Waking up everyday is the hardest part. You have to wake up and realize that everything that has happened in the past few months actually happened and wasn't a dream. That's what it feels like... a dream. Life without Jace never occurred to Clary. She never worried that maybe one day he would be gone, no one did. He was the best Shadowhunter of his age for a reason.

Jace dies two months ago in the war against Sebastian. Sebastian was trying to create another race of Shadowhunters with a few help from his demon friends. We would have probably been defeated if it wasn't for Jace's sacrifice. We had a demon hoard after us, trying to get us away from Sebastian. Jace knew what they were doing when no one else realized it, he also knew what he was going to do, I can still hear him clear as day in my head, like ringing bells in the morning, "Hey, I have a idea! I am going to run this way while you and the others run the other way. Don't worry, they won't follow me, I'm going to sneak up on them." I remember hesitating, knowing I can trust him, he smiled at me, but not a smile that would reassure me. His smiled said, "I'm sorry."

I noticed this when he was yelling and provoking them to follow him. I yelled and I screamed at the damn things,I yelled at Jace, I screamed and cried for him, then right before they killed them together I saw him. His face. His face glowing in the sun, he had a smile on his face, this time it was a smile showing he was proud... but then right above his cheek was a single tear. The boy who said he would never cry again was crying. He whispered one word to himself before he was gone in the huddle of demons around him, a word that made him okay with dying, that gave him the strength to let these demons take him even though Jace, the best Shadowhunter of his age could have killed them all, he knew they needed a distraction while we ran back to Sebastian. This one word made him brave.

"Clary."

XXXX

"Earth to Clary?"

I snapped my attention back at Simon, forgetting all about me being here at Taki's. "I'm sorry, what?"

He tilted his head, puckering his lips to look like a hurt puppy, the look he gives me when he is worried, "I said that we should get the Nachos together." He tried to smile.

"Yeah, sure, that's fine." I took a drink of my diet coke and looked down at my sketchbook, I realized why now I zoned out and Simon was worrying, I was drawing a picture of Jace. I blinked at it a couple times, then tore it out, crumbled it up and layed it on the red and white checkered table mat. A girl that looked in the mid-twenties with purple hair took our order, grabbed my crumbled up Jace sketch and threw it away.I opened my mouth like I was going to ask for it back, but instead I didn't. I would want to finish it, but I couldn't find the strength to do that.

Simon and me had a very interesting conversation about the newest thing Isabelle is into, everything floral pattern. I wouldn't know this because since Jace has gone I haven't gone over to the Institute or spoken to any of the Lightwoods. Simon says that Isabelle misses me and wants to get over this together, but she doesn't understand, I don't want to get over it. I don't ever want to get over it. The food came, we ate, we paid, we left.

Simon wanted to walk me home but I shot him down saying I was to tired. I ended up taking a cab home to find my mom and Luke in the kitchen talking under their breaths, right when my presence was known they shut up quick. My mom came walking towards me very quickly, I took a few steps back.

"Hey baby," She grabbed me in and pulled me into a hug. Since Jace has been gone she has been very affectionate, a little to affectionate. "how are you feeling today?"

"Fine, just trying to breath." She let go of me quickly and tried to get out a little laugh. I scooted past her, waved to Luke, and went straight to my bed and fell asleep. I was dreaming of the war again, I woke up in a sweat at two in the morning. I got up knowing I wouldn't have any hope falling back asleep. I got in the shower standing and holding my head up high to get the soap out of my hair, but ended up sitting in the tub with the water running down my back while I cried. I got out of the shower at three in the morning, drew, watched T.V., then went back to bed at six. This time dreaming of my happy, sarcastic Jace.

Hi guys! If you have read this and liked it please follow and favorite it! It would mean a lot to me and give me the boost to finish this story!Sorry if there are a lot of errors I missed, I wrote this at 1 in the morning!