A/N: I was trying to go to sleep tonite but all i could think about is this conversation i had with my friend on the phone, he started going on about hw he dressing gown looked like a dementor hovering over him and he made a crack a about how he'll whip out his wand and used the Patronus Charmed on it, and i just cracked up at wat he said then made my own crack about it. I told him as a joke that i should put in on fb or fanfic. but like i said i couldnt sleep so i wrote this up which is now 3.23am.

This is just meant to be humor, but i will apologise if it offends any1.

There is no spacific time setting.

Rating: maybe m

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"Dementor's worse nightmare"

It was a beatiful sunny day at the legendary Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardary, student and teachers alike were all outside trying to make the most of the good weather before it starts to get colder with the up-coming winter, well that would be the case for everyone except for a Mr Harry James Potter who was unfortunately going through a hard time with his growing hormones.

He was currently hiding in the abandon girls bathroom, knowing that not many people would be using it (and no he was not in Murtles bathroom, that would just creep him out knowing that she could be watching his every move.) So yeah Harry really was not enjoying himself at all, he was finding that he would randomally get aroused at the most oddest times, it had got to the point where he had to ditch his friends and find a quiet place so that he could relive himself, which is how he ended up in the bathroom.

After Harry had come down from his quick climax that HAD to be taken care of before his next class so that it wouldnt be so noticeable, he made his way down to the dungeons for potions class, wishing the the time would pass quickly so he wont have to put up with Prof. Snape for long, then after potions is 'Care of Magical Creatures' as the last lesson of the day. Harry had managed to make it all the way through potions and half way through CoMC before he started feeling the familar warmth spreading deep in the pit of his gut as all the blood in his body started heading south.

Bloody hell, not again... okay think disturbing thoughts... Hagrid in a bikini... Yeah thats disturbing but working... Go Down!... Snape figure skating... that was so wrong. Harry snapped out of his thought trying to shake that last mental picture out of his head, when he realisethat the lesson was over, and his problem came back full force since his wasnt focusing on anything. So taking a quick look around to make sure that none of his other classmates or Hagrid for that matter sees him, he slips away into the forbidden forest, heading in as deep as he dare so he wouldnt risk being heard.

He had just settled down on a huge rock, preparing to pull down his zipper, when it started to get really cold, he noticed that watever water was around started to freeze, puffs of warm air misted infront on of Harry's slightly confused and panicked face. What the bloody hell is a dementor doing here. And sure enough there was the dementor all scalely and rotting hands making its way slowly gliding over loose leaves and sticks, sniffing out his new prey like a starved man to meat.

Harry had finally gotten over his small panic, quickly grabbed his wand out of his robes pocket and aimed it towards the dementor hoping it wouldnt come after him. But no that would be to lucky for him, it had alreadly sensed and spotted him and was now moving quicker to reach its prey. Harry quickly cast his Patronus Charmed at the dementor, but wat came out of the tip of his wand was not what he was expecting, instead of a stag like his fathers, it was a giant penis that had formed and as soon as it had taken its full shape the surpises kept on coming and yes he means that in the literal sense.

His Patronus had turned inself into a jizzing penis.

All that Harry could honestly think after getting over the shock, was that he was glad the dementor was twice as shocked, it just floated there without moving even the tiny wisp of fabic, before it bolted away as fast as it could go. Harry was still standing with his wand up in the air and was way beyond confused about the behaviour of this dementor, it was almost like it was scared. Can the fear, fear?

In the middle of that weird whatever it was mess, Harry had almost forgotten about his boner that had all but died down, but now that he was thinking about it, it started to pick up... again. Groaning in extreme frustration, Harry zips down his pants including his boxers, releasing his aching hard on from its confining prison, gasping as soon as the still cold air hits his heated flesh. Gripping his leaking hard on firmly at the base of his cock, he started slowly moving his hand up and down his shaft with a flick of his thumb over the slit on the up strokes, spreading the precome over the head.

Harry had to lean agaisnt a tree to help support himself while working his hand faster, he started panting louder and longer as got into rhythm with his hips thrusting forwards as he brought he hand down, pre come now coming out at a steady rate. With his spare hand, he moved down his body, over his hipbone to fondle with his balls, by rolling them together, gently pulling and squeezing them, to help him to completion. He knew he wasnt going to last long, he has been on edge too much these last couple of days that it was getting to the point of being unbareable.

"Oh God... "Harry was so close as he started to chase the growing intense feeling that was building, trying to push himself over the edge with a few more hard thrust into his hand that was almost too tightly wrapped around his cock, with one more hard thrust and a twist of his wrist he come undone, yelling out his release as his climax shock him to the bone, vision blanking out as he felt the rush go through him. As he was coming down from his high, he slid down the tree to rest at the base with his pants still around his ankles, trying to catch his breath. I dont know how much more I can take of this.

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Somewhere in the Castle

Sitting up in the Gryffindor's common room fiddling with a small potion bottle was a young girl around Harry age that had a small cheeky smile on her face as she took notes on an experiment that she was working on for everyone's favourite trouble making twins. "I know this isnt meant be to be funny, but i just cant help myself" she says to her companion. "He's gonna be mad if he finds out" They had replied back. "Oh well, we'll cross that brigde when we come to it."

She looks to the next item that was on her list and smiles "Now that would be interesting"

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A/N: I dont really know where dementors come from or how they came to be so im gonna think of them kind of like how in supernatural the souls in hell can become demons. So my dementor here is scared of cocks for some strange reason that made sense at the time. Also i know that it is possible for a Patronus to change as it happen to Tonks.

This was also my first time writing any form of smut so i apologise if it is pretty sucky.

Hope ya enjoy it at least.