Chapter One: The Last Bachelor, err, Bachelorette

Sitting here in my room, listening to my brother and his friends talking outside, feeling like even more of an outcast. It sucks when you're the only one that hasn't imprinted in a clan of werewolves. Jacob's getting ready to get married. Great, married to a filthy stinking, half-breed. Well, at least that means she doesn't smell completely terrible.

They're cheering. Can only mean one thing, boys night out is about to commence. I guess all I can do is grin and bear it… Crap. Who's knocking on my door?

I open the door and in walks the clan. "Hey Leah," my brother says as he claps me on the shoulder, "Whatcha doing all holed up in this room? You joinin' us for Jacob's last night of freedom before Nessie takes him away?"

"I'm not going away, just getting hitched, geez guys," Jacob said. "Besides, I'm hardly the last fool to engage in this type of behavior, there's always Seth and Cristina."

I rolled my eyes. I love how these guys pretended that one, I'm not female, and two, I'll never find my soul mate. Sure, I've dated and sure I've gone through a few good boyfriends… but I've never felt that spark, the one that hitches you to another man for the rest of their lives.

"Guys, I do have boobs," I said. "I'm a girl. It's called a bachelor's night for a reason… not bachelor's and their sorry girl leftovers."

"Yeah, Leah, we know that, but we just thought…" my brother started.

"Yeah, you didn't think… I'm a GIRL. I should be doing girl things. I just wish sometimes you guys would recognize that." I walked out of my room in a huff and slammed the door behind me.

Those damned boys. I just wanted to find somewhere to fit in. My hands were trembling and there was only one thing I could do. I walked out into the yard and shredded my last bit of clothing before running into the woods beyond my house.

Impossible. I feel completely alone. I can't hang out with the girls because I don't know HOW to be a girl. I can't stand the vampires and our lives seem to be so intermingled with them as of lately that I can't freaking get away from them.

I run faster. I jump over river-endings and stomp through the high grass, just trying to release some of the pent up energy.

What's worse is the guys see me as one of the guys. How can I ever find the one that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with, when I can't get away from the men in my life already. I just want to be able to spend some time with a guy and actually know that I'm meant to be happy for the rest of my life. I just want to imprint.

I stop when I come to the Canadian border. And that's when I hear the edict to stop all edicts. Jacob's voice rings in my head, Leah, come home. I try to continue walking but my legs won't go any further. I press my body, my full strength against some invisible force but there's no hope once the words were spoken.

But I can't, I think, I can't come home because then I'll see your disappointed stares. I can't keep doing this Jacob. I can't keep pretending that I'm happy when I'm not… There was silence for a long while, but then I heard him speak again, Leah, you know you are my best friend outside of Nessie and Bella. I trust you with my life. I just hope that someday you can trust me with yours. And then all was silent. So I trade my wolf form for my human and decide to relax and think in peace for a while.

I sat near a brook, listening to the water trickle down between the rocks and thinking about what got me here. Ten years ago, this didn't seem like such a big deal. Jacob imprinted on Nessie and I thought it would take a lot longer for them to get together and get married. But they've been dating for two years, four in her life… it didn't seem like it would come this soon. Marriage. So now it's just me and my brother left and my brother is milestones ahead of me.

I don't even know if I can freaking imprint, or even freaking fall in love. I just so want to be secure and know that I am female. If there is one thing I've ever wanted was to be in love, get married and have babies. Having children is an unknown boundary for me considering my body is stuck in a time warp so thick that even God can't find me. What if I can't have children? What if my body doesn't change until I'm 40 and by then it's too late?

I shake my head to free the thoughts. It was quiet for a long time. And then I decided to go back home. I tremble into my wolf form and start to head back. If I can't beat 'em, then I should join 'em. Besides, Jacob is right… we are best friends. Suddenly, I hear laughing in my head, Thanks, Leah, I love you too. I smile and think back at him, Yeah yeah, you big lug… let's go get your party on. See you soon.