love her. I hate her. I hate how she makes me feel, how I wake up every day just in hope to see her smile just once more, what else can I live for but her, yet she will never know, me and my cold heart alone.

She's looking over at me again, now she's walking over, I pretend not to notice, I look away again but she's getting closer ten steps away nine, my heart lurches every one else carries on, eight steps it will just be us two, seven steps I can smell her, so sweet cherries I guess, she always smells of cherries. Five steps her scent fills my head, four steps she's still smiling oh that beautiful smile, three steps nearly here what will she do? What will she say? I don't care as long as I can hear her sweet voice two steps.

She stops and turns away. NO NO, don't go, come back my mind screams she laughs and runs to open the door. Greeting the new arrivals, I curse, my mind crying out. I release my breath not knowing I had been holding it. I continue to watch as she engages in hugs passing happy comments still smiling always smiling, with open arms she happily accepts hugs from her friend, she's never hugged me what I would give for her to hold me like that. It will never happen.

The seconds turn in the minutes, an hour has passed yet still I cannot tare my eyes away from her. No one has approached me they are all to busy with each other having fun, laughing, dancing passing round drinks, no one will offer me one no one will notice me.

I get up walking to the door, trying to escape my torment, the torment of having to watch her, forbidden to touch forbidden to hope.

I step outside letting the cold air hit my face, no one will notice that I am no longer there, no one will miss me. It's already dark as I close the door behind me breathing in the night's air. I already miss her, miss her scent her laugh, I can only see her smile when I close me eyes and dream.

I start to walk down the road, home only a corner away. I hear the door open and close; have they already run out of drinks? I continue to walk ignoring the world around me. My name is called. I freeze. It's her. She calls again, I don't turn round. I can hear her feet hitting the pavement as she runs up to me. What could she want? I turn and look at her getting lost in her eyes, her big beautiful eyes, she stares back. Green eyes meet blue. What? I tried to spit out, she goes to answer I watch her lips move to speak but no sound comes out she closes her lips.

"You didn't say goodbye" she whispers out eyes not breaking contact.

I'm shocked, to shocked to speak. Why? Why would she care? I stare at her she stares back. Slowly I take a step towards her but she doesn't move, why? Why doesn't she back away like every one else does? I take another step still she doesn't move. Why my mind is screaming? She's nervous I can tell I can see it in her eyes. I take a final step, so close I can feel her breath on my face but she still doesn't move. She continues to look in to my eyes. I grab the top of her arms she jumps slightly at my ruff hold but she doesn't pull away. Why? Isn't she scared of me, doesn't she hate me, hate me like the rest of them? I'm an emotionless freak remember?

She's breathing in deep shaky breaths I can feel it; we still haven't broken eye contact. She doesn't flinch when I cup her face with my hand my thumb caresses her cheek she smiles, that beautiful shy smile, that smile that I, me caused. She leans in slowly her breath tickling my face I can't move. Her eyes look deep in to mine almost searching for something I can't move. Slowly I bush my lips agenst hers she doesn't move doesn't retreat so I do it again watching as her eyes flutter shut. Beautiful. My heart is beating so fast I feel like it will burst form my chest, but still I don't move away. I lean forward again and gently pull her face closer to mine, I feel her hand on my back slowly gingerly making its way in to my hair. I run my tongue over her smooth lips and kiss her again. She becomes more confident as do I she deepens the kiss. She pulls back and I find my self once again lost in her eyes taking in her stunning features, she's amazing.

She's goes to speak but the word die on her lips she looks worried, I urge her on and she takes a deep shaky breath.

"I" she starts "I... I love you" she whispers. I can't breath this isn't real, I must be dreaming. She looks up in to my eyes, I can't speak all I can do if watch her as her eyes slowly fill with water. She's crying, silently crying and I caused it, I've caused her to cry. No. This can't be right she tries to pull away out of my grasp I don't let go I can't. I pull her back in to my grasp and kiss her again, she's shocked I can feel her body agenst mine tense, I kiss her hungrily, relived when she finally starts to relax against me and kiss me back.

"I love you" I whisper in to her ear. She's crying again tears flowing down her face, I wipe them away with my thumb, and she looks up again smiling my heart skips a beat. I did it; I caused that smile, that stunning beautiful smile.

"I love you... Sakura" I say again loving the sound of her name on my lips,

"I love you to Sai" she answers.

--x--