This story was supposed to be one thing, then turned into something else, and not I'm not sure where it's going…. Lol… All I know, is that I miss these two so much & it upsets me won't see them on our screens anymore…..
Anyway, enough of the depressive stuff, there's a song that will be important at one point in this story…. It's called 'How Can I Tell You' By Cat Stevens. You can find it on Youtube. I don't know if this will work, but if you can, get the song up on Youtube. When you get to the symbols ~X~X~X~X~X that's when you need to play it…. If you can read and play the music at the same time, that would be good (although I struggled to do both… lol) If you struggle too, listen to the song first when you get to the symbols, then read ;) Hope that makes sense.
How Can I Tell You
After taking a sip, he placed the cold bottle of beer on his coffee table next to the laptop as it rang out. A tired smile crept upon his lips as her face appeared.
"Hey." She smiled, leaning a little closer to the screen. He could see the picture hanging on the wall behind her of the globe with the golden scales and sword….. the Interpol logo confirming she was at work as he thought she would be at this time. He could hear the rain beating down on the window and the hustle and bustle of the team outside her office.
"Hey Em." He said, his voice gruff and tired, "How you doing?"
"I'm good, we got a break on the Hatsby operation yesterday." She said excitedly, "Just in the process of handing it over to the local cops."
He chuckled, "That's great…. And they get to do all the paperwork eh?"
"Something like that." She smiled, "How are you? It's late for you to call. It's what? Three a.m. there?"
"Yeah. I just got in. We wrapped up on a case too and we haven't spoken for a few days." He shrugged, "So I thought I'd give you a call."
She saw that all too familiar fragile look in his features…. That broken look that consumed his whole expression, but shone mostly from his eyes. She figured his case hadn't finished so successfully as hers.
"What happened?" She asked softly, tilting her head slightly to the side.
She watched him as he averted his stare from her and looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers.
"Derek?" She pressed.
His chest rose as he paused before answering, "We didn't save him." He whispered without looking back to her.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly feeling that all too familiar wave of helplessness rising immediately.
"Who?" She asked.
"This kid." He began, shaking his head, "Been bullied pretty much all of his time in high school and then tortured to death by the one person he thought was trying to help him. That he trusted. We were too late."
His dark eyes then shot up to her and she could see the anger and hurt whirling around them, "Minutes…. That's it. We were minutes too late." He continued.
"You did everything you could. I know that. But you got the unsub though right?" She asked, more hopeful than anything.
"Yeah." He uttered, nodding his head then taking another swig of the ice cold beer.
"At least he can't do it to anyone else now." She attempted to reason, knowing how ridiculous it sounded. It didn't make it any better.
"I know." He uttered, picking at the label on the bottle.
"What else is it Derek? There's something else." She stated, seeing his thought processes working on overdrive.
He looked at her and nearly smiled at her ability to read him like a book, even four thousand miles away.
"The kid had a younger brother… Nathan. He's twelve years old. Their father only died a couple of months ago and the mom is a wreck. Nathan's already having to shoulder everything himself. He didn't even cry when he found out his brother died. I know he was trying to be strong for his mom. It just sucks."
Emily swallowed, the parallels to Derek's life never lost on her in these kind of cases. But in truth for any of them, the cases with kids were always the worse.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
His eyes met hers and he smiled thinly, shaking his head, silently telling her didn't matter. It was just another case and he didn't want to talk about it anymore. He just needed to vent.
And she knew. She saw it as he straightened up his body, almost shrugged off the thoughts and softened his features manifesting something resembling normality. So, she changed the subject.
"So." She began, and he could hear the smile in her voice, "What movie do you fancy?"
"What?" He frowned, a small smirk creasing the edges of his mouth.
She lightly laughed and looked downward as if in thought. "I was just thinking." She said, looking back to meet his gaze. "That this is the kind of day we used to go for a dinner and movie to forget about this stuff…. For a couple of hours anyway." She bargained.
"Yeah." He almost whispered, his tone initially happy as he remembered, but tapered off with a hint of sadness.
Her smile faded and she tucked her bottom lip under the top one trying to subdue the pitying look she knew he would hate, but that she couldn't help, "I'm sorry I can't be there." She uttered gently.
He shook his head, "Don't be silly." He forced a smile, and waved her away, "I'll be fine tomorrow. Just part of the job right?"
"Right." She whispered, nodding. Unconvinced by his optimism; She knew he wouldn't feel better in the morning. She knew this feeling wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. She knew he was trying to make her feel better and she felt horrible for it; She loved London. She loved her new job, but it didn't take away the guilt she had felt from the day she left Washington, knowing that her friends…. her family were still there, fighting evil, going through the motions every day, and she wasn't there to help…. To go through it with them…. Together. It was days like this she felt especially guilty….. And helpless…. And in completely the wrong place. But she didn't want to go back to that. The death, the misery, the evil every day. She just didn't have the will anymore.
She took a breath, about to speak, but he got in first.
"Anyway, I'm going to go to bed Em. I'm beat." He said, the tiredness causing his words to drawl a little.
"Of course." She said, a little disappointed he was ringing off so soon, "Sleep well Derek."
He smiled at her. It was a mixture of sadness and thanks. They both knew he wouldn't be sleeping well tonight at all.
"Goodnight Emily. Have a good day."
She nodded slightly, "Thanks for calling. I'll speak to you soon."
"Yeah." He uttered, raising his arm reluctantly to cut the call off.
"Actually Derek…"
"Yeah?"
"Call me when you get up, ok?"
"Sure." He smiled.
"Oh, and before you go, what movie do you wanna see?"
He raised one brow with a small smirk, "The new Die Hard movie."
She rolled her eyes and half chuckled, "Now why doesn't that surprise me?"
"It is my turn to pick." He told her.
"You sure?" She asked suspiciously.
"Well, I guess it doesn't matter. By the time we get chance to see it, it'll be on DVD and then you'll talk all the way through it."
She opened her mouth feigning shock, "I would not."
"Yes you would. You do it every time when we watch one of my movies."
Naturally, she went to protest, but halted as his eyes locked onto hers and they shared that knowing look….. those days were gone. Those days of hanging out after work with the one person who understands how you you're feeling at that moment. The person who understands when words won't make things better, but just being there together, going to their favourite restaurant, getting drunk together, watching a goofy movie…. Just hanging out, did. It used to make it feel better…. Just for a while.
"I promise I won't next time." She said quietly, her eyes drilling into his to let him know she meant it and that there would be a next time.
"OK." He smiled, "I'll speak to you soon Emily."
"Yeah, speak soon."
~~CM~~
A few days later…..
Derek parked his SVU on the snow filled drive way and slowly alighted the vehicle, contemplating an evening at home alone that he really didn't want….. Not today. It wasn't very often that he hoped for a new case, but today was an exception. He had desperately wanted to keep busy and if it hadn't been for Garcia and JJ ganging up on him, he would still be sat in his office finishing off every piece of paperwork he had left and Hotch's if he had to.
His feet felt heavy like lead weights as he reluctantly trudged up the wooden steps to the porch way, and due to the fact he was fishing around in his pocket for his keys he didn't notice the white envelope stuck to his front door until he was just about to unlock it.
He frowned in confusion as he carefully peeled it off the woodwork and opened it up. Reaching in, he pulled out the two thin pieces of card from inside and he chuckled silently, seeing the two tickets to 'A Good Day To Die Hard' at the local AMC Movie Theatre.
Shaking his head, he pulled out his cell about to call Garcia. The only explanation was that Emily had tipped her off, but just as he was about to press 'call', he was distracted by some feint footsteps getting louder, crunching their way in the fresh snow, approaching him from behind.
"Hey." She said as he turned.
His eyes widened in disbelief hearing her voice and the edges of his eyes crinkled as he smiled, "Emily?"
"Yes." She lightly laughed, "So do I get a proper hello?" She said, stopping a couple of paces in front of him and holding her arms out just slightly in front tentatively.
"Of course." He said, closing the gap between them quickly and threading his arms around her waist.
She exhaled a small yelp of surprise as he squeezed her so tight, lifting her feet off the ground slightly.
"What are you doing here?" He said, his words muffled by her hair.
As they pulled apart she shrugged, biting down on her bottom lip, "I really wanted to see that movie?" She offered, unable to sound one bit sincere.
His brow furrowed suspiciously, "Emily, what's going on?"
"Nothing." She insisted, shaking her head, "I told you, we finished that case and I'm owed some leave, so I thought I'd come see you."
"Had you planned it?"
"No." She shook her head, "Just booked a flight after we spoke the other day."
"Do the others know you're here?"
"Not yet."
"We should tell them." He said, lifting his cell once again, about to dial their techie friend.
"No." She halted him, placing her hand on his arm, "Let's do it tomorrow. Tonight, we have stuff planned."
"We do?" He asked, dropping his arm to his side and slipping the cell back in his pocket.
"Yes. Dinner and a movie, just as I promised."
"Dinner as well eh?"
"Yep. I've booked a table for us at your favourite restaurant."
"What? Tuscana? The Italian place?"
"No." She chuckled, her face lighting up, "Your real favourite place."
"Benny's Bostin' Burger joint?" He asked, cocking a brow.
"Yes." She nodded, "Reservation at six."
A big smile filled his face slowly and his dark eyes sparkled at her, "Thank you." He uttered.
"You're welcome." She said softly, returning his gaze, knowing how much it meant to him….. How much it meant to them both to be able to do this again.
As he looked at her, he checked himself, seeing her shiver and wrap her arms tight around herself, the flakes of snow in her hair and on her coat falling softly on to his porch.
"You look freezing." He said, turning to put the key in the lock of the front door, "Let's get you inside."
"Ok, but I need to get some stuff out of the car." She said pointing over her shoulder, "Is it ok if I shower and change here? I didn't have time to book a hotel. I can call one later, but….."
"Hush." He said, placing a finger to her lips, "You are not staying in a hotel. I'll make up the spare room and I'll get you stuff from the car. Get inside." He winked.
~~CM~~
They sat in the cosy small booth in the corner of the room that she had specifically requested. Truth was, Benny's Bostin' Burger Joint wasn't the kind of place you reserved a table at, but Johnno the owner, had known Derek and Emily for a long time and he had been more than happy to keep their old, usual table free.
They were both on their third large glass of beer, Derek's sat nearly empty, whilst Emily had begun to flag….
She placed her knife and fork neatly next to each other in the middle of the half eaten plate of food and sat back against the seat indicating she was done and a smirk formed on her lips as he looked at her and then down at her plate then back up to her. True to form, he reached over and grabbed three fries from her plate, dipped them in her barbecue sauce and popped them into his mouth.
"I really don't know where you put it all." She said, after watching him annihilate Benny's double bacon and cheese burger with half rack of ribs, fries and coleslaw.
"Gotta keep the guns fuelled up." He smiled, mockingly holding one arm out to the side, flexing his bicep. "Reid reckons I'm beginning to slacken off in my old age."
Emily laughed, fondly thinking of her young friend, but the smile soon faded thinking pf recent events, "How is Reid doing?" She asked quietly with a little trepidation. That guilt she felt was only heightened by what happened with Mauve. She never knew her. Never knew she even existed until after she had died and she got the call from JJ. She hadn't managed more than a five minute conversation with the Doctor since it had happened and she had sat wondering many times if Reid would have confided in her if she had been there…. she guessed she would never know.
"I dunno." Derek shook his head, resting one arm on the table in front of him, "He's doing ok considering I suppose. He does what he has to. Says what he has to, but goes into his bubble more often than not. More often than I'd like really, but I guess these things take time to heal right."
He glanced up at her and met her big dark eyes staring right at him and saw he swallow nervously. He expected her to say something, but she didn't. She looked almost scared all of a sudden and he wondered if her thoughts had jumped back to Ian Doyle. It seemed that could happen so easily ever since she had returned from Paris; they could be laughing, talking, working out, discussing a case, and in a split second something would take them right back there.
But he wasn't sure tonight. Something was different.
He leaned forward so both elbows were on the table, his arms crossed, "What's wrong?" He asked gently.
She took a deep breath and then swallowed hard and now he knew she was nervous. He was about to reach out when she answered him cautiously.
"I know what today is." She uttered, her turn to study him for a reaction.
His eyes widened for a few seconds and she immediately regretted saying anything. Why couldn't she just let them enjoy the evening and forget about all this stuff?
She watched him look downward to his plate of food, and he began fiddling with the fork, pushing the few morsels of food he had left around and she saw his shoulders tense.
"It's ok. You don't have to talk about it." She said, cutting the heavy silence, "I shouldn't of said anything."
His gaze turned up to hers and a half, sad smile lay on his lips, "No it's ok." He sighed, "I just don't know what I'm supposed to say."
"Say whatever you're thinking. It's been a tough few weeks and this on top…."
He shrugged his shoulders and his eyes fell downward once again and he remembered….. He remembered that day being shoved in the small stuffy cupboard at the back of the store listening to his father trying to reason with that man…. That scrawny, scruffy, stinking little man with a big gun that Derek strained to see through the small crack between the door and the frame. Derek had thought how pathetic that man was. That his farther could squash that man with one hand…. But that man shot Samuel Derek Morgan in cold blood, and Derek watched the large partial frame of his father slump to the ground. He didn't care at that point and ran out screaming to his father, but that man had disappeared, leaving ten year old Derek Morgan to hold his father's hand; His father told him not to worry as tears streamed down Derek's face. He said that everything would be ok. And just before he took his last breath, Derek was sure he saw the tiniest of smiles on his father's face, 'I believe in you son. You're a good boy. I believe in you.' Samuel Morgan had said, and then Derek felt his father's big hand go limp in his small one….
"…..And I wouldn't let go." He said, still staring at the invisible spot on the table, "I didn't want to believe he had gone. The EMTs had to pull me off him kicking and screaming…. and I remember I had a sore throat for days afterward because I just kept screaming and screaming at him to wake up. I didn't want him to leave me." He lightly shook his head, "I was scared." He whispered, the words breaking off at the end. Admitting he was scared something he rarely ever did.
His eyes shot up as he felt her fingers lightly brush the back of his hand and then her palm rest upon it.
"I'm sorry Derek." She whispered, "It's not fair. No child should ever go through that."
"I just wish I could talk to him Em. Even just for five minutes."
She stared at him for a few seconds and a small smile formed upon her lips, "What would you say?"
"I just wanna know he's proud of me. That I've made good decisions and looked after my mama and sisters ok. I know I couldn't have done it as good as him but…."
"Derek." She interrupted with a lifted brow, "You did more than could have ever been expected of you. You were a child forced to become a man in a split second. Believe me, I know your family love you and are grateful for everything you did. Everything that you do."
He shook his head, "Not when I was younger. I did some stupid things."
She smiled, "We all did stupid things when we were teenagers."
"What?" He asked, a tiny smirk threatening his lips. "Even Emily Prentiss?"
"Especially Emily Prentiss." She laughed lightly.
"Now those sound like some stories I wanna hear." He said, raining his brow quickly in Derek Morgan fashion.
"You need to buy me a few more of those one day." She chuckled, nodding towards the glasses in front of them.
"Deal." He uttered with a smile.
She watched him and her smile faded, mirroring his, "You ok?" She asked.
"Yeah." He nodded, "I actually like talking about him. The good stuff, it's just hard you know…. To know what to say."
"I guess you need to try and remember the good times over the bad."
But she knew in their line of work, that that was hard. There were way too many reminders of the bad stuff, but she tried anyway, "What did you like doing with him?" She asked.
A contemplative smile crept across his face, "There was so much, but one thing I really miss is basket ball. It was our thing."
"Basket ball?" She frowned, "I thought you hated basket….." She halted realising the answer to her question before she even finished it.
"I don't hate it. It just doesn't feel right going you know."
"I get that." She said quietly.
"Anyway," He smiled, "I remember being at a game this one time. It was the last game for my favourite player, Artis 'A-Train' Gilmore, before he was traded to San Antonio. My dad let us wait outside the Arena for two hours on a school night so I could get his autograph. I slept with it under my pillow for two months afterwards."
"That's sweet." She smiled.
"He'd do anything for us."
When he heard no response from her, he looked back up to her to see her staring. "What?" He asked.
"From the bits and pieces I know about your father, I think you're a lot like him Derek."
"I hope so." He whispered, with a thankful smile.
"You know, may be one day you could take some of the kids from the centre in Chicago to a game. May be you could create some happy memories there for them like your dad did for you."
He stared at her in contemplation, "You know, that's not a bad idea."
"Well." She bargained, "I do occasionally have some of those…. 'not bad ideas'." She teased.
"You certainly do."
"And talking of those, we better get going. Movie starts in twenty minutes and you've gotta get me some popcorn."
"Salted?" He asked.
"Sweet." She glared at him.
~~CM~~
He walked from his kitchen, carrying the two glasses of bourbon still chuckling to himself after having teased Emily about falling asleep during the movie. He halted in the doorway, a smile dancing on his lips upon seeing her sat crossed legged on the floor in front of the open fire, half of his CD collection scattered around her and examining one CD in particular.
"What you got there?" He asked, balancing the glasses in one hand, dimming the light so the yellow and orange flames from the fire flickered around, then making his way across the room and perching on the edge of his sofa next to her.
She looked up to him with a mischievous grin, "Never had you down as a Cat Stevens fan." She teased.
"What?" He said, scrunching up his face and whipping the CD from her grasp.
He studied it and a warm smile appeared, "I got this for my mama a couple of years ago."
"You forgot to give it to her?" She asked.
"No. I actually listened to it and it reminded me of when I was a kid. My mama would play his records so loud and my papa would grab her and they'd dance around the living room." He paused and chuckled lightly then took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "I keep meaning to buy another one for her."
"Actually, Cat Stevens is pretty cool." She winked to him.
"You think so?"
She nodded, "My father liked him too." She said then pursing her lips, subduing a tiny smirk and taking the CD back from him. She held it close to her face, examining the back in the dim light and then removed the CD from it's case, placing it in the stack stereo system.
~X~X~X~X~X
As the soft guitar began to play, she smiled shyly to him and then quickly averted her stare, turning her concentration back to the stack of CDs.
"This was one of my father's favourite songs." She said softly, still looking away and her fingers lightly tracing down the cases. "Said it reminded him of someone he used to know….. He never told me who." She contemplated.
He watched her intently as he listened to the words of the song, the flames from the fire flickering upon her face, seemingly dancing in time with the soft, slow music. He quietly placed the goblets of drink on to the side table and slowly stood up.
Suddenly everything felt so heavy and intense for her, and she froze as she felt his presence stood next to her… Froze, that was, until she heard his murmur, "Emily."
She began to look upwards, from his boots, up his leg and then half smiled seeing his hand held out, open palmed, inviting her. She paused and then tilted her head back slightly until she met his gaze. She could only just about see the warm smile on his lips in the shadows as the light from the fire didn't quite make it up that far.
"Wanna dance?" He uttered, his voice slick, deep and certain.
Without answering she placed her slender hand into his palm in acceptance and lifted herself up. She only caught a glimpse of his face as she stood upright, her eyes closing upon feeling his fingers encircle the back of her hand and press it firmly against his chest, just as he did that night at JJ's wedding. As she snaked her arm around his strong back and rested her head against his, she could feel his chest pounding hard against her hand.
"Thanks for tonight Em." He whispered into her ear, his soft breaths rustling her dark hair.
She swallowed and she wondered if he could feel her heart beat hard too, "There's no where else I'd rather be right now." She told him, squeezing him a little tighter, hoping that it would somehow make him believe her more.
As the music played on, they swayed ever so slightly in the middle of the room, their bodies closer than they'd ever been and they remained in silence for the most time, remembering how this felt the first time, and thinking how different it felt now….. Better… Scarier… Safer…. Petrifying.
"Em?" He uttered, bringing her out of her trance and opening her eyes.
"Yeah?" She whispered.
But he didn't answer…. She just felt him grip her hand a little tighter and his chest heave against her a little harder.
She wasn't sure if he was scared or upset or nervous, so she did what came naturally…. She turned her head slightly and placed a gentle, warm, momentary kiss upon his neck. It was a kiss that let him know that it was ok; That he was safe to feel whatever it was he feeling….. and it sent a shock though him. But it was a shock that seemed to make everything clear. To make everything feel right.
He stopped their bodies swaying and stood perfectly still but for his head which turned to face her. Their eyes locked for a split second before they simultaneously closed the tiny gap between them, and let their lips finally meet.
His soft lips pressed against hers slowly as he breathed in, and when he exhaled and his lips began to leave hers, just ever so slightly, their mouths widened and the kiss became deeper, warmer and searching.
He opened his eyes first and she felt him smile against her, causing her to do the same and as they pulled out of the kiss, he pecked her lips once more, did the same on the tip of her nose and then wrapped his arms around the tops of her shoulders, pulling her body against his and resting his chin atop her head, "I'm so glad you came back today Emily." He whispered.
"Me too." She mumbled into his chest, and they remained like that until the song finished.
They somehow manoeuvred to the sofa, sitting next to each other, his arm around her. Her head fell naturally against his shoulder and they listened to the rest of the CD, the heat from the fire becoming overwhelming, so overwhelming they felt heavy. Too heavy to move.
When silence eventually fell upon the room, Derek whispered, "Emily?"
But she didn't answer and he could tell from the steady movement of her body against his that she was sleeping, the jet lag finally getting the better of her. He carefully shifted his body from under hers and lifted her, her head falling against him as she slept.
As he placed her gently down on to his bed, she began to stir, "Derek?" She stuttered sleepily.
"It's ok Em. Go back to sleep." He whispered.
Her eyes darted around, "Am I in your bed?" She asked, her eyelids bobbing up and down heavily.
He perched on the edge, "Yeah. I hadn't made up the spare room, but I'm going to now. You stay here. I'll sleep in there."
"Don't be silly." She muttered, "Stay here." She said patting the mattress next to her, "I don't wanna be on my own."
He looked at her and was a little taken back, but she did not see as her eyes had shut tight again. It was not something he expected to hear, and not like Emily Prentiss to admit something like that, but deep down he figured she was probably doing it for him…. he definitely didn't want to be on his own tonight. So he quickly stepped around the outside of the bed and carefully placed himself next to her, grabbed the blanket from the base of the bed and covered them both with it.
He lay on his back looking up at the ceiling, hands behind his head and she rolled on to her side so she faced him, appearing to have already fallen back to sleep. He lay there for the next ten minutes, the more he tried to sleep, knowing that he had to be up for work the next morning, the more his mind processed the day's events and the day's anniversary over and over. But suddenly she shifted…. She closed the small gap between them and lay her head in the crook of his arm, snaking one arm around his waist. He smiled, letting his arm fall naturally around her, and it wasn't long until he too fell fast asleep.
To be continued…..
What did you think? And what did you think of the song?