I do not own glee. Or any of the characters I use for my own evil ways.

Warnings: Attempted Suicide and Some language.

This is set a few years after they've all graduated. Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine are in NY, and the rest of them are all in college all over the country.

How did it come to this?

How did we get here?

What happened to you?

What happened to us?

We knew what it would come to.

We knew it wasn't going to be easy.

We knew it would be over.

But why did it have to come to this?

Why did you have to leave?

Why did you have to leave me?

Why did you have to crawl back to him?

Back to Blaine?

Do you not remember last time?

Do you not remember the tears?

And the bruises?

And the scars?

If not me, then why him?

Why did you go back to him?

Was he the easy choice?

Was he the one you wanted?

Was I just the consolation prize?

Why am I always so stupid?

Why do I always fall for the ones I can't have?

First Quinn.

Then Shelby.

Now you.

Why, Kurt?

I just want to know.

Why did you have to go?

Leave me again.

My heart aches Kurt.

And you know why?

Because I really thought you loved me.

I really thought you cared more than this.

I thought that we would be together forever.

I never thought you'd do this.

I never thought I could hurt like this.

I never thought this kind of pain existed.

I never thought a heart could break.

But it can.

It can, because I love you so much.

I feel you everywhere I go.

I just can't let go.

I can't let go of what I have left.

So how do I let go?

I want you to tell me how you leave all of the pain behind.

But you know what?

I can't ask you.

Because you don't know how.

You don't know how to love me.

Only Blaine.

The guy that put you through hell.

And you came to me.

You came to me when you needed love.

And I gave it to you.

Because I had so much love to give.

And I still do.

But it is empty.

Empty, unwanted love.

And it creates a hole.

A hole in my chest.

Straight through my heart.

And it kills me.

Every time I hear your name.

Or listen to your voice.

Or see your face.

Because that dagger is plunged a little bit deeper.

And the hole becomes a little bigger.

Until nothing is left.

Just emptiness.

The emptiness that I witness every time I look at my ring finger.

And it is bare.

Nothing there.

Emptiness replacing the ring.

The ring that you gave to me.

The promise you made.

That unbreakable vow.

The one I never thought could be more shattered.

More broken.

Because what you did that night.

It broke me.

Broke me more than you can imagine.

Was it worth it?

Was it worth all of this?

Was it worth losing me?

But that night, when you didn't come home.

I was worried.

So damn worried.

Worried that you were hurt.

Worried that you were dead.

I bet you didn't know that I went looking for you.

I looked for you all night.

Until I found you.

In our bed.

With Blaine on top of you.

I couldn't move.

Couldn't think.

Couldn't breathe.

Because I didn't understand how you could throw it all away.

Everything.

For him.

For Blaine.

You threw away all of the "I love you's".

All of the kisses.

All of the tears.

All of the love.

For Blaine.

And look at where we are now.

I'm broken beyond repair.

You're still young and full of life.

I'm undesirable.

Everyone wants to know you.

Funny how life works out, isn't it?

It's as if our lives have flipped since high school.

And you know what.

I got out of your way.

Because this is what you wanted.

I sacrificed my heart.

I put it all on the line for you.

And I turned out exactly how I thought it would.

I ended up paying the price.

Then and now.

It seems like whatever I do, I always lose.

I lost Quinn.

I lost Beth.

And the most important one.

I lost you.

I lost the only thing that made me happy.

And now I'm just a shell.

Hollow.

Depressed.

Empty.

I just wish that none of this ever happened.

I wish I had never fallen for you.

I wish that I hadn't fallen in love.

I wish that we could go back.

Back to the start.

When it was just you and me.

No love.

No expectations.

Just curiosity.

Me, trying it out with a guy.

You, experimenting to find love.

And I fell.

I fell so hard.

Just as I wish I hadn't.

You opened me up.

You saw Noah.

You saw, and felt, and heard everything I had to give.

And I saw Kurt.

Vulnerable.

Loveable.

Kurt.

But you tossed Noah away.

Why?

What did I do?

And all I want to know is,

Did you love me?

Ever?

Did I mean anything to you?

Did I matter?

Well, none of it is important anymore.

I'm not important.

You're not important.

Because when I'm gone.

This is all you'll have left.

Just these words.

And oh so many memories.

Of you.

Of me.

Of us.

Not that you'll remember them.

I loved you.

Hell, I still love you.

I love you so much, Kurt.

I'm sorry that it comes to this.

But, I just can't do it anymore.

I can't be reminded of you anymore.

I can't take anymore tears.

I can't take anymore hurt, Kurt.

Tell everyone that I love them.

And that I'm sorry.

I'm just done, Kurt.

I'm done.

Love, Noah.

And that was it. Everything on the note. Everything locked up in Noah's heart. And here I am. Standing in his hospital room. Tears spilling down my cheeks. I don't deserve to cry. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to say that I care. I don't deserve to hurt.

Because I left. I left the man I loved to be with someone else. Someone safer. Someone who I thought I loved. Mistakenly. But, as I stand here, crying, every single emotion floods back into my body. Every word, every touch, every feeling that I had with Noah, not Blaine.

And I remember that feeling when Finn gave me that call. That goddamn phone call. That feeling of you heart plummeting. That feeling of your eyes blinding. That feeling of your body running cold. That feeling you only get when the one person you love is in trouble. And so I raced back to good ol' Lima, Ohio. Where Noah was. Because he needed to be ok. And Finn gave me this note, with my name on it, and told me to read it.

This note, giving me heart-wrenching sobs in the middle of a hospital room. Where Noah is laying. Unconscious. And Finn is in the chair, holding his hand, tear stains trailing down his cheeks, wearing a blood soaked shirt. And Noah's mother is in the hallway, screaming at the doctor and sobbing. And Noah's sister, Sarah, is with Santana and Quinn, all three silently crying from their seats. And Mr. Schuester is trying to keep Rachel, Artie, Tina, Mike, Mercedes, Sam, and Brittany calm.

And I feel so selfish standing here, breaking down, when I am the cause of it all. The cause of all of this pain and anguish. The cause of Noah's attempted suicide. And I feel for Finn, who had to bandage his best friend's bleeding wrists inside their college dorm. And I feel for , whose son may never be the same. And I feel for Santana and Quinn, who almost lost pieces of themselves. And I feel for Sarah who almost had a dead brother at the age of eleven. And I feel so terrible, so riddled with guilt, that it only makes me sob more.

And then Finn stands up and runs out of the room as fast as he can. And I look over Quinn, who gives me a nod, and run after him.

"Finn," I say loudly, "Finn!" But he doesn't seem to care as he keeps on running until he reaches the parking lot, where he breaks down onto the pavement, sobbing.

"I should have seen it! I should have done something instead of fucking standing there beside him like dumb fucking Finn Hudson always does," Finn screams between sobs, "I'm a terrible friend...I...I didn't even see it."

"Finn...it's…"

"No, don't even say that...don't even fucking tell me it's going to be ok when it's not, Kurt…" Finn takes a breath, "My best friend is in there because he tried to fucking kill himself tonight...and I didn't even notice anything...What if...What if he tries again, Kurt...What if he succeeds next time...I can't live knowing I couldn't save my best friend…" And he breaks down sobbing again. I kneel on the ground and put my hand on his back, rubbing smooth circle as I too cry. Cry for my hysteric step-brother. Cry for a terrified family. Cry for a horrified group of friends, and cry for the broken man that I love with my whole heart.

"Finn…" I start, rubbing away my tears, "We need to be strong, for Noah...Everything will be ok...Noah's going to be ok." And Finn sits up and wipes his eyes on his sleeve. We both stand and walk back into the hospital, hand in hand, and arrive back at the room Noah is staying in. We switch off by two's every twenty minutes so that everyone gets their chance to see him. The doctor comes into the hallway just as Artie and Mercedes are leaving.

"Noah Puckerman." He says. We all stand up and walk over to him, hopeful looks on our faces. "Noah is going to be fine. He lost a lot of blood, but we're sure he will make a full recovery, with the therapist visits, of course."

"Therapists?" Mrs. Puckerman asks, tears spilling out of her eyes.

"It's a necessity for all of our suicidal patients to go through extensive therapy sessions to prevent these kind of things from happening again.

"How much will that cost?" Mrs. Puckerman asks, her face growing more somber by the second. "He's on a very tight budget as it is and I'm sure those aren't going to help matters."

"Well, we could…" The doctor starts, but I am suddenly interjecting.

"I'll pay for it." I say.

"Kurt," Mrs. Puckerman starts, "You don't have to…"

"I want to...anything to help Noah...just give me the paperwork…"

"Well Mr….?"

"Hummel." I respond, almost robotically.

"Hummel, if you'll just come with me we can get it all set up." The doctor finishes, and soon, I am following him down a winding path of hallways right back to the front desk.

"Rose, just have Mr. Hummel sign the therapy pavement waivers and he should be all set." The secretary smiles as the doctor leaves and she hands me a pen. She prints out what I assume is the waiver and puts it on the desktop.

"Just sign here darlin' and you should be all set." I sign where she tells me too and hand the paper and pen back to her. "Thanks hon', you can go now." So with that, I return back to Noah's room just as it is my turn to go in with Finn. Finn sits in the seat next to Noah's bed and I stand next to him. Finn talks for a little while about life and then stands up.

"Do you want a moment alone with him, Kurt?"

"Uh...sure…" I say nervously. He pats me on my shoulder and leaves the room. I sit down in the chair and apprehensively grab his hand and intertwine our fingers. I speak softly, so as to not wake him up.

"I've missed you Noah." I start, "I've missed you so much. It gets lonely in New York...even with the great Rachel Berry as your roommate." I take a deep breath and continue on. "Blaine and I broke up, obviously. He realised that he didn't love me anymore, and he just left." Another couple of breaths. "I guess, I was hiding too...I mean...I never told the man that I love how much I really loved him…and I screwed up our entire relationship...all because I cheated. I cheated with freaking Blaine Anderson, the easy choice." Another breath, followed by a tear making it's way down my face. I wipe it away and continue on. "Noah, I...I can't...I can't tell you how much I regret cheating on you...I...I don't even know why it happened...I just...I was feeling insecure and...I hadn't seen you and I needed someone...and it just...it just happened…" I calm my sobbing, take a deep breath and continue. "Noah, I...I love you… and I know it now more than ever...just hearing that you were hurt..it just chilled me to the core… and I realized that I need you... I need you in my life because you make it so much better, and...I...I can't live without you, Noah...because I love you...I love you with everything someone can love with...and I'm so, so, so sorry for everything that I put you through, because you didn't deserve any of it. You don't deserve me, Noah…" And with that, I lean down and place a passionate kiss on his lips, because I know it's going to be the last time I'll ever get to feel this connection ever again. But to my surprise, I feel something run down my face and I open my eyes.

It's Noah. And he's kissing me back, with so much passion and love that I can't even believe that it's him. Noah, the one that I left, the one who I pushed to attempt suicide, is kissing me back. And he opens his eyes and I can see the love and excitement in his hazel orbs, which are wet with tears. He leans back as we separate and I sit back down. We both wipe the tears from our faces and wipe the tears from our eyes. There is a few seconds of silence before Rachel walks in and tells me that it's time to switch off and I stand up to leave. As I'm walking out I hear the weakest voice whisper something that freezes me to my core.

"Did you mean it?" And his voice sounds so desperate for love and comfort that another sob threatens to wrack through my body. After a piercing silence, I respond.

"Yes, Noah. I meant every single word." and I walk out, but not before hearing
Noah say the most special words I could ever hear.

"I never stopped loving you." And I fell back into the memories of our love and our lives. Back to the start of it all. And in that moment, I knew that our pasts didn't matter. Nothing mattered but the fact that we loved each other, and nothing was ever going to change that.

A/N: Should I continue or leave it as it is? Please review, I'd really appreciate it, even if it's only a smile. :)