It was the worst at night. It's always the worst at night. I can make it through the day, but at night, it's like there's a magnet pulling me to the kitchen.
Pulling me to the food that I didn't need. The food that would make me fat and disgusting.
Night binges are the worst. I hate throwing up, but sometimes it's the only way.. So I picked up the blade and lifted up my skirt. I looked at the cut up skin of my leg before slicing into it. I smiled when the blood came. There was a lot of it as I continued to slice and cut at it. I pushed away all the thoughts of chocolate and pasta and peanut butter and pizza and cereal and pancakes as my stomach growled again. One more cut.
Ouch. That one was a little deeper than I thought it would be.
But the pain felt so good, it took away my hunger. I watched the blood as the blood poured over my pale skin and bit my lip to stop the tears from coming.
"Ginny, honey, are you okay?" I heard Hermione's soft voice come from the other side of my door. She sounded so worried. I touched my face. I didn't realize I was crying.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I quickly wrapped my leg up and slipped my leggings on.
"Can I come in?" She asked gently.
"Um, yeah." I waved my wand to unlock the door and she opened it and walked in, closing the door quietly behind her. She sat on the couch across from my bed and looked at the fairy lights on my headboard before looking at me.
"You're bleeding through your leggings, love." She whispered with tears in her eyes. "Can I help?"
"Promise not to tell?" I begged her. She bit her lip, blinking tears back and nodded.
"Just let me help you, okay?" She whispered, bending down in front of me. I slipped my leggings off and Hermione gasped.
"Oh, Ginny…" She unwrapped my leg and stood up. She kissed my forehead. "I'll be right back, sweetheart. I'm just gonna go get some stuff to clean this up, okay?" I nodded and watched her leave. I traced the scars, the words that I've carved into my skin. Fat. Disgusting. Stop eating. Ugly. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Hermione came back with a roll of gauze, some medical tape and a small bottle of dittany. She closed the door behind her and kneeled in front of Ginny.
Hermione didn't ask any questions, she just put the dittany on the fresh and bleeding cuts, wrapped her leg with gauze and taped it. And Ginny was very grateful for that. She didn't feel like explaining, even though she knew Hermione would understand.
She noticed how Hermione had been losing weight, more than was healthy in the past couple weeks. And she had hated herself because there was a small part of herself that hated her for it because she had to be the skinniest.
"Ginny?" Hermione whispered when she was done.
"Mmm?"
"Can you promise me something?" She sounded so broken. Ginny nodded. "Can you promise me that when you get this bad, that you'll come get me? I don't care what time it is or I have to stay up all night with you. It doesn't matter what I have to do, just come get me when it gets this bad, okay?"
"Okay." Hermione held out her pinky. "Pinky promise, sissy?"
They linked pinkies. "Thank you."