Cloaked In Black
"You said you would never leave me. You promised me Clare. Why are you doing this to me?" the words were repeating in my head. Why did I do that to him? What is wrong with me? He's been with me through everything and this is how I repay him. Now he is gone forever. Now he is with Julia.
I could hear the sobs around me and I knew it was all my fault. Yet even with all this happening to me I still can't help but feel jelous that he is with Julia and not me. What is wrong with me? This is a horrible time to waste on an emotion that shouldn't even exist. The worst part is I have nobody. I've turned from god because I knew he wouldn't love me after what I did. Now Eli is gone. My parents don't love me. I can never talk to Adam again; I killed his best-friend.
The pastor told everybody that he fell asleep at the wheel but I knew he just let go and waited to die. I never deserved him and he died for me.
I had to get out of here. I could not deal with the guilt and sorrow. Eli was athiest, he wouldn't have even wanted this. All the bible readings and sadness. If he could've planned this Dead Hand would be playing and everybody would be celebrating the life he had, but he couldn't plan this because I killed him.
All this happening. I couldn't take it. I ran. I ran as fast as I could out the door leaving the stares and discusted looks behind. I ran back to my house and into the bathroom. I found the Valium i had and took them all. I asked god to bless me and forgive my sins. I asked him to forgive me turning away from him and waited to be cloaked in black. I could be with Eli and apologize and we could be together forever. Me and Eli cloaked in black together. I knew I wouldn't go to heaven I had commited to many sins and I had killed myself. Besides how could I be with Eli in heaven if he was Athiest. Now we can be cloaked in black with a red contrast in the background. Eli's two favorite colors.