An Author's Blurb Section: Because I wanted to finally get something posted in this particular fandom I'm submitting this without any editing. It was a project that I did for my Biology class this year and I'm actually quite happy with the way it turned out despite the fact that I wasn't able to put any Gerita fluff in it (I was not going to turn a yaoi in to my teacher for obvious reasons, and it didn't end up sounding right that way anyway).
Disclaimer: I hereby solemnly—and regretfully—swear that Hetalia does not and will never belong to me, now please go away and stop ruining my dreams.
Rated T because it's kinda depressing.
(Special thanks to Prussia for previewing this for me before I handed it into the teacher; your encouragement did wonders for my insecurity! ~ Italy)
Daisies
He loved daisies. He said it was because they were always so cheerful no matter where they were. Ludwig had a hard time seeing how anything could look cheerful in this place—and not for lack of trying but the cheeriness seemed false, like it was being forced. Awkwardly, Ludwig paced in an invisible three-foot square that his subconscious wouldn't let him exit; it was like this every time, he wouldn't walk away from his small corner until he walked in, next he would hand him the daisies, and then he was in for a long day.
The soft scraping of the door against the carpet of the room alerted Ludwig to his arrival and he braced himself. He wasn't too sure what sort of condition his friend would be in so he had to be prepared for anything.
"Ludwig?"
Quickly Ludwig fixed a small smile to his face, his hand unconsciously tightening on the daisies as he turned around. "Hello Feliciano."
Feli looked completely normal with that familiar million-watt grin spread across his face. His auburn hair looked freshly washed (down to the strange curl jutting out from the side of his head) if in need of a haircut, but the white pajamas that bagged off his slim form reminded Ludwig that there was a reason Feli was here.
Feliciano's eyes flicked to the bouquet of daisies, "Are those for me?" At Ludwig's slight nod he gave a cry of joy and snatched the bouquet from his hand. "I love daisies!" Feli spun around clutching the flowers to his chest. "They're so pretty, molto bella! And they make me happy! Ludwig coming to see me makes me happy too! I like being happy! Just like I like pasta; yes pasta is magnifico!"
For a split second Ludwig was almost fooled into believing Feli was okay: that he was healthy and sane and that everything was the way it had been a few years ago, after all sometimes patients got over their symptoms. However his visits usually began this way and grew progressively worse. The doctors had told him that he eased Feli's symptoms; that for some reason Feliciano seemed to have more control over his train of thought when he was around. It puzzled them but they didn't question it and often had Ludwig sit with him and his brother during therapy sessions. Paranoid, catatonic, disorganized it didn't matter to Ludwig; to him they were all the same, and had been for a long time now. Somewhere along the way all the labels they'd tried to give Feliciano had blurred together into one. They didn't know what was wrong with Feli and Ludwig knew it; all they could do was medicate him and hope for the best. Ludwig couldn't even pronounce the names of half the antipsychotics, antidepressants, and anxiety medications Feli was taking (Haloperidol/Haldol, Trifluoperazine/Stelazine, Fluphenazine/Prolixin, they didn't seem as if they had any Latin about them let alone English) and seemed, for the most part, to have done nothing but give him a verbal tic.
It killed him to see bubbly Feliciano institutionalized like this, but his symptoms had been severe and he had no family outside his twin brother, Romano, who had already been diagnosed since his nineteenth birthday. There'd been no other way to get help.
Schizophrenia. The awful disease that dictated Feli's life seemed to run in the Vargas family, though the last case of it had been Feli's great uncle. It had come as a great surprise when Romano Vargas had been diagnosed with the Catatonic subtype of the mental disability. The revelation had thrown Feli's own life into chaos: he'd had to quit art school to take care of his brother, and get a second job to help pay for medication and therapy. He tried to make things as normal as possible for the previously hot-tempered Italian, but his lack of responses made Feli worry even more.
Two years later Feli had had his first hallucination.
It had been two o'clock in the morning when he'd shown up at Ludwig's door claiming to be a member of the Italian Resistenza carrying top secret information for the American's and that even though Ludwig was a German he felt that he was the only one he could trust with the information. He'd claimed he was being followed, and then had completely lost track of the story.
Ludwig had been a friend of Feliciano Vargas since childhood. He'd been Feliciano's closest confident for longer than he could remember, and had been a great help to him when Romano had been diagnosed. It was painful to have to drive Feli to Romano's therapist the next morning, especially when he'd retained no memory of the hallucination. Over the next few weeks more symptoms of schizophrenia had appeared: the normally hyperactive twenty-one year old would become still for hours at a time; sometimes he had a hard time being articulate or accomplishing even the most mundane tasks; the hallucinations weren't exactly frequent, but they lasted a long while.
It had been four years since then.
They'd told him that Feliciano's symptoms were all over the place, that he had what was called 'Undifferentiated Schizophrenia'. That had never really meant anything to Ludwig, and he had a feeling that it never would. Over the past four years Ludwig had kept up with treatments, and had paid many expenses for the twins until one of them was well enough to go back into the working world (the outlook wasn't bright on either account); he'd paid regular visits to both four times a week, and attended what were supposed to be family therapy sessions but ended up just being the three of them as the twins had no known family: Ludwig was the closest they had.
"Ve~ thank-you for the flowers Ludwig," The German was pulled out of his musings by Feliciano gathering him into a hug. "I'll put them right next to the others."
"I'm glad you like them Feli."
Feliciano pulled back. "Ve~ why wouldn't I? They are my favorite flower after all! They remind me of home, and of happy things." He sighed. "I'd like to go back to Italy someday."
Ludwig winced slightly, but continued to smile for the shorter man. "You will Feliciano; you just have to get better first."
Feli smiled sadly. "You know as well as I do that might not ever happen."
Ah, so it was going to be one of those visits. Feliciano, unlike his twin, was prone to rare moments of clarity. They lasted anywhere from a few hours to a few days and during them he was the same Feliciano Vargas that Ludwig had grown up with. However, he was also one-hundred percent aware of his illness, and that was very hard for him to cope with. Feliciano had always had big dreams about finishing art school and moving back to Italy to make a career as a painter, but because of the severity of his symptoms that dream was neigh on impossible now—when he was sane he knew it.
"Thank-you Ludwig," Feli said, "you know, for staying with me. I'm not sure most people could do what you do."
Ludwig didn't say anything. What could he say? He'd never been good with emotional situations, even though the past four years had just been one big pot of them. Instead of answering he simply changed the subject, if Feliciano truly was himself at the moment he'd understand.
"How's Romano?" he asked quietly. "Have they let you see him?"
Feliciano smiled again and latched onto the new train of thought quickly. "He's good ve~! They told me that yesterday Antonio got him mad enough to say a full two sentences! He's not moving again today but I did see him right before you came, he was making a funny face but I think that's better than staring at the wall."
"Sehr gut," Ludwig nodded. It was an improvement. Romano typically went weeks without moving from the same sitting position.
Feliciano continued to buzz with conversation though signs of his disease still shone through (at one point his speech slurred so dramatically that Ludwig couldn't understand him and during another he continued to look over his shoulder). Ludwig conversed attentively at his side, answering questions when asked but mostly just listened to Feli talk. He easily spent a good three hours with his old friend before leaving.
As usual a doctor came to escort Feli back to his room leaving Ludwig to make his way out of the building alone. Instead of leaving the building right off he took a moment to regain his composure. Talking with any of the Vargas's had always left him with the feeling that his reality had been slightly altered, but talking with Feliciano when he was in such a delicate condition was almost always too much. He tried to act as if everything was normal—for Feli's sake as well as his own—but the knowledge of the disease continued to loom over his thoughts, and he continued to look at Feli differently, like he wasn't Feliciano Vargas but an animal that could snap at any moment.
Ludwig cradled his head in his hands. It was very hard.
"Mr. Beillshmidt?"
Ludwig looked up. Standing in the doorway was a fairly young doctor in a typical white lab-coat, in his hand there was a manila folder holding a few white sheets of paper.
"Ja, that's me." Ludwig stood to shake the doctor's hand. "Is there something wrong?"
The doctor shook his head. "Actually I have some news about the Vargas twins." He pulled out the manila folder and opened it. On the sheets he spread out before Ludwig were rows of very small type: results of some sort. "These are the results of the CAT scans we had done of the Vargas twins a few weeks ago. It is my understanding that you are the one caring for the twins so I was hoping to share them with you."
Ludwig stiffened. Almost once every year Feliciano and Romano underwent a series of tests, mostly for statistical purposes, to assess their progress or lack thereof. The results were always the same but they continued to take them anyway.
"There are no apparent abnormalities in either of their brain structures, which is very good news. The fact that they have no anomalies suggests that there is a higher chance their symptoms may clear up over time. I think it's apparent now that even if one makes a recovery there is a very high chance of a relapse but there's no way to be certain."
Ludwig nodded. "They've told me that before."
"Yes, so I've heard. The CAT scans haven't changed from year one to now. However, Romano and Feliciano are both going through longer stretches were we see no symptoms whatsoever. As you likely just discovered with Feliciano his moments of fluidity are getting fairly long and he's retaining memories of his actions. Romano's moments are a lot shorter, but they're increasing in length slowly."
Ludwig blinked once. "So what you're saying is, they might not have to be here much longer?"
The doctor smiled. "Exactly." He shut the folder. "Now, neither of them is much up to making it back into the working world, but as their symptoms are lessening I see no reason why they couldn't hole up with a close friend for a while. If he doesn't have an unexpected relapse Feliciano could be released well within the month."
There was a pregnant silence that extended for at least two minutes. Ludwig couldn't believe it. Feliciano's days in this hospital were limited; it was almost too good to be true. His friend might be well enough to come home within the month?
"Honestly? They could be released?"
The doctor nodded. "Yes."
-:-
Within the month Feliciano Vargas was released from the institution; Romano Vargas followed about two months later.
And in the summer the three packed their bags for an express flight to Italy.
Other A/N: Ending is rushed shit but whatever. I took a few liberties so that the story could have a happy ending but everything is 100% accurate according to my research. I mention two specific types of schizophrenia Catatonic (which is what Romano has contracted) and Undifferentiated (Feli's brand of the disease). As identical twins run the highest risk of catching the disease that is what the two youngest Vargas's are. I also mention the Italian Resistenza this is in reference to the German occupation of Italy during WWII.
There are a few words in other languages. Here are the translations:
Molto bella—very beautiful (Italian)
Magnifico—magnificent (Italian)
Sher gut—very good (German)
Ja—Yes (German)
I made Feli's "ve" the verbal tic that Ludwig mentions Feliciano developing because of his medicine. This is an actual side effect of taking the antipsychotics.
[Insert standard request for any mistakes to be pointed out for editing]
[Insert standard apologies for any inaccuracies]
[Insert standard groveling for reviews pretty pretty please with pasta on top ]