All in the Family
Spoilers for Season 11 episode 21, based off of a post Jared made online about Dean seeing the way Amara is torturing Castiel. I don't own supernatural or any of the plot or characters. This is just my inner desires for Destiel becoming canon. Maybe we have a chance. Tearfully faithful right now!
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How many times was he gonna have to go through this before he just gave up?
Grief had five stages and Dean was personally acquainted with all but the last one: acceptance. He'd been through it with Mom, with Dad, and Bobby. Each loss made Dean's motivation to get up in the morning just that much harder each day. Each person that had been close to his heart had all eventually left him in the end.
Sam was the only one that hadn't ever really left him, not really. He always came back. For the longest time, they were all they had, two brothers against the world, fighting the good fight, just being there for each other.
And then Dean went to Hell for him, one of the lowest points in his life.
Mom told him once that angels were watching over him. Dean never really believed it until Cas came for him.
It had been said that the moment Cas laid his hand on Dean in Hell, Castiel was lost. Dean didn't understand what the angel had meant when she said that at the time.
Crouching down out of sight, watching from behind the rusted skeleton of an abandoned boxcar so as not to be seen, Dean's eyes were riveted with what he was witnessing. It was like watching a thirty car pileup; you wanted to look away but you just couldn't. His hand clutched tight around the weapon, the one Chuck had given him after he told them of his proposal.
Dean's mouth was agape in a wordless, soundless scream, his heart aching and moisture burning behind his eyes as he watched.
Amara's hand was outstretched, clenched in a fist as though twisting someone's heart in their chest, and the wayward angel that Dean had come to care for was at her mercy. Dean felt his heart clench painfully in his chest, gritting his teeth to keep from uttering a sound to give his away his whereabouts. His breathing was erratic, panic overtaking him as he witnessed the angel writhing and sobbing in agony, tears streaming down his face, his eyes shut tight trying to escape the merciless agony he was suffering. His whole body lit up and pulsed like a supernova, grace twisting and separating, a larger, brighter golden light being ripped away, pouring out of his body and pulsating angrily as it slithered away into the night sky. His skin was broken and bleeding, lacerations all over his face, and a faint blue glow was left shining through the cracks, what Dean noticed as Castiel's grace.
Lucifer was gone, the light-bringer sent to the ether, but Cas' vessel was not holding up under Amara's anger.
Cas was going to die.
Again.
Dean's eyes widened.
He would never accept this.
A wise old woman once told Dean that the secret to a long and happy life, was to follow your heart. The rest would fall into place.
Sam told him that they always screwed themselves making the heart choice, not the smart choice.
When did Dean ever listen to that? They were the Winchesters, and they always seemed to come back to each other. They were family, and family didn't end in blood.
Cas was family and if he was going to die, then damnit Dean wasn't gonna let him die alone.
"DEEEEEEEAN!"
His heart broke and tears flooded Dean's eyes at the helpless pleading in Cas' voice, the hopeless begging and pining for him. Dean made a split-second decision as he heard the distinct watery sound that was Cas choking on his own blood. His steeled his jaw and stood up straight taking a deep breath, and then he leaped out from behind the boxcar, holding the Spear tight to his side.
"HEY, BITCH!"
Amara's focus on the angel wavered and she whipped her head around to stare directly at Dean, her gaze holding nothing but revenge, a fury older than time.
Dean wasn't even relieved to notice that Amara's hold on him was weak. His thoughts were consumed with how to keep her focused on him, instead of Cas. Cas didn't deserve this. He was an angel in every sense of the word, too good and pure to suffer like this.
Cas' tired blue eyes blinked lazily, his chest rising and falling shakily with heavy and shallow breaths, and his gaze settled on Dean from where he was pinned to the metal, not ten feet apart from each other.
Dean swallowed heavily around the lump in his throat. Cas looked defeated, the look in his eyes showing what Dean had been too selfish to look for. Cas was broken, depression had settled in, and Dean was struck with a cord of compassion so strong he felt all the air leave his lungs.
What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?
It was two sides of the same coin, they were the same, two halves made whole.
Dean never believed he could be saved, but in that moment, staring into Cas' eyes, how worthless he thought of himself, Cas finally saved him.
Dean finally found what he had been searching for his whole life.
If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else.
There's things, people…feelings that I want to experience differently than I did before. Maybe even for the first time.
All was silent, the whimpering cries of the angel were lowered to labored breathing, and Amara's gaze turned contemplative, a mockery of the head-tilt Dean had come to find endearing on his angel.
His angel.
Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Cas," he whispered, his breath stuttering in a broken voice, hoping against hope that the angel could hear the longing, know just how much Dean really cared for him. That he wasn't expendable. He meant something to Dean.
Cas. Buddy… I need you.
Dean had said once that Cas was family, that he was like a brother to him, but that had been his mistake. Cas had brothers, and those junkless douchebags with wings were nothing but cold, unfeeling, marble statues, ready and willing to turn on him, to torture and betray him.
Cas was different. He was made different, Dean knew it in his heart.
A long suffering sigh was made in response. "Dean," replied the angel, in that deep, gravelly voice the hunter had missed.
Eyes still closed, Dean felt his mouth twitch up on one side. His heart vibrating with joy and skipping in his chest, imagining the angel's brow furrow and his head tilt, seeing in his mind's eye that day in Purgatory, when he had scoured the wasteland for the angel, the intense longing he had seen then, for him.
Dean and I do share a more profound bond.
"Dean."
Dean opened his eyes at the calm voice, the deep rumble telling Dean he was okay. Cas was gonna be okay.
Viridian green met ocean blue and their gazes locked, and the angel nodded once, knowing what Dean was there to do.
Amara frowned in confusion and stepped back a few steps, not frightened, just wary, not understanding the emotions coming from the human and the angel.
Dean made the last few strides over to his angel, not even hesitating anymore, following his heart.
Holding the Spear in one hand, Dean took a hold of his angel, twining their fingers together, the angel's grip tightening in his own, a show of support and trust.
It could only be used by God's Chosen, Chuck had said.
Dean looked into Castiel's eyes, the intensity of the angel's gaze warming him from the inside, waking something up that Dean never thought possible, the warmth of the angel's grace caressing his soul from their joined hands.
Amara's gaze hardened further in confusion, unable to comprehend the bond between the hunter and his angel, so consumed by hatred and revenge. Her dark eyes followed the point of the Spear in Dean's hand, as it lit up and pulsated with light, a golden aura enveloping him and the angel.
The Darkness in her eyes widened and just as the light collected at the tip of the Spear, Dean turned to his angel and smiled warmly. The angel smiled back, one of those rare smiles he reserved only for Dean, a smile that was beaming, only in the eyes. No words were necessary.
He wrapped his arms around the angel and held on tight.
The light began to build in intensity, both Dean and Cas emitting a golden glow so bright, Amara had to shield her eyes.
Together, they were stronger.
With their joined hands raised, the hunter and his angel sent a blinding wave of white holy fire at Amara, and the Darkness was blasted open into light, soft embers trickling down from the air like campfire ash.
Then the light faded and the two men pulled back.
Cas was healed, his face not marred by cuts and lesions anymore, and Dean couldn't help what he did next.
The angel's intense, stoic gaze didn't waver as a hand found its way to his face, warm palm resting on his cheek. Cas stared into Dean's eyes and marveled at the unbridled affection he saw there.
Clearing his throat, the angel's gaze fell to the ground, a gesture Dean couldn't help but find nothing short of endearing. "I really overreached again."
Dean chuckled, feeling his heart swell in his chest. "You think?"
Cas frowned and Dean knew that look. He didn't like the line of thought that went along with it. "A while ago, I said that I was going to find some way to redeem myself to you. I understand if you are angry with me for letting Lucifer in but-"
"Cas…please just… stop," Dean held a hand up, his voice heavy with regret. "You just wanted to help like always… and I can't thank you enough… you saved Sammy."
The angel nodded wordlessly, and it kind of hurt Dean to see the walls going up, that Cas actually believed for a second that he didn't matter, that there was only room for one in Dean's heart.
"But next time you pull something like that and don't tell me what's going on, I'll kick your ass," he growled playfully.
Castiel harrumphed and a humorless smile graced his features. His gaze rose from the ground to the Spear in Dean's hand. "Is that-"
"The Spear of Destiny, also known as a Hand of God?" Dean muttered casually, pursing his lips in thought. The angel nodded again. Dean chuckled in reply as his eyes rose trying to capture the angel's blue gaze. "Yep. Had it in the bunker the whole time. God's toothpick. Chuck said it was legit."
At the prophet's name, Cas' head rose. "Chuck? I thought he was dead?"
Dean chuckled. "Apparently not. I guess the Big Man Upstairs sent him to us when we needed help after all."
Castiel sighed. "But how did we destroy the Darkness when Lucifer couldn't?" His brows furrowed in confusion as Dean stared back, smile lighting up his features, the tiny crows' feet around Dean's eyes emphasizing how green they were.
Dean's gaze softened and his smile was lopsided and the angel couldn't help but mirror the hunter's gaze. "Chuck said that it had to be God's Chosen to wield it. You've died and been brought back so many times that it was obvious."
Castiel nodded unconvinced. "But why did it only work after we embraced?"
At this Dean blushed. "Well apparently it wasn't enough just to wield the Spear. Amara's power came from a place of hate and evil. To use God's power, you had to embrace the light."
"I don't understand?"
Dean's eyes lowered and he scratched the back of his neck, nervous all of a sudden. It was one thing to have epiphany strike, it was quite another thing to put everything into words. "Do I have to say it Cas, you're killing me here man," he chuckled uncomfortably.
Cas only tilted his head to the side and frowned like a puppy, like Dean had come to love.
"Love, Cas. An angel and a human had to find love."
Cas' expression only hardened, his lips pursed. "But Dean…I'm expendable, I don't matter, least of all to you."
Dean felt his heart break and his eyes began to burn at the angel's words. "Cas…"he whispered brokenly. How could Cas even think that? Did he really have that low of an opinion of himself?
Dean tried to get Cas to meet his gaze, but the angel's eyes remained glued to the Spear still in Dean's hand. "I'm just a tool, a hammer. And everything I touch breaks and burns. I'm not good luck Dean."
Dean nodded wordlessly and the angel thought that Dean was agreeing with him. But he was wrong.
Taking the angel's face in his hands, Dean forced his him to stare into his eyes. "Cas… you mean more to me than I can ever put into words." A single tear fell down the side of the hunter's face and Cas' eyes widened in shock, wondering what he did wrong to cause Dean so much pain.
"Dean," the angel breathed his name with such reverence, it reminded Dean of himself, of the hopeless longing and acceptance he had been searching for his whole life.
"Cursed or not Cas, I'd rather have you. Buddy…I need you," Dean ground out, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a second. When he opened them, Dean almost wept for joy at the hope blooming in the angel's face, the light in his blue eyes growing more vibrant, more beautiful. "Cas… I love you."
And then the most amazing thing happened, something that Dean vowed to make happen for the rest of his life. Cas smiled, and it wasn't some half-way there, forced expression. It was all gummy teeth and crinkly eyes and panting breaths. It was seeing the angel come alive, and it was the most beautiful sight Dean had ever laid his eyes on.
A wise old woman once told Dean that the secret to a long and happy life, was to follow your heart. The rest would fall into place.
Dean was starting to understand that.